Perhaps for the second time in his life, ASid felt a
little insecure about himself. He told me that he is almost 7 years older than
his brother and yet, he hasn't earned anything whereas Hans has already made
money at such a young age! When I heard his concern, it immediately got me
thinking. Where is this nonsense coming from? To my dismay, I am the culprit
who has contaminated my child's thinking at such a tender age!
Even before I started my job search, I was beginning
to feel like I was doing nothing by staying at home! This feeling crept in I
believe when Hans started JK; I literally had (and still have) 5 and half hours
to myself. It seemed like Craigley, other Mothers and sometimes, the whole
world wanted to know what I was doing with that time. Perhaps that led me to
that feeling of not doing anything. Somehow, it soon translated into being
useful or not. And finally, I felt like I can only consider myself useful if I
was able to use my time to do some work that paid me! I could do tons of work
around my home and not feel like I contributed in a concrete sense. Money
became the official measurement and it made me feel quite inadequate!
As I was going through this transition in my life, I
may have had some emotional moments where I shared with Craigley and a couple
of family members how I felt about my worth as an individual. Now that I am
reflecting on the last few months, it is quite possible that ASid heard these
conversations. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that I might have even equated
earning respect with earning money! What was I thinking? ... Unfortunately, I
wasn't thinking.
I am so glad that my child feels comfortable enough to
share his concerns with me. Since he did, I got a chance to rectify my mistake.
I was able to communicate to him that it is erroneous to think that the only
way to feel good about oneself is by earning money. ASid can be useful to the
world by being a kind and considerate boy who helps his family, neighbours and
community. Money is a necessity and eventually we have to work for it. He will
be earning money too one day; he could make more or less than his brother. It
shouldn't matter. What matters most is that he is a good person and he never
makes others feel less than who they are!
Talking to my child made me feel better about myself
too and as I continue to apply for jobs, I need to feel that way! Recently, my
friend KPF lost his job. He decided to take a break and spend some time with
friends and family. Even as I wish for him to get his next job quickly, I am
glad he has this time and perhaps we can catch up?!
It is all in the perspective!
