The Highs and The Lows

Wrapping up another school year!

It has been an emotional school year for Hans. He started off in September minus his three friends and was as miserable as a child can be. However, he is finishing off with a friend and a couple of potential friends! Hans is ending it on a happy note.

For ASid, it has been a year where he slacked off on all levels possible. And yet, he added speech competitions to his repertoire! He participated in a French speech competition as well as a heritage language speech competition. Both were attended by Craigley since he understands both the languages somewhat! Craigley actually ended up recording both the speeches and I have to say that ASid captured the 2 different accents quite nicely.

Recently, I let ASid know that he is responsible for his choices and he has himself to blame if he is unhappy at the end of it all. As a parent, I provide the necessary support and it is his responsibility to use that to his advantage and seek additional support if required.

His silent response to my sermon showed more growth and maturity than by anything he actually ever said this entire school year!

I often talk about choices with the boys. I made my own choices and I do not complain about my life or blame others for it. Of course, I am human and have an occasional outburst. But mostly, I take ownership of the consequences of my choices.

So, how did I do this school year?! Not too bad. I went back to school, even if online, and got an additional qualification. I have made a name for myself as a tutor. I have solid referrals, but I am unable to take on more kids since the tutoring clashes with the time with my own kids. However, I am more determined than ever to go back to work.

Smoggie wrote an email to me a couple of months ago about my going back to work. He made me sound like some superstar. Smoggie is obviously super biased. However, what resonated with me is the following:

Hopefully if you choose the teaching route, you are able to still brush up on your technical skills so you can motivate kids -- especially as a role model for girls -- to love STEM subjects.  The possibilities for you are almost limitless -- teaching or tech or teaching tech or actually anything your heart desires!

This school year, Hans’ school launched STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) in a big way. Most teachers had to learn most everything from scratch. I helped a couple of teachers in a couple of classrooms and I realized that I am technically ready for a classroom of my own. Pun totally intended!

Have a good summer everyone!

 

For the umpteenth time!

Actually, it is more like the third or the fourth time!

I have mentioned this couple of times in the past. Craigley and the boys, AKA ASid and Hans, do NOT know about this blog. Ideally, I would like them to find out after I pass away peacefully or when I no longer have the desire to write anymore.

Both events could put a handful of people out of their misery; but I digress as usual.

The purpose of this blog is for the boys to see themselves through their mother's eyes. To also know their mother through all the roles she plays along with that of their mother! Hopefully, they will find some inspiration in a couple of posts and laugh a little through a couple of others.

The intent has never been to make the lives of the persons who are important to me entirely public. I take extreme care to not mention real names or racial/religious backgrounds or ethnicities or any distinct features of any of the persons mentioned here.

The persons could be anyone and anyone could relate to them.

What matters to me is that it be known that these moments are happening in a neighbourhood in Toronto and that they are quintessentially Canadian.

And while I continue to document more Momley moments, I hope the few readers I have continue to keep this knowledge to themselves.

Thank you.

 

Car Tales

The first vehicle I ever remember being in is a Jeep. My dad drove this rugged version and it always felt like I was flying in it. As a teenager, I got my first driving lesson from my dad as well and I believe he almost swore at me for the first time ever! Even though I cannot drive, I have always wanted a Jeep Grand Cherokee. It is like homage to the first vehicle I remember my dad driving.

In spite of massive doubts, I have faith that I will drive one day…my dad’s little girl in a big car to protect her!

For some reason, today, I want to write about my friends and my time with them in their cars. It is like a page out of Seinfeld’s new show although I have only heard about it and not seen it yet.

Since I cannot drive, I get driven around a lot because I have very considerate friends.

I will start with my sessions with G in his car. I have often felt like I am more like one of the boys than one of the girls. With G, I have this terrific freedom of expression and sometimes, it is almost terrible! It is unbelievable that he hasn’t pushed me out of his car yet. I offend him a lot, and why not?! We have had crazy conversations about feminism, sisterhood and women. It must be tough on him, and yet he encourages me to be candid even when it means he is at the receiving end of all my intense emotional outbursts. I have to also honestly admit that he perhaps has been at the receiving end of a couple of punches as well. It was when he casually remarked that I need to get a job so Craigley has a decent pair of boots to wear during the cold Canadian winters! Well, Craigley has a tendency to wear sandals in winter and G decided to use that as some sort of motivation for me to get out there and get a job!

On second thoughts, this man has offended me quite a bit as well and on some level, we are both even!

Then there is Y and her car. She has an OCD that does not allow anyone to enter her home. For her friends, her car is as close to home as we can get. Usually, we are never alone in her car. We have our boys with us in the backseat and a not so secret stash of junk food in the car trunk! My best memories in her car are those of taking the boys berry picking. Those involved day trips to just outside of Toronto where the boys discovered that raspberries come in many different colours! Her car is like a home and a classroom – we have literally done “lunch and learn” sessions in there.

Since Y’s oldest, Hans’ best friend is at The CW, we don’t spend as much time in her car anymore. Y has also been busy taking care of her parents. I actually miss her!

That brings me to P who is the safest driver I know. She is also a purposeful driver. Trips with her include visits to the Ontario Science Centre, picnics and grocery shopping. Some parents and even teachers have mistaken her for Y a few times. All of them who cannot tell them apart just need to go on just one drive with each of them, and they will never ever be mistaken again! P follows all rules and Y simply lets loose.

P’s oldest is off to Middle School and she will have 2 kids in 2 schools in September. She will get busy with 2 drop offs and 2 pickups…this post is getting a little sad right now!

On that note, there is C and her car which recently quit on her. I will miss her car. Out of my 4 friends, C is the most concerned about me on any given day. Even when her car was dying on her, I felt the most comfortable in it. I think it is because C is incredibly non-judgemental about me. In her car, I feel free to cry and let it all out. The 2 of us are almost the same age and we were at the same university at around the same time, and never crossed paths till we met as parents at our boys’ school. I am glad we eventually ran into each other. She is currently contemplating her next car.

C truly believes she will win the lottery one day and when she does, I am getting a new kitchen and driving lessons! How sweet is that?! But I hope she wins the lottery so she can buy her dream car without a second thought!

Before I wrap up this crazy and somewhat absurd car post, an honourary mention goes to Lady A. It is not like she is not my friend, but I always think of her first as my mentor and I have so much respect for her. I could totally insult all my friends, but never Lady A! And with her, I have been in several cars. Most recently, she picked me up in her Jeep and it was nostalgic for me. And every time I am in that car of hers, I feel like I am a little girl again and flying down the street.

Honestly, the best times I have spent with my friends have been in their cars. I am incredibly thankful for their kind concerns for me. I also know that all of them would like to see me drive one day. I want them to know that I want that for myself too.

This has been a wonderful drive down memory lane!

 

Father's Day Celebrations

Bambino and I never really celebrated Father's Day. Our dad's birthday is at the beginning of June and it almost felt redundant to celebrate the man twice in one month. So, we gave FD little to no importance!

Since we have become parents ourselves, my brother and I definitely have a greater sense of appreciation for our own parents than ever before. Still, there was no way we were going to celebrate our dad twice in one month! And yet, I hosted a Father's Day BBQ at my home yesterday. It was not for my dad really although he was included; it was really to celebrate my brother!

Bambino has grown into a remarkable person. Many times in any given year, he makes it a point to celebrate the people in his life; especially the women in his life - our mother, his sister, his wife, his mother-in-law and our aunt. He makes us all feel special even when it is his birthday. How do I celebrate such a person?! Forget that!! How do I even thank him?!

No need to jump to any conclusions here. Bambino is not perfect by any means. He is as flawed as the rest of us. But he makes up for it in endearing ways.

So, I decided that I will try and find as many days as I can to celebrate my brother; any excuse is a great excuse. Moving forward, starting this year, Father's Day will be celebrated and it will be my responsibility. When I get old and/or have a bad back, I expect the boys to take on this responsibility.

My fond hope has always been to surround the boys with the best role models possible and I have lucked out with all the wonderful men in my life. Now the other hope is for the boys to actually learn from all these extraordinary men. I have a feeling they will!
 

The Late Club - from another perspective

Recently, a couple of celebrities committed suicide and there was a lot of discussion about why anyone would commit suicide?! I mean, they are rich and famous. Isn't that enough?! Then, I read this post my friend Maddy shared with us and it talked about perspective!

And I believe I have nothing but perspective. To be honest, I lead a mundane life. However, when I chronicle it for my children, I am able to look at every ordinary moment in an extraordinary way. And I have said so several times that it is all in the perspective! And I hope the boys can keep things in perspective when life drags them down.

Here is Part 2 of The Late Club series!

TDSB actually calls parents when their children are late to school. For high school students, there could be a call for every period they are late for!

Since my land line was dead (the first number TDSB calls) and my phone was dying (the second number TDSB calls), their automated service started calling Craigley's number (the third number on the list). Craigley was OK the first couple of times; in fact, he was almost supportive and wanted to help ASid deal with his lateness. Then, he lost it!

Craigley wanted to know what I was doing to help ASid. I almost always get the third degree when the boys are not functioning at their optimum levels. I let Craigley know that I have been doing almost exactly the same thing for close to 3 school years. ASid had no lateness issues in Grades 9 and 10. This literally developed half way through Grade 11! I talk to the boy and occasionally lecture him. But as I mentioned somewhere here already, as the boys get older, they make decisions that affect their lives. They have to take ownership at some point.

For the most part, Craigley agreed. I believe that he was just frustrated about getting a call from ASid's school on a daily basis. The other morning, as ASid left for school, Craigley let him know that if he gets another call from ASid's school, Craigley would be waking up ASid next time and the boy wouldn't enjoy it at all.

Craigley goes from kindness to threats in 2.2 seconds. He has very little patience to begin with!

Meanwhile, I got the land line fixed and hopefully, I get to a new phone next month. That way, Craigley will stop receiving these calls of lateness.

Throughout the last few days I was reminded of how Craigley takes immense pride in sharing how he missed his entire Grade 12 year. The only year that mattered was OAC or Grade 13 and he was there then! Perhaps some teenagers look at that penultimate year of high school as the year to get their ya-yas out?!

While I was trying to make sense of the teenager and his sudden lack of respect for punctuality, I got an update call from the mother of the teenage boy whose dad kicked him out. Apparently the boy is depressed and talks about ending his life. His mother is petrified that she cannot get her husband or her son to reconcile. She is mostly worried for the boy!

I am not saying that as parents we should be afraid to have certain expectations from our children. We must expect the very best from our children. However, how we deal with our children when those expectations are not met is vital.

An adult committing suicide is a sad statement about life. Children driven to take their own lives is tragic.

I truly believe the Late ClubPresident is a temporary stint. No child of mine will be late for the rest of his life. I take both punctuality and life seriously, and the boys will as well!
 

Momley and G

There is no surprise here! One day, I was bound to write about this partnership and the boys would see this coming a mile away! In fact, if I don't write about this, several will be upset or confused. So, here is our story from interesting perspectives!

Momley is usually a person who is happy being in the background and doing her work quietly. Even in terms of her zodiac sign, she is a crab that walks sideways and takes time getting to her goal. But the day Momley met G, it put her under scrutiny and eventually on the proverbial map!

Craigley believes that Momley is looking for Smoggie in G. But that is almost impossible. Smoggie and Momley share a deep friendship whereas Momley and G share an amazing working relationship (the emphasis being on "work"). If there is anything common between the two men, it is the fact that both of them are tall and lanky and tower over Momley who is short and chubby; but there ends the similarity!

When Bambino met G at the last Fun Fair, he felt that the man was unlike Momley's other friends. Momley's brother couldn't believe how she could be friends with someone like G. But Momley believes Bambino met G on a bad day. At last year's Fun Fair, G was imagining a blood bath and was in a not so friendly mode! In fact, both Bambino and G have a lot in common. Both have their Mechanical Engineering degrees from U of T and their MBAs in Finance, and they are both super successful men. One day, Momley hopes, they will meet under better circumstances and Bambino will change his mind about G. For now, it is what it is!

ASid has never not liked G and Hans has recently warmed up to him. Momley's friends seem to be OK with G. Some others are still suspicious and speculative about the "working relationship" between Momley and G. Some others don't understand it at all! But it hasn't mattered one bit what anyone thinks, somehow they have survived and become a team that truly stands for commitment to their children's school.

Momley feels that this is perhaps the only "Limited Edition" relationship in her life. Outside of their children's school, Momley and G have not much in common. They have been brought together to form a strong School Council and to run successful social events and to fundraise relentlessly through all adversity. There is a purpose to the relationship that is not personal. It is a relationship that thrives on providing various services to their community. It is not surprising that all the time they spent together has resulted in Momley being recognized with a Community Service Award.

At the recent Fun Fair, a couple of people wondered if Momley and G are married since their names are always mentioned together?! Their names are mentioned together because they work together and produce results and both of them deserve the recognition for their efforts. Other than that, there is no significance to "Momley and G"!

Only time will tell if Momley and G will continue to have any relationship beyond the last school day in June of 2019. For now, a few more adventures remain even if they have done everything that needs to be done at their children's school.

When the end is near, a few will shed a tear or two and others will breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Stay tuned to find out...
 

Just Right!!

In the last 2 to 3 weeks, I got a lot of feedback on my writing. I had been sending at least one email per day about the Fun Fair (which is officially over at this point in time). And I am sure some people heaved sighs of relief around our neighbourhood that the Fun Fair was done.

No more email from the crazy woman!

It is true that someone's treasure is someone else's trash.

A teacher remarked that she looked forward to the email every day. A mom remarked that her husband wondered how someone could write so much?! I am not sure that was meant as a compliment!!

I think I look at my writing on the same wavelength as my parenting. Both are personal and both have end results.

At the Fun Fair, I had an epiphany. It was more like a Goldilocks’ moment!

The week leading up to the Fun Fair was hectic. Not only was my phone dying on me, my land line died on me! With so much to coordinate, I felt overwhelmed at times. I did not cook the best dinners and yet Hans exclaimed one night that he would put me through to the next round of Master Chef Canada! With that statement, he put a smile on my face. And ASid as well! He was busy and he did not want to volunteer at the Fun Fair since his friends N1 and N2 were busy too. Out of desperation, I offered him and any 2 friends minimum wage for 3 hours each. First question that came out of ASid's mouth was, "Is the money coming out of your pocket or the Fun Fair's?" Obviously mine! Then, the boy took off and came back a few minutes later and said that he notified all his friends and that he would be there for me and make sure there are 2 others as well. And he was there for me!!

Both the boys did not complain and provided a ton of moral support for me. They were like my cheerleaders. The Fun Fair was personally better than ever for me because of their support.

So, at the end of the day, if my children bring me joy, that is enough. And if my writing brings them joy, that is more than enough.

It is just right!!
 

The Late Club President

Apparently, that is what ASid’s Period 1 teacher calls him! And the boy announces it casually!

I was appalled and couldn’t believe my ears. I make an effort to wake up early and wake the boy up; do whatever I can to help him get ready for the day and he is still late for school!! How does that happen?!

This morning, I was sharing my frustration with Hans about his brother’s latest moniker.

I said, “I can’t believe your brother has ruined my reputation as his parent!”

Hans responded with, “No, he is not ruining your reputation!”

Sometimes, there is illogical brotherly love and I needed a good explanation to that defensive outburst.

And this is what Hans had to say, “ASid is the president of a club! You should be proud of him!”

Wow!!

When I shared the above conversation with ASid, he was beaming from ear to ear and had these last famous words to share with me:

“Dad always said to not do a half a** job; so, I went full a** on this one. I am the President of the Late Club. Yes mom, you should be proud of me. Hans is right!”

Wow!!

 

My Dying Phone

I have 4 personal email accounts - a primary one I share with Craigley that gets the most traffic, a secondary one for my tutoring, a secret one for this blog and an ancient one for my old friends. I also have a School Council email account and depending on what event I am coordinating, an associated email account for each of those events.

I manage most of them on my phone along with Texting and WhatsApping! Never realized how busy I had become with so many communication commitments till my phone started dying on me!

At first, I blamed it on the cold weather. But then, it got warmer and my phone got worse. It put me in panic mode. Obvious solution is to get a new phone; however, with the Fun Fair approaching quickly and given my comfort level with my phone, I decided to rough it out.

And it has been rough. (And this is where ASid would most likely interject in a sarcastic tone and say "#FirstWorldProblems!"). Doesn't matter his perspective, this was becoming a problem for me.

My reliability and reputation were at stake. I always respond to my phone calls and get back to my email messages within minutes! Now, I don't even know who called and who needs my help?!

But in every crazy situation I go through in my life, I try to find something positive. And in this case, my dying phone has reminded me and reinforced my own belief about life in general - that literally nothing is the end of the world!

So, when the phone dies. I put it aside and take a break!

Yes, life is short; however, I do not need to rush through it. It is OK to take a leisurely walk through it and smell the proverbial roses. And there is enough of a track record set that reliability and reputation should not be lost with a delay of few minutes in responding to phone calls and email messages!