I thought about it and I believe I agree with it. Here
is why!
Craigley has been telling ASid, for about 2 years, that he cannot
do anything well; to be fair, he means report cards and at one point in time,
piano practice/exams. So, technically, Craigley believe(d/s) that ASid could
not finish his RCM Grade 6 piano exam and that ASid cannot bring home a decent
report card. True to Craigley's "predictions", ASid quit piano in
his RCM Grade 6 preparation year and ASid has also been bringing home what Craigley
calls mediocre report cards!
One might interject at this point in the narrative and
ask about the other parent's voice!
I am the other parent and I keep insisting that I
believe ASid could do anything. Perhaps my voice is not loud enough?! Perhaps I
don't brainwash the boy enough?! Where has my voice gone? How come it seems
like Craigley's voice has become ASid's inner voice?
So, I brought this up with ASid. He brushed it
off by saying, "Don't worry Mom! My inner voice is your voice!" I
basked in that reassurance for about 2.2 days.
Last night, ASid revealed that he has been having bad
dreams about his report card. I looked at him and actually asked, "What
happened to the child I am bringing up?" He said, in a matter of fact
tone, "He committed pseudocide!" Is that even a
word? Apparently, it is a kind of suicide! You don't really kill yourself, but
you kill something within yourself. I objected and said that he might as well
have killed me as he did kill that part of himself being raised by me!
I know this sounds like too much melodrama between a
teen boy and a forty something mom. However, I cannot believe that my voice has
died silently without a fight. My own inner voice refuses to believe that
either! So, what's the plan? I am going to get loud and make sure my voice goes
down those teen ears and stays in there.
Luckily, just yesterday, I was reminded of a song
from about 20 years ago - Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping".
I think I am gonna sing it loudly everyday till it becomes ASid's inner voice.
Note: Parents, I will only be singing the refrain over
and over again. No alcohol will be consumed or will be encouraged to consume!
Post Note: I looked up “pseudocide” and it actually
means “faking one’s own death”! The things I learn with a teen! Well, ASid was
in French Immersion for a good 8 and half years. I will excuse his
understanding of the English language and/or its usage! At least, I had the
good sense to look up the word. Now I know and I have a few more words to drive into
the teen’s ears!
