2017: The Year of Learning

With just a day left, I would have to say that I have mixed feelings about 2017. This has been the year I got to make plenty of mistakes and learn from them.

The biggest mistake was not prepping Hans properly for The CW audition. I was under the mistaken impression that they were looking for kids passionate about Arts and not academic students who could be trained to perform Arts. That will always be my one big regret as a parent. I feel like I failed my child. Although the child has been through a rude awakening and a rough transition since then, he has been an amazing little boy most days. I got to learn from Hans about failing and moving on. I hope 2018 is kind to him.

ASid has made his own mistakes; however, he is a teenager. He was mostly 15 through 2017 and was 16 for only 4 months and few days. I am sure he will continue to make mistakes, but I am glad he is learning from his mistakes. For one who is still considerably young, he has a wonderful ability to reflect on his choices and their consequences. I have faith that 2018 will be a year that will see him shine. Yesterday, the boy went and got his G1. He chose to do it on the last working day of the year and ended up waiting 5 and half hours to do a 10 minute test! His timing has been off, but he is learning to be patient and following through with his plans! Good luck to the boy for 2018!

As their mother, all I can hope for is to be there for them when they fall and support them when they need to stand tall. Hopefully, the boys can also realize that mistakes are not just made by kids, but by adults as well. And it is OK to make mistakes as long as we can learn from them.

On that note, I am off to learn for real in 2018. For the first time ever, I have enrolled myself in an online course. I am excited for the New Year. For the last couple of days, I have been chatting with KPF. He got himself a Productivity Planner and hopes to spend time doing things that make him happy in 2018. I casually remarked that I need to be happy as well. And within a few minutes, I got a note about a Happiness Planner! After much thought and a bit of investigation, I have decided to go with a Productivity Planner. In fact, I actually took the time to go to Chapters and pick it up. I will be a “Productivity Partner” with my friend and we can chat about the effectiveness of our individual planners in the New Year. I think that would make me happy.

If I have learnt one thing that I want to share with the boys, it would be to do things that make them happy. Always!

Happy New Year everyone! Have a good one. Be happy!

 

The Mysterious "Russian Reader 21"

It has been 5 days since my last post, which was the 95^th for 2017. Never written so much and I thought it would be great if I could do a century! However, it doesn’t work like that. I get inspired to write by something that happens in my day; it could be something mundane or something unusual. It does not matter. I feel like writing and it naturally flows.

Yesterday, I felt like checking stats for no good reason … it was like I was compelled to by some unknown force. To my surprise, there were 21 page views from Russia! Out of curiosity, I checked for stats today as well and there were 21 page views from Russia again! It is almost like I made this weird connection with someone out there.  I am naming this someone “Russian Reader 21”. And here is a request for this mysterious person.

Dear Russian Reader 21,

Who are you?! I definitely love mysteries and I am intrigued by your strange visits to my blog that are marked with uncanny precision. Why 21?!

My brother is probably the only one who reads this blog on a regular basis and I am sure when he will read this, he will think I have lost it. (Bambino, as I like to call him once in a while, I am still sane. Not to worry!)

So, Russian Reader 21, why don’t you leave me a clue?! If you know who I am, please send me a note and I promise to take you out for lunch or dinner for making my life so exciting!! If you are truly from Russia, leave me a comment. It would be interesting to make your acquaintance.

Sincerely,

Momley

Note: Who would have thought that writing a blog about my children would take me on this clueless adventure? Not me!

Leagues of Like Minded People

Two days ago, Hans' Art teacher had an exclusive invitation for 4 of her students. These are students who completed 5 years with her and are currently in their 6th year. Hans is one of the four. Art has been his longest commitment.

Hans is the youngest of this group and the oldest is in Grade 8. There are 2 boys and 2 girls. In spite of age and gender differences, the 4 of them hung around for 2 hours without any electronic devices! They managed to talk about Art and their aspirations, sing, dance and play on the piano. When I went to pick up Hans, I got to hang out with them as well for a few minutes. It was incredible. At one point in time, there were 3 kids on the piano playing a Christmas carol from a sheet of music.

The Art teacher did not anticipate such camaraderie and was pleasantly surprised. I wasn't entirely surprised. I recently had a conversation with ASid where he remarked that the high school program he is in does not make him special in any way. What he finds special is that he has access to minds that are like his own. Minds that think alike even if they are not necessarily great!

I am glad the boys have these experiences. It is wonderful to have people understand where you are coming from without having to explain yourself. Having said that, I sure hope the boys are able to see other perspectives when people are trying to explain where they are coming from!

 

How far does the apple fall?!

There are literally 2 things I need to do to complete my life in a conventional sense - get a full time job and get a driver's licence.

Since ASid turned 16 in August, some people have casually remarked that he will get a driver's licence and a job before I do! I tend to have a positive perspective on most things and I take those comments to mean that ASid is on his way!

Craigley's biggest nightmare is that he will be driving the 3 of us for the rest of his life. So, he has been looking forward to ASid turning 16 and getting his driver's licence. Obviously, Craigley has given up hope on me ever getting there. I do not blame the poor man. I am rather slow in getting to some goals. And it appears like ASid is not in any rush to get his DL as well.

ASid is a seasoned TTC veteran at the very young age of 16. He loves that he can read a book or watch a video while someone safely takes him from point A to point B. In fact, I believe he recently wrote an entire essay about the TTC and it almost read like a love story. So proud of that boy!

And this is what Craigley has to say these days, "That boy is your son!" Yes, he is! Craigley is almost ready to give up hope on the boy as well. There are 11 days left in this year. Would the boy deliver a sweet present to his hapless dad or would he continue to torture him into the New Year?! Only time will tell.

It is interesting that ASid is waiting this long. At the age of 2, he could identify most every make and model of cars on the highways and in the parking lots. One of his first alphabet books was a custom book put together by my brother where each letter of the alphabet corresponded to a car company. So, ASid was obsessed with cars at one point in his life. And there are people wanting to buy him his first car and yet, the boy is taking his time...

...the apple sure doesn't fall too far from the tree.

But for once, I want the apple to roll far far away from the tree! But then again, it is really up to the apple!

 

Good Endings

Saturdays, I tutor a Grade 6 girl who is a student at The CW! She is, in fact, my first student. I started my one on one tutoring for children with her. Although Hans didn't get into The CW, I feel like I have a child there because of her. I am going to call her Nicey.

I mostly do writing with Nicey. Writing is challenging to teach. Most children can get into reading if it is interesting subject material for them. Writing, on the other hand, is actual "work"! Right now, I can make this entire post technical and bore the heck out of anyone who cares to read it; however, I won't.

Last school year, Nicey wrapped up Grade 5 with an A- for writing. This school year, our aim is to end with an A or A+. I believe she can do it. To that extent, the child is dedicated. Even when our one hour was up, she would continue to write. Her parents would be concerned and would compensate me with food for the extra time. It was super sweet of them. Then, they decided to actually extend the one hour to an hour and 15 minutes. Even so, their only child continues to go past her scheduled time! I am fine with Nicey taking a few extra minutes. I would never want to interrupt the creative process or end it abruptly!

Last Saturday, Nicey had to write a poem as part of her Secret Santa gift. So, we first talked about the receiver. Who was going to read this poem? What sort of a person is this person? Then, we really needed to zero in on the theme and vocabulary. Finally, we had to decide "to rhyme or not to rhyme". It was a lot of fun. Nicey wondered if she could do some origami to go with her poem?! I was like sure, let us do it since this is the last lesson. The child received that quite literally and went into a bit of panic mode. She was like this can't be my last lesson with you?! I am coming back, right?! It was the single most amazing moment in my entire career of teaching anyone. This child loves to learn and she is afraid of not having that opportunity anymore with her teacher!

When Nicey's mom came to pick her up, she wondered how I could teach poetry on such short notice?! She meant that as in I am not a real teacher. Fair enough. I do custom lessons for children and I am not in a classroom on a daily basis. However, it feels like the most natural thing to do. And I believe Nicey's mom meant it in the best way possible!

On a related note, I am volunteering in a Grade 5 classroom on Mondays. Usually, my job is to work with this one ESL child. Today, he partnered up with another student, and I felt like I had nothing to do in the classroom. So, I decided to walk around and find out if anyone else needed my assistance. It appeared like no one did. The classroom was literally buzzing and I love it when students are actually talking about the task at hand. In all that commotion, somehow I spotted this one child who was by himself. He did not have a partner and looked a little sad and confused. I approached him and wondered out loud if I could be his partner. The child literally started crying quietly. I asked him if he wanted water and rushed off to fill his empty water bottle. When he had some water, I let him know that he doesn't have to work with me. The child looked up at me and said that he wanted me to stay and partner with him. All this through big drops of tears and huge sniffles! I was almost ready to cry. However, I did not and we managed to get through the 2 pages of Math. When I went back to the teacher, he commented that I made myself useful by looking around and I found the one child who needed me the most.

And that's what I want to do with my life. Find my classroom and hopefully find those children who need me the most. At this point in time, I need them just as much! Here is hoping for a good ending...

 

Unwelcome Interruptions

Today, I had lunch plans with a friend. We both picked IKEA! Why IKEA?! We both decided that that is where we will have no interruptions while we take our sweet time eating and catching up on our lives.

This is my only friend who is from the same motherland as me. With her, I can easily converse in 2 languages and we can relate to many issues on the same wavelength as we had similar upbringing. We mostly exchange notes on our kids and inadvertently complain about the husbands. My time with her is quite therapeutic!

Today was no different. We were intensely talking about our second born children and how they seem to have less fear in them than our first born children. As if on cue, my phone rang! I saw the number and it was Hans' school calling. It was the Principal and my second born was in trouble!

Talk about the mother of all interruptions!!

One boy (who has been mentioned under 2 names here) decided to create a "Kick me" sign and stick it on the back of the supply teacher for the day. Another boy helped him; however they weren't successful and the sign started falling off. It was then that Hans lost his mind for a moment and decided to be helpful and stick the sign firmly on the teacher's back. And guess who got caught?!

The new Principal called it "a hiccup" as Hans has never been in trouble before and this was the first time. Apparently, Hans was remorseful and wrote a nice apology note. From my perspective, it was more than a hiccup! It was a poor choice Hans made and this wasn't the first time. The first call I got from a Principal was in Grade 1; quite literally 3 years ago. The very same boy started it and Hans joined in.

Hans might as well have stuck the sign on my back.

It was good that I was with a friend. I would have gone crazy if I had been by myself. At least, I got a chance to talk with her. However, I really wanted to get to school and apologize to the supply teacher. I was too late, but I did get a chance to see the Principal and read Hans' letter. The Principal was kind enough to reassure me that Hans is a good boy and that I shouldn't ruin my weekend by dwelling on this incident.

And it is a super busy weekend!

All I wanted to know from Hans was "Why?!" The sad response to that was "I don't know."

Usually, I would blame myself for being a terrible parent. Today, I had to tell myself that I do not really have any control over any part of my life. The only semblance of control lies in the choices I make. I can continue to make the right choices and hope that the boys will eventually learn to make the right choices as much as possible!

 

Leisurely Eating...

Ever since I could remember, most everyone has had issues with how slowly I eat! I believe one smart guy actually counted how many times I chewed on a morsel of food! It was too many times.

I started eating fast after ASid was born. Everything changed after he arrived. It felt like there was no time to do anything but change diapers and feed baby ASid. Sleep became more important than food. Even now, I crave sleep more than food!

Food has become a necessity rather than a luxury. However, when I do go out with my friends, I take the time to enjoy food in all its glory.

Today, I was at a morning meeting with Lady A and G. One could call us The Tragic Three. Why?! Because Lady A recruited me for the School Council and together we got G to join the School Council as well!! That does make us tragic figures some days.

Today though, we had a good meeting and then G suggested that we go out for lunch. As our food orders were brought out, G reminded me to literally focus on the food and nothing else. He meant that as in "Chop chop and speed up"! And true to that sentiment, he was done with his plate of 2 pulled chicken tacos and salad by the time I got through 1 of the 4 ravioli on my plate! Almost on cue, Lady A sped through her bowl of Mediterranean soup. And I was only half done with my lunch!

G was almost like "Ha ha! She is so predictable!" I guess I am. I could have rushed through my lunch but instead I took some time to talk about why I was taking so much time to eat my lunch! I think I made G feel terrible. The smile vanished from his face. I didn't mean to do that; however, I wanted to share that leisurely lunches are a luxury for me. Life is so rushed that it is wonderful to have those moments when time seems to stand still while I am in good company and food is a glorious accompaniment.

They do schedule an hour for lunch. Schools have lunch recess and work has lunch hours. Yet, we rush children to eat and we rush ourselves too! Breakfasts are rushed ordeals as well. In fact, mornings are the most stressful time in households with kids. And they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

Anyways, G was almost apologetic which was a rare and nice moment for me. Lady A was her usual understanding self. And I had the most awkward task of getting through my lunch while I had 2 sets of eyes watch my every move. Should I have stuffed the last 2 ravioli in my mouth and called it a day?! But no!! I continued to eat leisurely and enjoyed my friends' commentary on the whole bit!

Thank you Lady A and G! I had the best time.

 

Preachy Opportunities

Last Tuesday, Hope had her usual tutoring session with me.

She was like I asked my parents for an American Girl and my mom said that it is a waste of money. I told her that her mom is probably right. Then Hope was like every girl at my school has them. I was like really?! Then she looks at me and confesses that that is not a true statement. I was like do you really need this doll?! Hope was honest enough to admit that she didn't need it.

By the time Hope gets to my home on Tuesdays, she has had a whole day of school and a couple of other classes. She is literally exhausted. I feel so sorry for the kid, but her mom has Tuesdays and Thursdays off, and all her extracurricular lessons are scheduled after school on those 2 days. So, I let her have a therapeutic talk with me before we start our session. I try to make the session as exciting and interesting as possible for Hope.

Some days, Hope wants to share her knowledge with me and I let her. Last Tuesday, she wanted to teach me how to make butter. She said it takes 2 minutes. I told her that I could spare 2 minutes for her. She needed cream and sugar and 2 minutes to shake them together in an airtight container. The end result was a sickeningly sweet concoction. Hope and I discussed that we should have maybe used whipping cream instead of coffee cream. Then we would have ended up with butter like substance.

When we finished our scheduled one hour session, Hope said that she didn't know how to thank me! She said "a hundred thanks" to me. This little girl is 7 years old and wise beyond her years. I let her know that the best thanks she can give me is to indulge others with little things like our 2 minute experiment. I told her that that would make me happy. She beamed and walked out with the rest of the concoction to share with her mom.

Today, I finally put up our Christmas tree. The first gift under it is Hope’s. It is definitely not an American Girl! That would be too much and going against her mom’s wishes. All I got her were a couple of LOL dolls. Apparently, they are all the rage and come in a range of prices. It will make Hope happy and it will also be agreeable with her mom. It is my way of saying thanks to the both of them!

Today, I also had a conversation with my brother. He said that “when a student is ready, the teacher will appear”. For me, it has been the other way round. I was ready to go back to teaching and the students appeared. Each of them makes my journey magical. I am learning so much from them and I am so thankful for the teaching opportunities. As much as I believe in thanking my own children’s teachers, I am beginning to believe that teachers should take the opportunity to thank their students as well. If seen from a certain perspective, learning happens both ways!

On a related note, a few weeks ago, G remarked during a conversation that I am preachy! Feedback like that stays with me forever and haunts me. Now I worry that my blog posts are preachy. I have gone back and read a few of them, and maybe sometimes they read like some moral tales?! In my defence, all I have to say is that I am a mother and a teacher; that makes me doubly preachy!! The boys just need to use the right perspective when they read them. And they will understand my drift.

 

'Tis the season of asking!

I have always had issues with asking for anything.

The following is my mom's maternal advice to me:

If you don't ask for something, even a mom won't give it to you!

The following is Craigley's mathematical advice to me:

If you ask for something, there is a 50% chance you might get it!

It is always easier said than done.

Right now, I am in the middle of a massive asking from Hans' school community. As a Co-Chair with G, I am asking for monetary donations with a goal of raising $25K. As a partner on the Holiday Skate Team with Craigley, I am asking for charitable donations for a Special Needs school. As a Classroom Parent, I am asking for money for the teacher's gift. There seems to be no end to the asking.

But, isn't it the season of giving?! And yet, there isn't much of giving at all!!

Maybe we picked the wrong time to ask?!

The radio in Craigley's car has a station that is asking for money. The TV has commercials that are asking for money. My Inbox has email that is asking for money. It is like everywhere I turn, someone is asking for something.

It doesn't matter if it is the wrong time to ask, ask I must. It is like once one embarks on a path, there is no turning back however futile the journey maybe.

In all this asking, I have felt quite frustrated. It is almost like I am the poster child for asking at Hans' school. I am sure some of the parents probably try to avoid me even though I have never asked anyone face to face to contribute anything to the school. If anything, I take the opportunity to thank people.

Anyways, the nicest thing that happened recently was related to the $25K ask. I wanted to send a paper copy home for those parents who still like receiving paper and writing cheques. Email can be a hassle for some and online donations are looked on suspiciously still. I was told it was a waste of time and maybe even a waste of paper. But I was on the path already and I had to make sure I did everything to reach the destination even if it seems unreachable.

While I was photocopying and wondering how long it would take me to fold the paper and put it in an envelope and write something pretty on the top of it, I got help without asking. We have a temporary secretary at school. She came out of retirement just to assist our new Principal while our regular secretary was away on medical leave. Just this one fact about her is a testament to her character. She drives all the way from Bracebridge to Toronto on Monday mornings and goes back home on Friday. She doesn't have to do it, but she is doing it because someone needed her and asked her for her help.

I am so glad she decided to help out at our school. This woman is amazing. She got me the required envelopes without hassling me for how the School Council should pay for their replacement. She also told me to not be silly about writing on 190 odd envelopes. She proceeded to print out labels for me. Then, she helped me with the folding of paper and stuffing of envelopes.

I did not ask her for help. She just helped me. I am not sure if she felt sorry for me. I am not sure of any of her reasons for helping me and they don't really matter. It is how she made me feel. I felt like someone cared and the task at hand became enjoyable. Even if we get to the $25K we are asking, I will forever remember the few minutes on the way there where I got help without asking for it.

A long time ago, I read a poem titled “Someone’s mother” or something like that. In that poem the narrator helps this elderly lady and at the end, he has a hope that someone does the same for his mother. And that’s my hope as well! I want the boys to know that someone has already helped their mother and I hope they do the same for someone’s mother.

 

The sad case of bad pseudonyms!

Ever since ASid and I attended the book launch, the boys have wondered if their Momley is ever going to write about them?! Who wouldn't want someone to write about them?! As long as it is someone they trust, it is an exciting prospect.

They actually asked if I was ever going to write about them. I indicated that that's a possibility. They immediately wanted to know what I was going to call them. Without hesitation, I said ASid and Hans!

ASid was like "Why don't you just call me Acid?!" He did not like the pseudonym at all. He actually calls himself Phoenix and that's his preference.

Hans was like "What?!" And I was like "Hans is short for Han Solo! Isn't that exciting?" And Hans was like "Who wants to be a guy with a hairy chest?! Seriously?!" Hans would rather be called Ash!

Phoenix and Ash - it is almost poetic. They definitely did a better job than their Momley. However, I am sticking with what I have!

I will grudgingly admit that there is room for improvement. Who names their friends C, G, P and Y?! These are the 4 I see most frequently. I could have been more creative. The lack thereof is a testament to why my future as a writer is bleak! Oh well!

The fact that I am able to document a part of the boys' lives is enough for now. In this day and age, everyone is a writer of sorts. There are thousands of blogs. Some sprout and die within days, and some survive to tell a tale. This blog has survived quite literally because of the two best content providers ever. If the boys weren't as interesting as they are, I wouldn't be as inspired as I am. When they do get here, it is a testament to who they are!

Thank you boys and forgive me for the undesirable pseudonyms.

 

The Internship Dream

Hans loves to watch movies. He watches the action genre with Craigley and he watches the comedy, the drama and the romance genres with Momley. One of our all-time favourite movies is "The Internship". We both love Owen Wilson because he voiced Lightning McQueen in the "Cars" series. In "The Internship", we actually get to see the actor with the super familiar voice. We also love the movie because it gives us a glimpse into the world of Google. The first time we saw the movie, Hans was 7 or 8; however, he declared at the end of it that he wants to work for Google. That is one of his dreams...be an actor, be a hockey player and work for Google!

This school year, we have a parent who actually works for Google. I met his wife in the middle of September and in a conversation mentioned that Hans wants to work for Google. Within a few days, she arranged with her husband to have us visit his workplace. Today was the day. Hans' dream came true and after actually touring the Toronto facility of Google, he is more determined to work for Google. The best part of the visit was that ASid joined us too. I really enjoy when I can spend quality time with both the boys and both of them are happy to spend that time with me.

Obviously, we found out that the movie is far from reality. No 2 bumbling simpletons would get in that easily. Apparently, there could be up to 17 interviews before one is hired by Google. It could take almost 6 months! It was good for the boys to hear about how much hard work they need to put in at school and how much more outside of it. They are actually looking for "Googliness"!

ASid asked a lot of relevant questions. Hans was just happy with the free snacks on literally every floor of the building and he couldn't believe a lunch buffet is served daily for all Google employees with choices that take into consideration all sorts of restrictions. The boy probably wants to work there for all the free perks. But that's cool. Whatever motivates him!

I am just happy that the little man's dream came true. Recently, he got an almost perfect on his math test at school. He missed perfection by a mark; however he was only 1 of 6, in his class of 26, to get an A+. I really hope the boy starts to believe in himself. He definitely has the "Googliness" and all he needs, as always, are marks to back his amazing self!

An aside: OK! It is not exactly a dream come true! It is only the tip of the iceberg, but I am allowed to make a big deal out of it. There are some moments that are that special!

 

The Shopping Spree Aftermath

I would have been happy with an addendum to the previous post, but felt like this deserved a post of its own.

What is this?! This is the aftermath.

The last we heard, the boy went to bed exhausted.

When ASid woke up this morning, he actually got to try the clothing he bought. He had picked up a jacket, a pair of shoes, 2 dress shirts and 2 pairs of dress pants. This was the list I gave him.

ASid needed to be at the all-day conference at 8:30 am. He was actually up at 5:30 am; he was ready to take the TTC again. He had a quick breakfast, showered and proceeded to get dressed. Turns out the first pair of pants were too big. The second pair were a size smaller and they were too big as well. The boy needed a belt. Well, I hadn't thought of including it on the list!

Why would the boy pick up pants in 2 sizes that were both not his size?! This will go down in the unsolved mysteries of the teenage brain. Sigh!!

So, I was frantically looking for a belt. The one I found was from 3 years ago or maybe from 5 years ago! Those were the last 2 times the boy needed a suit and a belt - Grade 6 graduation and the best friend's Bar Mitzvah! The belt turned out to be too small. So, I started looking at Craigley's belts and they were all way too big.

I decided to add extra holes to one of Craigley's belts to make it fit ASid's waist. I got Craigley up and wanted him to make the holes. Craigley looked at me like I was a crazy woman. He was like let ASid go to the conference with loose pants that are ready to fall off or let him wear pants that no longer fit well. Craigley is a crusader who is always on the lookout for lessons that the boys need to learn.

Craigley was disappointed that ASid planned the shopping with his friends instead of with responsible adults. Craigley felt like he would have been more helpful with the shopping spree. I did not disagree. However, as much as there is a lesson to be learnt by sending off a child with ill-fitting clothing, there is also a lesson to be learnt from getting them to do their own shopping.

Bottom line was that Craigley refused to accommodate me with the belt. And I took total responsibility for not adding the belt to the shopping list. The only way I could redeem myself was to put those holes in myself. I can use a kitchen knife very well to chop up some meat to make meals for the boys; I used it just as well to add some holes to a leather belt!

Problem solved! The boy looked amazing and I was so proud of him. Craigley decided to drop off ASid as he was up anyways. He still felt like I did not cooperate with him as a parent to teach the boy a valuable lesson. Well, parents are not perfect and children need not always be at the receiving end of "lessons". Why send a child off to an event where he is worried or embarrassed over something inconsequential when he has a whole day of learning to do?!

Talking of lessons, I believe ASid did learn a lesson while his parents squabbled over a belt. He has to make the trip to Eaton Centre again to exchange one of the pairs of pants. I am sure he would most definitely pick up a belt while he is there!

I will quote the bard again. All's well that ends well.

 

When shopping is work...

ASid has realized that he does not have enough extracurricular activities to list on his university applications for next school year, Grade 12. So, he has been trying to find activities that he could participate in and add to his resume.

Lucky for him that he found an interesting 13 week program that simulates a business environment and tries to get participants to take on roles related to that business. He is 3 weeks into it and he "interviewed" for 2 roles and got one of them. He is the Tech Manager. Unfortunately, for ASid, managers have to dress up. This is a boy who loves his tees and jeans. He literally loathes dress shirts and slacks. Well, he has no choice now.

Today, he has an all-day conference and he has to dress up in business casual. He got this news on Wednesday and yesterday, Friday, he shopped for the first time with a purpose. He needed to buy stuff. Not like before when he bought stuff he wanted. The poor boy felt quite lost and recruited 2 of his friends (a boy and a girl) to help him. They apparently bailed on him and I got an SOS text from my boy. It simply said "Mom?"

The whole day, I sent him information on what to buy and where to buy. Yet, he needed to have a dialogue of sorts while he was in the middle of it all...all alone. He texted "Jackets are $250 and 40% off" And I texted back with "Don't spend more than a $100 including taxes on a jacket!" Seriously, he may wear it only once or maybe twice. He is still growing and Hans is a totally different body type! This has happened before. We got an entire suit for him for his best friend's Bar Mitzvah and he wore it once!

I couldn't wait to see what he picked up and how he spent the money I gave him?! It didn't help that yesterday was Black Friday and there were crowds and he didn't get the assistance he needed.

So, I was the assistance he sought. The boy kept texting me. I had to take 2 breaks as I walked Hans to and from his Art lesson. Eventually, my phone died and I tried to call ASid from the home phone. For a boy who was texting diligently, he didn't pick up the phone.

I worried for a few minutes and left everything else to the boy's decent judgement. When he finally got home, he revealed that he ended up texting my brother who was on a trip to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania! The boy is resourceful and that was a good judgement call!

ASid was proud to also share that the jacket he picked up came in at $102. The boy looked exhausted and went to bed right away. He did have a full day of school and he took the TTC to Eaton Centre and back. However, he did manage to get all the items on his shopping list. Not so bad for a first time purposeful shopper!

I have to share here that the boy remained within budget and actually had some money left over. Guess what he did with that?! He did the typical 16 year old thing and used it to buy a Bluetooth keyboard for his phone!!

As one bard wrote a long time ago, All's well that ends well.

 

A déjà vu moment

The year ASid was born, 2001, was a wonderful year. That was when the decision was made to extend parental leave from 6 months to 12 months. It was also the year Old Navy and Krispy Kreme finally decided to set up shop in Canada. Milestone moments in our Canadian history!

I remember buying Canada Day t-shirts at Old Navy and waiting eagerly to buy the much hyped doughnuts at Krispy Kreme. It took a while to get to the latter as the first shop was set up in Mississauga. When I finally got there, I had a 2 month old ASid with me. There was a crazy lineup and I was a sleep deprived new mom, and it was a cold day in November. However, I insisted on waiting in the lineup for almost 2 hours. Krispy Kreme had set up a heated tent to accommodate the waiting crowds.

Craigley wanted to grab a box each of original glazed doughnuts for both his brother’s family and for us. I wanted to grab a dozen assorted doughnuts to try them and find a favourite to pick up on our next visit. I had plenty of time to finalize the dozen and couldn’t wait to taste test them. When we got back in our car with the 3 boxes, we realized that it was time to feed ASid. Craigley decided to drop me off at home and then quickly drop off a box of doughnuts at his brother’s home in Scarborough. Obviously, feeding ASid was a priority and I was totally willing to wait for the doughnuts I handpicked.

When Craigley got back, we had a well fed ASid and a hungry Momley. Breastfeeding does that! When I opened the first box, there were a dozen original glazed doughnuts in them. I closed it and proceeded to open the second box only to find another dozen original glazed doughnuts. Craigley, in his rush, dropped off the wrong box with his brother’s family. How did I react?! I lost it completely. I wanted Craigley to go back to Mississauga, wait for 2 hours in the cold and bring me back the exact assortment of dozen doughnuts I chose. Of course! He did not! He thought I was making a fuss over nothing! Really?! So, I complained about him to my dad. My dad thought I was being petty over a box of doughnuts. He didn’t understand what the fuss was all about. And I didn’t understand how he could support Craigley over his own child?!

Today, we had 45 minutes while Hans was in his weekly Piano session. Craigley wanted to go pick up 100 Lindor truffles for his best friend. When we got there, he said I could pick up 100 for our home. Craigley randomly threw truffles into his bag while I was very precise in my choice as I considered the preferences of the individual family members as well as those of our friends who visit our home. It was a fun expedition. When we picked up Hans, Craigley mentioned that he would drop us off at home and go drop off the bag of truffles at his friend’s home. It was eerily reminiscent of the Krispy Kreme expedition and drop off from 16 years ago. I was almost afraid and requested Craigley to let me get the bag, with the truffles I handpicked, from the car trunk when he dropped us off. Well, Craigley was in his usual rush. And I prepared myself to be at my pettiest worst…

Lucky for Craigley that he came home with the right bag this time!

Is there a moral to the story? Nope. But I can make one up right now: When someone gives you the wrong box of doughnuts, give it back! Same goes for a bag of chocolates. Once in a while, make a fuss and be petty...especially when you think it is warranted. Stand your ground. There are better chances of getting the right box of doughnuts the next time or maybe none at all! At least, you will know where you stand with that other person.
 

iTeam

Whoever coined the phrase "There is no i in Team" was just showing off his/her ability to spell and nothing else! Perhaps that person has never been on a team and just trying to be a smart aleck!

Craigley has registered Hans in Hockey again. This time around, the boy has Hockey School as well! It is a lot of Hockey over the weekend and soon, the father-son duo will be joining our friends for skating on Sundays. That's a lot of ice time!

Technically, none of this should bother me if the pair of them managed themselves. But of course, they do not and depend on me to wake them up and get them ready and send them off to the multiple Hockey/Ice commitments.

Last week, Hans was sick. He was throwing up on Thursday and Friday, and he was scheduled to play goalie on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, this year, there is no dedicated goalie for Hans' team and each team member is taking turns at playing goalie for 2 consecutive games. Craigley is the coach again and so, I requested him to send a note to the other parents letting them know that Hans was too sick to play goalie. But does the biggest villain listen to the concerned Momley?! Nope, not at all!!

Hans played goalie last Saturday with hardly any strength in his body. Not surprisingly, the team lost 9-2. Poor Hans was humiliated. Craigley was like at least the winning score is not over 10!

Craigley is not for real!

2 days ago, Hans said that he is worried that all his team members hate him. So, I told him that it wasn't his fault that the team lost. It takes the entire team to win a game and he shouldn't feel responsible for the loss. This morning, I let my boy know that his team needs to support him and he needs to have fun. Who really cares who wins or loses?!

Hans' team lost again. This time it was a score of 8-6. Definitely an improvement and apparently, he had a couple of good saves!

So proud of Hans!

The boy has been quite unhappy since school started. Yesterday, his best friend went back to her mother's motherland indefinitely. Last Monday, we managed to grab a quick dinner with the girl and her mom, who happens to be one of my dear friends. The 4 of us have hung out together since the kids were 2. It was a very emotional goodbye for all of us, especially for Hans who also has no friends at school currently.

Given the emotional state of the boy and his recent recovery from his sickness, I believe he played decently and hopefully, he feels he had redeemed himself in some way.

I can't be more proud of him.

Since the moment he heard the news that he didn't get in to The CW, Hans has felt like he is perhaps not so special after all. He has also felt like he is perhaps not so smart. He has felt like he is worth nothing.

What the boy doesn't realize is that one's worth does not depend on material and measurable things. Hans is worth his salt for who he is and how he treats people. Even when he could have blamed his dad or his team for the losses, he took personal responsibility for them.

There is an i in Team, and when it is defined by someone like Hans, it makes u or 1 want to be part of that Team as well.

Hans, continue to be who you are through all the failures and obstacles in life; it will only make you a better person. You are already smart and special; you will find out one of these days.

 

Angelic Advice

When ASid started in Junior Kindergarten, everyone started saying that I should go back to work. I didn't quite feel ready since, at that time, Kindergarten was only for half a day. He was at school for barely two and a half hours!

I remember calling Smoggie for advice. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, I asked him if I could work with him again?! Without hesitation, I got a joyful and affirmative answer from my friend. He was like it would be wonderful for us to be together again. Then, he paused and asked me if I was really ready to go back to work. I responded honestly that I would feel better if ASid was full day at school. I felt like I still had an opportunity to maximize on the time with my child. That's when Smoggie said his famous "a job is just a job" sentence for the umpteenth time to me, and advised me to enjoy my time with my child as he had never known me to be happier than when I was being a mom to ASid.

Best advice of my life.

That is the main reason why I reach out to Smoggie for advice. He never lets his personal feelings get in the way of my best interests. Recently, I have found myself seeking advice from ASid. Strangely, he reminds me of Smoggie. This may not make any scientific sense, but I spent most of my pregnancy in Smoggie's company and I attribute any similarities that ASid has with Smoggie to that time!

ASid is the child and I am the parent, but fundamentally I believe that he has my best interests at heart.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to quit or continue being a Co-Chair on the School Council?! I decided to quit based on certain principles I hold dear. ASid likened my decision to the one Jimmy Stewart's character had at the beginning of "It's a Wonderful Life". He pretty much told me that I should be aware of how I affect people's lives and I should not be letting them down by this "suicidal decision"! High praise from a teenager who can't seem to get out of the "me me me" mentality most days!

All I could do was stare at him and feel the tears of joy escape my eyes. I was so glad that I didn't rush off to get that job; that I took the time to spend some more time with my child. He is only 16 with very little life experience and yet, he knew me enough to give me the advice I needed to hear.

After that, all I wanted was a hug from my child and I was tentative about the request. He was very accommodating and said that hugs should be given without asking and in abundance.

Lucky for me I caught the teen on a good day. He could have totally told me to not bother him with my annoying adult life.

If anything or anyone can trump the principles I live by, it would have to be my children and their desire for me to be my uncompromising best self always.

Today, I got the second best advice of my life.

When in doubt, talk with any person who cares about us and who knows us. Such a person will never let us down. And that person can sometimes be a child who has clarity that some of us have lost because we are blinded by rigid principles. It is always easy to quit on principle, but it is tough to rough it out on principle. When we are presented with that fork in the road, hopefully we are brave enough to make that right choice!

 

Update on the Card Peddling

Time to check in on the teen!

As recorded earlier in the historical life of ASid, his respectful dad has withdrawn his monthly financial support due to the teen's disrespectful attitude to the said dad. That led to the teen taking on an entrepreneurial venture where he decided to sell his Yu-Gi-Oh cards and fund himself.

That was where we left off and time to find out what happened since then...

Craigley still believes ASid hasn't shown an improvement in his attitude. To top that off, all his card peddling is driving Craigley crazy. I can sympathize with both the parties; however, I have to be in solidarity with Craigley. It is the law and almost like an 11th commandment - Thou shall support thy parental partner against thine own offspring!

There is no such thing as "bystander apathy" with some situations, sometimes there is just a helpless bystander.

Right now, the situation is such that Craigley has taken away the Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I must be fair to Craigley here although he is the biggest villain in my life. Craigley decided to follow this line of torture after ASid rather foolishly shared with us that his friend's father confiscated his friend's Yu-Gi-Oh cards and threw them in their trash compacter! In contrast, Craigley almost comes across as benevolent! Also, Craigley did give ASid several warnings and ample time to change his behaviour. While all this was happening, ASid's grades also started slipping. So, I was almost compelled to take Craigley's side as the teen left me with little choice in the matter.

Yesterday, the teen told me that he felt like buying a Cinnabon cinnamon bun and realized that he was too poor to afford one! I felt sorry for the child, but then his choices have led him to that moment of realization. Hopefully, that was a moment of awakening for ASid.

Personally, I feel the literal and figurative hunger in him should drive him to never ever have such moments in his life. As a parent, I can only hope for such moments of epiphany. Rest is up to him.

Note: The teen has all the basic necessities of life and is in good physical (and hopefully mental and emotional) health. All he needs to do is make the right choices.
 

Friendly "wars"

They say that friends should never go into business together; but friends don't heed to any warnings when they make up their minds. Such is the unfortunate situation with G and me. In fact, it is worse than going into business together! We are in a partnership where we make no money and still have disgruntled "customers" who won't quit complaining.

One should rightfully wonder why 2 smart people would put themselves in this position?! Co-Chairs sounds good on paper and even has a somewhat of a noble ring to it. But sadly, this whole venture could end up ruining our friendship again.

I am reminded of what Hans said when I told him about running for Co-Chair on the School Council. Why not a table mom?! People fart on chairs!! Infinite wisdom of a 9 year old; I should have paid attention.

Last Thursday was the first School Council meeting and it ran for 2 hours and 12 minutes. I had the misfortune of chairing it since G thought I was nicer than him. And then half way through, he wanted me to stop being nice and lay down the law. Alas, everyone went home happy except for the 2 of us.

I was very upset with G and I think I sent him 3 email messages over the next 3 days that ranged from "business as usual" to "in serious need of therapy". G never responds to email. And that gets me more upset.

Yesterday, Craigley casually remarked that G and I should go to McDonald's for lunch since he won so much free food with Monopoly. Some days I am not sure if Craigley is for real or simply having fun at my expense?! I could have taken offence with him, but I remained focused. I told Craigley to never mention G's name again in our home since G is not my friend anymore. Craigley was like I don't want to hear about it and I don't want to know when you 2 make up and go off to lunch next time.

Today, G and I finally got to talk. It was a bit awkward, but guess what?! I took Craigley’s advice even if he said it in jest. We are going out for lunch and hopefully, we are able to put this School Council thing in perspective and salvage our friendship for what seems like the umpteenth time!

One would think adulthood is easy. It ain't so! The more we know, the more we mess up! So boys, enjoy the childhood and the teen years. These are the best days of your life. And if life gets complicated later, take the time to have lunch with a friend and sort things out! Even if there is nothing to sort out, just go have lunch with a friend and take a moment for yourself!

 

October 22, 2017: one small milestone celebration!

Because my parents had such an epic romantic tale, I believe I always fancied one myself. When I fell in love at 15-16 and declared to my parents that that is the boy I wanted to marry, I thought they would understand. But what did they do instead?! As soon as the school year ended, they shipped me off to another city in another state. Perhaps not entirely by design, I ended up in an all girls' school. A year later, our family moved to Canada. Talk about taking drastic steps to protect my future! Through it all, I remained stubborn and loyal to the boy. When I turned 21, my dad confessed to me that he was impressed with my determination. No amount of distance broke my resolve. He probably saw a bit of himself in me?!

I have always wanted to be like my dad and most people say that I am very much like him. However, recently, I see a bit of my mom in me too. She is wonderful with people and can assemble an army in a few minutes that would fight for her with intense loyalty. That kind of connection with people is special. Because she was so tough on me, I never took the time to "see" and appreciate her. Now, I can step back and admire her. I actually wish for some of her qualities.

On this special anniversary, I am glad for the genetic makeup I am born with, and I am sure the boys are partial beneficiaries of this wonderful legacy. Even if I fail in other ways, at least this is a certainty!

Happy 45th mom and dad!

Thank you for protecting me even when I resented you for it. Thank you for forgiving me even when I was too old to make some mistakes. Thank you for the unconditional love. Thank you for being who you are.

Recently, Craigley and I were grocery shopping, and running late. I called ASid to go pick up Hans from his Art lesson. I felt bad for bothering the teen. Here is what Craigley had to say, "It is good for them to spend some time together and talk about their parents." To which I nodded in agreement and said, "My brother and I would do that all the time; get together and complain about our parents!" Craigley looked at me and asked in disbelief, "What did you two complain about? They are like the best parents!" Craigley thought that my brother and I are the two most ungrateful children ever.

When a man can think so highly of his wife's parents, that’s an unusual and a rare tribute to those parents! So, I simply rest my case with that!
 

Didn't expect "that talk" this soon!

"Mom! Why don't children want to get married? Not that I want to, but why don't they?"

"Maybe because they don't understand what marriage is about?! But if they do, then definitely they don't want to get married!!"

"No, it is because they don't want to have sex!"

It sounded like "sucks"; so, I confirmed that he actually said "sex".

"What do you know about sex?"

"That's how you make a baby!"

"Are you talking about this at school?"

"Yes. Someone in my class said that if you touch, you can have a baby."

"That's not true. You need an egg and a sperm for a baby."

Why did I say that?! But the boy stopped paying attention to me. He finished off with these wise words:

"You must not have sex with a dragon, you will get burnt. So, that's a bad idea!"

"Yes! Why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed?!"

He is back after 10 minutes.

"Did you and dad have to do the thingy to have ASid and me?"

So the boy knows more than he is willing to admit!

"Why don't you have these talks with your dad?"

Yeah! Why me?

But he continues...

"Then ASid has to do the thingy so I can have nephews. Poor ASid."

"Why are you calling it the thingy? You can call it sex."

"No, it is the thingy now."

Sad to say; however, I laughed uncontrollably at least 3 times during that exchange. The dragon bit made me laugh the most.

On a serious note though, I really wonder what the kids are talking about...

 

Mystery (un)solved!

I am not sure if I ever mentioned here that Smoggie is a member of Mensa?! He is. He is the smartest person I know.

I am not sure if I should even mention it here, but obviously I can't stop myself!

Smoggie and I once "broke into" a network computer.

It was not as simple as I made that sound and I believe we hummed the James Bond theme music throughout that particular mission. There was absolutely no benefit in it for the both of us; we just did it for fun.

I think I shared with Smoggie about wanting to be a spy when I was a child and actually starting a club called "Secret Spies" with my brother and my friends. Smoggie's first reaction was that of total amusement. He didn't exactly think I could be a spy when I started most of my sentences with "To be honest..."! However, he decided to indulge me and took me on a mission where I got to feel like a real spy.

Smoggie remembers little details like that. He takes the time to do things to make me smile. Although I haven't seen him in years, he will always be my best friend. He is there for me whether I need him or not!

Here is a most recent example.

Precisely a day after my last post, there were 21 page views from Russia and a couple of days later, there were another 21 page views from Russia. Such precision cannot be a coincidence!

I must have a Russian reader or I must have a best friend who goes to great lengths to make me feel like I have readers from around the world!

I think I solved the mystery...I may still have a future as a spy.

Addendum:
Shortly after the above was posted, there were 21 page views from Russia! Need I say more?!

Another Addendum:

This is what Smoggie had to say, “I wouldn't fake data for your blog -- accurate information is too important.” So, it is not my best friend indulging me; it is someone messing with data collection.

Alas, my sleuthing days are over. I am closing the case of “The Russian Reader”. The End.
 

Filler Post! Please Skip!

A few weeks ago, I got curious and wanted to know who was reading this blog. There was a "Stats" menu item and I proceeded to follow the link. It took me to this page with a map of the world. Turned out that the majority of the readers of the blog were in Russia, France and Poland...in that order. I have 4 friends in 3 countries outside of Canada, and those countries weren't the top 3 listed. It totally baffled me.

Today, the page views crossed 5000. I would like to believe that that means something. However, considering that the dozen or so people with knowledge of this blog need to be mostly reminded to read this blog, it probably means nothing!

Chances are the Russians, the French and the Polish are simply being nice to a random Canadian mom?!

Chances are someone is pranking them?!

Chances are Smoggie created some autobot that is viewing the pages with random IP addresses from all over the world?!

Chances are someone is pranking me?!

The 5000 page views don’t really matter. 

The 2 peeps I am really writing for will hopefully stumble upon these pages sometime in the future and read them all at least once. 

When they do, that's all that matters.

Meanwhile, I would like to thank my brother, my friends, and random citizens of our wonderful world for stopping by. I appreciate your time and kindness.

 

The Purpose of Life: Thanksgiving and Beyond

I still have an unhappy child.

It has been a month and a bit since school restarted and Hans hasn't made a friend yet. Every morning is a struggle. Last month, it was even worse as Hans was in a group with 3 kids that he couldn't relate to at all. He looked forward to his group changing this month. He now has 1 kid he can hang out with.

Teachers like to organize kids into groups of 3-5. This practice is most prevalent in elementary schools. I am not sure if anyone has conducted a study on how effective this practice really is?! Are teachers teaching team work or is it a mere attempt at some sort of classroom management?!

As usual, I digress.

I happened to see Hans' teacher last week and he wondered if the boy is happy with his new group?! The teacher remarked that Hans showed tremendous patience with one of the kids in his last group and even the teacher felt like the boy needed a break. However, my job is not to give the teacher a break; my job is to thank the teacher and provide some honest feedback. So, I did. I let the teacher know that I appreciate his efforts to make my child feel good in his classroom. There is only that much we can do for Hans as a parent or a teacher. He needs to find a friend and somehow find his happiness. That's entirely up to Hans.

Coincidentally, last week, Hans wondered why he is on Earth?! On our way to school one morning, he remarked that he does not know the purpose of his life. He actually compared himself to a dog and said that it doesn't matter if the dog exists or he exists. It is all interchangeable and meaningless.

On one hand, I was super impressed with his level of thinking. On the other hand, I was super depressed at this line of thinking. I had to quickly do a Momley intervention and I engaged him in a dialogue. It does seem like a kid's purpose in life is to go to school and learn to read, write and do some math. It is kinda boring and mundane. But it is essential to be part of the milieu before we can separate ourselves from it.

I let Hans know that the purpose of my life is to take care of Hans and his brother. Together, they make my life meaningful. Eventually, the boys will find their respective purposes of their lives.

I am not sure if I got through to Hans?!

Meanwhile, I am going to borrow some words that have always inspired me and often remind me about my own purpose of life. 

 

To laugh often and much

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived

This is to have succeeded.

 

-          Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Thank you boys for making my existence interesting and worthwhile! And I hope you never doubt your existences ever.