When the Past connects with the Present...

Growing up, I would always make fun of my mom when she would tear up while watching wedding scenes in movies. For her, a wedding meant losing a daughter forever; especially when the father gives the daughter away! My mom is quite the drama queen and I guess I have inherited that part of her in abundance. And now, I tear up whenever I see scenes in movies where boys have all grown up and are off to college. I know it is the beginning of their lives, but it feels like the end of the world from a dramatic mom perspective!

Now, I understand my mom when I look at ASid who is about 2 years and a bit from taking off on his flight into the world. So, it is always nice to spend some time with the boy.

The other day, we were watching TV together. Yes, regular old TV! I am still stuck in the last century. Sometimes the boys indulge me by joining me. Watching TV also means there are plenty of commercial breaks. One particular commercial got me all nostalgic. It was Pampers commercial about a baby crying at 3 am in the morning.

I was like, "Awwww, I remember those times!"

And ASid's exact words were, "Babies are such jerks. They cry all the time."

I was like, "Wow! What harsh language for babies!"

ASid kept going with, "They need so much attention and they need so much pampering" and blah blah blah.

I wanted to interrupt and tell him that teenagers can be jerks too! Sometimes they are so self-involved that they could be babies...like me me me me all the time! 

However, I did not because I remembered being a terrible teenager myself. I believe I was worse than ASid could ever be. He is all talk and I was all action. Looking back, I have to confess that I totally lucked out with my parents. They put up with a lot, but were almost always supportive.

And I lucked out with the boys too. If they ever see me crying while watching a movie, they come over and give me a hug to make me feel better.

 

Yes, they mouth off once in a while. Don't we all?!

 

The Last One Digit Birthday

I still remember distinctly the morning of May 22nd, 2008. My gynaecologist was going to induce labour for me and luckily, I naturally went into labour. I am always a little concerned with certain medical interventions. Anyways, about 7 hours later, I was told that it may have to be a C-section. I requested for one hour and I got it. For some reason, I started talking to the baby; not really talking, but communicating silently in my mind! I was like please don't do this to mummy. And then I was like you are my super baby, my strong baby; you can make it! I was communicating in 2 languages. There was just Craigley and me in the beautifully, newly renovated private room. It was as if my doctor and the staff left us for an hour to wait it out! It was very quiet and then suddenly I felt Hans' head. Then, I let out the one and only scream of the day...I screamed for Craigley to get the doctor as soon as he can. While he ran out, all I kept thinking was the baby was going to hit the floor! Nothing so drastic or dramatic happened. A nurse came in to get Hans just at the right moment. Not a tear on Momley and the baby looked ridiculously relaxed! He arrived at 4:44 pm. 4 is my most favourite number and it was like I hit the jackpot.

Ever since day 1, Hans has been very considerate about not hurting me or hurting my feelings! He is ready to protect me even when he is scared. The whole world could be against me and he will stand by me. He is also very sensitive to everyone around him. His instincts are great. His observations are almost always accurate. If there was a test for EQ, his score would be off the charts!

Still, he is a regular boy in many other ways. He doesn't like to do homework; he drives his older brother crazy and he talks back to his dad! He does get into trouble. He is not perfect, but he has a wonderful and generous heart. I can't believe he is growing up so quickly. My hope for him is to keep his heart the way it is.

Happy birthday sweet boy! I am so glad you are part of my life. You are the answer to your brother's prayers. ASid is a better boy partially because of you. Hans, you make us happy and proud. May you have the enchanted life you seek! May all your wishes come true now and for always!

I just wish for time to slow down a little bit. It is going way too fast for my liking.

 

Birthday Parties and Inclusivity

Hans will be 9 on Monday. The last time I threw a party for him was 3 years ago. I felt like I should make the effort this year as the kid went through a bit of a rough time. It turns out Hans wants exactly the same birthday party from 3 years ago - watch a movie with his friends! The kid is definitely consistent and predictable.

3 years ago, we ended up with about 25 kids. The invitation went out to every child in kindergarten. There is an unwritten rule about it - don't break little hearts! We also invited the siblings. It got crazy expensive and just crazy.

This time around, I asked him to pick only 3 or 4 friends. He did and then, we added a couple more. It turns out there are 9 boys in Hans' class including him. We found out he included 5 and left out 3. One of them is Chucky/Junior. I wondered if Hans wanted to invite those 3 boys?! My friend Y wondered why I would ask my child to invite a boy who tormented him for most of his school life?! And continues to do so on occasion!! I responded that I do not want that kid to be the only kid not included.

Hans was very gracious and agreed to be inclusive. Then we kept adding kids as we didn't want to hurt grownup feelings now! Soon, we had close to 20 kids. My friend Y got really sarcastic on me and suggested that I make a flyer and drop if off at every home in the neighbourhood so I include everyone! I could see her point, but then I wanted her to see mine too!

As of now, the birthday has become a long weekend celebration trying to accommodate everyone. Craigley is looking at me like I am a crazy woman. I know I am a crazy woman. However, if I am willing to take it on and see it through, wouldn't it be a wonderful learning experience for Hans?! What if Hans' kind gesture changes Junior in a positive way?! I can always hope for the best. And I am just glad that the only person who matters most this weekend is not looking at me like I am a crazy woman.

Will keep you posted folks. Wish me luck!

 

When I grow up...continued...

The teen is serious about making money! I caught him looking through this website that proclaimed “35 ways to make money that actually work! (2017 Edition)” It was my turn to look at him like seriously?!

2 years ago, I paid a lot for ASid to attend a French camp for 2 weeks to get his CIT or Counsellor in Training experience. Last year, he went back to the camp and volunteered for 3 weeks and got 105 hours of community service – that is above and beyond the 40 hours of mandatory community service required to get his high school diploma. However, I wanted him to get more out of the French camp experience. Since March, I have been telling ASid to apply for a summer job with this French camp. So, I reminded him again about actually looking at a source that might help him make real money and gain more skills that look good on his resume.

It beats downloading apps for money! That was one of the 35 ways I chanced upon!

This time around, the teen really listened. As I folded some laundry, he typed up a wonderful letter in French. He kept asking me for advice; he translated the letter for me so I could approve; he was on fire and I was very glad. This was on Sunday. This morning, upon inquiry, he realized he received an email yesterday that said that he is a little late in applying for a summer job; however, he was requested to submit an online application. To my amazement, he actually completed the online application before he went to school. I hope he gets an interview at least. If he does not, it is a lesson learned and moving forward, he will listen to his mother in March instead of waiting till May!

In a heartfelt aside, I must share here that he got me a sweet Mother’s Day gift – a Gotham pan! Last summer, Hans and I watched this infomercial over and over again, and we totally bought into this guy selling these Gotham pans! I wanted to buy one and kept hesitating. ASid remembered and he made the decision to buy me one. It was super thoughtful and made me super happy. He also let me know that he would work on a blog that involves something he is passionate about. He said that he got that advice from a cool source. Before I could take credit, he said that I made it sound like a lot of work till he got better advice elsewhere. I was about to protest, but didn’t! I can’t win all the time. I need to cherish some moments and let others go. This kid is only 15 and he is already more grown up than most grownups!

 

When I grow up...

Most mornings, I have the wonderful opportunity to spend a few minutes of quiet/conversational time with the elusive teen. I only speak if he does. Usually he is busy eating breakfast and mulling over stuff in his head. Once in a while, he pauses and says "Oh! Hi ma!" There are mornings I get news about nonsense and then, there are mornings he shares his frustrations about his life and then, there are those rare mornings when he seeks advice!

This morning, he wanted to know if he should start a blog. I was like you came to the right person kid! But then I couldn't say it out loud. So, I had to totally dumb it down. I thought the best way to deal with the situation is to ask relevant questions. Obviously, the most relevant is a simple "Why?”.

Turns out he wants to make some money on the side. Blogs apparently have this "ad sense" feature or something that allows a blogger to make money depending on traffic. The teen was actually more informed than I was!

What's with my boys?! The younger one wants to be rich and famous. The older one is quite content with just being rich; he doesn't care about fame. I don't quite get it; however, an aspiration for money is not a bad goal for the boys to have. There is fundamentally nothing wrong with it if they are willing to work toward it.

So, my sincere advice to the teen was to choose a topic he is passionate about. If he is not excited about it, he can't write or blog about it. Also, he must have the discipline to post something regularly - at least, once a week.

He looked at me like seriously?!

 

One day he will realize that there are no short cuts to making money. Most of us have to work hard. Some of us are born into it. Very few of us are lucky enough to get that break that changes things overnight...the rags to riches kind of success!

To continue on a relevant note, I got a question from the younger one yesterday morning, "What did you want to be when you were a kid mom?" I told him that I have always aspired to be a teacher and a writer. So, he asked me to write a book. Book about what?! I asked him. He simply said, "Your life." So, I asked him who would want to read about my life?! He said, "Who cares! Just write!" And then he proceeded to give me my first sentence..."My name is..."

I didn't seek advice and I got the best advice from a most unlikely source. And when I could provide advice, I feel like I got too technical and killed any desire my child had to do something exciting! I hope I am able to rectify that mistake soon and while I am it, I can maybe do some growing up!

 

The Tulip Thief

Last Wednesday was a crazy day for me. That was the day I was at Hans' school to take some last minute photos for the Yearbook. I scheduled an hour for it and ended up staying almost 3 hours. Got home to have a quick late lunch and went back for pickup. Y's boys and Hans wanted to hang out, and so the boys had a play date after school. Then, we were at my brother's for a family gathering that lasted till almost 11 pm. When we got home was when I noticed the 2 tulips on the dining table!

I was ready to scream, but held myself in check; slowly walked up the stairs to the washroom where Hans was brushing his teeth and asked him what the heck were those 2 tulips all about?! He smiled the biggest toothpasty smile and said through some toothpasty bubbles that they were for me! Nope, my Momley heart did not melt from this declaration. Instead, I wanted to know all the details. Within a couple of minutes I found out he plucked them from a neighbour's backyard. Apparently, he only plucked one and the other was plucked by Y's younger one who is 6. Obviously, the latter was simply following in the older delinquent's footsteps!

As is my nature, I had to have a talk and let the boy know that we might have some disgruntled neighbours. At that point in time, Hans also revealed that someone saw them doing the deed and commented that some children do not know how to behave! Now that meant, I have to track down 2 sets of neighbours to apologize for my child's stealing tendencies. I might have said that out loud. Hans got all worried and concerned that he might have to go to jail. It was midnight before he went to sleep.

The next day morning, I let him sleep in. As we walked to school, I brought it up again; a little gently this time. I let him know that I appreciated the tulip; however, I don't need flowers to make me happy. I don't need any material anything from him ever to make me happy. I just enjoy spending time with him; like our walks to and from school. Even in the future, when he can walk to school by himself or when he is no longer at home, I would prefer if he called me or wanted to spend some time with me. That's all I need to make me happy.

As per his nature, he wanted to know if there is anything that he could buy for me?! He really insisted on it. This boy does not give up easily. For someone who was discouraging material purchases for herself, it didn't take me long to come up with what I wanted him to buy for me! I looked at his little eager face and told him that he could buy me an umbrella! He smiled at my answer and said that he would buy me the most expensive umbrella. I told him that all I want is a light, sturdy and strong umbrella. Hans was happy to have an answer from me and it also made the most sense to him.

I have a history of losing umbrellas. Those are the only things I lose and since I walk, those are quite essential to have. Recently, I lost my most favourite umbrella and have been quite upset with myself. It was almost therapeutic for me to talk about my loss with my little guy. He patiently listened to my sob story and then, we got to school.

As I walked back home, I felt a little ridiculous as I could go and buy an umbrella for myself. And as I finish writing this post, I feel like I should have titled it "The Umbrella Loser". But then again, who would want to read a post with that title?!

 

Hope

I am going to call "Someone Else's Child" Hope.

Hope is one of my favourite words in the English language. If I had a daughter, I would have named her Hope for sure. Since I don't have that opportunity, I am going to use it as a pseudonym for this little girl.

Hope and I had 3 reading sessions so far and it has been a lot of fun. The third session, we started talking about all the programs she does after school. It is amazing how much time kids spend in programs after school. Considering that school itself is about 7-8 hours, that's a lot of time! Hope has 4 or 5 programs she does including reading with me. So, I asked her the most natural and curious question - What does she enjoy the most?!

Without even thinking, Hope replied, "School! I love school the most!"

Then, she paused, looked at me and continued, "You look a little sad… I like reading with you, but I like school the most."

I am always blown away by how honest kids can be, but I was also touched by her sensitivity towards my feelings. I must have looked a little sad!

So, I assured her that I am happy with her answer. Since she spends the most time at school, I am glad that she enjoys school the most!

She reminded me of myself as a little girl. I was in love with school. The only way my dad would get me to drink milk, that I disliked drinking very much, was by threatening to keep me home and not send me to school! And I would drink milk grudgingly through tears and sobs, but I would make sure I got to school!

Even now, I am the happiest when I am at school, any school. Schools represent places of learning and I know there is no end to learning. And I also know I have a lot to learn!

I hope the boys have inherited this love for learning. There are days I worry when they want to stay home and not go to school. I wonder if the hospital sent me home with the wrong babies?! Alright boys! Momley is just kidding. But I sure hope you go far in your learning.

 

Real Life is not that simple!

It is ridiculous to compare Life to Facebook; however, I am going to for argument’s sake. Please bear with me. Thank you.

I don't actually have a Facebook account; however, I have borrowed Craigley's account on occasion to connect with friends who want to share their pictures on Facebook. What I noticed right away was how everything seems so wonderful on Facebook; almost every picture is eerily perfect. But I digress from what I want to write about and focus on. I am most fascinated by one feature of Facebook - The Unfriend feature. I believe the idea is to remove a person from one's friends' group with the click of a button! How easy is that?!

Let us contrast that with real Life now…

I consider myself a friendly person; however, I have only a few friends. So, it was rough on me to let go of a friendship that meant a lot. But I did; at least I gave it a sincere effort! I was trying to protect the children involved and I was trying to perhaps protect myself as well?! Now, when I think about it, I am not sure what or whom I was really trying to protect?!

However, I am glad to have all the wonderful voices of reason in my life. Sir B is one such voice. His words stayed with me a long time; they usually do. So, what was G's fault?! Perhaps like me, he was concerned for his children and family as well?! But I didn't feel it necessary to have a conversation with G and I made the executive decision to click on the invisible "Unfriend" button in real Life.

If a person could disappear by clicking on a button, that would make Life easy. It could also be very sad if you clicked that button by mistake and wanted the person back! Luckily, there are no such buttons in real Life. We make those choices by the words we use or through our actions.

How do I truly "Unfriend" someone who shares the same passion for contributing to his children's school like I do?! This is our second year working on the Yearbook together. We worked on the School Council together. We hosted a successful Movie Night together. We recently took on the Fun Fair - The biggest event at school. We are 2 of the very few parents who enjoy working at our children's school and not just that, we make an awesome team. 2 like-minded people making a positive difference!

At the beginning, I kept declaring, "Dude, we are not friends anymore; we are just parents working together!" Then, it started feeling a little ridiculous. Who am I kidding?! And who are these people who are trying to control my Life and dictate who I can be friends with?!

Sir B, thank you! It took me a while, but I see the light now.

G, I am so sorry! Thank you for not giving up on our friendship!

Boys, Momley has been feeling a lot foolish lately. However, it is never too late to say sorry to a friend and if you are lucky, you still have your friendships in spite of any foolishness on your part.