One for the road...

The other day ASid remarked that I must feel very lucky to have his wonderful maternal grandmother around to share her vast wisdom with me!

Yes! The teen is alive and well, and driving his mother crazy. If he ever found out his mother is writing about him, he would drag her to court and slap a defamation suit against her! But there is time for that...

Right now, he is driving me crazy with his general attitude. There is a lot to write about and I probably could start a successful support group for parents with teens, and perhaps even pen a daily column in some newspaper! Lucky for him that I am simply content in constraining myself to this realm! And I do this so he can read about his own (mis)adventures and be kind to his own teen sometime in the future!

So, ASid wanted to know if I am grateful to have my mom around to help me with my life?! Yes, of course!! But I did let him know that I do not entirely rely on my mom and I use my own knowledge and experience when dealing with my life. I was a teen at a different time when the world was less complicated than it is now; 3 decades later, the world is a different place.

Even so, some things haven't changed. We are off on a road trip in a couple of days’ time. My brother's family and my mom are joining us. We haven't done an extended family trip in many moons. It is going to be crazy. ASid will actually get to witness how lucky I feel to have my mom around...

My mom already called and asked if our car can handle our entire luggage?! I was like what?! Apparently, she is packing clothing for 2 weeks since that is how long we are gone. I was like I don't think so!! I am totally fine with travelling light and doing laundry as needed. My mom was like who does laundry on their vacation?! And I was like I don't want to come home to loads of laundry!!

And we are not even on the road yet...

There will be drama galore. ASid will get to see his mom be a parent and a child at the same time. It will be a great learning experience for him. Even if he learns nothing, I hope he has great memories to cherish from this trip.

I also hope he feels lucky someday to have his mother around to share her vast wisdom with him.
 

A small victory

Perhaps fuelled by the knowledge that an 8 year old was able to finish 4 novels (albeit with his honourable father's help), I was determined to get through the book I was reading. And that I did! I grossly overestimated my reading capabilities. It did not take me 3-4 days; it took me 3+4 days! Alas, I have slowed down considerably or there are considerable interruptions to my reading. Whatever it may be, it felt good to finish a task; although, it was more a pleasure than a task!

The best part was that I had my own little cheering section comprised of one little boy. He was so proud of my reading. And I was (and I am still) so proud of his reading. He has completed reading 5 out of the 6 books in the "My Life as a ..." series. We had a couple of days where we were on the couch reading together and yesterday, we were on the bus reading together. Both the boys had their annual checkups yesterday. When their pediatrician asked Hans what he was doing this summer, he responded with one word, "reading". This response was very different from the one he had before summer started - I plan to be lazy!

All I had to do was pick up a book myself! And now, Hans wants to collaborate like the mother-son duo of the series he is reading. The writer is a mom and her son does the illustrations for the books. We Googled them and it was cool to discover this fact.

In real life, as opposed to the world of Game of Thrones, not all of us can leave behind kingdoms and lands as a legacy for our children. Given that, the least I can leave behind is my love of reading or go full throttle, swear "seven hells!" and start working on that book with my child!

For now, I will savour this small victory. Thank you “gods”!

 

Keeping up with the Harvard Grads!

One of Hans' 3 best friends has Harvard graduates for parents! As soon as Craigley found out, he declared that he hates the dad! How can someone be so smart and so charming?! Of course, Craigley doesn’t really mean that because he did not declare that he hates the mom!! Craigley’s silliness aside, I am really amazed at how humble the 2 parents are. I don't believe they ever meant to share their Ivy League background with other parents at school. I just found out by chance and that too, after nearly 2 years of our acquaintance!

Today, the 2 boys had a play date. Hans' friend had a ring with him that he had recently received through mail. Upon enquiry, I found out that it is a replica of the ring from "Lord of the Rings". I wondered if the boy saw the movie and he shared that he read the books with his dad! I could hardly believe it and had to ask his mom at pickup. She confirmed that the father-son duo had indeed read together "The Hobbit" and the Lord of the Rings trilogy! I was like WOW!

Here I am struggling with the first book of the Game of Thrones, and the boy (along with his dad) read 4 books that are each comparable to what I am reading. I can only admire such dedication and passion for reading. It is amazing and inspiring.

I shared this info with Craigley and he has this for a response: You know what?! We have all 4 of them on DVD. It is so much better!

As much as that response exasperated me, I had to put things in perspective for the umpteenth time in my life.

Recently, Craigley took the boys on an outing to this comic book store in Kitchener. They literally spent about 5-6 hours at this place. When they came back home, they had over 100 comic books between the 3 of them. It was a sight to behold!

I guess we all read what we can and what we enjoy reading.

In related content, I just read an article about the secret to happiness! Apparently, it is no more a secret! A recent study revealed that happiness is not in the degrees we have and it is not in how much money we have and definitely not in the books we read! We feel happy when we have generous thoughts in general. Even thinking about being nice and kind to others generates feelings of happiness in us.

Of all the studies out there, I like this study the best!

 

Life's Best Packages

About 10 years ago, Smoggie (note the new spelling; he updated it to match with Pookie?!) mailed me a compilation CD wrapped in brown paper with a string tied around it.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings...these are a few of my favourite things...

That's what best friends do; they remember little details about you and make you smile.

As per my tendencies, this post has nothing to do with actual packages. It is about people and how I wish they could be packaged and delivered!

Summer time is when I miss my friends the most. This summer has been most depressing that way. I was looking forward to KPF moving to Toronto and he is not! Smoggie is too busy and even though some days he is in Toronto, he is not available. And the friends I got so accustomed to seeing on an almost daily basis the last 10 months are all on a summer break like me! But I am thankful for all of them as they make their presence feel even when they are not actually around.

Case 1:

G drove me crazy with all the “Game of Thrones” references during the Fun Fair. It bothered me that I couldn't have a conversation with him about GoT. The last couple of weeks, there were many reminders of GoT as the new season was beginning. So, I decided to investigate. Turns out that it is season 7 starting and there are 6 past seasons in existence. And to top that off, the series is rated 18A. There is no way I could watch something like that with 2 boys under 18 who are at home with me right now. What's a mom to do?! I did the next best thing and got the books. They arrived yesterday – 5 hefty books. There was a time I would have finished reading them in 3 or 4 days. It appears like it is going to take me 3 or 4 days to read each one of them! It doesn’t matter as Hans is totally enjoying watching me read. I got him his own series of books called “My Life…”. There are 6 books in the series and he is reading up a storm. Chances are he will wrap up before I do!

Case 2:
C has a job! She started this week. It is quite miserable to go from a full time mom to a full time job. C is missing her kids. She is also missing her friends even more so than I am. Since they say misery loves company, she has been trying to recruit me to work with her. I am not sure if I am ready to give up my life yet, but I did take the time to work on my resume and cover letter. I actually quite enjoyed working on the cover letter.

So, this week I did some reading that didn’t involve a weekly update or bulletin from my children’s teachers or their schools. I did some writing that didn’t involve sage advice for my children. I managed to get that done between custom breakfasts, lunches and dinners served at random hours of the day, with dishes and laundry thrown in for good measure! It reminded me of how mundane and ordinary my life is. But is it really?!

One of my favourite sentences to say is “it is all in the perspective”. And if I were to change my perspective just a little bit, I could say that I have already received the best packages ever. They add the extraordinary moments to my life.

Can't make this stuff up!

Since Craigley almost forgot my birthday, he felt the need to redeem himself in the eyes of the boys. The boys are still young enough that they can't fathom facts like adults are sometimes engrossed in their work so much that they forget their personal lives. In their naive minds, a grave injustice has been meted out to their mother! Their dad better make it right fast!

So Craigley does some research and picks a restaurant that makes the same ethnic food as my mom. Apparently, this restaurant is highly rated on most websites. I decided to check it out and found out that we know the chef/owner. In fact, we were with him when he opened his first restaurant in 2000. It felt like a wonderful opportunity to renew an acquaintance that has been neglected for almost 10 years.

When we got there, we found out that the c/o wasn't there. We were like oh well! Better luck next time! Then, toward the end of dinner, he shows up at our table. The c/o spent almost half an hour with us. First of all, he expressed his gratitude for my parents' help in starting him off 17 years ago. Then he narrated how he lost everything a few years ago - both his personal and professional lives took a nose dive! He said that he was advised to not go back to being a c/o; but that's what keeps him going. So, he restarted from worse than nothing and now, he has 2 locations that are both doing well!

It was indeed wonderful for the boys to listen to someone who lost everything and still prevailed. Too often, we give up on the road less travelled because quite frankly, it is lonely on that road. But as the poem goes, it makes all the difference when we dare to make that choice.

It was delightful to meet the c/o after many years and he refused to have us pay for dinner. Of course, I had to let him know that Craigley almost forgot my birthday and he has to pay one way or the other! So, Craigley did get to pay for dinner which made him happy. The boys got free ice cream which made Hans happy. I was just happy to hear another story of grit and determination winning over adversity.

The only cautionary note for the boys here is to NOT neglect their personal lives to the extent that there is no chance for redemption. When they do make their choices, hopefully they have family and friends on their respective roads with them.

The poem mentioned in this post is The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

 

The Finite Life

I decided to spend my birthday day with my mom and my two boys. I shared this plan with my brother first. 2 days ago, my mom calls to confirm if it is true indeed that I am expecting her to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for me for my birthday?! 

Yes, I had conveniently forgotten to mention my plan to her. I had forgotten to mention the plan to the boys as well.

First off, I confirmed with my mom. Then, I told the boys. ASid was like why don't you go spend your birthday with your mom and we will stay home! I was having none of that and declared that the boys have no choice in the matter.

Yesterday was the day.

We didn't make it for breakfast. We made it just in time for lunch. My mom made these delicate savoury crepes for the 3 of us. Hans felt like it was the best lunch ever. ASid barely ate, but he settled himself in. The idea was to spend time together and we did. I believe we literally spent 6 hours together before we were joined by Craigley, my dad and my brother's family.

Here are some choice quotes and moments:

- At one point in time, ASid wondered if I was enjoying doing nothing at my mom's home?! So I told him that he gets to enjoy doing nothing at his mom's home; I am allowed to do the same for one day!!

- At another point in time, both my mom and I had opposite requests for ASid. My mom wanted him to try this snack she made and I exempted him from it. The boy was in a tricky situation. He chose to go with me as it was my birthday and this is what my mom had to say: Don't forget who gave birth to her!

- And it is never truly a family gathering if Craigley doesn't demonstrate his forgetfulness! Just before dinner, he realized why we were gathered there in the first place.

- And it is never truly a family gathering if my dad doesn't schedule a meeting with some random person in the middle of dinner. My dad disappeared to interview a gardener much to my mom's dismay and annoyance!

- Lastly, the cake turns out to be a chocolate cake which was not what I had requested. But everyone got to enjoy it; so it ended well.

As we drove back home, Hans remarked that he enjoyed all the family drama. As we got home, ASid confessed that he had a good time. He was glad I forced him to join me!

Since I had to have the last word, I quoted from the birthday card my brother gave me. I actually paraphrased to share the gist of it. 

We all wish we have more time to spend with each other. It is wonderful that we have days that give us an opportunity to do so!

This morning, I woke up to the news that my friend H's mom passed away. It is heartbreaking to lose a parent, but it would be even more heartbreaking if we allow ourselves to lose all the opportunities to spend some time with our loved ones when we can.

 

How do I count my riches?

On the eve of another birthday, I didn’t expect to do any introspection or reflection. There are times, I just want to be! However, I got this lovely note from my friend wanting me to narrate the story about my dad being Superman!

I really don’t know who is reading any of the posts on this blog. However, I know that there are only about a dozen friends and family who are aware of its existence. Even that number is a bit too much for a blog that is supposed to be “private”! Well, I am not perfect and I talk too much!

Personal tragic flaws aside, I am lucky indeed to have the people in my life. This friend of mine who sent me the note this morning is one of my 4 friends I have known since I was 17. The 5 of us live on 3 different continents and in 4 different countries. We literally “talk” to at least one of us on a daily basis. H is part of this connection and the friend I mention here will now be known as Chits – she is the least communicative of us all, but her little notes to us are like those little chits of paper that we as kids passed along to each other in a classroom that made us smile or giggle!

This one is for you Chits!

My Dad. My Superman.

We moved every 6 months to a year because of my dad’s work, and all we had was each other everywhere we went. When I was 5 or 6, my dad was posted in a small town. At that time, there were concerns about possible floods and how everything could be washed out. I heard someone talking and got worried. My dad reassured me that we would be safe no matter what because he would swim us all to safety! He would have me on one shoulder, my brother on the other and my mom on his back! I felt safe.

Later on, when I was 10-11, I found out that my dad didn’t know how to swim! I was devastated that he lied to us!

Then, we moved to Canada. I was 18-19 when my dad decided to learn to swim. He was very determined. He was over 40, but it didn’t stop him.

The truth of it was that he neither had the time nor the opportunity to learn swimming prior to that, but he always wanted to be the man who took care of his family. So he told a lie to make me feel safe…years later, he made sure it wasn’t simply a fantastic tale!

The fact that he is so human makes him that much of a superman…someone I can relate to and look up to!

Thanks Chits for getting me to write this one out!

 

There is no such thing as perfection. Beauty is in all our faults and flaws. It is our intent that must count at the end of the day.

 

A legend lives forever.

My favourite phrases are "it is not the end of the world" and "it is not like life or death”. The boys have heard them hundreds of times by now. And they will hear them some more times for sure.

They are exaggerated statements and therein lays their usefulness. By juxtaposing anything against such drastic events, I hope to give "anything" less importance! Sometimes though, it feels like it is the end of the world...

Last 2-3 weeks, we have all been concerned for my mom's health. The concern began on Father's Day and concluded last Thursday. My mom is going to be fine. Around the same time frame, my friend H's mom, was going through a health crisis as well. Just found out this morning that H's mom is not going to make it…

H is 14 hours ahead of me in terms of where she lives. Even with this time difference, she managed to call me right in the middle of my crying after I got Hans' CW result. I was alone and in the basement and totally wallowing in self-pity. H called to tell me to stop crying. It was one of those incredible moments. She put things in perspective.

Today, I am almost afraid to call her. I don't know what to say to my friend. However, I will gather the courage to call her. 

At least, I want her to know I am here for her. At most, I want her to know that I have been inspired by her mom's life. H's mom recently published a book. It was a wonderful testament to the fact that anything is possible at any age. It made me want to take a flight and visit with her…I was that inspired!

A life that inspires others truly never ends. It is what legends are made of. In my mind, H's mom is a legend. She will continue to live no matter what happens next!

 

Worth reinventing the wheel!

Summer is officially here when the boys are home. They sleep and wake up whenever, eat whenever and do whatever! They forget that Time exists and while it away. If by chance I get maddened by any of it, I remember the Mad Hatter character who is constantly plagued by Time. That's how it is for most of us. We are ruled by Time all the time. Given the harsh reality, why not disregard Time when we can?!

The boys do get to select projects like clean my room or learn to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Sometimes, their dad steps in and suggests a project like build my own computer! Craigley definitely has higher expectations from the boys than I do.

About 3 years ago, Craigley taught ASid how to build a computer. It is like a rite of passage or something poignant like that. I am sure in a couple of years’ time, Hans will get to build a computer with Craigley as well. This summer though, Craigley wanted ASid to build his own computer without any help from dad. ASid literally spent an entire day researching and ordering various computer parts. This was a few days ago and since then, we had several packages delivered to our home.

Today, ASid decided to build his computer. One of his friends wanted to join in. We are all for friends joining in anytime. Craigley was concerned that ASid maybe allowing a friend to help him build the computer?! I was like why even bother with such speculation?! Just buy the boy a computer!! Craigley was like ASid has forgotten everything he taught him. I was like dude, that was a one time teaching session about 3 years ago. Really! How much can one retain from that?!

Our arguments aside, I believe ASid actually enjoyed putting together a computer. He had fun collaborating with his friend. Craigley kept checking in on them. The boys, on the other hand, checked out info on Google and YouTube. They seemed to know what they were doing. ASid is almost 16 and one of these days, he could be driving on the streets. Given that reality, this was nothing. At the most, a few hundred dollars’ worth of computer parts could break or malfunction.

However, this is how it went down…

ASid and his friend screamed out in delight as the monitor came alive! They spent a good 3 hours and had a few frustrating moments in between and a break for dinner. But they got it done! And these are ASid’s famous last words for the day: See that Mom?! That took less than 30 seconds! It takes your computer 5 years to do the same!

Once in a while, dad can be the happening parent! I am cool with that!