Change in Perspective

A few days ago, I had an engaging conversation with my father and my brother. I went back in time to when I was 8 and my brother was 6. That was when my parents left us with my paternal grandfather and paternal aunt, for an entire school year. Those days, my father had a transferable job that kept him moving from place to place, every few months. It was one of those unfortunate times where there wasn’t a suitable school where he was posted, and thus the decision, for us children, to stay in the city with my grandpa.

I did mention a memory from that time.

My aunt was separated from her then husband, and she lived with her father who was paralyzed on his left side from a heart attack. She cooked for him and took care of him. And then, she got saddled with us! She was tough on us. She had my brother running errands for her, and that upset me a lot. I made it my mission to defy her anytime she asked me to do anything. I think I despised her.

I didn’t think of her much. She passed away a few years ago. However, ageing parents, who casually and occasionally bring up their mortality, have me revisiting certain moments in time. Now, I think of my paternal aunt sporadically. I feel guilt at times for not being nice to her. I feel thankful that she took care of my grandpa with such steadfastness.

I am not sure who took care of her through her last days …

Whatever the fleeting regrets, I am glad that I can look back and appreciate people for who they are/were.

I don’t do this often, but here is a poem I’d like to share. It was written by D.H. Lawrence.

Self-Pity

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself.

Since self-pity seems to be the theme of my days recently. This is another poignant reminder that life is too short.