The Weight of it All

When I walk down the street or board a bus, I look at the people walking by or sitting/standing, and I wonder what their stories are. I am sure everyone is more than meets the eye!

Since I have a few days of leisure, I want to take the time to write about Eternal Boy. I haven’t been very kind to him in a couple of posts, and I want to repair that damage. I shall refer to him as EB henceforth.

EB and I met in our teens. As far as romance novels/movies go, we were the proverbial bad boy and good girl. It somehow became my mission to reform him. The teachers dreaded him, and the principal wanted him out. I offered to tutor him and help him with school. He thought I was odd, but he took me up on my kind offer. That summer, he was over everyday at my home. We would sit and work at the dining table, and my mom kept a watchful eye on us. School restarted and EB’s grades improved, and everyone was shocked! A few weeks later, it was my 16^th birthday. EB showed up with flowers and 16 cards. Each card had personalized messages written by him. I cared about him deeply and I was confused. 2 months and a day later, he professed his love for me. That was September 14, 1990. After that, my parents did not have a moment of peace. Less than a year later, I was ‘shipped off’ to another city, and a year later, we left the country.

I believe EB spoilt me rotten. He made mixtapes for me like no tomorrow. They were all songs from the other side of the world - songs that never played on the radio. The barrage of cards continued as well - 17 for the 17^th and 18 for the 18^th, and then postage costs perhaps got in the way! Long distance was expensive then. Letters took forever to reach each other. But the waiting was sweet. We survived 3 years without seeing each other. While I was busy at York University, EB was on a ship and travelling the world. My air mail had stamps from all over the world. When others heard the tales of EB and me, they concluded that I must be a beautiful girl for sure. Why would a boy go to extraordinary lengths for an ordinary girl?!

While we waited to be reunited, I also gained some weight, and was diagnosed with PCOD/PCOS. When EB saw me after 3 years, he did not love me any less. He wanted to marry me. I wanted to come back to Canada and finish my degree. I figured a year would fly by, and it did. However, EB’s parents had their reservations. We were already from different regions and spoke different tongues and there wasn’t much in common between our families. My diagnosis was their breaking point. In 1997, we said goodbye to each other, in person. That was the last time I saw EB.

Obviously, there are several details that are being omitted to narrate this story in as few words as possible. Also, I believe I shared some of this in other posts and I apologize for the repetition.

In 2005, EB’s ship finally touched Canadian shores. He landed at Newfoundland and found my parents’ home phone number and spoke with my mom. She gave me EB’s contact info. I didn’t know what to do with it. I reached out to Smoggie for advice. He advised me to call EB and thank him for letting me go. If EB didn’t make that choice, I wouldn’t have met Smoggie!

I must have repeated the above several times. It is my favourite ‘story’ to share. It is about seeing the most positive outcome in a tragic situation.

I have been in contact with EB since 2005. We used to email and now we WhatsApp. We spoke a few times in between then and now. Last year, March 2023, I took the boys to the Mother Land for a wedding. I asked EB if I could visit his mother. EB’s father and older brother have passed away, and EB lives in another country. His mother somehow believed that their family got cursed because of them breaking my heart. I wanted to dispel that myth!

Stuff happens. There are no such things as curses. No one has such power!

Hans and I visited EB’s mother. Although I had seen her at events the 2 years that EB and I were in high school together, I was never introduced to her and would not have recognized her if I had run into her! None of that mattered. I wanted this mother to know that I was happy, and I hold no ill will towards her family. I wanted her to see my child. I wanted her to understand that her child and I are in a good place. We remain good friends and are busy with our lives. There is no room for regrets. Life goes on.

It was a wonderful moment. EB’s mother welcomed me with open arms. We hugged each other and perhaps were momentarily lost in what could have been. It took all our strength to not burst into tears. Having Hans there was special. He held us together and showed us how bright the future is! The past was forgiven.

A weight was lifted off me. As I embarked on this journey to meet EB’s mother, several thoughts ran through my head. One of them was literally about all the weight I gained. I wondered if EB’s mother would be relieved that her son did not end up with me?! Once we hugged, I just felt pure joy and all the terrible thoughts flew out of my head. Both of us called EB on the phone, and he was reassured. He had initially felt that it was not necessary for me to make the effort to meet his mother. He thought it would be too painful for the both of us.

I guess we all had our weird fears. That’s behind us now.

As always, I’d like to talk about the point of a post. This is purely in response to the pity party or 2 I threw myself on this blog. I guess there were days when I was down, and I expressed some sorrowful feelings. And that’s alright. I am glad that I can look at my life and look back on my life and know that I am just starting to live my life. The healing has begun.

I also want to tell my stories, from my perspective, when I can. Based on where I am in life, I seem to narrate things flippantly or dolefully. My perspective keeps changing with my mood, and that’s not fair to the subject under scrutiny.