The Third Time is not always The Charm!

I received 2 email messages today. I will dwell on the 2^nd one first. This was an email from a principal of a middle school. I am sharing an excerpt below:

I received your name from a colleague who interviewed you and mentioned that you were an excellent candidate and still looking for a position. At the last minute, an opening has become available in our Grade 8 class, and I wanted to reach out to see if you would be interested.

So, that was a subtle note to say that I did not get the job that I interviewed for yesterday! So, the third time was a bust as well!

It’s alright.

Now, I will focus on the 1^st email I received today. I wasn’t the recipient exactly. ASid responded to Bambino and CC’d me on it. This is what he had to say about his mother:

I hope I have … my Mom's patience to deal with rejection, and to pick myself back up.

At least, I am being somewhat of a role model to my child with the way I am dealing with all the rejections. ASid is interviewing for jobs as well. And I like what he had to say about his experiences in general.

I've come to wish for many things, and also, not achieve everything.

How profound for a young man his age! Obviously, I am biased. But his words reminded me of what he told me, when he got home, after his first day of high school.

There are others who are smarter than me.

I knew, that day, that my boy was on his way. Today, I may have lost another job opportunity; however, I am bursting with joy and pride. The future looks bright.

The Third Time!!!

Today, I interviewed for a job. I interviewed for the same job, at a different school, in 2021. I did not get the job. I was too inexperienced. I had less than 100 days of supply teaching, and one online teaching experience. This was a job posting for an ASD classroom. So, I went and got some experience. I applied for the same job, at another school, in 2023. I did not get the job. I also did not get any feedback! So, I went and got qualified with a course that is about communication needs of students with ASD. Last Friday, I applied for the job once again, at yet another school. Today, I interviewed for that job.

The toughest question was - how do you get your students to think? That got me thinking. Long time ago, in another lifetime, I was a facilitator in a postgraduate diploma program. One of the buzz phrases we used then was ‘cognitive apprenticeship’ and we loosely described it as a teacher making their thinking visible to their students, as they work through whatever it is that they are trying to teach their students. However, I didn’t think about that at all. I literally went blank. Finally, I said something like ‘by putting them in situations that get them questioning’. What?! At that moment in time, that was my answer. And I guess I was saying that when students start questioning their learning is when they start thinking about its value. Interview questions, on the other hand, do not allow you to think too much. The irony!

I don’t know if I will get the job. Hans was on his way out just before the interview. He casually said that the third time is the charm. I guess I will find out.

Smoggie Days are Sunshiny Days

Today, I watched a second movie with ASid and Hans. Like the last time, we went grocery shopping after. ASid didn’t want me to pay for his groceries, and I told him that I’d like to pay for them until he gets a job. And I reminded him that those weren’t my words - those were the words Smoggie used several times with me!

ASid is wrapping up a summer research job and is looking for more permanent jobs. Meanwhile, he has become extremely careful with whatever disposable income he has … which is probably not that much! In the last 2 years, the young man has been to Cuba, Mexico, the Mother Land, Scotland, Italy, Portugal, Korea and Japan, plus short trips to Washington DC, Seattle and New York as well as several trips to Vancouver and back! It is cool that he did all that travelling and still graduated with high distinction.

Now, he is shopping at Loblaws and buying everything 50% off.

It is not the same, but I felt like that when I stopped working and decided to be a stay-at-home mom. I felt the need to curb my spending. Whenever I would meet Smoggie for lunch, he would always pick up the bill, and tell me that I could pay when I go back to work. It was just one of the kind and considerate things Smoggie did for me. And it felt right.

These days, as I look back on the last 50 years, I am reminded of a few who have had such an influence on my life that not a single day goes by without thinking of them. Smoggie is one of those few. And I want the boys to know.

To conclude, I only ended up paying under $20 for all of ASid’s groceries. And it is only the second time I paid for his groceries this summer!

The Weight of it All

When I walk down the street or board a bus, I look at the people walking by or sitting/standing, and I wonder what their stories are. I am sure everyone is more than meets the eye!

Since I have a few days of leisure, I want to take the time to write about Eternal Boy. I haven’t been very kind to him in a couple of posts, and I want to repair that damage. I shall refer to him as EB henceforth.

EB and I met in our teens. As far as romance novels/movies go, we were the proverbial bad boy and good girl. It somehow became my mission to reform him. The teachers dreaded him, and the principal wanted him out. I offered to tutor him and help him with school. He thought I was odd, but he took me up on my kind offer. That summer, he was over everyday at my home. We would sit and work at the dining table, and my mom kept a watchful eye on us. School restarted and EB’s grades improved, and everyone was shocked! A few weeks later, it was my 16^th birthday. EB showed up with flowers and 16 cards. Each card had personalized messages written by him. I cared about him deeply and I was confused. 2 months and a day later, he professed his love for me. That was September 14, 1990. After that, my parents did not have a moment of peace. Less than a year later, I was ‘shipped off’ to another city, and a year later, we left the country.

I believe EB spoilt me rotten. He made mixtapes for me like no tomorrow. They were all songs from the other side of the world - songs that never played on the radio. The barrage of cards continued as well - 17 for the 17^th and 18 for the 18^th, and then postage costs perhaps got in the way! Long distance was expensive then. Letters took forever to reach each other. But the waiting was sweet. We survived 3 years without seeing each other. While I was busy at York University, EB was on a ship and travelling the world. My air mail had stamps from all over the world. When others heard the tales of EB and me, they concluded that I must be a beautiful girl for sure. Why would a boy go to extraordinary lengths for an ordinary girl?!

While we waited to be reunited, I also gained some weight, and was diagnosed with PCOD/PCOS. When EB saw me after 3 years, he did not love me any less. He wanted to marry me. I wanted to come back to Canada and finish my degree. I figured a year would fly by, and it did. However, EB’s parents had their reservations. We were already from different regions and spoke different tongues and there wasn’t much in common between our families. My diagnosis was their breaking point. In 1997, we said goodbye to each other, in person. That was the last time I saw EB.

Obviously, there are several details that are being omitted to narrate this story in as few words as possible. Also, I believe I shared some of this in other posts and I apologize for the repetition.

In 2005, EB’s ship finally touched Canadian shores. He landed at Newfoundland and found my parents’ home phone number and spoke with my mom. She gave me EB’s contact info. I didn’t know what to do with it. I reached out to Smoggie for advice. He advised me to call EB and thank him for letting me go. If EB didn’t make that choice, I wouldn’t have met Smoggie!

I must have repeated the above several times. It is my favourite ‘story’ to share. It is about seeing the most positive outcome in a tragic situation.

I have been in contact with EB since 2005. We used to email and now we WhatsApp. We spoke a few times in between then and now. Last year, March 2023, I took the boys to the Mother Land for a wedding. I asked EB if I could visit his mother. EB’s father and older brother have passed away, and EB lives in another country. His mother somehow believed that their family got cursed because of them breaking my heart. I wanted to dispel that myth!

Stuff happens. There are no such things as curses. No one has such power!

Hans and I visited EB’s mother. Although I had seen her at events the 2 years that EB and I were in high school together, I was never introduced to her and would not have recognized her if I had run into her! None of that mattered. I wanted this mother to know that I was happy, and I hold no ill will towards her family. I wanted her to see my child. I wanted her to understand that her child and I are in a good place. We remain good friends and are busy with our lives. There is no room for regrets. Life goes on.

It was a wonderful moment. EB’s mother welcomed me with open arms. We hugged each other and perhaps were momentarily lost in what could have been. It took all our strength to not burst into tears. Having Hans there was special. He held us together and showed us how bright the future is! The past was forgiven.

A weight was lifted off me. As I embarked on this journey to meet EB’s mother, several thoughts ran through my head. One of them was literally about all the weight I gained. I wondered if EB’s mother would be relieved that her son did not end up with me?! Once we hugged, I just felt pure joy and all the terrible thoughts flew out of my head. Both of us called EB on the phone, and he was reassured. He had initially felt that it was not necessary for me to make the effort to meet his mother. He thought it would be too painful for the both of us.

I guess we all had our weird fears. That’s behind us now.

As always, I’d like to talk about the point of a post. This is purely in response to the pity party or 2 I threw myself on this blog. I guess there were days when I was down, and I expressed some sorrowful feelings. And that’s alright. I am glad that I can look at my life and look back on my life and know that I am just starting to live my life. The healing has begun.

I also want to tell my stories, from my perspective, when I can. Based on where I am in life, I seem to narrate things flippantly or dolefully. My perspective keeps changing with my mood, and that’s not fair to the subject under scrutiny.

The Photo Book of Momley

For my 50^th birthday, the boys gathered my photos from the very first, taken at 3 months old, in a studio, to the most recent. They sorted through several hundreds of photos, both printed and digital, and created a photo book. I am still not sure of the criteria they used. Apparently, for ASid, I had to look ‘good’ in a photo for it to make it to the final cut! So, some family and friends are missing from the book. And some others, who have no significance in my life, have made it into the book!

Hans took the entire blame. Perhaps I was unnecessarily harsh with my critique.

Hans was born when I was almost 34. He tried to make sense of unknown faces, from my past, with some help from my parents. It was an excellent effort. The boys and my parents spent several hours. It took a while to scan the prints. However, Hans was the one who was left with the task of ensuring the book was ready. So, he felt personally responsible!

And here I am, trying to gather moments from our collective lives and preserve them for future. I wonder how Hans would critique my efforts?!

Note: On his 22^nd birthday, I informed ASid about this blog. Almost a year later, he hasn’t said anything about it!

Another note: If memory serves me well, this is the first time I have blogged twice in one day.

The way I talk to people

Recently, I was at ASid’s place to help him with some plumbing issues. I called the plumbing services that I used in the past. In a not so strange coincidence, the guy who arrived was the same guy who did some work in my apartment a year ago. I was delighted to see him and reminisced about the last time I saw him.

When the guy had to step out to gather some tools, ASid commented that it came across as I was blatantly flirting with the guy. Needless to say, I was appalled. Why would I flirt with a plumber in front of my grown son? I was just letting the guy know that he was good at his job and that I was happy to see him again. I wondered if ASid would have jumped to the same conclusion if the plumber had been a woman?! Without skipping a beat, my son told me that it could be perceived as flirting by both a man and a woman, and everyone in between.

This was news to me.

As usual, I went into defensive mode. This is how I talk to people all the time. I like to focus on the positive things. I want people to know about how good they are and what a difference they make in this world, maybe mostly my world. And my world matters!

After the plumber came back, I barely said a word. After he left, I pointed that out to ASid, and he said that it would totally have been okay to comment on the guy’s work!

All of it got me thinking and it also got me a little paranoid. How many people in my life have thought or think that I was/am flirting with them?

It doesn’t matter. I am who I am. This is the way I talk. I know I am not flirting. People who know me know that! People who don’t know me are those people I see when an appliance breaks down or a drain gets clogged. They need to know I appreciate them. If they take it the wrong way, that’s their problem.

A Tissue and A Dream

This is what Hans told me as he walked into the Knowledge Test Room at the Drive Test Centre:

I am walking in with a tissue and a dream. 

He said that right after he gave me his phone and wallet! He also gave me a hug!

After a few minutes, he walked out with both the tissue and the dream intact, and a big smile on his sweet face!

Most of his friends already have their G1. Hans turned 16 on May 22, 2024, and he felt the weight of getting through G1, G2 and eventually G. His mother does not drive, and his brother is not interested in driving. The boy has been feeling the pressure from his father and maybe others in the family. I am glad he passed the test on his first attempt. He is on his way!