I have been so busy with my job that I haven't been doing some of the things I enjoy doing in my life. One of them is writing regularly for this blog - my "legacy" for my 2 boys. It feels like I am robbing them of some of my personal time that belongs to them and giving it away to other peoples' children.
So much has happened, and I don't even know where to begin. Hans is 13 now, and for the first time, I have 2 teenagers. This will last about 3 months and then ASid will turn 20. It seems like such a big number. They are growing up so quickly.
Although I haven't been as available to my family members as before, I was lucky enough to have been there as they received their first doses of the vaccine. On Good Friday, I accompanied my parents as their age group became eligible. For some reason, it made my mom very happy to have me there. 2 weeks ago, Craigley and I got vaccinated. Last weekend, I went with ASid and 2 days ago, I was with Hans as both of them also became eligible with the 18+ and 12+ age groups respectively. It made me happy and I understood my mom's feelings then.
There are times it matters that people we love are there with us - maybe it is to do with the realization that life is fragile and that the world could literally turn upside down at a moment's notice.
With my parents, I had the shortest waiting time. With Hans, I had the longest waiting time - we spent nearly 2 hours together. As we stood in line waiting, chaos ensued twice and people cut us off both those times. Part of me wanted to protest, but I stayed calm and let it go. I felt like perhaps I wasn't being a good role model to my child. I didn't stand up for myself, for us, and for what was right. I actually mentioned it to him and he didn't particularly mind my non-confrontational attitude. We both talked about how people are frustrated in general and some of them were coming from work, and they probably are too tired and would like to go home sooner than later. Still, Hans did reiterate that it doesn't make it right for people to cut people off. I agreed with him.
It was my choice to let it go, but it was their choice to plant themselves where they didn't belong and give themselves an unfair advantage.
Hans and I were at the beginning of our 5:10 pm line up and we ended up 7th or 8th after 2 chaotic disruptions. There was another mother with 2 children waiting in line with us. She stood up to the buttinskis and ensured she got her original position in the queue back. She was also kind enough to send one of her children to persuade me to take our spot ahead of them. I politely declined. However, I pointed that out to Hans.
My choice wasn't the only option available to him; he could take inspiration from this other mother!
Later, we ran into this mom with her 2 children again. I wanted to say something nice to her and thank her. All I could mumble, as words were lost to me, was "good that you have some fire in you"! She responded with, "it is good to be assertive sometimes". That's when I realized that I need to get back to writing and making sense. I have spent far too much time with kids who use afk, brb, ty and say "stop the cap" and other random phrases in the chat, to pause and have actual conversations irl.
I search for real words in my head now and can't seem to find them anymore.
I took a chance with this job. It will end in a month's time. I have lost a lot and gained a lot. My vision has dwindled away and I have packed on a few pounds. I have probably lost the opportunity to prep Hans for Grade 8 while I was helping Grade 8 students get through this school year. Personal losses … Professional gains. Hans may have a bit of an academic setback as he starts Grade 8 in September, but he will have a mother who can help him get through the next school year.
Hans can be a super star if he wants to be.
We can't always be sure of the shots we take; however, I hope the shots we all got, starting on Good Friday, will get us back on track with life as we remember it.
