KPF, Craigley and I went to the same postgraduate
school. I noticed Craigley right away as he hurled an insulting comment at me
even when I didn't directly seek his assistance in any way. I did not really
like the guy! On the other hand, it took a while to notice KPF as he was
perhaps the quietest guy and he helped everyone quietly without seeking any
credit.
When I started at the school, I was getting over my
one and only relationship that fell apart over 6 months ago; however, I was
still hurting. Since it was an IT school, there were very few girls - a ratio
of 1:5! It was almost therapeutic to be in a place where there was overwhelming
male attention; especially for a girl who was dumped for not being a looker! I
believe I flirted outrageously with every guy who showed an interest; it was
just that and nothing serious.
The one guy who showed absolutely no interest in me
was KPF (amongst the single and available lot). However, if we had a project to
work on, he would be there to help me or anyone else for that matter. This
caring attitude set him apart. He was a guy who didn't put on a show. He just
was!
One day, it just so happened that the class finished
and everyone left rather quickly. I continued to work on something; it was
super quiet till I heard a cough. So, I figured there was someone else in the
classroom with me. I heard the coughing some more as I continued to work. A few
minutes later, I wrapped up and as I was about to leave, I looked to see who
the other person was. It was KPF. He looked up and smiled. I smiled back and
turned to leave, and for whatever reason, I changed my mind and walked back
into the classroom.
"Why were you coughing so much?"
"Cystic Fibrosis."
"OK. Bye."
I didn't know what that meant. I quickly found a
computer and looked it up. It was 1998. Google wasn't there and Yahoo was all
the rage. I got my answer. It was a lot of information, but the bottom line was
that a person with CF rarely lived to be 40. I was almost 24 then and I figured
KPF was around the same age. About 15 more years of Life! Tears started
rolling down my cheeks. I think I cried on the sidewalk, on the subway and on
the bus, and didn't stop till I got home.
I thought about my breakup and how much undue
importance I had given it. I wasted a whole lot of time dwelling on it when
life is so short. Life should be spent with the people who are in my life and
who want to be in my life. Life should also be spent with people I want in my
life. I decided there and then that I wanted KPF in my life...whether he likes
it or not!
And it has been that way since then...I am always
pushing for KPF to visit me or I show up where he is and demand that he spend
time with me; I keep sending him pieces of my writing and links to this blog!
Whether he has time or not; and whether he likes it or not...he is always there
for me! My friend KPF!
So, it was astonishing to receive a note from him a
couple of months ago that stated that he has CF and that it should be regarded
with very little concern. I was like Dude!
I have known it for over 18 years! What is the meaning of this?! Such is
our friendship - He said it once and I heard it once, and it was really of
insignificant importance. The moments we spent together that have become
memories that will last forever are what matter the most.
I remember
particularly the Winterlude in 1999 when I needed to find myself and went to
see KPF in Ottawa. As I stood with KPF in what seemed like the middle of
nowhere; silence surrounded us and snowflakes started falling all around. There
was an eerie beauty in that moment. I found strength and purpose, and found
myself! I think I dragged KPF all around Ottawa with me in that crazy cold. And
I don’t even like the cold! But I did and If not for that, I wouldn't have
taken a chance with a man I disliked from the first moment I met him. Because I
did, I have ASid and Hans…the best gifts in my Life!
5 days ago was KPF's 43rd birthday. He was in Portugal
that day. Here is wishing him 43 more and many trips around the world!
Happy birthday
my friend! Thank you!
Addendum:
Addendum:
Upon reflection,
this post portrays me as some sort of a stalker who married the man she hates!
I hope it ain't so! The post is meant to be an example for the boys that they
should give people in their lives a second chance and hopefully, they get a
second chance as well. First impressions are just that; we have to dig deeper
to get to know people. We have to ask questions and listen...if not, we may
miss an opportunity of a lifetime. Now, that would be a tragedy.
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