2016: The Year of Growth

This is perhaps the last post of this year.

Here is the best moment of 2016:

ASid, the 15 year old enigmatic teenager, totally stood by his mom and supported her friendship, with a man, that went against normal conventions and convictions. The trust he had in his mom gave her strength to form a bond that made her happy. Through his actions and words, ASid elevated his relationship with his mom to another level! He has become a friend as well.
 

I hope, one day, Hans gets to that level. With a brother like ASid, I am sure he will. Thank you boys for another amazing ride!

With 5 more days to go, I am looking forward to reconnecting with a friend I haven’t seen in 21 years. She is one of my 4 friends whom I last saw in 1995. The other 3 are waiting to see pictures of this epic reunion. For sure, it will make it to the top 2 moments of 2016!

So, this year has been about discovering, revisiting and renewing friendships. I wish to reiterate what I wrote a few posts ago about my friends; nothing has changed.

Thank you to all my friends. You know who you are!

After the doom and gloom...

Looking back on the last few posts, it appears like there was too much raging and lecturing; so switching gears here...

I can't believe I forgot to mention that Hans started playing Hockey this Fall/Winter! At the beginning, the idea was a nightmare for me. Hans is preparing for his crazy audition and Craigley adds another task to his list of things to do in a week - a game every Saturday and practice every other Sunday! What?! Was Craigley trying to sabotage my efforts as well as Hans' to get into The CW?!

My parents felt like it was war zone in our home. Momley vs Craigley. The Arts vs Hockey. They dropped by one day and left rather quickly as Craigley started talking Hockey and I got sarcastic! The grandparents rightfully felt that their poor grandchild was being pulled in 2 directions by 2 parents who aren't on the same page.

Thank God for grandparents!

Craigley and I had a face off and we decided to go forward with Hockey and see how it affects Hans' schedule. As of now, it has been 2 months. It hasn't really affected Hans' schedule; but it has totally affected mine! I am the one who is waking up at an unholy hour and getting Hans ready for a 7 am game on a Saturday or a 7 am practice on Sunday. I am also making sure Craigley is awake and caffeinated enough to perform his head coach duties. How did this come about?!

I may never play Hockey or even understand the game, but I believe I am on my way to being called a "Hockey Mom"! And I may actually enjoy that title...after all the protesting on my part. As Craigley's signature states and I'd like to restate here, “Hockey, the greatest game on earth and I am Canadian!" It used to sound like a beer commercial before; now I understand!

Go Hans Go!

 

A(n) (rumoured) affair and A(n) (untimely) death

Just got back from a funeral service…

A 7 year old child is motherless now. A father looked lost. Life is short. There is definitely no good time to die!

So, live, we must!

For the last couple of weeks, life has been crazy with Hans' and Craigley's insecurities about Momley and Greek God. To top it off, someone at Hans' school actually started a rumour that Momley and Greek God are having an affair. It was funny and tragic on many levels. Funny as in Momley is a dowdy stay-at-home type who is too busy with too many things to have an affair because that would add to her responsibilities! Tragic as in kids are involved on both sides. Why would anyone spread such a rumour?!

After a stressful couple of weeks, here are my thoughts. A funeral service always puts things in perspective.

Life is indeed short. Be with people who make us happy. Greek God has become a good friend; unfortunately, he is of the opposite gender. We are in the 21st century and there are still some of us who can speculate a friendship based on gender stereotypes. Ignore and move on.

Note: I feel like I should go into rage mode like my dad did many years ago and go beat up someone! But I am in a sad mode. What can I say?! Even adults are confused sometimes. However, life is short. I must enjoy it while I can and while I am at it, ignore I will and move on!
 

Chivalry is not dead; just afraid or hiding!

I make it a point to have at least one meal together as a family. This almost always ends up being dinner time. Most days, conversations around this time are about how everyone's day was. Sometimes, a certain someone (let us say a teenager) monopolizes all the time and then there is a little someone who is left with his hand up in the air. It is kinda cute and frustrating at the same time. Since the teenager rarely shares anything; so anything from him is like little treasures of information about his life...even when he shares a joke posted by a classmate on Facebook! That tells us a little bit about the quality of the sense of humour he is developing or not developing. All in all, both the boys get to have their say. And the big boy gets to say a bit as well.

Recently, the conversation revolved around protecting Momley and her honour. For some reason, at least 2 out of 3 boys, can't seem to get over the Greek God episode! So, I decided to do an intervention with a couple of stories from 2 generations.

Here is the first story:

My dad always talks about my mom as the "cutest girl on his street"; I totally admire the lack of exaggeration in that statement! It is one of the most sincere sentences of admiration I have heard in my lifetime. The story is about how they were at the movies one evening and someone tried to touch my mom from the back. Apparently, she complained to my dad and he went into serious rage mode. He pretty much beat up the guy who dared touch my mom!

At this point in time, the boys were like “Wow! We can't believe grandpa was so violent! So cool!"

Craigley pipes in with "I could beat up Greek God you know!"

It was time to narrate the second story:

Fast forward to a quarter of a century and a few months  later. Craigley and Momley were on the TTC. Craigley reaches out to hold Momley's hand, and has a big smile on his face. Momley politely asks him to let go off her hand. He does not and she gets into a struggle to release her hand. At which point, Craigley exclaims in exasperation, "You are my wife for crying out loud!”. Momley answers that one with "Your wife who doesn't want her hand held right now! Now, let go!"

The teenager was definitely enjoying this narration. Craigley was waiting for the point to it all.

Here is the point. Please don't try to rescue a girl who is in no real danger. Please don't talk about beating people up especially when it is totally unwarranted. Please don't hold a girl's hand if she doesn't want it. Be a man. Be secure. Be there when the girl in your life needs you. Some of us girls love chivalry; just time it well guys! Make it count.

Note: I rarely go into "lecture mode”; but definitely enjoy it once in a while. This was one of those rare times. Hopefully, the boys remember this conversation for the rest of their lives.

 

My Child vs Someone Else's Child

Since October 2015, Hans has had a crazy schedule. By March 2016, it settled into 2 hours each on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. The schedule covers 2 piano lessons, a vocal/drama lesson, a dance lesson and a visual arts class. Hans is auditioning to get into an arts school (that shall from now on be referred to as The CW); so, the numerous lessons!

Hans' crazy schedule means 6 hours of waiting for me each week. Fridays is the easiest as I wait with my friend Y and we sometimes do groceries or do nothing; waiting is easy when there is company. Tuesdays and Saturdays are usually just sitting in a waiting room and waiting. It is not so bad as I get to see other parents and share some stress. During one of those waiting periods, I heard a parent talk about how expensive this English tutor is for his daughter; he felt that $50/hr for grade 5 is a bit much as he is already paying a lot for other lessons. I could relate and before I could control myself, the words came out, "I can teach your daughter for way less!" Why did I say that? I don't know!

Within a couple of weeks, I had 3 students. On Tuesdays, grade 1 reading and on Saturdays, grade 5 writing and ESL conversational! I don't care for the monetary aspect of these 3 hours; I simply enjoy helping these 3 students of mine. It is a nice symbiotic relationship.

Last Tuesday, for the first time, I had to question this set up. While I was gone for an hour and a half, Hans apparently had a "bad day" ; got a little distracted and disruptive and a mom got upset. I wasn't there to help. When I got back, I got feedback from both the dance and piano teachers about Hans. For the first time, they both stated that they weren't entirely sure of Hans' chances of getting in. Luckily, I didn't cry in front of them; but bawled my eyes out in the car! I told Craigley that I should focus on my own child and quit running around trying to help other children. If I can't help my own child succeed, what does it matter where else I succeed?!

Craigley had a point though; Hans is on his own in the auditions. He has to manage himself and he can't depend on reminders from his mother anymore. The auditions are in February; barely 2 months away.

Still, I let the teachers know that if I need to be there for my child, I will be there. The grade 1 student has an amazing mom who is providing her with the support that she needs. Currently, I am that support; but they can always find another support. As a teacher, I am dispensable; but not as a mother.

 

If Momley is a superhero...

Hans, as everyone knows, is obsessed with superheroes. For the most part, I enjoy his conversations about them. However, lately, I have been encouraging him to create his own superheroes. I was hoping for originality in his imagination. Most of the time I get "crossover" superheroes - like Ninjago meets DC/Marvel Universe. So, I keep challenging Hans to imagine better! One day, he turned it around and asked me to imagine myself as a superhero and come up with 2 powers. Unfortunately, I could come up with only one super power - healing hands! It is a little lame, however that appealed to my personality. Maybe I was just stretching the "helping hands" bit!

A few days later, Hans stopped bugging me about my other super power. As they say "life gets in the way" and it did. I was constantly on Hans' case for other things like piano practice, school homework, art work, etc. Sometimes the child tests my patience and I do raise my voice, and the standard response is "OK OK I will do it! Stop screaming!".

So, in Hans' usual style, he let me know what my other super power is! He told me that it is screaming; he is pretty sure any bad guy will run away rather than face my screaming! Do I sound that bad?!

Super powers or not, I think Momley is a superhero. Who else serves as an alarm for 3 boys (an adult, a teenager and a kid) and gets them ready for the day?! On that note, Hans has recently objected to my screaming his name from the kitchen to wake him up! He wants me to go up the stairs, in the middle of making breakfast and packing lunches, to gently whisper his name to wake him up! What alarm does that?! But Momley does!

So if Momley is a superhero, then most moms and dads are. We may not be able to define our super powers, but we sure can use them!