The Horror of it All!

Had an interesting day with 3 of my children - 2 biological and 1 tutorial.

Hans has been watching a series of YouTube videos recommended by a classmate. I watched a bit with him and although funny, the videos are super stereotypical of a certain culture. On the way to school, Hans couldn't stop talking about it and laughing about it. And then coincidentally, we met up with the very same classmate who recommended the series to Hans, and both the boys immediately started talking about a particular episode and burst out into laughter.

I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to laugh at a stereotypical depiction of a culture even if it was being depicted by a person from that culture?!

ASid, on the other hand, was sick and was home. He decided to share his conversations with his classmates and friends with me. He started off by saying that it was great that Hans was at school so he could openly talk with me. What was he going to talk about?! Apparently, they are talking about "pleasuring oneself"!! At one point in my life, Smoggie couldn't get me to say the word sex; I would always choose to spell it out and I was well into my 20s. And here I was, chatting candidly with my teenage son about a certain type of sexual activity and finding it strangely normal.

Again, I wasn't entirely sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing to discuss a sexual topic with my 17 year old even if it was being approached from a purely scientific and statistical perspective?!

Finally, there was Sunny, my young Stephen King in the making. This one bounces of the walls and says ridiculous stuff. She decided today that it would be interesting to kill me. Then, she decided that I was offended by what she said, and gave me permission to kill her. I looked at her and suggested that she should write about it. I started off by letting her know that she already has a protagonist and an antagonist. She didn't know what those terms meant. So, I proceeded to explain to her. I told Sunny that the tutor could be a protagonist if she kills an evil student, but an antagonist if she kills innocent students. Sunny got all excited about writing this horror story. We brainstormed and titled her story "Twisted Tutor". Of course, she made me the antagonist!

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that I encouraged a 9 year old to write a horror story?! In this case, I have an answer. Sunny's mom was a little horrified that her daughter picked the theme she picked; however, she was delighted that Sunny looked radiant after her first real attempt to write a horror story.

I couldn't have asked for a better day. 

Spending time with young, inquiring minds that are brimming with curiosity and creativity is an opportunity for me to learn and grow in my dual role as mother and teacher. Giving validity to my kids' concerns and interests is all about providing an opportunity for them to share and mature. If they can share with me, then they are comfortable with the subject. And if I keep an open mind, we are set for life.
 

Recollecting that First Step!

There was one school year when Bambino and I were away from our parents. I was 8 years old then and Bambino was 6 going on 7. Even at that age, I felt a great responsibility towards my brother given that my parents weren't physically with us. I made it a point to help the little guy with his homework. That was the year he won an award for Science or some subject at school. It was not because I took it upon myself to tutor him, but because he was a naturally brilliant kid. 

I would not want to take away anything from Bambino's achievements. In fact, I want to give him credit for my most recent achievement. A few hours ago, I received a job offer for a teaching position in the biggest school board in Canada. And it felt like the journey that I began with Bambino many moons ago in my grandpa's home has finally reached an end and a new beginning!

Bambino is most definitely my very first student. Helping him with his school work was perhaps also my first "volunteer work". It led me to helping other kids younger than myself. And eventually motivated me to get that degree in Education!

My brother has always stood by me like a giant with all my decisions and especially with my decision to stay at home even when barely anyone supported it. He believed in me like he believed in me when he was barely 7 years old. In his head, I am his super sis and now, a super mom.

I want to thank little Bambino and I want to thank the man he has become. If I am the confident woman and mother that I am today, he has definitely contributed to it. And my boys are the biggest beneficiaries.

I called, emailed and texted a few friends and family with my good news. All of them have played parts in my journey, but my brother has played the most important part - I took the first step with him!

Thanks everyone and thank you Bambino!
 

Multiple "Missions" Accomplished

This year, at Hans' school, they formed the very first FLL team. FLL stands for First LEGO League. The team started off with 7 kids and 2 dropped out almost immediately. The remaining 5 have hung on for dear life. Hans is on this “pioneer” team.

The 5 team members are 9 and 10 year old kids. There are 2 girls and 3 boys. Each of them have a distinct look and also have a distinct cultural/ethnic/racial background. However, in spite of all their differences, they have banded together to do some cool robotic missions together.

Today, they had a practice tournament and I got to be part of it. I have been at LEGO League tournaments before with ASid. So, the robotic part was not new. The new experience was the practice aspect of it all. I especially enjoyed sitting in on the teamwork part of it.

A young mentoring team of Grade 11 and 12 students asked the 5 kids to split themselves into 2 teams. And predictably, they divided themselves into 2 teams of 3 boys and 2 girls each respectively. Much confusion and humour ensued from this partition of the core team. The kids got to learn valuable lessons about teamwork. Then, they had this "interview" session where they were asked a few questions. The most interesting was, "What is your understanding of Gracious Professionalism?"

At which point, all 5 kids exclaimed with:

"Never heard of that!"

They were encouraged to think about it and arrive at an answer and they were able to mumble something about being professional!

I got curious and checked out the phrase. Turns out it is a phrase that is registered under FLL's Core Values. It had another interesting word registered as well - Coopertition. I guess that would be cooperative competition.

At the end of the day, I got to learn along with the kids. They were no less than graduate students in terms of all the research they had to do. They had to also plan their design. On top of that, they had to learn to code and program. They had to solve problems when their designs failed and their coding/programming didn't function as planned. But above all, they had to work together. And they did!

Hans, when he joined the team, absolutely believed that it was all about building cool LEGO structures. When he realized how much "boring" work was involved, he almost quit. Today, I am sure he was happy that he kept at it. Next month is the actual tournament. I will definitely be there to cheer Hans and his teammates on.

And I will never forget their answer to the very last question they were asked as a team: "What is so special about your team?"

They almost replied in unison like they had practised it several times before!

"We are the youngest and the smallest team!"

But they showed tremendous growth in one day. They went from bickering with each other to helping each other. 

In that sense, one mission accomplished!

 

Toothy Issues and Life Lessons

Today, I had an interesting schedule. A morning coffee meeting followed by lunch with Lady A and then finally, a dentist's appointment.

At lunch, I mentioned to Lady A about My Selfie and the criticism that ensued by sharing it with people (whom I believe are mostly my friends). I showed the Selfie to Lady A and she supposed that it could have used better lighting; something that Craigley pointed out as well. Lady A decided to take my picture for me. Anyone else, I would have objected to; however, this is Lady A - the person who plucked me out of Anonymity and thrust me into Spotlight. She believed in me when no one knew me. And I believe that I can always trust her when it concerns my wellbeing!

So, we set off from lunch to her home where she decided to do a photoshoot with me.

I never ever thought I would find a camera in my face a delightful experience. Lady A was a pro. Before I knew it, she had me smiling and making faces. I don't really remember baring my teeth that much to anyone recently!

And Lady A kept saying something like, "Those mean people! How could they say that about your teeth?" And I was like, "Yeah! I want a toothy picture for my next issue!"

And that's what it will be. With everyone wanting to fix my teeth, I had almost become afraid to smile. 

And talking of teeth, I had this pain on the left side of the inside of my mouth for a couple of weeks now. I kept ignoring it as there are always things to do. I had no time to take care of my pain. Then, the pain increased! Last 3 days have been hell. I couldn't sleep and I was a mess. Finally, yesterday, I confided in my friend C that I am in severe pain. She gave me an Advil and suggested I call my dentist right away! I mean, that is common sense but I needed someone to say that to me!

Today, I had my dentist's appointment. It turns out it is my “doubly done” root canal and one wisdom tooth! I actually identified those problems already. However, that doesn't make me smart at this point in time.

While reflecting on all of the above, I came to the realization that I have a high tolerance for pain. I deal really well with physical, mental and emotional pain! I deal well with pain till it is gut wrenchingly unbearable. When that happens, then I make a painfully slow move toward a solution. That is something that needs to change. Why must I put up with pain? No one should put up with pain!

“Thank you Lady A for finding a happy smile with my teeth that need to be fixed! Thank you New Dentist for patting my head and reminding me that I need to take care of me! You both made me feel like a child who is loved!”

One who knows me so well and one who knows me not at all...both of them, in their own ways, reminded me that life is too short to walk around with pain in my heart and in my teeth!

Exchanges of all sorts

This school year, Chucky/Junior is not at Hans' school. The parents decided to go the private route and it seems like the boy is happy at his new school. In a wonderful coincidence, Hans is also very happy at his school.

Last Friday, Junior's mom reached out to me to help her sell their piano. If anyone reaches out to me, I help that person very sincerely to the best of my abilities. So, I sent out some feelers to friends and family and, in a strange twisted way, the piano ended up in my home.

Junior's family is leaving the neighbourhood and they decided to just give their piano to us instead of selling it! Junior has stopped playing the piano 6 months ago. On Saturday morning, we had the piano.

Junior was the boy who tortured Hans to no end at one point in life. His mom wants us to remember them forever through the piano. I am glad it worked out this way. Best to remember anyone through their kindness than their harshness! On another happy note, our piano is going to Sir B/UB who may put it to some good use.

The exchange of pianos was all decided within the length of one day. And within a day, many kind words were exchanged as well. It showed maturity and growth from all parties involved. It was a Momley kinda day!

And talking of growth and maturity, Hans scored his first Hockey goal! It took him 2 seasons and a bit, but he finally did it. Craigley decided to celebrate with a family dinner at Hans' choice restaurant. The boy ended up choosing a classmate’s parents' new restaurant that they recently opened in our neighbourhood.

We had a delicious time and we made the restaurant owners happy. They told Hans that they would let their son know that his classmate graced their restaurant. They made Hans feel like some celebrity! And Hans showed that he has grown in more ways than one. He graciously thanked his classmate's parents and put them back in the spotlight.

That was Saturday. We had 2 days of back to back celebrations and sweet exchanges. What brought it all home was what happened on Sunday morning.

Hans had Hockey School, and as soon as he came back, he started playing on his "new" piano for the first time. Just then, my mom called and when I answered the phone, she wanted to know if Hans was on the piano?! When I responded in the affirmative, she stated that the piano sounded different than before. Then, we both stopped talking and listened to Hans playing the piece he has been practising for a while. When he was done, my mom and I agreed that the boy is quite good and thanked him.

Last Tuesday, Hans got his progress report. It appeared like a solid B and the boy was informed rather strictly that he was going nowhere with such a mediocre report card. The boy believed his father and he was worried. He is only 10 and I assured him that he will be going somewhere!

I am glad I did because...

Last Friday, Hans had an early Art lesson and he showed brilliance in how quickly he picked up a colouring technique.

On Saturday, he scored his first goal in spite of being told repeatedly he can't even skate properly!

Sunday morning, he played on Junior's piano without a negative thought in his heart. He produced sweet music that made his mom's eyes and his grandma's eyes well up with pride.

I want Hans to know that no matter where he goes, to college or to university, he will be much sought after because he is a loyal friend, a team player and a generous soul. I believe in him and I believe that about him.

Noteworthy Remarks: Progress reports only capture one aspect of who a child is. They should never be allowed to predict a child's future and definitely not define who a child is!

 

It is a travesty

When we value an adult by the money s/he makes

It is a tragedy

When we define a child by the grades s/he gets

Worthless, brainless, “something” less

Words can hurt

Good at nothing, good for nothing

Hurtful, harmful…be very careful

This is life

Make those word choices wisely

My Self and My Selfie

For a few years now, I have had people trying to "help" me better myself in many different ways. One particular kind of offer to help annoys me to no extent. This kind includes fixing me on the outside. I believe I have ranted a bit about it here! The most hilarious has been the "opportunity" I wrote about four years ago!

So, why am I bringing it up again? Actually, it is something that refuses to go away and plagues my life on a, more or less, daily basis.

Recently, there has been much discussion about a photo I submitted to the local magazine that hired me to be the content coordinator. I did the easiest thing and took a selfie. Although I am not good at taking selfies by any means, I made that choice. I know me best and I was going to capture myself the best way possible - through mine own eyes! And I did just that. So, there is me with no makeup and the way my hair usually is. Anyone can see that picture and know it is me!

Hans was the first to see it and he asked me if that was the picture that would be in every issue of the magazine?! When I answered in the affirmative, he took a few seconds before he said, "Oh-kay". ASid barely looked at the pic. Craigley gave me technical advice and took a couple of pictures of me to make a point. My friends, P and Y were horrified that I would submit such a photo! 

It didn't seem like my selfie had much of a positive reception. Then, I got the most constructive feedback from a totally different source.

It turns out the publisher, my boss, would like another picture as well. Now, I cannot exactly say NO to her! And her feedback had nothing to do with how I look, but more to do with the quality of the picture itself! And I agreed with her. So, I get to keep my picture for the first issue and maybe make a switch starting with the second issue in the New Year!

And I am taking a selfie again! And I am ready for the onslaught of criticism. As long as the quality of the picture is good, I am sure my selfie and “my self” are good to go!
 

The Lighter Side of Life

Lately, it seems like I am wandering streets unknown or worrying incessantly over the Teen! Time to take a break and catch up on the continuing Hockey soap opera!

So, Hockey season is back. This time around, Craigley decided to be the Assistant Coach. Apparently Hans wanted him to be a bit of a Dad to him and not 100% Coach. Craigley was cool with that until he received an email about whom he would be coaching under.

This is where movies go into "flashbacks". And I will do my own version of a flashback by getting everyone to read this post from a few months ago! Yes, he was paired up with his Arch Nemesis from last season.

Saying Craigley lost it would be an understatement. He was livid. Immediately, he proceeded to write an email indicating why he should be Coach! He got a prompt response reminding him that he wanted to be an Assistant this season!

In theory, I had to agree with the opposition. But Craigley was like "I beat her last season. I am the winning Coach". Technically, his team beat her team. They were both lucky to have awesome kids playing amazing Hockey.

The battle ended with Craigley moving Hans and himself to another team where he was content to be an Assistant to some unknown guy.

Last Saturday, I was able to watch the game where Craigley and his Arch Nemesis faced off for the first time this season. Almost all of Craigley's last season’s team, Hans' last season’s team mates, are on the other team now! It worked out that way because the kids were supposed to continue to work with their former Coach who unfortunately decided to quit the team over personal principles! Hans felt a little awkward to be facing off against his former team mates. I had to reassure him that they are still his friends off the ice!

The game ended with Hans' team winning. As we walked out, we saw the other Coach who was chatting with a parent or someone. Craigley had to shout out to her with, "That was a good game, eh?". He got a "Get out of my face" look from the woman. At which, Craigley looks at me and remarks, "What’s with her? I am just trying to be nice!"

I just smiled at the absurdity of it all. 

And I was glad my tutoring session got moved to a different time and I got a chance to be part of this ongoing Hockey soap opera. I'd rather be a spectator to a real life drama than go back in History to help King Louis XIV of France run a strategic ad campaign to send some of his peeps to New France! Little did he know then that that new land of his would become a Hockey loving nation called Canada!

Ah! To be part of History in the making! Life is really darned good.
 

Call to Recall

On Halloween morning, I got an unexpected text message from KPF. He was like "call me anytime today". It took me a while to call him. It was Halloween and I already had a busy morning at Hans’ school and I had my small annual gathering coming over in the evening and I needed to tidy up my place a bit.

However, I made calling KPF a priority.

My first words were, "I have only 10 minutes. I am so glad you texted me. I have to tell you so much."

I am always rushing through my conversations with KPF.

He was like, "Then, you have to call me again!'

First, I was confused. Then, I realized that he meant "talk as much as you can in 10 minutes and call me back at another time to finish talking"!

I couldn't keep it to 10 minutes. KPF is my best listener and I believe I spent 20 minutes chatting (most likely monologue-ing) with him. This is my friend whom I used to worry about losing! Now, I don't think about it much. Thanks to advancements in science and medicine!

Talking of which, that is what KPF is doing with his life right now. He is studying Genetics. And he hopes to one day go into research. I was so happy listening to him!

I told him that I would love to enrol in some dance classes. And that I would call him back for advice on that. Why would I call KPF?! Because, at one point in time, he was an avid Salsa dancer!

We talked about how we are 40 something and doing stuff that 20 somethings do. He is at school and I am going to be working soon. But then I shared with KPF something that ASid shared with me the other day. He said that the day we stop learning is the day we are old. Apparently, he remembers that from a speech at my brother's MBA convocation. First of all, that was maybe 7 odd years ago and ASid was not quite 10 then! The fact that he remembered is something.

And if he has to remember one thing, that is pretty good!

I have been so worried about this boy the last few weeks and talking about him with KPF got me to understand that I shouldn’t worry so much about him. He is 17 and in most ways, wiser than ever before. He will get through Grade 12 and he will be where he needs to be a year from now…soaking in all the knowledge that surrounds him!

ASid is going to be just fine like his mom and her friend KPF!

Sometimes unexpected, friendly Interruptions get us to pause and think about Life. And then, we realize that Life is pretty darned good.