I take all complaints about my children personally - like it is my
fault.
As I wrapped up my work day,
I remarked to an Education Assistant (EA) that this one child was such a tomboy
and her parents have her in these very girly boots. The EA immediately
proceeded to assure me that she would not share our conversation with anyone.
She felt that I was inappropriate in calling the girl a "Tomboy". I
was taken aback, but immediately apologized for not thinking through it!
When I got home, Craigley let
me know that he spoke with Hans' teacher. Apparently, Hans shared something he
saw on YouTube with a classmate that he thought was funny, however the content
included a racial slur. The other boy then ran off to share it with another,
and this boy complained to the teacher!
First of all, the boy who complained is perhaps the biggest
troublemaker in the classroom. He is more inappropriate in more ways than anyone
else. And he chose to complain about Hans and the teacher got tough with the
latter!
For the nth time in his
little life, Hans made the wrong choice. So, I am not trying to blame the boy
who got him into trouble. Hans got into trouble all by himself!
Later that night, as Craigley
and I were debriefing about the unfortunate incident, I mentioned my own
unfortunate utterance. Craigley immediately flew off the handle and cautioned
me about how I could lose my job with such insensitive talk!
Seriously?!
I'd like to believe I am one
of the most sensitive people out there. I am always kind and accommodating. I
expected Craigley to sympathize with me a little bit since I was sharing the
other rough moment I had in the day.
Instead, he gave me a "think sheet" like the one Hans got from
his teacher.
Yesterday morning, I made
another mistake. I saw this child with the biggest smile and remarked to the
mom, "What a happy boy!". The mom looked at me like she was going to
pound me. Then, I realized my mistake. I apologized immediately and said, “What
a happy kid!". The mom muttered under her breath, "What part of the
pink jacket did you miss?".
In this super sensitive world of ours, I thought we needed to be colour
blind. Can boys not wear pink?!
I believe I made an honest
mistake. But the real mistake was debriefing with Craigley again. He actually
lost it with me and declared that I might as well wish my new job goodbye!
Seriously?!
But then again, in all
seriousness, we live in a new world. We have to watch every word that comes out
of our mouths. Our own family could disown us over genuine mistakes we make.
I did take the opportunity two
days ago to give a big hug to let Hans know that I love him no matter what. He
made a mistake. He was trying to be funny and sharing something he heard that
made him laugh. It was unfortunate that it was inappropriate. It was also
unfortunate that the ones who laughed with him chose to complain about him to
the teacher. It was a lesson for him on many levels. I just wanted him to know
that he made a mistake and it does not define who he is fundamentally. On any
given day, he is a kind boy who is generous and good to people around him.
The reason I had to rethink
the way I reacted to my children's mistake was the fact that Hans did not bring
home the "think sheet" his teacher gave him. He was afraid to share
it with me because he was afraid of the general emotional outburst I would have
over it. That's the reason the teacher emailed me!
My child was afraid to share information about his bad day with me.
There isn't much of a
difference between Craigley's reaction and what my child perceived mine would
be like. I am glad I approached it differently even before I had a chance to
reflect on Craigley's 2 outbursts to my own 2 confessions!
We can blame the world or we can make changes to our own ways. There is
always a choice.
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