Meanwhile, on whatever planet Hans is on …

... Life was being lived.

Here is what has happened with the shoe situation!

ASid, who said he would buy a pair of shoes for his brother, was busy packing and moving the last few weeks. His girlfriend and he moved into a rental place that they co-signed together over the Thanksgiving weekend. After the move, ASid has been busy unpacking and settling in! So, Hans decided to buy his own shoes. He got them shipped, with the help of a friend, from a country that does an amazing job with knockoffs. He got 2 pairs in 2 colours - black and white. I asked him to wear them and walk around. He said the white ones are not that comfortable and the black ones were. (They looked the same to me.) So, I asked him what he was going to do. He said the white pair were for style and he will use them for the short walk to school. Then, he will switch to the black pair while at school. The plan made no sense to me. Hans was like "trust me mom" and I was like "okay, kiddo"!

Since then, I have come home and seen the 2 pairs sitting sadly at the entrance while the boy continues to use his hol(e)y pair.

And here are couple of his culinary escapades!

- he broke a sturdy spatula while trying to make a grilled cheese sandwich and sent me an apology note. That spatula outlived my marriage, but Hans decided to put it to rest.

- he did something with a noodle bowl in the microwave that didn't exactly work out. So, he got rid off the "evidence" and made no mention of it. However, I found the interior top of the microwave covered in black 'soot', and I found the 2 small packs of oil and seasoning that came with the noodle bowl neatly displayed on the kitchen counter.

(Hans' current favourite show/character is Dexter. And I am like "did Hans not learn anything about cleaning up a crime scene thoroughly?".)

I guess he figured I would miss the spatula, but not a noodle bowl?!

Finally, here is what happened with Hans and Hockey!

The boy who hasn’t played hockey in a league for 2 to 3 years, suddenly decided to try out for his school team! It made no sense to me. I am usually up by 5:30 am and on my way to work by 7 am. I enjoy my leisurely morning ritual. It was abruptly interrupted one morning as Hans woke up at 6 am to leave for the try-outs at 6:30 am. It was like 2 universes collided at an ungodly hour. 

Quite predictably, Hans didn’t make the team. I wanted to know what insanity drove the boy to try out for his school team in his last year of high school?! His response: “I will take free ice however I get it!”.

On any given day, I am so glad I have this boy of mine. He makes me smile. I am happy to be on whatever planet he is on!

Finally …

Yesterday was the worst workday ever. Michael forgot another student … this time on the playground. I had to run out and retrieve her. Michael didn’t take any responsibility, and I was livid. Then, he did not support the prep teacher and asked me to do his job of writing journals with the students and bussing them! Apparently, he had a deadline, and he was stressed out!

The man sat in front of the device on his desk the entire time all the above transpired!

I did not say anything to him yesterday as it was his stepdaughter’s birthday and he had a family dinner planned. And then I ended up not attending my parents’ anniversary dinner as I didn’t want to ruin their evening with my frustrations.

This morning, I knew it was my ‘do or die’ day.

It was my 1^st field trip with my students, and I wanted to enjoy it, but first I needed to get all the negative feelings out of my way. So, I spoke with Michael before the kids arrived. I told him how much I dislike having such conversations. I told him that he clearly needs to communicate with me about where his head is at because his behaviour from the day before was confusing. I told him some other stuff.

I felt so relieved after that. I did not need a posse; I was good enough on my own.

With those words of confidence, I will rest my case. I am tired of writing about this man who will perhaps never change. And I hate how this seems to have taken over my life. I need to get back to happy thoughts. And the happiest thought right now is that I had the best field trip with my students today. I did not know what to expect, but they came through. Even my littlest one, who is a flight risk and who is on a safety plan, was kind to everyone and enjoyed the day!

I guess there is still hope for some of us …

I want Momley Teacher!!!!

Those were (not exactly) the 4 words that got me to finally start the conversation with Michael.

The 4 words (actually) uttered by one of my work kiddos - not once, but twice, on 2 different days … got the ball rolling. Both the times, we were outside for recess, and this little guy wrestled with Michael and ran towards me and held my hand and happily walked with me. The first time, Michael looked perplexed. The second time, he wondered why the little guy would say that?! Then, he comforted himself by remembering that the parent mentioned their child gravitated to females more than males!

I simply listened and decided that I really needed support to get Michael to reflect on not just that one situation, but on all the other situations in our classroom.

Before I continue, I want to say thanks to the boys’ UB who suggested that I talk directly to Michael (and perhaps not have conversations with everyone else about Michael!). Obviously, I have condensed several words of wisdom into that one ‘sort of sentence’, but that was the gist of it.

So, I approached the other ISP team and asked if we could have a team meeting. I couldn’t just walk up to Michael and talk about all the deficiencies in the way he fulfills his role as a CYW. Fortunately for me, the other 2 had some grievances as well and were happy to have a meeting. This morning, Michael realized that he needs to do more than what he is doing right now. I hope the realization leads to some action.

After the meeting, Michael acknowledged that he is happy to work with me, and he couldn’t imagine working anywhere else. He said he likes our classroom. I felt the need to remind him that Ms Bean and I worked hard to get the classroom to where it is now. And we must continue to keep at it. That was literally the message I had for him.

At the end of the day, I couldn’t believe how easy it was for a 7-year-old to ask for what he wanted; in fact, demand it! And it took me several days and a couple of conversations with friends and a few posts here and a little dilly-dallying to finally ask a person to do what he needs to do!

When someone reminds you of someone else … and it is NOT the best reminder!

I won’t go into details; but recently I had a conversation about PTSD and Craigley ... and realized that Michael reminds me of Craigley … basically not a bad guy, but a seriously clueless guy!

(Something happened today in my classroom that reminded me of something that happened about 17 years ago … and I was inspired to write this post.)

A few weeks after Hans was born, we decided to go to a restaurant with my mother and Craigley’s parents. We were in 2 cars. We found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant and we let Craigley’s parents have it. Craigley decided to drop us off, park his car down the street, and come back with Hans who was in a detachable infant car seat. A few minutes later, Craigley walks into the restaurant and the five of us who were waiting shouted in unison, “where is the baby?”. Craigley forgot baby Hans in the car and just sauntered in. Even after he received all the distressed looks, he leisurely walked out to get Hans.

Craigley still looked sane while the rest of us looked insane!

Today, I came back to my classroom halfway through my lunch break. I like to do that because I only need 20 minutes to eat, and I’d rather hangout with my *work kiddos* for the rest of it. As I walked in, I was pleasantly surprised to see them lined up and ready to go outside for recess. Michael looked like a thorough professional. Then, I was like “where is kiddo A?” and Michael looked like he lost her and then realized that she was in the other ISP classroom. So, I told him to leave with the 4 who were ready, and I would bring the 5^th one out when she is ready. Michael insisted on leaving together. By the time the involuntary straggler was ready, the other 4 started acting up. One of them flopped to the floor and refused to get up. Michael wanted them all nicely lined up, and eventually they did, and this is what he said verbatim, “It took you all 8 minutes to get ready and it is almost November!”. When he said that, he looked ridiculous to me.

If Michael hadn’t forgotten a student, they would have already been outside!

A school year is 10 months. It has barely been 2 months, and I am beginning to lose my patience. I hope Michael gets a clue soon or it will get ugly! I am fiercely protective of all my kids. If anything will get me to be confrontational, it would be incompetence and the inability to apologize for its consequences.

Thanksgiving Sunday

Yes, I know that the Canadian Thanksgiving Day is always on the 2^nd Monday in October. However, my family always celebrates on the Sunday and takes Monday off! That’s the best bit about being Canadian. There is no one way.

Hans said that he had the best day yesterday as he spent the day with people who matter the most to him. Hans was with Craigley in the morning. He spent the day with my side of the family in the afternoon and evening, and he slept over at his friend’s home with his peeps whom he calls the ‘Core Four’. Hans got home this morning, and he was happy with his life.

Almost 3 years ago, When Hans and I moved into our apartment, I was worried for the boy and how he was going to survive all that was thrown in his way. I am happy to say that he turned out splendidly.

In another beautiful coincidence, I just watched the ending of S6 E1 of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ titled ‘Train’. It gave me goosebumps ... because there is no better joy than knowing your child is safe ... there is no better joy than knowing your child is going to be alright.

Happy Thanksgiving Day, everyone. Have a splendid day!

I legit lost my mind … for a few days!

In my last post, I mentioned how my principal requested a DQ ice cream cake for her birthday. I also wrote about how I picked it up and had it in my freezer ... between then and now, I managed to transfer it to the freezer at my work, and today, it was beautifully cut into 20 slices by my principal and eaten by all.

So, how did I lose my mind?

I will go back to Monday to answer that! I got to DQ and was confused by all the options they had. When did they get 'Jamocha Almond'? And so many other flavours?! When it was my turn to order, I asked them if they could make the original with fudge crunch? They were like "what?!". So, I explained to them that I want the classic ice cream cake. The lady patiently asked me what flavour of ice cream I wanted. I told her vanilla with the fudge crunch. She was like "we will do the vanilla ice cream cake with the fudge on the top".

I sent this note to my principal:

Ms Principal,

 

The DQ ice cream cake has been ordered. It was so complicated ... so many varieties now. I told them I need the classic and I hope that's what they make!!

 

Just an fyi. Have a good evening.

Today, when she saw the cake, she seemed pleased. When she cut into it, I did not see the fudge crunch. Then, someone asked where the cake was from? My principal responded "Baskin Robbins".

Then, it hit me ... almost 5 days later ... that I went to Baskin Robbins and not DQ, and I was the crazy woman and NOT the wonderfully patient woman who took my order!!

This has never happened to me. How could I have confused BR with DQ?! How did I have a few conversations about the ice cream cake and each time, I said DQ?!

Fortunately, my principal loved the cake, and everyone enjoyed it too.

If it ended well, does it mean all is well?!

One Year Job Anniversary

The 1^st day on my current job was Thursday, October 10, 2024. I didn’t know then, but my principal celebrated her 50^th birthday on the very same day.

This year, October 10^th is a PD Day. Yes! Barely 2 months into the school year, and it is the 2nd ‘Professional Development’ day already!! It is probably because the government took over TDSB or maybe some other reason, but now teachers must show up in person on all PD days. So, I decided to celebrate my 1^st anniversary by treating the staff to a breakfast. Food always brings cheer to even the most mournful of gatherings. Then, I thought it would be nice to bring a cake for my principal. I didn’t want to surprise her and asked her to name her favourite cake … turns out it is a DQ ice cream cake!

Since I asked, I had to deliver. I am not sure why I make my life unnecessarily challenging … I don’t have a car. Imagine a person carrying an ice cream cake, and walking to the plaza and lining up at ‘What a Bagel!’ on a Friday morning to pick up 24 bagels, 24 bourekas and some cream cheese … yes, that would be me. Since I imagined it first, I didn’t want that to be me! So, I ordered the cake on Monday and picked it up a few minutes ago. I will take it to work tomorrow morning, so my hands are free on Friday morning!

I also had to rearrange my freezer so I could fit the cake in it. I made it work!

I feel an insane amount of joy when I share food with people. Just felt like writing about it since I have been such a tragic figure in the last few posts … I am done with that now!

My Loud Voice

I am usually a calm person, and in my classroom, I am calmer than usual.

Today, I was talking with the other ISP teacher, and my littlest one decides to pick that moment to start punching me. I waited for dearest Michael to step in. Then, I lost it!! I used my *loud* voice and told the child to stop punching Ms Momley Teacher!! The child was shocked and so were the other staff, including Michael. No one had heard *that* voice before. The child literally ran away from me, and Michael went to ask her if she was okay and if she needed a break. The child was astute enough to decline his offer. I couldn't have been prouder of her at that moment in time.

A few minutes later, we did our quick check-in with Zones. For the 1st time, I chose to be in Blue and said that I was tired ... I didn't accurately share that I was emotionally and mentally super tired! (If they had been reading this blog, they would have already known that!)

Then, I looked at the child and asked her what she did and how she was feeling. She admitted to punching me and being in the Blue Zone. Then, she spent the rest of the day being her best self. She was kind to everyone including students from the other classroom whom she cannot stand ... she likes to wipe everything they touch in our classroom with disinfectant wipes!

So, the day started on a tough note ... but got better. I realized that Michael is not an issue; if he is, then that is allowing me to find the strength that I did not know I had. Last week, Michael took a day off. No one picked up his job; but I wasn’t worried. I was confident I could manage. However, my principal got our SNA (Special Needs Assistant) to check in on me throughout the school day and provide support as needed.

Today, my principal dropped by to check in on me. Once again, I let her know how much I love my job. She told me that I should take a day off if I need to. She said it is important that I take care of my mental health. What?! Is she reading this blog?! … Am I that loud?!

Feedback Revisited

In 2005, I co-wrote an article on feedback with a professor and it was published in Education Canada. It was about a year after I graduated from OISE/UT. At that point in time, that was my 1^st and only published work. And it was a big deal. Interestingly, even after 20 years, I am still writing about feedback.

Providing feedback is an essential skill that all teachers need to possess. If we cannot provide immediate and constructive feedback to our students, we cannot help them improve on the essential skills they need to succeed. Professionally speaking, I provide feedback all the time. Personally, I seem to struggle with it.

Anyways, this time around, I felt that quietly writing about my feelings here is not going to change anything at work. So, I sent a note to Michael, and I was very diplomatic. I simply let him know that we have our students for an entire school day that goes from 8:30 am to 3:10 pm. That’s a lot of time. The prep teachers spend about 30-40 minutes, and we are always there to support them … so, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves! Since he mentioned our names together, I talked about us as a team.

However, what I really wanted to tell him was to never mention my name with his name in a single sentence ever again!

When you work with someone as closely as Michael and I do, and especially when kids with special needs are involved, we must get along for the greater good. I can’t mess it up for the kids … I must put this feeling of resentment behind me.

Then again, why am I giving importance to something said by someone who has known me all of 6 weeks?! What's wrong with me?!

My Work

In a recent post, I “confessed” to the following:

Unfortunately, I don’t have one single tragic flaw. I have many faults and one of them is to react emotionally and mindlessly when my parenting is questioned.

I react that way when *any* of my responsibilities are questioned. I give my everything when I am given a responsibility, and I go above and beyond if I willingly take on a responsibility. If I am getting paid for it, I will happily lose my sleep over it if I need to! Such is the case with my work. If anyone has been reading anything on this blog, in the last few weeks, they would already know that I love my job, and I love my students.

Here is another episode from Momley Teacher’s life. I thought I could let it go. However, I slept on it and have been awake for a few hours, and I can’t let it go without writing about it. I need to vent in my safe space!

Coincidentally, I am watching S3 E9 of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ titled ‘Heroic’. It seems to eerily shed light on my current situation, starting with the song ‘Heaven Is a Place on Earth’.

On Thursday, the not-so-new prep teacher took over my classroom to do Music. That’s my FREE time and I could technically go take a nap and no one would think twice about it. However, I stay to support this young teacher. Michael is supposed to support her, but he almost always sits at his desk and does his own stuff. So, I guess I feel compelled to stay. I am glad I did last Thursday. There was a beautiful moment I was able to capture where all 5 of my students listened to instructions from their Music teacher and performed in sync. I was so proud of them. Friday night, I was finally able to share that video with their parents. I CC’d Michael and the Music teacher on that email.

This is what I wrote …

This school year, we have Ms Music Teacher for Music and Gym. She has been amazing with our students. She finds different ways to engage them and inspire them. Here is a short video that demonstrates the wonderful work she is doing with them. I wish I had recorded the entire performance as it only got better; so sorry, this is just a glimpse!

 

Your children do us proud and we are privileged to work with them.

This is Michael’s response …

I'm just seeing this video now, and I'm honestly floored/amazed!!!  Ms. Music Teacher, you are doing amazing work with our kids.   To see each student participating together, all at once, is not an easy task (if I'm being honest, I don't think Ms. Momley or I have been able to command the students as well as you have so far this year).  You are a fantastic teacher.  We are so lucky/thankful to have you on board.

 

Keep up the great work!

What the HECK?!

I am 100% in agreement with the praise he had for the teacher. I took serious offence to what he added in the brackets within his response! Honestly, what the heck?! When this Music teacher comes into our classroom, our students are on their way back in from recess. It is a transition, and it takes a few minutes for them to change into their indoor stuff and gather on the carpet and get ready for Music. If none of that happens seamlessly, nothing gets done … no learning happens and there are no memorable moments to capture!

I can write so much about it, but I won’t! All I will end with is this … within that video, one can see Michael sitting at his desk and missing the moment captured. He should have been supporting the teacher. He should reflect on what he does or does not do. He hasn’t earned the right to say anything about the work I do.

What is heroism anyways?! … it is possible for Heaven to be a place on Earth if we can be kind to each other without demoralizing each other.

Coaching Tales

Last school year, somewhere in April or May, my principal approached me and asked me to be one of the basketball coaches for the girls’ team. My first reaction, which was a private thought, was “are you out of your mind?".

Anyone, who can see me, can see that I am a short and chubby woman. Anyone, who knows me well, knows that I cannot run to save my life. Then, why would anyone want me to be part of a coaching team for a sport that is partial to tall individuals and that requires quick footwork?!

Anyways, it turned out that I would simply be assisting the Toronto Police Services (TPS) with a basketball program they run for underprivileged girls. It was a privilege to be part of it in any capacity. I think of police as protecting us, but I saw them inspire young girls to come out and have fun. Some of the girls were there for the love of basketball; some of them were there to hang out with their friends, and some of them were there for the free food! It doesn't matter why they were there; it was cool that they had the opportunity to be there!

So, when the other ISP teacher approached me at the beginning of this school year to help coach soccer, I did not hesitate. Again, I had no clue about the sport; however, I was willing to learn and support in any way I could! The both of us are there before 8 am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Some mornings, it has been rainy or cold, but we have been there for 3 weeks, and next week, we have the tournament - 4 schools go up against each other, and one advances to the next round. I am keeping my fingers crossed. We have one practice left!

Here are some highlights:

- Since it is 'All Gender', there is also a fierce battle between the boys and the girls when they do scrimmage. Once a girl blocked the ball at the net and I screamed with joy and said, "nice save" ... literally all the students looked at me and said, "she used her hands!!". Haiyya ... I keep forgetting that in most parts of the world, the sport is known as 'football' with an emphasis on the word 'foot'. :-)

- The phrase I use the most is "listen up!". I have *the* Teacher's Voice and I use it when kids don't listen to the coach.

- I feel super important with my clipboard and pencil.

I won't be going to the tournament next week as they can only provide release time for one teacher. It doesn't matter. I will be cheering on from wherever I am.

Blue or Green

I felt the need to add that I am, obviously, in the Blue Zone when I arrive home! My oft repeated statement to Hans is, “I am so tired!”. And I also wanted to add that yesterday, I started my workday with some early morning Soccer coaching! Yes, I coach on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It is an ‘All Gender’ team. And the kids are teaching me all about Soccer. I am a little clueless; however, I am finding out that the most important part of coaching is to show up!

I will perhaps attempt to share some of my coaching escapades one of these days. And in all honesty, I am the Assistant Coach; so, I am probably not that vital. And yet, I am enjoying the experience.

Given that I had an extra long day yesterday, I was truly in the Blue Zone when I got home. However, I completed my IEPs and caught up a little bit on my sleep. This morning, I woke up and realized that I probably come across as an annoying person to my coworkers!

So, I needed to confess that I am as human as the rest of them.

Green OR Blue

If anyone has had an opportunity to work in a classroom full of students diagnosed with Autism, they would have heard of the 'Zones of Regulation'. I am almost always in the Green Zone. That means I am calm and happy and ready to learn.

Today, we had a very chaotic morning. We have a student "visiting" us from the other ISP classroom, and he is as confused as our students. He got into a tussle of sorts with 3 of our students, one at a time, and one after the other. All 3 of them got dysregulated right away, and there was no way any learning was going to happen. Michael made a call to take all the students (5+1) to the Sensory Room. I was glad he made the call and supported it 100%.

When we got back, we were good to go! We start our school day by checking where each of us is ... in terms of the 4 Zones. Today, we were spread out over the 4 of them. We knew whom we could nudge a little and whom to not nudge at all.

Despite the rough start, we had some spectacular moments in the school day. We love when we end the school day with all students going home safely and happily. Some days, we do some debriefing. Today, Michael told me that I can't be in the Green Zone all the time. His rationale is that students need to see us in other Zones. Today, he felt I could have been in the Blue Zone since I worked late last night on the Individual Education Plans (IEPs) for our students that are due tomorrow, and I didn't sleep well, and I had a rough morning! Michael felt that I could do some role modeling for our students - like letting them know it is okay to be in the other Zones. I got his point; however, I truly was in the Green Zone!

I had to let Michael know that I am annoyingly positive. Honestly, I love my job. I love my students (maybe not the most politically correct thing to say, but I do). I always think of how a parent would want their child treated, and since I am a parent, I would want a loving and caring adult taking care of my kids, especially if they also have special needs.

Once I am in my classroom, and I see my 1st student, it is showtime! They get the best of me. I come home, and I have no energy left for my child. It is wonderful that he doesn't need me anymore! 

At this point in this post, I will purposefully digress ... 

Recently, I watched this special on Barbara Walters. She apparently had a child, and she prioritized her job over her parental duties. Within the special, I got to hear Oprah Winfrey's thoughts about that. She shared that Ms Walters encouraged her to have a child; but Ms Winfrey decided that it is best not to since she only had time for her work or something like that! And I got that ... I don't believe Ms Winfrey was saying she made a better choice, I believe she was saying she made a different choice that works for her. Well, some of us are lucky to have the ability to make choices, and I am thankful I am one of those lucky ones!

At the end of the day, it is about women not judging other women. It is also about men not telling women what they should do and how they should feel about the choices they make. When I choose to be in the Green Zone, I could also be role modeling to students that we can continue to be positive regardless of how terrible things get.