Dads

My mom's dad passed away when she was 3 years old. She didn't really think about how different life would have been if her dad had been there for her when she was growing up! That thought only entered her head when she saw her own children growing up with their dad.

A few years ago, my mom had the courage to admit that she was jealous of her own children because they have a dad and she does not even have a single memory of her own dad. My mom is never tired of reminding my brother and me how lucky we are to have a dad like ours.

Yes, I am very lucky.

So, why am I writing about this now? Because tomorrow is Father’s Day and something unexpectedly happened to someone I met only a few days ago for me to reflect about my life with my dad and my mom’s without hers!

Last month, I finally agreed to take on a new student although I felt constrained by time. This little girl is in grade 2 and came highly recommended. Since I do a diagnostic assessment before I take on a student, I set up a time to meet with the girl and her mother. Since the mother is what we call an ELL, English Language Learner, there was a bit of communication gap. She showed up with all 3 of her children; 2 of whom are younger than the girl in grade 2.

I set up the younger children with some paper and markers so they could keep themselves occupied while I spent time with their mother and older sister. Once the assessment was done, the mother and I noticed that the children had coloured their hands as well as my floor with some permanent markers. They found Hans' bag of art supplies and helped themselves to some! I might have been visibly upset since my floor was ruined. The mother looked at me puzzled as I explained to her that the markers I gave them were washable and somehow they ended up with the permanent ones!

The following week, the mother sent a note about being unable to attend the tutoring session. Same thing transpired the next couple of weeks. I became both frustrated and worried. Frustrated because I really don't have the time and I made some time for this student. Worried because I thought I offended the mother in some way by my reaction to the art work her children left on my floor!

Another week and I felt like I needed to know what was happening. I asked the person who recommended the student, and she revealed that the family is going through something and she is not comfortable talking about their private matters.

Then I got a note from the mother. Her daughter is very much interested in starting tutoring sessions with me; however, her husband was in an accident and "he is not with them now". I was quite shocked and didn't know how to interpret it - is he in a hospital or has he passed away?

The sad news is that the husband of this woman and the father of her children did die in the accident. She was trying to take care of everything while wondering how she was going to support her 3 young children.

2 days ago, I had my first tutoring session with the little girl. She is very bright. When her mother came to pick her up, she mentioned that her daughter kept asking about her lessons with me. I let the mother know that I will give her free lessons this month, and if her daughter really enjoys them, we can talk payment in September when school resumes!

Giving a couple of free lessons to a child, who lost her father recently, does not make me a humanitarian of sorts! Not at all! If anything, I hope the mother knows that she has support and she is not alone.

I finally understand why my mom feels jealous of my brother and me on occasion. I cannot imagine my world without my dad. And I feel so very sad for this little girl and for my mom and for all those children who can't hug their dads and celebrate with them.

Noteworthy Remarks: Not all dads are kind and not all of them are cruel. Forgive some dads and remember others. Honour a dad, any dad, who has made a difference. Let him know how special he is. Happy Father’s Day … every day!