That false feeling of permanence!

At one point in time, not so long ago, most everything I did outside of my home was voluntary work or unpaid work! There is quite the list, but I will focus on one of the free services I still provide to my friends and neighbours. It is taking care of their abodes when they are away. People seem to trust me with their plants, mail, cars and houses; they hand me the keys to their most valuable assets and go away on vacations.

A few months ago, when my parents were planning their vacation, they wondered if I could take care of their home?! Since I am their daughter, the request was normal. Since I do not drive, the request was a little strange. I have actually walked from my home to my parents' home with Hans on a warm summer day and it took us 55 minutes including a pit stop at Tim Horton's. And that was one way. I could take the TTC, but that is crazy. My parents did not want to bother my brother and they ended up "outsourcing". It worked out well and left me with very little guilt to deal with.

The above anecdote just serves to show that I am NOT able to help everyone in my life. And I do deal with guilt on occasion.

So, why am I focusing on this particular free service I still provide to my friends and neighbours? I am not sure, but it certainly felt like something to ponder on!

My house is probably one of the messiest homes in my neighbourhood. By messy, I do not mean dirty; by messy, I mean that everything is everywhere - mostly mail, paper and toys. Stuff seems to make appearance and stay. As mentioned in an earlier post, no flat surface is spared! Also, I am known from a certain Craigley's perspective as “The Plant Killer". No plant's life has been spared once it made an entrance into my home! And on top of all that, I do not drive.

Given the facts just shared … I collect mail for my neighbours and sort it nicely into various categories. I water their plants diligently and their plants somehow thrive better than in their care. I take pictures of any flowers that bloom in their absence and share those pictures with them so they are happy to know their plants are alive and well. I start their cars' engines, and let them run for a few minutes; make sure they are functional upon their return!

It is amazing how I am able to do things for others that I am unable to do or refuse to do or too lazy to do for myself!

I am a disturbing and frustrating dilemma in a way and that is not exactly a romantic notion by any means. It is a bit tragic. In 4 days’ time, I will be 45. If it is true that Canadians have an average life expectancy of about 81 years; then, I am more than half way through my life. Apparently, in the "mother land", the life expectancy is about 68; that means I am at almost three quarters of my life. Whichever way I measure it, my life is definitely finite. It is time to make some changes. I need to put a little bit of effort into my life and make it as nice as I make it for others.

Perhaps the feeling of temporariness is easier to deal with than the weight of permanence?! But then life itself is temporary. Does that mean I will be wiser than ever with this newfound knowledge gained from this profound reflection?! Time will tell.