Letting Live & Letting Go

"The Woman. The Legend. The Momley."
That was what my 17 year old said a few minutes ago.

2 days ago, he pretty much told me that I may be responsible for ruining his life.

I did not agree with him then and I did not agree with him now.

ASid is going through a phase of some sort. He is in his last semester and he has just 3 courses to complete towards his high school diploma. Perhaps he is burnt out or perhaps he is stressed out.

We both ended up in an intense discussion where he felt that he was pushed onto this path based on an award he received at his Grade 6 graduation. The truth is that I was proud of him, but never insisted he pursue the "Sciences". In fact, I was always for French and "Canadian Bilingualism". Recently, I even asked ASid to consider a B.Ed with French as his teachable when he was applying to programs at various universities. We need more male teachers at elementary level and we also need more French teachers. The boy looked at me like I was insane. Instead, he chose Computer Engineering and Computer Science at both Waterloo and U of T as his top 4 choices. And now, he is not so sure! And for some reason, it was easy to blame "The Momley"!

After sleeping on it for a couple of days and missing a day of school, ASid is back to normal.

2 days ago, I strongly disagreed with the boy. I reminded ASid that he has always made his own choices and I have always supported him unconditionally. After stating that, I asked him how I can help him feel less frustrated. He suggested that I let him continue to explore his options. The first of which was to attend a Hackathon in Windsor this weekend.

I do not know what to do as a parent some days.

Eventually, I have to let ASid go. The days are numbered. For now, I might as well live and let him live.

 

brief brushes with fame

A writer and a teacher are both somewhat in the public eye!

The other day, I was with ASid in this lesser known food court and heard a loud "Mrs. Momley!". It was a joyous shout from a boy who was with a bunch of other boys. ASid quickly walked away as I approached the small smiling group. I was able to place them at the right school based on proximity to the food court and their ages. They were Grade 7 or 8, and they were from the school I dread! And they were delighted to see me!

I felt like a mini celebrity.

But I am not one really. Whenever we run into my dad's clients, they are almost always full of praise for my dad. I have only heard superlatives for him.

I have always wanted my dad to hear good things about me as well. It did happen a few months ago when he decided to help me with pickup. He parked his car on the street, close to one of the entrances to Hans' school. We were early and we just decided to sit and wait it out. Couple of parents stopped by and when they realized that my dad was the person beside me, they were kind enough to say really nice things about his daughter. That was my little insignificant "gift" to my dad for all the times he stands by me and supports me.

I want(ed) him to know I am worthy of the faith he places in me.

Recently, I had another sweet little moment.

Hans and I were walking in our neighbourhood and we saw a lady with a cute little dog. These days, my brain is continuously occupied with recruiting people and pets for the magazine I work for. So, I approached the lady to ask her about her pet. As soon as she heard the name of the magazine, she wanted to know if I had read the most recent feature?! I was like "I wrote that!". And Hans nodded affirmatively a couple of times. The lady looked at me and was surprised to find out I wrote the feature article that she enjoyed reading. Once she recovered, she was delighted and wanted to know more about me.

I guess in spite of my efforts to look like my most natural self in the picture submitted to the magazine, I am still unrecognizable.

Hans was also delighted for me. A few days ago, he wanted to know if I was "proud of myself" since I am writing and teaching now, and living my dream. I thought about it and told him that I am happy, but I am not sure about being proud.

I don't think I have done or accomplished even a 10th of what my dad has or even my brother (who is younger than me) has! I just started and my only hope is that I make my family proud someday.

Fame is fleeting!

 

Taking a break ...

Yesterday, Friday, was the last day of the March Break week.

Tuesday, Hans and I hung out with my friend C and her oldest boy. We were in Thornhill. Thursday, we went on a day trip with Y and her boys to Niagara Falls. We went to learn about how maple syrup is made!

Actually, I had planned to be in Ottawa with Hans. I really wanted to see KPF and this time, I thought I would include Hans so he could also benefit from spending some time with my dear friend. The trip didn't happen unfortunately. It was a surprise for KPF; so, at least, I didn't have to disappoint him. However, in a strange coincidence, he thought of me and we ended up catching up over a phone call. The gist of the call was that KPF thinks I might be happy pursuing a career in counselling!

Maybe one day, I will do that as well.

For now, it was just great taking a break with the boys and spending some time together.

Wednesday, ASid and I found another series to watch on Netflix. It was actually suggested by C after she read the last blog post about my struggles with inappropriate language.

I got to learn a new phrase, "kid before diagnosis". I hope I am quoting it accurately.

Overall, it was a great week connecting with the people I care about.

Recently, I have been so busy that I felt left out on some days. However, this break made me realize that I have to make an effort if it matters. If I care about being inclusive, I must include myself as well when opportunities arise, and take that break!

P.S. A few hours after I posted the above, Hans did his own recap of the March Break. His 2 favourite days were the days I did not mention. Monday was my brother’s birthday and my mom hosted a family dinner. Friday, Craigley took the boys to Comicon. It was their first and they had a lot of fun.

P.P.S. Like I always say, this blog is only one perspective on my life. If written from a different perspective, it would be something else!

 

Inappropriate Exchange of Words

Day before yesterday, I got an email from Hans' teacher letting me know that Hans shared an inappropriate joke with a classmate and that the teacher needed to meet with me. Receiving email like that in the middle of my work day got me very upset. Part of me wanted to know what was so inappropriate and part of me wanted to just disappear!

I take all complaints about my children personally - like it is my fault.

As I wrapped up my work day, I remarked to an Education Assistant (EA) that this one child was such a tomboy and her parents have her in these very girly boots. The EA immediately proceeded to assure me that she would not share our conversation with anyone. She felt that I was inappropriate in calling the girl a "Tomboy". I was taken aback, but immediately apologized for not thinking through it!

When I got home, Craigley let me know that he spoke with Hans' teacher. Apparently, Hans shared something he saw on YouTube with a classmate that he thought was funny, however the content included a racial slur. The other boy then ran off to share it with another, and this boy complained to the teacher!

First of all, the boy who complained is perhaps the biggest troublemaker in the classroom. He is more inappropriate in more ways than anyone else. And he chose to complain about Hans and the teacher got tough with the latter!

For the nth time in his little life, Hans made the wrong choice. So, I am not trying to blame the boy who got him into trouble. Hans got into trouble all by himself!

Later that night, as Craigley and I were debriefing about the unfortunate incident, I mentioned my own unfortunate utterance. Craigley immediately flew off the handle and cautioned me about how I could lose my job with such insensitive talk!

Seriously?!

I'd like to believe I am one of the most sensitive people out there. I am always kind and accommodating. I expected Craigley to sympathize with me a little bit since I was sharing the other rough moment I had in the day.

Instead, he gave me a "think sheet" like the one Hans got from his teacher.

Yesterday morning, I made another mistake. I saw this child with the biggest smile and remarked to the mom, "What a happy boy!". The mom looked at me like she was going to pound me. Then, I realized my mistake. I apologized immediately and said, “What a happy kid!". The mom muttered under her breath, "What part of the pink jacket did you miss?".

In this super sensitive world of ours, I thought we needed to be colour blind. Can boys not wear pink?!

I believe I made an honest mistake. But the real mistake was debriefing with Craigley again. He actually lost it with me and declared that I might as well wish my new job goodbye!

Seriously?!

But then again, in all seriousness, we live in a new world. We have to watch every word that comes out of our mouths. Our own family could disown us over genuine mistakes we make.

I did take the opportunity two days ago to give a big hug to let Hans know that I love him no matter what. He made a mistake. He was trying to be funny and sharing something he heard that made him laugh. It was unfortunate that it was inappropriate. It was also unfortunate that the ones who laughed with him chose to complain about him to the teacher. It was a lesson for him on many levels. I just wanted him to know that he made a mistake and it does not define who he is fundamentally. On any given day, he is a kind boy who is generous and good to people around him.

The reason I had to rethink the way I reacted to my children's mistake was the fact that Hans did not bring home the "think sheet" his teacher gave him. He was afraid to share it with me because he was afraid of the general emotional outburst I would have over it. That's the reason the teacher emailed me!

My child was afraid to share information about his bad day with me.

There isn't much of a difference between Craigley's reaction and what my child perceived mine would be like. I am glad I approached it differently even before I had a chance to reflect on Craigley's 2 outbursts to my own 2 confessions!

We can blame the world or we can make changes to our own ways. There is always a choice.

 

The Good, the Bad and the Paycheque

On a fine day, I walked into a classroom to relieve the teacher for a meeting. As soon as I walked in, a few students shouted out with glee, "YAY! We get the good one!" Once the teacher left the room, I asked them what they meant by "the good one"?! 

Couple of students proceeded to distinguish between good and bad supply teachers. One enlightened me by stating that there are actually 3 categories - the good, the bad and those that are there for their paycheques! Apparently, one supply teacher candidly told them that he is only there for his paycheque! It was one of those sad and amazing moments - sad that a teacher would say that and amazing that students actually listened and remembered what was said!

I have been making observations as a teacher, but I am also actively listening to students and it has allowed me to look at the big picture from more than one perspective.

And this is what I have - there are terrible students and terrible teachers. However, there are awesome students and incredible teachers. And there is a spectrum of them in between these extremes.

As of today, I have worked 24 days and logged in 19 full supply teaching days. Within a short period of time, I have had 3 teachers text me or call me, and request me to supply teach for them. These are teachers I have never worked with! I have had a teacher walk into a classroom I was in and quite literally demand that I supply teach for him that afternoon. He made it happen! And I taught in his Grade 1 French Immersion classroom. It was a wonderfully validating moment!

In this short period of time, I also realized that teaching does not look at ages or appearances of a teacher and it most definitely does not care for gender or race! Teaching is all about being there 100% - mentally and physically. Emotions can get in the way, but it is good to keep them positive.

While I am being all illuminating here, I would also like to confess that I still do not enjoy going to that one particular school, and yet, I have consciously gone back by my own choice recently and would continue to do so. If I can overcome how I feel about this school, I may truly be on my way to becoming a good teacher.

 

Noteworthy Remarks: I have wanted to be a teacher ever since I was a little girl. In a way, this is a dream come true. However, I have had good days and bad days in a very short amount of time. There have been moments I questioned this line of work I chose for myself. But then there is nothing else I want to do more than teach!

I hope the boys find something to do for the rest of their lives that gives them a sense of self and satisfaction which is not solely dependent on a paycheque!