What's one's worth?

We have had an exciting couple of weeks in our family. Hans has been filming as a "background performer" or an "extra" for a new TVO show premiering in Fall. By the time Hans is done filming, he would have earned $300 at the rate of $50/day. It seems like a lot of money for a 5 year old child; it seems like a lot of money even from a 12 year old perspective!

Perhaps for the second time in his life, ASid felt a little insecure about himself. He told me that he is almost 7 years older than his brother and yet, he hasn't earned anything whereas Hans has already made money at such a young age! When I heard his concern, it immediately got me thinking. Where is this nonsense coming from? To my dismay, I am the culprit who has contaminated my child's thinking at such a tender age!

Even before I started my job search, I was beginning to feel like I was doing nothing by staying at home! This feeling crept in I believe when Hans started JK; I literally had (and still have) 5 and half hours to myself. It seemed like Craigley, other Mothers and sometimes, the whole world wanted to know what I was doing with that time. Perhaps that led me to that feeling of not doing anything. Somehow, it soon translated into being useful or not. And finally, I felt like I can only consider myself useful if I was able to use my time to do some work that paid me! I could do tons of work around my home and not feel like I contributed in a concrete sense. Money became the official measurement and it made me feel quite inadequate!

As I was going through this transition in my life, I may have had some emotional moments where I shared with Craigley and a couple of family members how I felt about my worth as an individual. Now that I am reflecting on the last few months, it is quite possible that ASid heard these conversations. In fact, I am ashamed to admit that I might have even equated earning respect with earning money! ‎What was I thinking? ... Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking.

I am so glad that my child feels comfortable enough to share his concerns with me. Since he did, I got a chance to rectify my mistake. I was able to communicate to him that it is erroneous to think that the only way to feel good about oneself is by earning money. ASid can be useful to the world by being a kind and considerate boy who helps his family, neighbours and community. Money is a necessity and eventually we have to work for it. He will be earning money too one day; he could make more or less than his brother. It shouldn't matter. What matters most is that he is a good person and he never makes others feel less than who they are!

Talking to my child made me feel better about myself too and as I continue to apply for jobs, I need to feel that way! Recently, my friend KPF lost his job. He decided to take a break and spend some time with friends and family. Even as I wish for him to get his next job quickly, I am glad he has this time and perhaps we can catch up?!

It is all in the perspective!