Change in Perspective

A few days ago, I had an engaging conversation with my father and my brother. I went back in time to when I was 8 and my brother was 6. That was when my parents left us with my paternal grandfather and paternal aunt, for an entire school year. Those days, my father had a transferable job that kept him moving from place to place, every few months. It was one of those unfortunate times where there wasn’t a suitable school where he was posted, and thus the decision, for us children, to stay in the city with my grandpa.

I did mention a memory from that time.

My aunt was separated from her then husband, and she lived with her father who was paralyzed on his left side from a heart attack. She cooked for him and took care of him. And then, she got saddled with us! She was tough on us. She had my brother running errands for her, and that upset me a lot. I made it my mission to defy her anytime she asked me to do anything. I think I despised her.

I didn’t think of her much. She passed away a few years ago. However, ageing parents, who casually and occasionally bring up their mortality, have me revisiting certain moments in time. Now, I think of my paternal aunt sporadically. I feel guilt at times for not being nice to her. I feel thankful that she took care of my grandpa with such steadfastness.

I am not sure who took care of her through her last days …

Whatever the fleeting regrets, I am glad that I can look back and appreciate people for who they are/were.

I don’t do this often, but here is a poem I’d like to share. It was written by D.H. Lawrence.

Self-Pity

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

Since self-pity seems to be the theme of my days recently. This is another poignant reminder that life is too short.

Passing Pity Parties

Today, Hans and I had an intense conversation at dinner. He spoke about how ASid had it ‘good’ when he was in high school. ASid could invite his friends to our home and our home was big enough, at that time, so he also had some privacy. Hans didn’t think he has that privilege or that privacy. Hans and I have been living in an apartment since we sold our townhouse. Our former home had 3 levels and 3 washrooms. Now, we have 1 level and 1 washroom.

I tried to humour Hans by sharing a scene from one of my childhood movies. In that movie, there are 2 brothers who are upset with each other - one is a criminal and the other is a cop. The criminal shouts about how much wealth he has, and the cop responds calmly by stating that he has their mom! The point, obviously, is that the mom is more than all the wealth in the world. Hans wanted to know why I shared that story. I was like ‘hey, you have me’. To which he promptly responded, “Can you do my homework for me? Can you study for my math test?”.

I think Hans was being very practical. And I realized that I should let him have his pity party. I wallow in self-pity once in a while. Why shouldn’t he?

After dinner, we went grocery shopping. For a few minutes, we got busy and distracted. Later, as we walked home, Hans said that if he is unhappy about something, it doesn’t automatically translate to him being mean to me. It is not about me. It is about him. I acknowledged that he is right, and he is allowed to feel all the feelings he feels.

I think both the boy and me try to be happy all the time, for the sake of each other. Today, I realized that we need to throw some pity parties and invite each other. And as Hans said, “It is okay to be down, but not for too long!”.