Musings from a somewhat Working Mom(ley)

I wanted to go back to work when Hans started fulltime Junior Kindergarten. That was the “plan” and now, I have been made to realize that plans should have timelines and goals attached to them. In fact, they should be “action plans”! In all fairness, I have to admit that Hans’ first year of school flew by really quickly and I enjoyed every minute of it as well…we walked to school and back home together; we got to know Hans’ teachers, his classmates and their parents together and we learned to struggle together – whether it was with the mighty confusing Alphabet or with the prospect of going back into the “real” world!

The current school year, Hans’ second, he is on his way! There will always be struggles, however Hans is beginning to accept that “know” sounds like “no” and that there are many such words that he will eventually read/pronounce without a second thought! I am sure he will one day read without “struggling”. His Momley, on the other hand, has perhaps not achieved as much as he has. She is still struggling!

The good news is that I finally have a part-time job. Not 20 hours a week as one might think, it is an hour per day for 3 days a week. I feel good about it. It is a start. Then there are days I feel less than good about it. I believe the problem lies with how we value ourselves and how we perceive the value of others. This is by no means a “new” problem. This morning, I am reminded of a moment from my second year at York University. A few of us students were waiting to get into a “seminar” room and started chatting. One student wanted to know why we were there and what we wanted to do once we graduated. Everyone said something and I don’t remember any of it, however I remember one female student saying that she wanted to get married and have children and take care of them. I was surprised by such a “domestic” confession amidst such an “academic” crowd! A couple of female students literally pounced on it. They wanted to know why this particular female student was bothering to get such an expensive education if that’s all she wants to do with her life. The answer was simple, “It’s my life and I should have a choice”!

I am glad I am reminded of that moment. I should not be made to feel guilty for the choices I have made in my life. I should not value myself from others’ perception of value. Action plan or not, I will get there at my own pace and it’s OK!

While I am at it, I will share a few quotations from one of my favourite poets, Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

“Map out a course of action” sounds like an “action plan”! Perhaps, I will work on an action plan one of these days and see where it takes me!