Lying vs NOT Telling

I have been quietly working on the yearbook for Hans' school. By quietly, I mean that I didn't tell Craigley about it. 2 days ago, Hans caught me on the computer and exclaimed loudly, "You are working on the yearbook again!" So, I told him to say it even more loudly so Craigley could hear it and get upset with me for taking on some more volunteer work! Obviously, I was being sarcastic. Hans looked a little confused and walked away. But it is never that simple with this boy.

Yesterday, he caught me again! He asked me why I was lying to his dad?! I told him that I am not lying; I am simply not telling his dad about it. There is a difference! Then he wanted to know why I wasn't telling his dad about it?! I told Hans that I didn't want to upset his dad. I was hoping that my short answer would suffice and luckily for me, it did! All Hans responded was with "can I tell my friends at school?" He was quite happy when I gave him permission.

Hopefully, the matter ended for Hans there. For me, it became an introspective issue. I pride myself in being an honest person. It felt like I was being a bit of a hypocrite.

Then I thought about this blog. It has been a little over 5 years and I haven't told Craigley or the boys about it. The dozen or so friends and family who know have been kind enough to keep it a secret. Craigley and the boys not knowing is important because I want to capture authentic moments in the boys' lives that they can revisit later and walk down memory lane. I guess I can rationalize it and it helps that I am dealing with adults who know right from wrong, and who understand where I am coming from.

How can I rationalize a similar request with Hans? He is 8. He is quite mature and sensible for his age; however, does he truly understand where I am coming from?! OR would he follow my example by withholding information every time he thinks he could face conflict or punishment?! 

On the flip side, it is not a bad survival strategy. For now though, I need to debug some faulty programming that I unleashed in my child's brain.

Bad Momley! I told myself as I drifted off to sleep.

This morning, I shared my concern with both the boys at the breakfast table and this is what ASid had to say:

Be consistent. Be who you are. Do what you always do. Be a good role model. Find the right time to tell dad and get it over with.

It is rewarding when I hear words of wisdom from my child who is growing up into a thoughtful young man. And he is right! It would be ironic if Hans was ever afraid to share information with me because he is worried that I might be upset or get mad. It would definitely be ironic because my first choice for a name for Hans was a word that translated to “Fearless”!

 

I do want my children to be fearless and speak their minds. I am so glad they are mirroring my sentiments. How lucky am I?! VERY!!