Enough Said

When I was in Ottawa over the Summer Break, I couldn’t stop talking as I was seeing my friend KPF after 8 years. Somewhere in all my rambling, I mentioned how ASid thinks that the first day of my life would be the day Hans is off to school. I shared with KPF that that is ridiculous! So, I chose the day I left Ottawa, Tuesday, August 12^th, as the first day of the rest of my life.

That was the day I decided I will take chances even when I have the proverbial ‘no chance in hell’!

Today, I watched a movie whose title is the title of this post. It was a movie about real people … people who are divorced, people who are flawed, people who are looking for second chances … people who need to let their children go and live their lives. I am so glad I watched the movie. It inspired me in a positive way. The 2 lead actors were in their 50s when the movie was made, and one of them died shortly after making it.

That knowledge was a little heartbreaking, but as Hans remarked once … actors will live forever in the works they leave behind!

Lately, I have this intense urge to reach out to people who make magic happen. It does feel like a snowball’s chance in hell. No one even reads this blog. I do not even have a single follower. And yet, I truly believe I have a story worth sharing. There is so much I haven’t written yet!

This is the 499^th post. When I went to look for when Hans made his remark, I realized that it was in the 99^th post which was nearly 10 years ago. And I am still writing. That’s something, right? ... Enough said!

The Domestic Stuff!!

I haven’t felt like writing anything for the last few days. There was nothing inspiring to write about … until a few minutes ago!

I got home from work and decided to do some laundry. I got Hans to accompany me to the laundry room. The boy has complained of a headache since Saturday morning and looks weak. For the first time in his life, he asked for pain medication. This was a big deal for me. On the elevator, on our way to the laundry room, I asked Hans how he was doing. He said that he still feels off. Jokingly I asked him whom he has been kissing?! He didn’t respond and I elaborated by saying there is a “kissing disease” called mono and that was what I was wondering about. His response: “I heard you the first time.”. So, I asked him why he didn’t respond and he was like “I am afraid you would get mad at me!”.

That response got me off topic. It actually got me a little upset.

It took me back in time to that summer when ASid got his job at the CNE. It was as a cashier; however, one afternoon, he was taken to the back and asked to wash dishes. The boy just stood there and looked at the dirty dishes. After a few seconds, his coworkers realized that ASid did not know how to wash dishes. He was almost 17 at that time (same age as Hans is now). I guess someone showed him how to wash dishes and they got done.

Here are 2 responses to that episode that annoy me to no extent:

-        One of my mom friends used that to teach her sons how they should never be in such a predicament. She felt that it was an embarrassing situation for ASid. Seriously?!

-        ASid recently recalled that incident and seemed to blame me for putting him in such a predicament. What the heck?!

Doing laundry and washing dishes are domestic chores that most people must do for a very long time. I did not get ASid to do them because they are not “rocket science”. I wanted him to spend his childhood doing whimsical stuff.

Right now, ASid is in Oxford. That is where I wanted to pursue my post-secondary education. My boy attended a formal dinner there. (Was he thinking about washing the dishes? I don’t think so!)

Anyways, Hans did not respond to the question I asked twice. Perhaps he is annoyed as well.

Hair and All That It Entails

I have liked Keri Russell since the last century. And over the last week and this weekend, I have watched seasons 1 and 2 of 'The Diplomat' again and finally caught up with season 3. The series is not a comedy, but there was a relatable comedic moment in there that made me laugh ... and made me feel good.

I spend very little time on my hair or my physical appearance in general, but I am going to focus on the hair for this instalment of the blog. Just to provide an impartial statement, I will quote my principal here: "My hair looks like yours today!". She said those words to me when she didn't have time to blow dry her hair and the humidity added to its unkemptness.

So, she notices my hair ... should I be flattered? No! She insulted me, I think!

On ‘The Diplomat’, Keri Russell’s character, Kate, doesn’t seem to care for her “visual (re)presentation” to the world. To exaggerate that characteristic, when Kate gets a body double or a decoy (I forget the actual term(s) used), that person wears a uniform-like nondescript outfit and has extremely unkempt hair. The comedic moment for me was when Kate tells this person that she washes and combs her hair, and perhaps this person could do the same!

For me, it brought back memories of the fuss that was made over Keri Russell’s character’s hair in ‘Felicity’ at the turn of the century/the millennium.

It is crazy that hair is of such significance sometimes. I guess I can get away with making my hair irrelevant as I am a teacher in a special needs’ classroom. The biggest concern around my hair is that of safety as it could get pulled by a student and hurt/injure me to some extent. I was sent for a “crisis prevention” training session to deal with just such a situation (amongst other possible situations).

So, hair can be beautiful and burdensome simultaneously. If anyone has been reading this blog, they would also be aware that I recently watched ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’. In that series, the protagonist chops off her hair and thereby, shortens it considerably. That scene reminded me of a certain pop star shaving her head nearly 20 years ago. I believe she was going through some sort of crisis in her personal life. And in my opinion, getting rid of her hair made it one less thing to think about.

Such a weight we put on our heads!

It is all good ... until it is not!

That is sorta what the boys' UB said the other day to me. He is the person who started off as my brother's best friend Sir B and then became the boys' honourary uncle UB, and I guess it is time for a new moniker ... he is my friend now and I’d like to think of him as IB ... kinda like 'I be' (‘I am who I am’). Since he is who he is, he said those words to me recently. And why did he?

Allow me.

I have had just one solo dinner with IB ever, and I have known the man for almost as long as ASid has been on this planet. So, the dinner was 2 dozen years in the making. It happened over the recent summer break. We went to my favourite restaurant. I ended up with a bowl of carbs and IB had a plate of protein. I made a mental note of it. (If my little tale ever becomes a screenplay, I would be happy to name the restaurant and describe the meals in a delicious manner … for now, those details do not matter.)

Over the Thanksgiving Weekend, IB had plans to watch a movie and I tagged along. At the movies, I had a mini popcorn and IB had some protein chips. Later, on our way back to our individual homes, I commented on his protein intake. He talked about eating better … if I remember correctly. And I said something like I eat whatever and I am good. That’s when IB said those words to me.

I did not think of those words until this morning, when I ran into my building superintendent. The man had been MIA for 3-4 weeks. He is my neighbour, and I didn’t register that fact until recently. Once I did, I reached out to him and delivered some food. I caught a glimpse of him once and he was a little unrecognizable. This morning, both of us stepped out of our homes around 7 am. He was walking with a cane. This man is probably my age or younger than me. He said that he went through some surgical procedure and he was embarrassed to talk about it. I didn’t press for any details. I was just glad the man was alive. I told him that he was so busy taking care of the building that he forgot to take care of himself.

And on my way to work, IB’s words just popped into my head. Sometimes words may make an impression, but they perhaps need to paint a picture for impact. That’s precisely what happened when I saw my superintendent … he was good until he wasn’t! I hope the man recovers quickly.

Meanwhile, I need to not forget those words and look for ways to be better than good. I am not the best with making changes so this will take some time, but I am glad I have people who are there to remind me!

The "Harvard" Child and My Child

A few years ago, I wrote about 2 parents who are Harvard grads. Today, I ran into their son. He was Hans' classmate until grade 3, and then he was identified as gifted and left the regular program. Since then, he has been attending a private school for his high school education and Hans has been at his designated public school. However, Hans and this boy have been running into each other on the TTC, for the last 3-4 years, and have reconnected.

Today was an unusual day. I got home from work and decided to go out to run some errands. Hans was home and he told me that he was going to the library to study with his friends. He left before me. I left shortly afterwards and took a bus. 2 stops later, I saw Hans get on the bus with his friend. We made eye contact, and we smiled. His friend waved at me and I waved back. And that was it … I thought.

When we got off at the station, Hans walked towards me to say bye. It was precisely at that moment, the child of the Harvard grads ran into us. Hans said hi to him and literally ran off. If Hans hadn’t acknowledged this boy, I would not have recognized him. So, I decided to acknowledge the boy as well. As I approached him, he looked confused … he looked in the direction where Hans ran off to and looked at me like “did your child just leave you with me and take off?” and I was like “we are not together … we just met on the bus!” and that made it even more confusing for the boy. Anyways, after an elaborate explanation, he got it. We spoke for a bit, and I wasn’t surprised that this child can’t decide between medicine and engineering. I wished him the best and walked towards the trains.

Once on the train, I thought about both the boys. They have come a long way since they were little boys. One of them had read The Lord of the Rings trilogy by the time he was 9, and the other had just started reading comic books around that age. One of them is confident about his prospects in the future and the other is unsure if he would even get into a university. Despite the “academic” differences, both the boys have turned out well. One of them is not embarrassed to acknowledge his mother on public transit and the other is happy to miss a bus while he chatted with his mother’s friend who is also his friend’s mother!

As a parent, there are days I feel like I haven’t done enough for my own 2 boys. I feel that more strongly in Hans’ case … but Hans keeps surprising me and reassuring me in the way he approaches life.

A few months ago, Hans and the "Harvard" child met on a bus and decided to spend an entire day together. It was ASid’s birthday and Hans was shopping for a gift and his friend decided to help him. Later, Hans shared with me that his friend talked about how his private school friends were rich (in a way that made him feel less than they were). Hans told his friend that he too was rich, and he would know that if he saw his life from Hans’ perspective.

That made me both sad and happy.

Even when I feel like I have failed Hans in some way, the boy makes me feel good about who he has become. It is like he is secretly reading this blog. He can see the positive in almost everything and he is able to put things in perspective. Even if the boy ends up with nothing in terms of material gains, he will be the richest person I would ever know.

I must be doing something right … 

1992

My original family of 4 moved to Toronto in 1992. Literally, 2 weeks after we moved, the Blue Jays won the World Series. I did not know anything about baseball and did not understand the historic moment that was being celebrated at that time! The following year, it made a bit more sense.

Still, baseball was not something that I thought about … at all.

Then, on June 12, 2012, almost 20 years later, my entire family that spanned 3 generations attended a Blue Jays game together. It was not that we were interested in baseball and had become hardcore fans, we were there to simply root for ASid! The 10-year-old sang the American and Canadian national anthems with his classmates and other students from his school that day. After ASid was done, I don’t believe I paid attention to the game. (Today, I found out that the Jays played the Nationals and lost that game!)

It took us almost 4 years to get back to a Blue Jays game. On May 29, 2016, the then family of 4, was in attendance with Hans’ classmates and other families from his school. (Apparently, that day the Jays lost to the Red Sox.) All I remember was ASid reading a book the entire time. It was the strangest and the funniest sight to watch an earnest 14-year-old lost in a book while people around him were randomly bursting into chants and screams.

Today, a 24-year-old ASid is at Game 7 of the World Series. I don’t believe he is interested in baseball; however, he is there to cheer on the only Canadian baseball team we have. He shelled out an insane amount of money for the privilege of being there in person.

I now understand what all the fuss is about. (I am watching the game on TV as I am typing away.) I am so proud of our team (and my boy).

Addendum:

In a post-game analysis, someone said that “the better team lost”. I agree 100%.

Another Addendum:

Hans came home after a watch party and did not look heartbroken at all. He had a good time with his friends and that’s all that mattered to him.