19 and 12

19 and 12 are the ages of ASid and Hans respectively. This year has been life changing for most of us and it hasn’t been different for the boys.

ASid has been living with his girlfriend on and off, depending on if she is in the country or not. This academic year, second year of university, both the kids got themselves teaching assistant jobs and are raking in the money. About a grand a month at 19 is nothing to sneeze at - it opens up exciting possibilities as well as makes one feel certain responsibilities. My friend C’s advice was to have ASid put away an amount per pay cheque - something like “pay himself first”. My dad’s response was - “why does the boy need to work?”. I conveyed both the messages to ASid. Right now, he is in the spending mode. He is not really listening to anyone. He wants to buy his younger brother a PS5 and his grandmother a Louis Vuitton handbag.

The boy still has his heart in the right place and that invariably warms my own heart.

Hans has had to deal with a fulltime working mom for the first time - on his own and without his brother by his side. The boy has done a remarkable job. He is a preteen and he has warned me that he could snap at me some days and I shouldn’t take it personally. He has also assured me that a year or 2 more, and he wouldn’t need me anymore.

Both of Hans’ proclamations made me glad and sad at the same time.

Today, Thursday, December 31, 2020, is my dad’s last day at work. He is officially retiring. My dad started working at 17 and finally, at 70, he is calling it a day! I am not sure what he will do with the extra time. His dream was to retire and spend more time with his grandkids. I barely see ASid, and Hans is in his own world. Luckily, for my dad, he has another grandkid - my nephew RoV is 6, and still quite excited to spend time with grandparents.

Time does fly. Even crazy 2020 flew by. It is a reminder for me to focus on the best and the most positive that life has to offer, and take the time to enjoy that!

Have a good one everyone!

A 2020 Miracle

Hans has a classmate who lives a little diagonally across from us - it takes less than a minute’s walk from our door to their door. I think the mom is great and always lamented the fact that Hans hated the boy’s guts. We, the moms, wondered if our boys would ever get along.

When the pandemic was declared in March and Toronto went into lockdown, Hans would see this boy ride around the neighbourhood on his own. Strangely, Hans also rode around the neighbourhood by himself. An entire summer went by and the boys didn’t cross paths. Then school started and the boys were in the same class after a year’s break. Hans expressed some disappointment. I also felt a bit of disappointment that even a year’s break didn’t change Hans’ perspective on this boy.

At the beginning of this month, I observed Hans take a different route to his school. This route was the one that he avoided as it takes him in front of this boy’s home, and Hans didn’t want any awkward encounters. However, I noticed that Hans actually looked at the door of this boy’s home as he walked past it. Nothing actually happened for a couple of days and then one day, the boy came running out of his home screaming for Hans to wait for him. Hans walked back to meet him half way and then the boys walked to school together.

I cannot describe the joy I felt watching Hans walk with another child his age. It has been so isolating during the last 9 months, and it was wonderful to see Hans NOT walk alone.

A few minutes ago, we drove past this boy’s home and I saw his mother in the driveway. I asked Craigley to “roll down the window” and then I shouted to her, “Our boys are walking together!”. She smiled the biggest smile. 

She had the same joy on her face that I felt a few days ago.

One of my students recently remarked that it is not easy to be happy these days. I agreed with her. However, I told her and the rest of the class that we can try doing things that make us feel good about life - we can give someone a second chance or we can say a kind word or two to anyone when we can.

Small deeds can have big impacts.

Bending over backwards until the back breaks

The thought of a back breaking is bad enough and it is tragic when it is self-inflicted to accommodate somebody!

We live in an extremely sensitive world where we have to be careful about what we say - it is beyond politically correct and it is a new age of cancel culture. People of colour and parents with children with special needs continue to fight their personal and collective battles against a world that has often overlooked them or marginalized them. I understand. I am teaching the history of Canada now, and I am learning about the treatment of First Nations people in the last 150+ years.

Advocacy of minorities becomes an essential means to win some battles.

Right now, I would love to advocate on behalf of the 10 students I have in my class with IEPs (Individual Education Plans); however, I am simply trying to do my best for all of them given my lack of experience with special education. The last 2 days, I had an opportunity to speak with 8 of the 10 parents, with children with special needs, who signed up for parent-teacher interviews. 7 out of 8 were thankful to have a teacher who cares and were willing to work with me to support their children.

Then, there is the one parent who hates me and this is not an exaggeration - I had another teacher attend this particular meeting with me and he agreed with me.

This is the parent who gives me major anxiety. She has written several emails to all the prominent people on the school board as well as to me (while CCing all the prominent people on the school board plus advocacy groups and the Human Rights Commission) about my incompetence. Out of a class of 26 students with various needs that I am trying desperately to meet, somehow I am failing this parent’s child consistently.

The child attends class regularly, approaches me for help and engages in class discussions.

I believe that the child’s mental health and wellbeing are being taken care of - we are in the middle of a pandemic; trapped in our homes for a very long time. Virtual School was created out of nothing to accommodate students who need to be home for many different reasons. There were delays and there was a teacher shortage. Some of us stepped up to fill the gaps. Some of us are putting in hours every single day including weekends to ensure students get the maximum out of this setup.

And yet, this one parent is not even a bit understanding of the situation we are all in. At this point in time, I am trying to save my spirit from being broken. The teacher who was on the call with me told me not to take it personally and it is only 6 more months and this would all end!