Last week, I felt so sick
that I got Craigley to drive me to the walk-in clinic near our home. Even
Craigley knew that I must have been really sick. Usually, I downplay any
sickness and keep going. If I need to see a doctor, it means serious "sit
up and pay attention" stuff! I was sick indeed and got put on antibiotics.
The boys looked almost scared
when we got back. They wanted to know if
I was going to be alright?! I assured them I was fine. I was up like usual
the next couple of days, but literally spent the time between drop-off and pickup
dealing with a low grade fever and chills. Those 2 days I was dealing with
those symptoms, I just felt like someone should put me out of my misery for
good. As mentioned earlier, I am not
exactly afraid of death. If anything, I am afraid of leaving before I finish my
responsibilities! I would hate to have other people pick up my slack!
While I was mulling over all
this heavy stuff, I continued to respond to email and what not. I am known to
respond rapidly and if I don't respond within a certain amount of time, some
people have actually wondered if I was alive?! While I was taking care that
people don't presume I am dead, I was intensely thinking about my life.
Out of all my thoughts, one memory stood out. It was from last
year's Mother's Day. Hans' Art teacher wanted them to do some art work and
dedicate it to the moms. When I went to pick Hans up, the Art teacher remarked
that Hans literally won the battle of words in trying to describe the moms.
Most every other child (usually there are 4 to 5 of them) wrote about his/her
mom being the "best mom in the world or on the planet"; Hans proclaimed
that his mom is the "best person in the universe"! It brought the battle to a definitive end!
When anyone has such a
conviction of the heart, it is impossible to give up on anything related to
that person much less life on the whole! Hans has high expectations of me and
no way can I let him down. With that thought, I proceeded to get better as soon
as possible. I am much better now and tomorrow is The CW audition. I drop off
the boy at 7:30 am and pick him up at 11:45 am. He is supposed to take a copy
of his report card with him. Part of me is already annoyed, but part of me
knows that this job needs to be completed.
Hans needs to walk through this fire even when I know he will get
burnt. And when he comes out of the fire, I will be there with a blanket to
wrap around him.
My expectations of the boys are
that they never give up on their dreams and that they are fearless in the
pursuit of their dreams.
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