The Shopping Spree Aftermath

I would have been happy with an addendum to the previous post, but felt like this deserved a post of its own.

What is this?! This is the aftermath.

The last we heard, the boy went to bed exhausted.

When ASid woke up this morning, he actually got to try the clothing he bought. He had picked up a jacket, a pair of shoes, 2 dress shirts and 2 pairs of dress pants. This was the list I gave him.

ASid needed to be at the all-day conference at 8:30 am. He was actually up at 5:30 am; he was ready to take the TTC again. He had a quick breakfast, showered and proceeded to get dressed. Turns out the first pair of pants were too big. The second pair were a size smaller and they were too big as well. The boy needed a belt. Well, I hadn't thought of including it on the list!

Why would the boy pick up pants in 2 sizes that were both not his size?! This will go down in the unsolved mysteries of the teenage brain. Sigh!!

So, I was frantically looking for a belt. The one I found was from 3 years ago or maybe from 5 years ago! Those were the last 2 times the boy needed a suit and a belt - Grade 6 graduation and the best friend's Bar Mitzvah! The belt turned out to be too small. So, I started looking at Craigley's belts and they were all way too big.

I decided to add extra holes to one of Craigley's belts to make it fit ASid's waist. I got Craigley up and wanted him to make the holes. Craigley looked at me like I was a crazy woman. He was like let ASid go to the conference with loose pants that are ready to fall off or let him wear pants that no longer fit well. Craigley is a crusader who is always on the lookout for lessons that the boys need to learn.

Craigley was disappointed that ASid planned the shopping with his friends instead of with responsible adults. Craigley felt like he would have been more helpful with the shopping spree. I did not disagree. However, as much as there is a lesson to be learnt by sending off a child with ill-fitting clothing, there is also a lesson to be learnt from getting them to do their own shopping.

Bottom line was that Craigley refused to accommodate me with the belt. And I took total responsibility for not adding the belt to the shopping list. The only way I could redeem myself was to put those holes in myself. I can use a kitchen knife very well to chop up some meat to make meals for the boys; I used it just as well to add some holes to a leather belt!

Problem solved! The boy looked amazing and I was so proud of him. Craigley decided to drop off ASid as he was up anyways. He still felt like I did not cooperate with him as a parent to teach the boy a valuable lesson. Well, parents are not perfect and children need not always be at the receiving end of "lessons". Why send a child off to an event where he is worried or embarrassed over something inconsequential when he has a whole day of learning to do?!

Talking of lessons, I believe ASid did learn a lesson while his parents squabbled over a belt. He has to make the trip to Eaton Centre again to exchange one of the pairs of pants. I am sure he would most definitely pick up a belt while he is there!

I will quote the bard again. All's well that ends well.

 

When shopping is work...

ASid has realized that he does not have enough extracurricular activities to list on his university applications for next school year, Grade 12. So, he has been trying to find activities that he could participate in and add to his resume.

Lucky for him that he found an interesting 13 week program that simulates a business environment and tries to get participants to take on roles related to that business. He is 3 weeks into it and he "interviewed" for 2 roles and got one of them. He is the Tech Manager. Unfortunately, for ASid, managers have to dress up. This is a boy who loves his tees and jeans. He literally loathes dress shirts and slacks. Well, he has no choice now.

Today, he has an all-day conference and he has to dress up in business casual. He got this news on Wednesday and yesterday, Friday, he shopped for the first time with a purpose. He needed to buy stuff. Not like before when he bought stuff he wanted. The poor boy felt quite lost and recruited 2 of his friends (a boy and a girl) to help him. They apparently bailed on him and I got an SOS text from my boy. It simply said "Mom?"

The whole day, I sent him information on what to buy and where to buy. Yet, he needed to have a dialogue of sorts while he was in the middle of it all...all alone. He texted "Jackets are $250 and 40% off" And I texted back with "Don't spend more than a $100 including taxes on a jacket!" Seriously, he may wear it only once or maybe twice. He is still growing and Hans is a totally different body type! This has happened before. We got an entire suit for him for his best friend's Bar Mitzvah and he wore it once!

I couldn't wait to see what he picked up and how he spent the money I gave him?! It didn't help that yesterday was Black Friday and there were crowds and he didn't get the assistance he needed.

So, I was the assistance he sought. The boy kept texting me. I had to take 2 breaks as I walked Hans to and from his Art lesson. Eventually, my phone died and I tried to call ASid from the home phone. For a boy who was texting diligently, he didn't pick up the phone.

I worried for a few minutes and left everything else to the boy's decent judgement. When he finally got home, he revealed that he ended up texting my brother who was on a trip to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania! The boy is resourceful and that was a good judgement call!

ASid was proud to also share that the jacket he picked up came in at $102. The boy looked exhausted and went to bed right away. He did have a full day of school and he took the TTC to Eaton Centre and back. However, he did manage to get all the items on his shopping list. Not so bad for a first time purposeful shopper!

I have to share here that the boy remained within budget and actually had some money left over. Guess what he did with that?! He did the typical 16 year old thing and used it to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for his phone!!

As one bard wrote a long time ago, All's well that ends well.

 

A déjà vu moment

The year ASid was born, 2001, was a wonderful year. That was when the decision was made to extend parental leave from 6 months to 12 months. It was also the year Old Navy and Krispy Kreme finally decided to set up shop in Canada. Milestone moments in our Canadian history!

I remember buying Canada Day t-shirts at Old Navy and waiting eagerly to buy the much hyped doughnuts at Krispy Kreme. It took a while to get to the latter as the first shop was set up in Mississauga. When I finally got there, I had a 2 month old ASid with me. There was a crazy lineup and I was a sleep deprived new mom, and it was a cold day in November. However, I insisted on waiting in the lineup for almost 2 hours. Krispy Kreme had set up a heated tent to accommodate the waiting crowds.

Craigley wanted to grab a box each of original glazed doughnuts for both his brother’s family and for us. I wanted to grab a dozen assorted doughnuts to try them and find a favourite to pick up on our next visit. I had plenty of time to finalize the dozen and couldn’t wait to taste test them. When we got back in our car with the 3 boxes, we realized that it was time to feed ASid. Craigley decided to drop me off at home and then quickly drop off a box of doughnuts at his brother’s home in Scarborough. Obviously, feeding ASid was a priority and I was totally willing to wait for the doughnuts I handpicked.

When Craigley got back, we had a well fed ASid and a hungry Momley. Breastfeeding does that! When I opened the first box, there were a dozen original glazed doughnuts in them. I closed it and proceeded to open the second box only to find another dozen original glazed doughnuts. Craigley, in his rush, dropped off the wrong box with his brother’s family. How did I react?! I lost it completely. I wanted Craigley to go back to Mississauga, wait for 2 hours in the cold and bring me back the exact assortment of dozen doughnuts I chose. Of course! He did not! He thought I was making a fuss over nothing! Really?! So, I complained about him to my dad. My dad thought I was being petty over a box of doughnuts. He didn’t understand what the fuss was all about. And I didn’t understand how he could support Craigley over his own child?!

Today, we had 45 minutes while Hans was in his weekly Piano session. Craigley wanted to go pick up 100 Lindor truffles for his best friend. When we got there, he said I could pick up 100 for our home. Craigley randomly threw truffles into his bag while I was very precise in my choice as I considered the preferences of the individual family members as well as those of our friends who visit our home. It was a fun expedition. When we picked up Hans, Craigley mentioned that he would drop us off at home and go drop off the bag of truffles at his friend’s home. It was eerily reminiscent of the Krispy Kreme expedition and drop off from 16 years ago. I was almost afraid and requested Craigley to let me get the bag, with the truffles I handpicked, from the car trunk when he dropped us off. Well, Craigley was in his usual rush. And I prepared myself to be at my pettiest worst…

Lucky for Craigley that he came home with the right bag this time!

Is there a moral to the story? Nope. But I can make one up right now: When someone gives you the wrong box of doughnuts, give it back! Same goes for a bag of chocolates. Once in a while, make a fuss and be petty...especially when you think it is warranted. Stand your ground. There are better chances of getting the right box of doughnuts the next time or maybe none at all! At least, you will know where you stand with that other person.
 

iTeam

Whoever coined the phrase "There is no i in Team" was just showing off his/her ability to spell and nothing else! Perhaps that person has never been on a team and just trying to be a smart aleck!

Craigley has registered Hans in Hockey again. This time around, the boy has Hockey School as well! It is a lot of Hockey over the weekend and soon, the father-son duo will be joining our friends for skating on Sundays. That's a lot of ice time!

Technically, none of this should bother me if the pair of them managed themselves. But of course, they do not and depend on me to wake them up and get them ready and send them off to the multiple Hockey/Ice commitments.

Last week, Hans was sick. He was throwing up on Thursday and Friday, and he was scheduled to play goalie on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, this year, there is no dedicated goalie for Hans' team and each team member is taking turns at playing goalie for 2 consecutive games. Craigley is the coach again and so, I requested him to send a note to the other parents letting them know that Hans was too sick to play goalie. But does the biggest villain listen to the concerned Momley?! Nope, not at all!!

Hans played goalie last Saturday with hardly any strength in his body. Not surprisingly, the team lost 9-2. Poor Hans was humiliated. Craigley was like at least the winning score is not over 10!

Craigley is not for real!

2 days ago, Hans said that he is worried that all his team members hate him. So, I told him that it wasn't his fault that the team lost. It takes the entire team to win a game and he shouldn't feel responsible for the loss. This morning, I let my boy know that his team needs to support him and he needs to have fun. Who really cares who wins or loses?!

Hans' team lost again. This time it was a score of 8-6. Definitely an improvement and apparently, he had a couple of good saves!

So proud of Hans!

The boy has been quite unhappy since school started. Yesterday, his best friend went back to her mother's motherland indefinitely. Last Monday, we managed to grab a quick dinner with the girl and her mom, who happens to be one of my dear friends. The 4 of us have hung out together since the kids were 2. It was a very emotional goodbye for all of us, especially for Hans who also has no friends at school currently.

Given the emotional state of the boy and his recent recovery from his sickness, I believe he played decently and hopefully, he feels he had redeemed himself in some way.

I can't be more proud of him.

Since the moment he heard the news that he didn't get in to The CW, Hans has felt like he is perhaps not so special after all. He has also felt like he is perhaps not so smart. He has felt like he is worth nothing.

What the boy doesn't realize is that one's worth does not depend on material and measurable things. Hans is worth his salt for who he is and how he treats people. Even when he could have blamed his dad or his team for the losses, he took personal responsibility for them.

There is an i in Team, and when it is defined by someone like Hans, it makes u or 1 want to be part of that Team as well.

Hans, continue to be who you are through all the failures and obstacles in life; it will only make you a better person. You are already smart and special; you will find out one of these days.

 

Angelic Advice

When ASid started in Junior Kindergarten, everyone started saying that I should go back to work. I didn't quite feel ready since, at that time, Kindergarten was only for half a day. He was at school for barely two and a half hours!

I remember calling Smoggie for advice. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, I asked him if I could work with him again?! Without hesitation, I got a joyful and affirmative answer from my friend. He was like it would be wonderful for us to be together again. Then, he paused and asked me if I was really ready to go back to work. I responded honestly that I would feel better if ASid was full day at school. I felt like I still had an opportunity to maximize on the time with my child. That's when Smoggie said his famous "a job is just a job" sentence for the umpteenth time to me, and advised me to enjoy my time with my child as he had never known me to be happier than when I was being a mom to ASid.

Best advice of my life.

That is the main reason why I reach out to Smoggie for advice. He never lets his personal feelings get in the way of my best interests. Recently, I have found myself seeking advice from ASid. Strangely, he reminds me of Smoggie. This may not make any scientific sense, but I spent most of my pregnancy in Smoggie's company and I attribute any similarities that ASid has with Smoggie to that time!

ASid is the child and I am the parent, but fundamentally I believe that he has my best interests at heart.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to quit or continue being a Co-Chair on the School Council?! I decided to quit based on certain principles I hold dear. ASid likened my decision to the one Jimmy Stewart's character had at the beginning of "It's a Wonderful Life". He pretty much told me that I should be aware of how I affect people's lives and I should not be letting them down by this "suicidal decision"! High praise from a teenager who can't seem to get out of the "me me me" mentality most days!

All I could do was stare at him and feel the tears of joy escape my eyes. I was so glad that I didn't rush off to get that job; that I took the time to spend some more time with my child. He is only 16 with very little life experience and yet, he knew me enough to give me the advice I needed to hear.

After that, all I wanted was a hug from my child and I was tentative about the request. He was very accommodating and said that hugs should be given without asking and in abundance.

Lucky for me I caught the teen on a good day. He could have totally told me to not bother him with my annoying adult life.

If anything or anyone can trump the principles I live by, it would have to be my children and their desire for me to be my uncompromising best self always.

Today, I got the second best advice of my life.

When in doubt, talk with any person who cares about us and who knows us. Such a person will never let us down. And that person can sometimes be a child who has clarity that some of us have lost because we are blinded by rigid principles. It is always easy to quit on principle, but it is tough to rough it out on principle. When we are presented with that fork in the road, hopefully we are brave enough to make that right choice!

 

Update on the Card Peddling

Time to check in on the teen!

As recorded earlier in the historical life of ASid, his respectful dad has withdrawn his monthly financial support due to the teen's disrespectful attitude to the said dad. That led to the teen taking on an entrepreneurial venture where he decided to sell his Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fund himself.

That was where we left off and time to find out what happened since then...

Craigley still believes ASid hasn't shown an improvement in his attitude. To top that off, all his card peddling is driving Craigley crazy. I can sympathize with both the parties; however, I have to be in solidarity with Craigley. It is the law and almost like an 11th commandment - Thou shall support thy parental partner against thine own offspring!

There is no such thing as "bystander apathy" with some situations, sometimes there is just a helpless bystander.

Right now, the situation is such that Craigley has taken away the Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I must be fair to Craigley here although he is the biggest villain in my life. Craigley decided to follow this line of torture after ASid rather foolishly shared with us that his friend's father confiscated his friend's Yu-Gi-Oh cards and threw them in their trash compacter! In contrast, Craigley almost comes across as benevolent! Also, Craigley did give ASid several warnings and ample time to change his behaviour. While all this was happening, ASid's grades also started slipping. So, I was almost compelled to take Craigley's side as the teen left me with little choice in the matter.

Yesterday, the teen told me that he felt like buying a Cinnabon cinnamon bun and realized that he was too poor to afford one! I felt sorry for the child, but then his choices have led him to that moment of realization. Hopefully, that was a moment of awakening for ASid.

Personally, I feel the literal and figurative hunger in him should drive him to never ever have such moments in his life. As a parent, I can only hope for such moments of epiphany. Rest is up to him.

Note: The teen has all the basic necessities of life and is in good physical (and hopefully mental and emotional) health. All he needs to do is make the right choices.