My Child vs Someone Else's Child

Since October 2015, Hans has had a crazy schedule. By March 2016, it settled into 2 hours each on Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. The schedule covers 2 piano lessons, a vocal/drama lesson, a dance lesson and a visual arts class. Hans is auditioning to get into an arts school (that shall from now on be referred to as The CW); so, the numerous lessons!

Hans' crazy schedule means 6 hours of waiting for me each week. Fridays is the easiest as I wait with my friend Y and we sometimes do groceries or do nothing; waiting is easy when there is company. Tuesdays and Saturdays are usually just sitting in a waiting room and waiting. It is not so bad as I get to see other parents and share some stress. During one of those waiting periods, I heard a parent talk about how expensive this English tutor is for his daughter; he felt that $50/hr for grade 5 is a bit much as he is already paying a lot for other lessons. I could relate and before I could control myself, the words came out, "I can teach your daughter for way less!" Why did I say that? I don't know!

Within a couple of weeks, I had 3 students. On Tuesdays, grade 1 reading and on Saturdays, grade 5 writing and ESL conversational! I don't care for the monetary aspect of these 3 hours; I simply enjoy helping these 3 students of mine. It is a nice symbiotic relationship.

Last Tuesday, for the first time, I had to question this set up. While I was gone for an hour and a half, Hans apparently had a "bad day" ; got a little distracted and disruptive and a mom got upset. I wasn't there to help. When I got back, I got feedback from both the dance and piano teachers about Hans. For the first time, they both stated that they weren't entirely sure of Hans' chances of getting in. Luckily, I didn't cry in front of them; but bawled my eyes out in the car! I told Craigley that I should focus on my own child and quit running around trying to help other children. If I can't help my own child succeed, what does it matter where else I succeed?!

Craigley had a point though; Hans is on his own in the auditions. He has to manage himself and he can't depend on reminders from his mother anymore. The auditions are in February; barely 2 months away.

Still, I let the teachers know that if I need to be there for my child, I will be there. The grade 1 student has an amazing mom who is providing her with the support that she needs. Currently, I am that support; but they can always find another support. As a teacher, I am dispensable; but not as a mother.