Friendly "wars"

They say that friends should never go into business together; but friends don't heed to any warnings when they make up their minds. Such is the unfortunate situation with G and me. In fact, it is worse than going into business together! We are in a partnership where we make no money and still have disgruntled "customers" who won't quit complaining.

One should rightfully wonder why 2 smart people would put themselves in this position?! Co-Chairs sounds good on paper and even has a somewhat of a noble ring to it. But sadly, this whole venture could end up ruining our friendship again.

I am reminded of what Hans said when I told him about running for Co-Chair on the School Council. Why not a table mom?! People fart on chairs!! Infinite wisdom of a 9 year old; I should have paid attention.

Last Thursday was the first School Council meeting and it ran for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I had the misfortune of chairing it since G thought I was nicer than him. And then half way through, he wanted me to stop being nice and lay down the law. Alas, everyone went home happy except for the 2 of us.

I was very upset with G and I think I sent him 3 email messages over the next 3 days that ranged from "business as usual" to "in serious need of therapy". G never responds to email. And that gets me more upset.

Yesterday, Craigley casually remarked that G and I should go to McDonald's for lunch since he won so much free food with Monopoly. Some days I am not sure if Craigley is for real or simply having fun at my expense?! I could have taken offence with him, but I remained focused. I told Craigley to never mention G's name again in our home since G is not my friend anymore. Craigley was like I don't want to hear about it and I don't want to know when you 2 make up and go off to lunch next time.

Today, G and I finally got to talk. It was a bit awkward, but guess what?! I took Craigley’s advice even if he said it in jest. We are going out for lunch and hopefully, we are able to put this School Council thing in perspective and salvage our friendship for what seems like the umpteenth time!

One would think adulthood is easy. It ain't so! The more we know, the more we mess up! So boys, enjoy the childhood and the teen years. These are the best days of your life. And if life gets complicated later, take the time to have lunch with a friend and sort things out! Even if there is nothing to sort out, just go have lunch with a friend and take a moment for yourself!

 

October 22, 2017: one small milestone celebration!

Because my parents had such an epic romantic tale, I believe I always fancied one myself. When I fell in love at 15-16 and declared to my parents that that is the boy I wanted to marry, I thought they would understand. But what did they do instead?! As soon as the school year ended, they shipped me off to another city in another state. Perhaps not entirely by design, I ended up in an all girls' school. A year later, our family moved to Canada. Talk about taking drastic steps to protect my future! Through it all, I remained stubborn and loyal to the boy. When I turned 21, my dad confessed to me that he was impressed with my determination. No amount of distance broke my resolve. He probably saw a bit of himself in me?!

I have always wanted to be like my dad and most people say that I am very much like him. However, recently, I see a bit of my mom in me too. She is wonderful with people and can assemble an army in a few minutes that would fight for her with intense loyalty. That kind of connection with people is special. Because she was so tough on me, I never took the time to "see" and appreciate her. Now, I can step back and admire her. I actually wish for some of her qualities.

On this special anniversary, I am glad for the genetic makeup I am born with, and I am sure the boys are partial beneficiaries of this wonderful legacy. Even if I fail in other ways, at least this is a certainty!

Happy 45th mom and dad!

Thank you for protecting me even when I resented you for it. Thank you for forgiving me even when I was too old to make some mistakes. Thank you for the unconditional love. Thank you for being who you are.

Recently, Craigley and I were grocery shopping, and running late. I called ASid to go pick up Hans from his Art lesson. I felt bad for bothering the teen. Here is what Craigley had to say, "It is good for them to spend some time together and talk about their parents." To which I nodded in agreement and said, "My brother and I would do that all the time; get together and complain about our parents!" Craigley looked at me and asked in disbelief, "What did you two complain about? They are like the best parents!" Craigley thought that my brother and I are the two most ungrateful children ever.

When a man can think so highly of his wife's parents, that’s an unusual and a rare tribute to those parents! So, I simply rest my case with that!
 

Didn't expect "that talk" this soon!

"Mom! Why don't children want to get married? Not that I want to, but why don't they?"

"Maybe because they don't understand what marriage is about?! But if they do, then definitely they don't want to get married!!"

"No, it is because they don't want to have sex!"

It sounded like "sucks"; so, I confirmed that he actually said "sex".

"What do you know about sex?"

"That's how you make a baby!"

"Are you talking about this at school?"

"Yes. Someone in my class said that if you touch, you can have a baby."

"That's not true. You need an egg and a sperm for a baby."

Why did I say that?! But the boy stopped paying attention to me. He finished off with these wise words:

"You must not have sex with a dragon, you will get burnt. So, that's a bad idea!"

"Yes! Why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed?!"

He is back after 10 minutes.

"Did you and dad have to do the thingy to have ASid and me?"

So the boy knows more than he is willing to admit!

"Why don't you have these talks with your dad?"

Yeah! Why me?

But he continues...

"Then ASid has to do the thingy so I can have nephews. Poor ASid."

"Why are you calling it the thingy? You can call it sex."

"No, it is the thingy now."

Sad to say; however, I laughed uncontrollably at least 3 times during that exchange. The dragon bit made me laugh the most.

On a serious note though, I really wonder what the kids are talking about...

 

Mystery (un)solved!

I am not sure if I ever mentioned here that Smoggie is a member of Mensa?! He is. He is the smartest person I know.

I am not sure if I should even mention it here, but obviously I can't stop myself!

Smoggie and I once "broke into" a network computer.

It was not as simple as I made that sound and I believe we hummed the James Bond theme music throughout that particular mission. There was absolutely no benefit in it for the both of us; we just did it for fun.

I think I shared with Smoggie about wanting to be a spy when I was a child and actually starting a club called "Secret Spies" with my brother and my friends. Smoggie's first reaction was that of total amusement. He didn't exactly think I could be a spy when I started most of my sentences with "To be honest..."! However, he decided to indulge me and took me on a mission where I got to feel like a real spy.

Smoggie remembers little details like that. He takes the time to do things to make me smile. Although I haven't seen him in years, he will always be my best friend. He is there for me whether I need him or not!

Here is a most recent example.

Precisely a day after my last post, there were 21 page views from Russia and a couple of days later, there were another 21 page views from Russia. Such precision cannot be a coincidence!

I must have a Russian reader or I must have a best friend who goes to great lengths to make me feel like I have readers from around the world!

I think I solved the mystery...I may still have a future as a spy.

Addendum:
Shortly after the above was posted, there were 21 page views from Russia! Need I say more?!

Another Addendum:

This is what Smoggie had to say, “I wouldn't fake data for your blog -- accurate information is too important.” So, it is not my best friend indulging me; it is someone messing with data collection.

Alas, my sleuthing days are over. I am closing the case of “The Russian Reader”. The End.
 

Filler Post! Please Skip!

A few weeks ago, I got curious and wanted to know who was reading this blog. There was a "Stats" menu item and I proceeded to follow the link. It took me to this page with a map of the world. Turned out that the majority of the readers of the blog were in Russia, France and Poland...in that order. I have 4 friends in 3 countries outside of Canada, and those countries weren't the top 3 listed. It totally baffled me.

Today, the page views crossed 5000. I would like to believe that that means something. However, considering that the dozen or so people with knowledge of this blog need to be mostly reminded to read this blog, it probably means nothing!

Chances are the Russians, the French and the Polish are simply being nice to a random Canadian mom?!

Chances are someone is pranking them?!

Chances are Smoggie created some autobot that is viewing the pages with random IP addresses from all over the world?!

Chances are someone is pranking me?!

The 5000 page views don’t really matter. 

The 2 peeps I am really writing for will hopefully stumble upon these pages sometime in the future and read them all at least once. 

When they do, that's all that matters.

Meanwhile, I would like to thank my brother, my friends, and random citizens of our wonderful world for stopping by. I appreciate your time and kindness.

 

The Purpose of Life: Thanksgiving and Beyond

I still have an unhappy child.

It has been a month and a bit since school restarted and Hans hasn't made a friend yet. Every morning is a struggle. Last month, it was even worse as Hans was in a group with 3 kids that he couldn't relate to at all. He looked forward to his group changing this month. He now has 1 kid he can hang out with.

Teachers like to organize kids into groups of 3-5. This practice is most prevalent in elementary schools. I am not sure if anyone has conducted a study on how effective this practice really is?! Are teachers teaching team work or is it a mere attempt at some sort of classroom management?!

As usual, I digress.

I happened to see Hans' teacher last week and he wondered if the boy is happy with his new group?! The teacher remarked that Hans showed tremendous patience with one of the kids in his last group and even the teacher felt like the boy needed a break. However, my job is not to give the teacher a break; my job is to thank the teacher and provide some honest feedback. So, I did. I let the teacher know that I appreciate his efforts to make my child feel good in his classroom. There is only that much we can do for Hans as a parent or a teacher. He needs to find a friend and somehow find his happiness. That's entirely up to Hans.

Coincidentally, last week, Hans wondered why he is on Earth?! On our way to school one morning, he remarked that he does not know the purpose of his life. He actually compared himself to a dog and said that it doesn't matter if the dog exists or he exists. It is all interchangeable and meaningless.

On one hand, I was super impressed with his level of thinking. On the other hand, I was super depressed at this line of thinking. I had to quickly do a Momley intervention and I engaged him in a dialogue. It does seem like a kid's purpose in life is to go to school and learn to read, write and do some math. It is kinda boring and mundane. But it is essential to be part of the milieu before we can separate ourselves from it.

I let Hans know that the purpose of my life is to take care of Hans and his brother. Together, they make my life meaningful. Eventually, the boys will find their respective purposes of their lives.

I am not sure if I got through to Hans?!

Meanwhile, I am going to borrow some words that have always inspired me and often remind me about my own purpose of life. 

 

To laugh often and much

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived

This is to have succeeded.

 

-          Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Thank you boys for making my existence interesting and worthwhile! And I hope you never doubt your existences ever.

Being in a book...

The first person who ever put me in a book was one of my professors at York University. She received an award for Teaching Excellence and was asked to write about her favourite moments as a professor. She decided to write about me, as her student, who presented her with one of her memorable moments.

It was a Canadian Literature class. It bothered me a little bit that we never dwelt on Native Canadian Literature. So, for one of my presentations, I decided to research what I am assuming now is known as First Nations' or Aboriginal Literature. Turned out that not a lot was written but there were audio recordings of some of the songs they passed along from generation to generation. So, I spent hours listening to some audio files in the library till I found a song that I immensely enjoyed listening to. Then, I spent a few more hours memorizing it.

On the day of the presentation, I was up in front of the entire class and simply belted out the song. As I sang the song, there were some who smiled and some who were like "What the...?!". Obviously, I followed that up with an explanation!

Our professor loved it. She thought it was very original. She gave me an A+ and then, proceeded to put me in a book.

Today, ASid and I were at the book launch of Craigley's first cousin's wife. This is her second book and a memoir. ASid and I were told that Craigley's and my wedding is mentioned in the book. ASid and I got curious and flipped through the pages and finally found the following where there is a reference to me.

We were all touched by the bride's first dance with her father. She was very close to her father and they were very loving and tender with each other as they floated around the ballroom after the dinner.

It brought back a beautiful memory for me. My dad and I barely had time to rehearse. I was trying to teach him and I was failing miserably. Luckily, I have this tendency to lead!

I distinctly remember one of my friends' wedding where I was the maid of honour and the best man was a military dude. When it was our turn to dance, he was frustrated and strictly reminded me in a commanding voice, "You, maid of honour, follow my lead!" I was like “I will try”.

However, my dad was happy for me to lead...almost relieved in fact! It is wonderful that someone found that moment between a father and a daughter memorable enough to put us in a book.

And it was wonderful to be at this book launch with ASid. We spent some quality time with the cousins and their families. Afterwards, ASid and I went out for dinner. I don't get to spend one on one time with the teen these days. It was really special. I thought we could just grab something on the go, but the boy wanted to do it right and opted for a proper sit down dinner. I was happy to follow his lead!

Now I have another moment to cherish and one day, I hope ASid finds it here and looks back on it fondly.

 

Dignity of Labour

For a good reason, I am compelled to write a follow-up to my previous post.

Here is a real life story as a prologue to my sermon to the boys.

We know a young lady who has a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s degree in Engineering. However, she has a passion for cutting hair. So she went back to school to study hair styling. Some of her family members were devastated when she opened a salon in her home and started cutting hair. Then, one fine day, this young lady realized that she wants to make more money. So she went back to school again and became a Business Analyst. And she has 2 jobs now! Although she is the happiest when she is cutting hair!

I want the boys to understand that all jobs are important. Being a nanny or a secretary is the same as being a teacher or a hair stylist. Some of us follow our hearts and do the jobs we want to do. Some of us, unfortunately, settle for less. Some of us are never given an opportunity to find out how high we can fly! We are dealt the cards we are dealt and we can chalk it up to luck or fight for what we really want. And while we are living our lives, it would be wonderful to be respectful of others who are doing the same.

Having said that, I expect the boys to realize their full potential and not settle for less. It would be a tragedy if they did!

On that note, I want to share here what KPF wrote after I forced him to read the post for his birthday. It makes absolute sense with what I am trying to convey to the boys today. So, I am going to borrow KPF’s words to make that point.

Thank-you Momley for the beautiful note. I read it and smiled then got all touched and emotional. Not many teens would appreciate the info on the bar so kudos to you, Craigley, ASid’s friends and ASid for the curiosity, interest and most of all seeing the joy in small things. The latter is what will make him a happy person throughout his life.

So I would like to add that happiness is more important than money or fame. It would be a tragedy if the boys reached their full potential and are unhappy when they get there!