Birth, Death, and Life

Last few weeks have been thought-provoking.

I went to visit with a friend's mother who recently had a stroke and has been paralyzed on the left side of her body since then. I spent some time with my brother and his family at a hospital. I bid adieu to Hans' former principal and my mentor-friend as he moved onto a different role. I got a call from ASid who was down with fever. I took care of Hans through 2 bouts of sickness.

Through all of the above, I realized that I have developed a bit of anxiety about death! This feeling has been percolating since the young mother passed away last year on October 27, 2019. Craigley believes that I haven't seen death up close and personal and that's the reason it is so unsettling. He is probably accurate in his analysis of my most recent state of mind.

I have been worried every waking moment about falling asleep and not waking up!

Then, I had a breakthrough. Eternal Boy shared a video with me about this kid who "speaks lots of sense … just resonates so readily". I enjoy receiving notes from my friends. Pictures are alright. Videos are work! However, I took 2 minutes and 3 seconds out of my time to watch this video. Strangely, a little boy made me realize that I have become so good at worrying that I am now worried about "the buffalo that I don't have"!

I was the most fearless and welcoming of death. When that mother passed away and left behind a little girl, I was worried about the motherless child. Then, I worried about my future motherless children. That led to my worrying about death.

It all seems ridiculous now. No matter what, life goes on. It was wonderful to receive a call from my friend about her mother who had a stroke. I took the time to catch up with her mother who appreciated my visit to the rehab centre. It was special to spend some time with my brother and his family even if it was in a hospital. It was heartwarming to receive a call from ASid while he was battling a high fever. He didn't need me; he just missed me. It was humbling to take care of Hans because it reminded me that I was wasting time worrying about death when there is so much living to do.

All of it made me realize, not for the first time or the last time in the history of Birth and Death, that what matters is everything in between … Life.