Falling apart ... part by part

Last Thursday, there was this sudden and intense pain in my left wrist and then, in my fingers. The next morning, it was replicated in my right wrist and fingers. It was horrific. To explain the horror of it, imagine going to the toilet and having to wipe whatever; then, imagine having lost the ability to use both the hands! OK … it was just a little notch below that extreme case scenario - the hands function, but experience excruciating pain with each tear of the bathroom tissue and each wipe of the derrière!

It was a wakeup call of sorts. I am not calling it the wakeup call because I get these on an annual basis! First, it was a fleeting frightful moment about lumps in the breast. Then, it was the horrendous prospect of having all teeth fall out and now, the possibility of losing access to hands that help with everything from menial to spiritual! This was the scariest of them all though!

I love writing … anything and everything … from short text messages to elaborate email messages to therapeutic messages on this blog! Just recently, I wrote about life and death and everything in between. I realized that the pain I felt in my hands is mostly due to my love of writing. I am constantly writing/typing on my BlackBerry. Perhaps I am not holding the device properly; that’s what has led to repetitive stress on my wrists and fingers. I guess I need to find a way to not fall apart while I still enjoy the little indulgences of life.

On that note, after 15 years of watching one of my favourite shows on Television, I bid adieu to Criminal Minds. I watched this show religiously from the beginning to the end - the old fashioned way; through 15 seasons; as each episode aired and sometimes recording an episode and watching it the next day. It was bittersweet as the cliché goes! Bitter that the show ended and sweet that I found a haunting song which I have requested to be played at my memorial service! Bambino and ASid have been notified.

When I do eventually fall apart … never to be put back together again … it will be to the song “Soft Dark Nothing” by Lily Kershaw.

She coincidentally is named after my favourite flower. How poetic and perfect!