What might the Future look like?!

Hans is in Calgary right now. He is on vacation with his dad. He is gone for the next few days. And I miss him terribly. Out of the 3 boys I have at home, Hans is the one who cares the most about me. Not that Craigley and ASid don't care - Craigley knows I will get things done and ASid is mostly oblivious to most things around him! Hans is different. Hans takes the time to thank me and apologize to me; offers to help me and in general, makes me feel like a million bucks!

I also miss him because he has this habit of literally following me everywhere in our home. If I am cooking, he is in the kitchen. If I am doing laundry, he is in the basement. If I am watching TV, he is in the living room. If I am on the phone, he is right there beside me. Hans is everywhere in our home except in his own room.

The first time I was away from Hans was when I went to see KPF last year. So, this is just the second time. Hans was a little nervous the night before. I had to remind him that he is off with his dad and it will be great to spend some father-son time together. Most everyone who really knows Hans knows him as his mommy's boy. Although that may not last for long! The boy is growing up and before I know it, he will be happy to be confined to his room just like his older brother.

That day is not here yet.

As of now, Hans has been amazing with his "non confinement" with communication. I have never received that many words in a single day from Craigley's phone!

Hans and Craigley left just yesterday and it has only been a day and a few hours, but it feels like they have been gone longer than that! Our home has been super quiet. And at the risk of sounding redundant, I miss the little bubs.

So, why didn't I tag along?! Because ASid is doing a summer course this month and he is going into his final year of high school in September. I want to support him as much as possible. Also, I decided to take on the kids who have been waiting for me to tutor them. On the same day, yesterday, as Craigley and Hans left on their one week trip, I had a first tutoring session with a kid who has been waiting for over a month and met with 2 other kids who are starting next week. I might as well help other kids when I have the time.

Even though I miss Hans who is my daily dose of positive reinforcement, I am glad he is on this trip with his dad. It is probably good for me to go through a different family dynamic. It may feel like the end of the world each time I experience a change with ASid and Hans weaving in and out of my life, but this is me learning to let go.

And when those moments in the future definitively announce themselves, I will be ready to let them fly.