As my boys are growing up, especially ASid who will be
a certified Teen in August, I wonder about how much they are able to relate to me?! I
didn't think much about it till the other day when ASid mentioned that his
friend CM's family is a happy and a friendly family! Really? Why? How does he
feel about his own family?
It appears that CM and his family have "family
board game nights" and some weekends, they all play together on their
Nintendo devices. That makes them happy and I am still not sure how they are
friendly?! I asked ASid his thoughts on his own family! His answer stunned me
for a few minutes...
ASid said that we NEVER play board games or have fun
on the devices! I had to remind him that he has 3 Nintendo handheld devices
(DS, DSi and 3DS XL) that he enjoys playing on simultaneously; we also have an
iPad and an iPod Touch that the 2 boys connect with and play together; we have
a PS3 (at our home) and Nintendo Wii (at my parents' home) that they use when
there are a lot of friends and family visiting...on the same note, we have 4
versions of Monopoly, an anniversary edition of Scrabble with a rotating board,
Sorry, Catan and many more! It seems like I am listing all our treasures and
for all intents and purposes, these are our treasures. All of our money is
mostly invested in the boys' RESPs and their "toys".
So, why are we not a happy family? ASid then pointed
out that it is not that our family does not play games; it is just that I do
not join in on any one of the games! So, it was really me who is holding back
the family from winning the "Happy and Friendly" title! It made me
sad and mad at the same time. How dare ASid use this random means of
measurement? It felt like he was using his dad's standards to measure/judge his
mom.
As much as I was upset, ASid was red with anger as he
blurted out again, "You NEVER play any games with us...you NEVER make the
effort!” Wow! That was a bit harsh. But he was right. Once in a while, I play
Scrabble with the boys; that's about it! However, I do make an effort in other
ways. I was a little saddened that I wasn't being recognized for my
contribution to my boys' lives. I let ASid vent for a while; he is 12 going on
13. So far, he has been a great preteen and if this is the extent of his
angst...it is actually not that bad!
When he cooled down, I did let him know that I am hurt
just as much by his words as he is by my lack of participation in games. I
hoped that he is happy that his Momley listens to him and has all the time in
the world for him. Craigley has all the patience for games, but he expects the
boys to summarize their narratives; his standard request, "Can you say
that in 2 or 3 sentences?". On the other hand, I have all the patience to
listen to the boys as they talk about their day at school or an issue with a
friend or their excitement over a book.
Still…I could play more games with them...perhaps that
will make us a happy family...perhaps ASid will realize that all families are
happy in their own ways...perhaps one day he is able to relate to his Momley in
other ways...perhaps Hans won't have this same conversation with me 7 years
from now...perhaps by then I am more prepared!
I think with my firstborn I am learning of all the ups
and downs of parenthood. Given that, I guess “relatability” is not a constant;
it is strong sometimes and weak at other times! On reflection, I myself was
able to relate most to my mother when I became a mother myself. I shouldn’t get
too emotional at what ASid said; at least, he is able to communicate his
problems with me…even if I am the problem! That’s definitely a good thing, eh?
