Last instalment of the Freezie series

It appears like kids forget what their parents tell them if that information is not reinforced at least a few more times.

Last Friday, Hans was at it again. He forgot the economics lecture from 4 weeks ago and insisted that I buy him the darned $2 freezie! Hans stared at the freezies like a starved kid while I glared at him like a mom from hell. Hans' friend K's mom offered to buy it for him. It wasn't about the money. It was a matter of principle!

I looked at Hans and said, "It is your mom or the freezie! Choose!"

All Hans had to say to that was, "You don't know how it is to be a child!" And literally shut down on me!

I insisted on knowing if it is his mom or the freezie?! And he gave me back my own words by saying that if I was dying, he would pick me. But since that isn't the case, he is picking the freezie.

Wow! That is what he got out of my oft repeated "It is not life or death!".

That was the 5th Friday and fortunately, there is only one more left! Hopefully, that was the second and last conversation with Hans about the $2 freezies.

We did wrap up the day on a good note though. Before he dozed off, Hans wanted me to know that I am the greatest mom; however, he can say mean things to me when he is angry. He asked me to not take them too seriously!

I was so mad at Hans for a few hours and he was upset at me too. Between the two of us, he turned out to be the better person. He not only did not get the freezie, he reflected on his behaviour and apologized to me. And I simply took out all my frustration related to the freezies on Hans and I did not think twice about my behaviour.

And that is exactly what has been happening on the playground...

Some parents are retaliating against the $2 freezies by bringing their own freezies and distributing them on the playground. While doing so, they have created a have/have not culture and younger kids have been severely disappointed and have even cried bitter tears. Some parents have complained to the Principal and some parents have rebelled against the Principal. Eventually, an email went out requesting all parents to stop distributing "snacks" after school. The dilemma that some parents were left with was that selling the $2 freezies is also like buying an after school "snack" and that it has also led to a have/have not culture! Depending on which parent one speaks with, there will be different perspectives!

I am glad that in spite of his own personal feelings about it all, Hans is letting me uphold my own principles.

Thank you bubs!

 

Hanging out with someone else's teenager!

Sounds like a bad idea or maybe comes across as inappropriate, but I am sticking with that title!

Lady A's daughter, who is 2 years and 2 months and 8 days older than ASid, has been back from Waterloo for a few weeks now. I had the pleasure of going out for lunch with her and her mom a couple of weeks ago.

This is a teen I have known since she was 13 and now, she is almost 19! And she has come a long way. There was a time Lady A would complain about her and now, there is literally nothing to complain about. In fact, I am sure there was a time the teenager complained about her mom as well. When I lunched with them recently, it was wonderful to see how much they were enjoying each other's company. Maybe that is what needs to happen for parents and children to truly appreciate each other - spend some time away from each other!

Today, I spent about 2 hours with the teen. She wanted to visit with her teachers and her co-op class students at Hans’ school. I was happy to accompany her and spend time with her. The teachers were pleased to see her and the kids were overjoyed. There were so many questions she had to answer. One happy answer was that Math is temporary! Lady A's daughter struggled with Math through high school and now, she is Math free and on the Dean's List. Watching her interact with everyone at the school where she started her educational journey, I felt like a proud Aunty!

After the visit, while we were chatting and she was thanking me for accompanying her, I realized that Craigley was working from home and I completely forgot about his lunch! Then I told the teenager how Craigley thinks I am "too social" and how I think he is "antisocial". She was amused at how I said antisocial, but she was quick to remark that I was just the right amount of social!

Validation from teenagers is awesome. It was wonderful to hear a teenager appreciate her mom and her mom’s friend. This generation is supposed to be immersed in social media and somewhat out of touch with reality; but I saw the opposite. Here was an amazing 18 year old who took the time to visit with her teachers and her co-op students and had a real "face time".

I was just fortunate to have been in the right company, at the right time and in the right place. I hope ASid and Hans take the time to go back and visit with people who started them off on their incredible journeys. I really hope so.

The First of Many!

Hans will be 10 tomorrow at 4:44 pm. His first double digit birthday!

The boy has been excited for days. In fact, he planned his own party at his grandparents' home and invited all his peeps. It is going to be an extended family dinner with my mom's homemade food. I could not have planned it better than that!

The sad truth is that I am so preoccupied with the Fun Fair that tomorrow will be mostly about launching the pre-order form! I do not have the wherewithal to host a birthday party for Hans. I have it scheduled for mid-June (after the Fun Fair and the last School Council meeting) when I can actually come through with the big “playdate” party Hans requested!

So, I am not surprised that Hans decided to take matters into his own hands and recruited the best possible people to help him out. If I am not mistaken, my brother maybe taking the day off and pitching in as well!

What am I doing tomorrow?! Well, I am at Hans' school for half a day helping with various school activities and I am also tutoring as scheduled. But I am picking up the cake and ice cream for the party. At least, I am doing that! Plus, I have my friend Y picking up Hans from school and dropping him off at my parents' home so the boy can kick start his birthday celebrations as soon as possible…

Hans, bubby, happy 10th!! Have the best day ever!!

 

The Future Knight at my Kitchen Table

The actual word ASid used was "Gods" and related it to "The Last Supper". However, I am tired of using that word and also, want to avoid any religious sentiments. So, the change to the word "Knights"!

ASid was talking about the graduating class of his high school program. He was in awe of these 12 students who to him are above normal human beings. He spoke at length about this girl who is not only brilliant, but chairing the top 3 clubs at school. He also spoke about 2 boys who have been accepted into their programs of choice for postsecondary education.

While he spoke about them, ASid was acutely aware that he would be part of the graduating class within a few months’ time. He wistfully acknowledged that there may only be 3 such super human beings in his own cohort. He did not list himself as one of the 3!

And as one wise man said a long long time ago, “A fool who knows he is a fool is wise indeed".

And I know ASid will be fine because he actually communicates about his life with his mother!

Most everyone think it is quite unnecessary to wake up for my teenage child! Well, the argument is that his phone has an alarm to wake him up and that he is old enough to make his own breakfast! For sure, I do not disagree with sound logic ever! However, it is my choice. I like to be up with my child and have that small window of opportunity to have a conversation.

As parents, we make choices that work for us. And our children are a reflection of us. Children do listen to conversations at home and their earliest opinions are words that they hear their parents speak. Recently, Craigley has remarked that the way I speak to him is exactly the way the boys speak to him. And I find a little "Craigley-ness" in the boys that drives me crazy. So even though we hope for our children to get the best from us, they could also get the worst from us! 

Of course, as always, this is all in the perspective.

Going back to ASid and his own opinion of himself, it is quite reflective of how he is doing at school right now. It is also reflective of how Craigley and I feel about how he is doing in general. However, opinions can change for the better.

And when ASid eventually makes it to the Round Table at school, he would be deeply aware that he has earned that place at that table. He would also be ready to assume the responsibilities that come with it. 

I know this because I see a knight in training at my kitchen table almost every morning.

 

Freezie-ly Ever After

There are times couples split up and people wonder why?! 

Today, I was ready to disown Craigley. He went ahead and purchased not one but two $2 freezies on the playground at pickup. It was a full frontal backstabbing!!

It may appear like I am overreacting or unnecessarily exaggerating; however, in any battle whether real or imagined, there are the allies and there are the opponents. One would expect one's own spouse to be an ally and not go fund the artillery of the enemy.

But then, it was my fault that Craigley was there at Hans' school in the first place. He got home early from work and I wondered if he wanted to go with me to pick up Hans and Y's younger boy, and take them out for ice cream?!

One would think that since we were going out for ice cream anyways, we would quite naturally stay away from a freezie?! But we are talking about Craigley here!! This man can't resist buying anything sweet. More than half of our tiny freezer is filled with boxes of ice cream at any time in any random month. Given that, I should have warned him about not buying those freezies. It doesn't matter how much I talk about anything to Craigley, he needs gentle reminders. Luckily, he only purchased two freezies to start off with and shared one with P's boy who is actually part of the graduating class and would benefit from that purchase.

And Craigley was ready to buy a few more, but I ushered him into the school building and away from the freezie table!

It was a humbling moment for me. I talk about principles and hell freezing over when mine own go dancing with the devil...

Since I recognize my part in this fiasco, there will never be a story to tell where a couple split up over the purchasing of a couple of freezies. That would be quite the tale indeed, but it is not the one for today!

 

Finding that balance...

Last Friday was an interesting day.

I was supposed to meet up with a mom friend after drop off and walk to McDonald's, grab a coffee, catch up and walk back. 

We ended up at Edwards Gardens instead for our walk! In a weird coincidence, some of Hans' school students were on a field trip there. There were a few parent volunteers as usual. Some of the students were like "There is Hans' mom!" and I am sure some of the parents thought "Does she have to be everywhere?!”, “Is she stalking us?!"

I wished I disappeared somewhere, but my friend P was on the trip and she made it a point to walk over and say hello to our mutual mom friend, the Harvard Grad, and me.

That was awkward. Really, who drives to Edwards Gardens for a morning walk?! I must have been doing a quality control check on the field trip or what?! Intentionally or unintentionally, it seems like my life revolves around Hans' school way too much than necessary.

Last Friday was also Craigley's birthday. He decided to order his own cake which was flown in from New York!! And who does he invite to celebrate his special day?! He invited Y and P, and their kids. Y had 2 sick boys and P was tired from the field trip! But the latter decided to indulge the birthday boy anyway. Craigley not only ordered his own cake, he also picked up cookies and ice cream. It was a feast for children!!

Is there a point to the retelling of events from a couple of days ago?!

Yes. The point is that I take myself way too seriously and Craigley can't be bothered to take most anything seriously. I hope the boys find a balance between their dad’s and their mom’s way of living their lives.

Here is some helpful information that my friend Chits shared with us; they are sage words from a certain “philosopher” who inspires her. I am only quoting the parts that stood out for me!

…Your work has to be lived, and your life has to be worked at…Above all, the most important work is to work upon yourself.

Boys, if that sounds a little confusing, just remember that there is always room for improvement!

The Burden and The Joy

Some days I think about my life and I am overwhelmed. This usually happens when I am sick. 

Last week, I felt so sick that I got Craigley to drive me to the walk-in clinic near our home. Even Craigley knew that I must have been really sick. Usually, I downplay any sickness and keep going. If I need to see a doctor, it means serious "sit up and pay attention" stuff! I was sick indeed and got put on antibiotics.

The boys looked almost scared when we got back. They wanted to know if I was going to be alright?! I assured them I was fine. I was up like usual the next couple of days, but literally spent the time between drop-off and pickup dealing with a low grade fever and chills. Those 2 days I was dealing with those symptoms, I just felt like someone should put me out of my misery for good. As mentioned earlier, I am not exactly afraid of death. If anything, I am afraid of leaving before I finish my responsibilities! I would hate to have other people pick up my slack!

While I was mulling over all this heavy stuff, I continued to respond to email and what not. I am known to respond rapidly and if I don't respond within a certain amount of time, some people have actually wondered if I was alive?! While I was taking care that people don't presume I am dead, I was intensely thinking about my life.

Out of all my thoughts, one memory stood out. It was from last year's Mother's Day. Hans' Art teacher wanted them to do some art work and dedicate it to the moms. When I went to pick Hans up, the Art teacher remarked that Hans literally won the battle of words in trying to describe the moms. Most every other child (usually there are 4 to 5 of them) wrote about his/her mom being the "best mom in the world or on the planet"; Hans proclaimed that his mom is the "best person in the universe"! It brought the battle to a definitive end!

When anyone has such a conviction of the heart, it is impossible to give up on anything related to that person much less life on the whole! Hans has high expectations of me and no way can I let him down. With that thought, I proceeded to get better as soon as possible. I am much better now and tomorrow is The CW audition. I drop off the boy at 7:30 am and pick him up at 11:45 am. He is supposed to take a copy of his report card with him. Part of me is already annoyed, but part of me knows that this job needs to be completed.

Hans needs to walk through this fire even when I know he will get burnt. And when he comes out of the fire, I will be there with a blanket to wrap around him.

My expectations of the boys are that they never give up on their dreams and that they are fearless in the pursuit of their dreams.

The Light in Everyone

As we left Hans’ piano lesson today, I checked my messages and saw a text from Chucky's/Junior's mom. She was wondering if Hans was free to play with her son. I looked at Hans and exclaimed that I would never have believed that one day he would be asked to play with Junior again?! 

It was literally 4 years ago that I let it be known to Junior's parents that our boys should stay away from each other. I did not want their boy anywhere near Hans. Last year, when I asked Hans to invite all the boys in his class for his 9th birthday, we included Junior. I guess that opened up the lines of communication again. Still, there was a lot of awkwardness. Today's request was literally a surprise.

When I exclaimed to Hans, he looked at me and said, “There is light in everyone”. I wondered out loud if he was Yoda or some Jedi Master speaking?!

Hans is like me. He does not forget, but he is willing to forgive. He is willing to give people in his life another chance. That is not entirely a bad trait.

It looks like Hans and Junior may play together again after 4 years. It is quite possible as children get older they also become more mature?! Whatever Hans decides, I am OK with it.

As G and I were discussing this morning, we cannot create friendships for our children. We can try and orchestrate play dates and situations, but it is best to support the friendships our children build on their own. Hopefully, the said children choose wisely and even when they don't, there is a sweet little voice in my head now reminding me that “there is light in everyone”.