I have been watching The Good Place for a few
days now. And I also watched a movie titled The Nest two days ago. Normally,
I wouldn't have made a connection between the two. These days, however, I am in
a strange frame of mind. I am questioning everything I believed about myself.
My biggest worry is if I am indeed the good mother that everybody seems to
believe I am. I am beginning to think that ASid is just pure luck and Hans is an intrinsic challenge.
I got lucky with the former and can't seem to rise to the challenge with the latter. So, what is Momley all about?! I do not know at this point in time.
This is the Thanksgiving long weekend. This is almost always when I take the time to reflect on my life. Recently, it feels like my life has been served to me on the proverbial silver platter and somehow I am not appreciating it enough. It is, as if, I want to be some tragic figure and feel burdened by it all. That's why the title of this post is so apt.
My mom has this saying where someone gets a plate of food ready and just before serving it, they spit on it. The conclusion is why bother preparing a feast when you won't let people enjoy it! In my case, I feel like I am spitting on and destroying what life is offering.
I want the boys to know that it is OK to feel a little down some days. Just not to let the feeling weigh them down forever. I know why I started writing this blog. It is supposed to be a place the boys could visit and hear Momley's voice. It is supposed to be a stand-in for me long after I am gone. I thought I was writing for them. However, I got a note from KPF a few days ago and this is what he had to say about this blog:
Good way to keep a journal, to remember and I suppose a sort of meditation and therapy.
I never looked at it that way. I have called this my safe space where I can say anything and there is no one to judge me. Then I opened it up for a few select family members and friends who drop by here to get an update on the boys. I guess somewhere on the way I have been writing to express myself. And it has been therapeutic!
I decided to investigate why anyone would make a movie like The Nest since it got me thinking about my own life. Turns out the man who wrote and directed the movie, Sean Durkin, a Canadian, had this to say about his work, "When I make a film, I think about things that scare me. My exploration of those things is to try and wrap my head around them and confront them." Strangely, I know what he means.
Yesterday, we had our annual Thanksgiving lunch hosted by Bambino and my sister-in-law. When a family can gather for a meal and sit around a table and share some feelings, it puts things in perspective. Life is not so forked up!
