My messy home

My home has never been immaculately clean. It has always been somewhat messy; but now, it is really messy. It has become an analogy of sorts to what I feel in my head these days!

 

This is not another complaining session. This is me sharing concerns based on my observations this month. I started teaching online on October 1st, 2020 and today, it is October 31st, 2020.

 

I made it; however it is only one month down and 8 more to go! I don't feel like a winner! I guess I am simply a survivor!

 

And I am mostly in survival mode right now. I barely write for myself and I don’t tutor anymore. I do not call my brother or my parents, and I don’t check in with my family and friends. I have no time to cook and just about enough time to do some laundry - first priority is Hans here. Talking of whom, the boy has been very accommodating of my new way of life. He helps me with grocery shopping and chooses what he wants for breakfast and for lunch, for the week. It has made my mornings easy. ASid, on the other hand, is not home. That has been the best arrangement for both of us! He has a full course load and he is also a Teaching Assistant - he does not need Momley drama added to his plate. And Craigley has been in his own bubble since mid-March and he continues to exist within it.

 

I guess that is my personal update. I am not really concerned about my messy home. My concern is with my messed-up mind!

 

At the end of each day, I feel like I will fall apart mentally. I am responsible for 27 students - 24 are online, 2 have chosen to be exempt from synchronous learning and 1 is missing. Yes! I started with 32 students and some of them chose to switch to in person learning after the Thanksgiving weekend. I believe they chose wisely. The only fear they have is the eponymous virus and maybe a bully or a smelly school! But they have human contact even when it is a contactless environment. They can look at other kids their age and know that they are not alone!

 

Online is a lonely place. If I feel that way, I wonder how many of my students feel that way?!

 

Yesterday, I attended my first staff meeting. I got to “see” the other 51 Grade 8 teachers who are in the same learning centre as me (There are 4 learning centres in the Toronto District School Board). Some teachers were frustrated. There was a teacher who has taught Grade 8 for a decade and she was just as frustrated with how she is unable to transfer her knowledge to teach effectively online! If she feels that way, what about the teachers who are teaching Grade 8 (or any grade) for the first time ever! I know how that feels. I am learning curriculum the day before and teaching it the next day!

 

I haven’t done Prime Factorization in over 30 years. The home country I come from exempted me from Math after Grade 10! So, here I am, a terrified teacher teaching Math to a class where at least a third (if not half) of the students are terrified of Math!

 

I can’t see the faces of these kids. I hear a voice or 2 sometimes. All I can do is reassure them that most everything they are going through is temporary and they don’t have to deal with this for the rest of their lives. I feel for these kids. They are not getting the education they deserve and they do not have a teacher they deserve. We completed an entire chapter on Work and none of us have ever seen a spring scale for real - I showed them YouTube videos on how to use a spring scale to measure Force. I told them to imagine being in a laboratory!

 

This is my unsettling reality. The reason for my messed-up mind!

 

Out of the 26 students I do “see” on a daily basis, 9 of them have special needs. They need a special education teacher who knows what she is doing and who can meet at least half the special needs - they really need a special education team who can help all of them! My missing student also has special needs, but the concern right now is to find that student. A social worker could be involved and maybe more people. That is the reality for this child - only 12 or 13 and missing in action at school!

 

It makes me sad that these kids are off to high school in less than a year where they can fail a subject for the first time. Am I preparing them adequately for that reality? I don’t know. It is a messed-up situation.