Death and Life

Hans is not as much fascinated by God anymore, however that has been replaced by his fascination for Death...rather a fear of Death.

A few days ago, he was bawling while he got ready for bedtime. He kept saying that he didn't want to die and he didn't want anyone else to die as well. I let Hans cry. I believe it is therapeutic to ‎let it all out. Once he calmed down, he wondered if he would go to Heaven?! Of course, I assured him. Hans wanted a guarantee!! How can I be so sure that he would go to Heaven? How do I know? I had to admit that I didn't know for sure...

Then, he requested that he didn't want to be buried. He wanted to know his options. I mentioned cremation and he wasn't exactly sold on the idea. It was quite bizarre ‎that we were having this conversation just before bed time instead of reading a superhero book together. Finally, Hans drifted off to sleep.

If Hans ever brings up Death again, I would perhaps steer the conversation towards Life. As many wise people have already observed, Death is imminent; we cannot avoid it! We all die some time or the other. How nice! Now that we have that out of our way, I would really want both my boys to live Lives that are remembered.

On that note, I will continue to persevere ‎as well. Life is too short and there is a lot to be done. So what if some plans fall apart; there are others to consider. And I want my Life to be remembered! 

It is great how the boys remind me about what is important. In the process of trying to answer their questions, I find solutions to my own dilemmas. While I am chasing away their demons, I find my angels.

 

(L)earnings from 41 Years of Life

As I am approaching the year after the "big four oh", I feel like there is so much I still need to do on a personal level as well as on a Momley level!

Recently, I have been looking at Momley Moments as some sort of a virtual ‎head stone over my final resting place. This is where the boys can visit and reflect. Given that, I need to put more thought into my ramblings!

Couple of days ago, I woke up to read an email from my friend Y. She needs to leave the country to visit her grandfather who had a heart attack. It is one of those moments where I didn't know how to respond. Her family, 3 generations of people, were planning the 100th birthday celebration for this very grandfather over several weeks if not months. Now, it may never happen...

Such is life. We are here one day and gone the next. Plans fall apart and there are times I have fallen apart. However, I am fortunate to have family and friends who put me back together each and every time. Currently, another plan seems to be falling apart. I planned to be reemployed by the time I was 40; didn't happen! I was kind enough to give myself an year's extension. Now that I am so close to meeting my own renewed due date, it appears like things may not work out?!

When someone's life is about to end, a plan to be gainfully employed‎ seems so materialistic! But employment is important; I have found out in recent years. But I also remember my friend's, Smoggy's, words: any job, at the end of a day, is just a job. Smoggy is right. There will be other jobs to find! I guess the reason I can't find a job is because I don't want any job; I want a job that means something to me. I have waited so long that it doesn't make sense to compromise as the goal is near!

I guess I am quite fortunate (again) to have this time to dwell on my situation and to have the ability to choose. ‎If this were life or death, I guess I would have little choice...I would take the first available flight out!

So, what have I learned in the last 41 years that I can share with my children?

Life is measured by the choices we make when we actually have the ability to choose. ‎Some choices are made for us and some we make under duress. The choices we take the time to make are the ones that truly define us! So, I hope my children make the right choices in their lifetime and can look back on life with few regrets.

Right now, at this moment in time, I can.

 

Canada Day OR Any Day

We, the 4 of us and my brother's family of 3, headed to Ottawa for Canada Day festivities. Recently my honourary brother and his wife moved there‎, and it just felt right to throw in some quality family time. The bonus is that my friend KPF lives in Ottawa as well. It was a wonderful opportunity for ASid and Hans to meet KPF. Many years from now, when I am no more and the boys visit these pages, they will know who my friends are and what they have contributed to their Momley's Life.

Coming back to Canada Day, it was a rainy, windy and somewhat cold day. Some of our spirits were dampened and yet, we stepped out to watch the fireworks. We spent some time at the "most visited" Museum in Canada and enjoyed some beavertails. KPF joined us there and we were a merry party of 10. We lined up to look at the Magna Carta and then we all wandered off in groups of 2 and 3. It is always a pleasure to catch up with friends and it is always a treat to spend even a few minutes with KPF. He is genuinely a kind person and he let me blah blah blah blah about Post-Colonial Literature and Native Canadians (our First Nations' people) while we walked through the Museum. I don't think I paid any attention to the actual exhibits. KPF is my Ezra Pound and I am always eager to share all my knowledge and experiences with him; however, he needs to start editing my speaking as well as my writing! Not going to happen…he is too kind for his own good!

Anyway, while we were at the Museum, people started gathering just outside for the 10 pm fireworks. Eventually we parted ways with KPF who was off to support another friend; then we grabbed some dinner and joined the crowds for the fireworks. ‎The much anticipated fireworks lasted 15 minutes and were spectacular. We were cold, but were warmed by the brilliant display of colours, light and sound.

How far have we come since the Magna Carta and yet, no technology or scientific advancement can beat the time spent with family and friends. Canada Day or any day, it is a celebration when I have a few moments with the people who matter the most in my Life.


Note: When I talk about my friend being Ezra Pound, I mean it in the best possible sense. KPF stands by his friends no matter what and, he silently listens and supports. ‎I have always felt it easier to share my writing with him than anyone else. I guess I also wanted him to be an editor of sorts; quite the burden to place on a good friend! So, I call him my Ezra Pound - the man who was one of the bestest of friends and the greatest of editors!! That's what I mean...plain and simple!