Growth and Death

Hans started speaking when he was 3 and half years old. Last year, when he started school in JK, his teacher was concerned about his learning abilities. I was very emotional during that period...it was as if I had failed him in some way. A resource teacher was brought in who spent time with Hans and concluded that there is nothing to be concerned about!

This kid has barely been talking for 2 years and he can’t seem to stop talking…even when someone is talking, he jumps in like time is running out and he has the most urgent message to deliver! On one hand, I remind him that he needs to wait his turn to speak or at least interrupt appropriately; and on the other hand, I am so grateful for his enthusiasm to communicate.

About a year and half ago, Craigley’s brother suddenly died from a heart attack. He was only 46 at that time and since it was so unexpected, it came as a shock to the family. We communicated this sad news to ASid; however we decided that Hans who was not quite 4 at that time was too young to understand death and its implications. In spite of it, a few days later, Hans asked me about the attack!

“Momley! Who attacked Uncle Oobie?”

“No one attacked him!”

“Yes, I know. I do. His heart attacked him!”

Even as I was trying to understand what was happening…

“Why did his heart attack him?”

I was trying to come up with some explanation and make some sense.

“Yes! His heart attacked him. He ate too much junk food I think!”

I was hoping that should be enough.

“So he passed away? Where?”

“I don’t know”

“I think I won’t eat junk food…maybe a little bit. OK Momley?”

“Yes! You can eat a little bit of junk food. That’s OK!”

Even though I did not use the word “die”, I am sure Hans knew the word at that point in time. He may not have known what it entailed. Later on, he actually used the word in a couple of conversations. Even then, he may not have understood what it meant.

This is a child who goes around declaring: “I am never going to grow up! I want to grow down!”

What does he really understand since he asks several contradictory questions as well!

“When I grow up and have a wife and I am living in this house…will you still live with us Momley?”

“Well…that depends on your wife! She may not want Momley to live with you…”

“Then I don’t want the wife!”

“It is OK. See, how Momley and Daddy don’t live with their parents! You can still have a wife!”

“No!”

Most recently, Hans woke up crying profusely.

“Momley, I don’t want you to die!”

“I am not dying. I am right here!”

“But you will. I know.”

“Who told you?”

“I know.”

“You know what? Momley has a very special job of taking care of you. So, she can’t die!”

“What about ASid and Daddy?”

“They won’t die as well. Now, you stop crying!”

My friend Smoggy told me to never lie to my children. He told me to be honest about everything except for Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy…perhaps I can add Death to the list…