The Chucky who chuck chucks and doesn't seem to give up!

I really don't like talking about Chucky! That kid brings out the worst in me. He makes me feel terrible for writing about him and he is not even aware of it. And yet, I am writing about him. One day, I'd like to stop; however, it is definitely not today!

Monday, I was at Hans' school for pickup and his teacher pulled me aside to share that Hans had a bad day‎. It wasn't what I expected. She said that he bullied 2 boys from his class and made them cry! Before I could even say "what?"; Hans blurted out, "Chucky made me do it!" I was a bit shocked, but quickly recovered to give my youngest a sermon that went something like this:

You cannot blame anyone but yourself. You made the choice to bully those 2 boys. You made me very sad today.

Then, I apologized to Hans' teacher and we walked back home. All through the walk, I kept saying something like...

I can't believe you are my child. I am always nice to everyone, how can you be so mean to those boys?!

From what the teacher mentioned, there was no physical contact. It was more like Hans was taunting and teasing them for a few minutes to the point that the 2 boys ended up crying. Seriously?! When did this happen? Where was the teacher? So it happened at lunch recess where there is one lunch monitor for 99 or 100 kids!! No one noticed it till one of the boys started crying and all the other kids/witnesses pointed their fingers at Hans and declared that he was the bully who made it happen.

Not my Hans. Not my baby.

I was so upset. As soon as we got home, I asked Hans to write about his day; write about what he did and write an apology to those boys. I also told him that he would get an opportunity to read this in front of his class the next day. Hans didn't really like the idea, but he knew better than to protest.

I didn't really give Hans a chance to explain how it all came about or why he did what he did. ‎Hans and I, both of us have this habit of reflecting on our day just before we call it a day. It was then he said it again, "Chucky made me do it!!" This time I didn't get mad. I asked Hans to explain how Chucky can make him be mean to 2 boys?! Well, Chucky threatened to "Karate punch" Hans if he didn't do it. Hans was also afraid of "Karate kicks". This explanation frustrated me more than anything else. All I could say was:

Next time, take the punch!

I'd rather get a call from school that tells me that my child's nose is bleeding because Chucky punched him than have my child bully someone because he is afraid of Chucky punching him.

Maybe if Hans does say "Punch Me!" to Chucky, the latter will back off?! I don't know. Hans' class has only 16 students and they work in groups of 4. At the beginning of the month, Hans informed me that he can no longer ignore Chucky as the latter is in his new group. That was the prior advice I gave my child - Thou shall ignore Chucky.‎ So much for that!

When ASid was bullied, we decided to enroll him in a Karate class. ‎It was meant to build his confidence as well as instill focus and discipline. ASid didn't care for it very much. We could enroll Hans in Karate right now, but in this case it seems like we are giving him a gun instead of teaching him to dodge a bullet.

All I can do is to tell my child not to be afraid. Stand up to the bully! I am quite tired of writing the Chucky chronicles ‎and I'd like to stop as well.

Help.

 

Sharing Information

Last Friday, Hans accused me of talking bad stuff about his father, his brother and him. My first reaction was of denial. I do not talk badly about the 3 guys I live with; they are my closest family!

However, Hans burst into tears and ‎in between sobs provided supporting statements to his accusation. He has heard me talk to his grandma and his uncle on the phone; he has overheard conversations I have with my friends. Hans wanted me to stop talking bad stuff. I was utterly flabbergasted. Then, as usual, I got defensive!

I tell my mom *stuff* that happens with the boys so perhaps she could provide some guidance ‎to me. I share *stuff* with my brother so he is prepared when his own little guy gets to the ages that ASid and Hans have been through! And lastly, I talk to my friends about *stuff* since they are in the same boat as I am - they are fellow wives and mothers!

All Hans had to say to that was something like this, "How would you feel if I talk bad stuff about you at school?" ‎The kid did have a point! However, I really did not like the fact that he believes his Momley talks badly about him and his 2 guys! What would he think of this blog then? Would Hans look at it like I am broadcasting bad stuff about my family to the entire world?

It is true I did not ask permission from Hans or ASid or Craigley before I started sharing information about them. They have no knowledge of this blog. How would they feel when they eventually chance upon it? Perhaps I wouldn't be there to defend myself if they get upset; but, then again, I would also miss the adulation if any! Those are 2 extreme reactions and this is simply speculation.

I would like to‎ believe that Hans, ASid and Craigley perceive this blog as a testament to how much my world revolves around them. They inspire me to write. They are my favourite subjects. That goes for my brother, KPF, Smoggy and Sir B as well!

On that note, here is an anecdote.

Sir B had to say the following one day:

Moms have a different agenda with their kids and I certainly don't want to end up on your blog as the uncle that didn't take proper care of her child?!

The above was part of a communication between Sir B and me. I think we were texting about where ASid should have dinner - at home or with Sir B? For obvious reasons, Sir B’s note stayed with me long after the conversation ended. I am sure Sir B said it in jest; however, I would really not want anyone I love and care about to think that I post bad stuff about them! I would never do that knowingly and if I ever did that unknowingly, I hope I get flagged.

Sorry and thank you.

 

Electronic Devices and Self-control

It may seem like I am always writing about the 7 year old and perhaps forgotten about the 14 year old?! It is just that the younger one talks a lot and the older one only emerges from his self-imposed solitary confinement for breakfast, lunch, dinner and an occasional snack. So, one provides me with material I could write about whereas the other is most often reading material posted by other people on Facebook or Google chat!

This post, however, is about the elusive teen. It is about his addiction to electronic devices and an evident lack of self-control.‎ ASid can sit in front of the desktop for at least 6 hours and continuously play Minecraft online with his friends. I know this for a fact! One day, I actually let him play without any interruptions, about lunch or dinner, from his Momley, and timed him. After 6 hours, I kinda lost it and ended up interrupting and getting ASid to call it a day! Also, on occasion, Craigley has found ASid up and about way after everyone else has gone to sleep.

Our initial solution was to take away all devices and give them to ASid on a "per need" basis. He could have his phone at school; however when he is home‎, his phone is to be left on the coffee table! It was a good arrangement and a success. So, after a few weeks, we decided to let ASid have his devices back. To our dismay, he fell back into the same old pattern!

Craigley felt like ASid should lose complete access to his devices for a whole week or maybe even a month. Such a consequence would allow him to better reflect on his actions! I always feel Craigley is too harsh. And I am sure if Craigley was writing this blog, he would write that I let our kids walk all over me! Maybe I do and maybe I am more reasonable than Craigley. So, I requested Craigley if we could go back to the same arrangement as before?!

Craigley rightfully felt that by having us control the devices, we are not allowing ASid to develop self-control. So, he did a 180 and gave all devices back to ASid and let him know that we will be watching to see how he exercises his self-control. If ASid demonstrates a general lack of self-control, then he should be prepared to hand over everything to his parents!

So, how is it going? Not so bad! There are days he needs gentle reminders about the bleak future he can expect if he doesn't pay attention to how much time he is online or on his phone. It is amazing how he loses track of time. But then I remember, as a teen,  how much I could chat with my friends on the phone talking absolute nonsense and how my mom caught me reading books by the night light! Even when I knew I could be punished, I would pull out a book from under my pillow and try to read it in the middle of the night‎! Now a days, teens can even silently chat in the middle of the night without waking anyone up! 2 different time periods, but the actions are still comparable. Like one clever Canadian once said, the medium has changed but the message is the same?! Or something like that!!

I hope ASid exercises his self-control or he has to‎ face the wrath of Craigley one of these days! As much as I would like to protect ASid from such dire consequences, I sometimes feel like I should let him make his mistakes. One of these days, I will let him learn from his mistakes. Till then, I will hope and pray that he has better sense and does not make any mistakes!