Worth the Work

Last Sunday, I applied to 5 jobs. I had just 2 criteria - the jobs are within the realm of Special Education, and their locations are within a reasonable distance from my parents’ home. I would know next week if I even qualified for an interview. It has been super stressful.

Last night, I got a call from ASid. He was at Pearson and on his way to San Francisco for a job interview. I was more than a little surprised. ASid started a new job last Monday and 4 days later, he was flying to another country to seek another opportunity.

ASid and I are going through job transitions. Following is what I shared with Smoggie a few days ago:

It is strange to be doing the same things as my kid, and it is awesome to know he is doing better than his mother. :-)

I am not sure what it was that got ASid on that plane; however, I hope it is worth his time, money and effort. Even if it is not, I am glad he took that chance.

I know what it was that got me looking for a new job - someone made it uncomfortable in my own space. I can’t help but feel like this is so unfair! So, I have been telling myself that I have done all that I could for the kids and it is time for me to go help some other kids.

I can tell myself whatever story, but I am taking a chance as well. And I hope it all works out … for *all* the kids and me!

The House that my Dad built for my Mom

In 2015, my Dad turned 65 and decided to build a house for my Mom ... from scratch! It was the most opposite thing to downsizing! It perplexed a few people, and it vexed one!

It is cool when a man expresses his adoration for a woman with simple statements. That’s when you know he means it. I remember my Dad saying that my Mom was the cutest girl on his street … that was believable! Growing up, I never questioned his love for her. He still calls her his darling. He would do anything for her.

When we moved to Toronto in 1992, we initially met a bunch of people from the Motherland. One of them was always converting Canadian currency to the Motherland’s currency and calling himself a millionaire in that country. It made absolutely no sense. Anyways, My Mom might have said in passing that it would be nice to live in a million-dollar home.

So, my Dad decided to make it a reality. He went and bought a million-dollar house and gifted it to his beloved. In Toronto, such a house is a tiny nothingness, especially in the Yonge and Sheppard neighbourhood. The lady didn’t know what to make of it. And then, she was told that it was going to be demolished and he was going to build her a home and handed her some blueprints. She thought he had gone mental!

My Mom did not want the big house. However, she ended up spending hours and hours on this thing she didn’t know that she really wanted. And she dreaded the hours and hours of labour it would require from her to maintain it once it was completed. I think she had this love-hate feelings for it. The house was ready for move-in in February 2017. My Mom did not appreciate it until March 2020 … when the whole world seemed to shut down and people were afraid to breathe, my Mom loved all the space she had to move around and breathe without fear. Finally, she appreciated her home and genuinely thanked her husband for the gift.

We all fondly call this family home 190.

Over the last few years, a beautiful walk-out basement unit has been added and rented out a few times. My Dad followed all zoning bylaws and made sure it is a safe space. In July 2026, Hans and I are moving into this lovely abode. I was there last weekend and took a few pics. I sent the pic of the kitchen to KPF as I recently cooked with him in Ottawa. The kitchen with its nine-foot ceiling also made me think of him as he is tall and he would be able to reach anything in that kitchen while I would probably be reaching out for step stools and ladders! Anyways, before I digress, KPF wanted to know if the kitchen was renovated … for me?! I could have just said “no” and kept it simple.

… But I felt like I needed to write another post about my Dad. The last one was a long time ago. I need to write more.

When Worlds Collide …

I am back from another whirlwind trip to Ottawa, but this time around I was there for about 2 days and 2 hours. That’s double the amount of my usual time, but I was visiting with double the number of friends.

This was a bit of a stressful trip as I decided to cook for my friends, KPF and Manda, in a kitchen that was new to me. I am not going to write about how good or bad my cooking was, but I had a wonderful time with my friends. Although ASid and Hans weren’t there, Manda’s 2 boys more than made up for their absence. They joined us at the dinner table and shared their vacation stories with KPF who turns out had travelled to some of the very same countries they had been to! So, there was a lot of cool conversation around some European countries. And since I haven’t been to any of those, it was a lot of learning for me.

I wasn’t too thrilled with my eggplant and salmon dishes, but I was okay with my spinach/lentil soup. KPF saved the day by bringing 2 delicious desserts from The French Baker. He also brought some chocolates for the boys. He remembered!

KPF and Manda know about this blog and read occasionally when I send them links to posts they are featured in; however, they met for the first time ever on the 19^th and they hit it off. I was relieved. I knew I was killing 2 birds with 1 stone, but I didn’t want my friends to figuratively die from being forced to share space. Fortunately, for me, we all survived. We spent 5 hours together. I found out that KPF is an excellent sous chef. He has crazy knife skills. He was also good at flipping stuff. Manda found out her boys can sit down for a meal with a stranger and have a cordial conversation. She raised them well. The boys were also polite enough to eat the eggplant and salmon dishes without protesting. (Before I left yesterday, I made them a chicken dish to make up for dinner.)

My takeaway, again, was that I have the most amazing friends who show up for me and who are amazingly accommodating. What more do I need?

A Side Story: Part3/Continuation

I hadn’t seen Neil since December. When I communicated with him about my recent resignation, he was concerned and wanted to get together and catch up. He thought I walked out on my job. I had to clarify that I have my job until the end of this school year, but I am not going back next school year. I would eventually need to find another placement, but that’s not an immediate concern!

So, we had lunch today. As we exchanged pleasantries, I asked him about his life. He shared that he is dating and he has been very upfront about it being casual and not serious. He wondered if I was doing the same. I told him that I have been hanging out with friends both male and female but not dating in a true sense. Then, we talked about our plans for March Break. Neil is off to Montreal, and I am off to Ottawa. Neil wanted to know if I was visiting KPF. I told him that this time around I am spending time with Manda who is housesitting for her sister and KPF is dropping by for dinner on one of the 2 nights I am there.

Neil wondered why KPF and I are not together. I honestly told him that if it was 1998, maybe that would have been a possibility; however, it didn’t happen then and so, I don’t see it happening now.

What I learned recently from various conversations is that I have been in love with the idea of love. And that’s tough. Everything sounds great in my head, but it is not real. And that’s scary. To truly be in love with someone, it is important to know who I am and what I want and start living outside my head. That’s going to take time. And I am happy to wait. 

I have been fortunate to be surrounded by friends who are my age and going through their own respective transitions and finding their way around relationships. It is wonderful to know that I am not alone. At the same time, it is okay to have this alone time.

My Favourite Single Mom

Alright, I still have a little rant left in me! I just had a phone conversation with my friend Manda, and I had to remind her that she is an exceptional single mom!

Manda has 2 boys like me. They are 16 and 14. The younger one is dating. Today was his 4th date with the same girl and apparently, he was told by the girl’s friends that she was expecting a kiss. When he shared that with his mother Manda, she started overthinking it. She felt that if the boys’ dad has been around, they would know how to be affectionate with a girl!

That got me sad initially and then it got me mad!

Boys don’t need their dads to be around if they are not going to be decent dads. Manda walked out of her home, with the boys, in March/April of 2020. It has been almost 6 years, and their dad hasn’t tried to see them. Yet they are in a custody battle for the boys. It makes no sense then that Manda would say something like having their dad in their lives would make them somehow “better boys”!

That’s why we have movies. Watch ‘Roman Holiday’ and see Gregory Peck be a gentleman - watch him love a woman and let her go. Loving a woman is about letting her *be*.

Alright, I am digressing a little bit. The boy is only 14, and he will kiss the girl when he is ready. The absence of his father is not the reason. I had to remind Manda that the boys have her father! Manda’s dad took care of his mother until she passed away a few years ago; he adores his wife, and he helps Manda with the boys. If the boys need a role model, their maternal grandfather is 2 doors away!

I also needed to remind Manda that she worked 3 jobs so she could give the boys wonderful summer breaks. I have often called her “the mother of all mothers”. I have never seen a mother be so involved in her children’s lives. I told her that I had to be a stay-at-home mother to give that kind of time and attention to my children. Work would have taken me away from them. I can only do one thing well at a time. But I admire the mothers who work and take care of their kids and do it all on their own. These are exceptional women. They need to know that. 

Now, I can truly spring forward.

Single Moms

I have had a rough 2 weeks, and I haven’t ranted in a while. And as we get ready to spring forward, I feel like I need to purge and start anew.

So, I handed in my resignation letter for my current job. It was that or put up with incompetence for another school year! It was hard as I do not like to leave a job unfinished. Also, it *is* hard to leave my work kids; however, one day, we have to part ways anyway!

Although that was rough, the toughest part was helping my new student transition. And to make it more challenging, it was hypothesized that this student, the child of a single mom, who is a boy, would benefit from a male role model. This got Michael all excited. This was his glorious moment to be a saviour of sorts. He decided to stick to this child like his life depended on it. I let him test the hypothesis. Then, on the 7th day, this child decided to kick and punch Michael a couple of times.

As a classroom teacher, I let Michael lead and I realized that he had no plan. He was smothering the child and getting frustrated with the child and there was no progress being made. So, I suggested that he step back a bit and give the child some space. I also decided to step in and give Michael a break. At the end of the 8th day, I also realized that Michael needed some constructive feedback.

On the 9th day morning, as I proceeded to provide Michael with some suggestions, he got defensive and then, offensive. He used a term like “microaggression”, and he declared that my words and actions gave him that feeling! What the heck?! He used the term totally inappropriately. Fortunately, our POR walked in and almost left as she could sense the tension. I drew her in and asked her for some suggestions to help our new student. While she listed some, I hope Michael realized he did none of that. He simply fulfilled the role of a bodyguard (an inept one at that as the boy ran away a few times) and nothing more!

There were no incidents on the last 2 days with the child. He did not hit or kick or punch anyone. I called his mother to let her know that her child ended the week on a wonderful note. She was relieved to hear that, and I wished her a happy weekend.

All of this got me thinking and it annoyed me that the school team thought the females in the boy’s life weren’t enough. It was a disservice to all single moms. It was disrespectful to this single mom who has 3 children and is doing her best. They kept insinuating that the boy was acting up at school because things were perhaps not so good at home. No wonder the mom wanted to pull her child out. And it annoyed me when in a meeting, the mom accepted what everyone told her … that her boy needed a man to be a better boy.

I want to say so much; however, all I will say is that some single moms have raised some beautiful boys. Please don’t take that away from them!

Kicking and Screaming

I did not hear about ‘If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You’ until Rose Byrne won a Golden Globe for her role. Since then, I had wanted to watch the movie and I finally did today. It was available for free on Prime.

The movie was so real to me. I work with children with special needs. I communicate with parents of children with special needs. Their lives are exceptionally challenging and they are incredibly inspiring. I wonder how they do it. That’s why I love my job. Each day, I realize how fortunate I am to have the life I have. And yet, at the beginning of last week, I did not feel so fortunate.

On Monday, a student was moved from his classroom, the other ISP classroom, to my classroom. Obviously, he was not quite ready to move out of a classroom that was his for 2 and a half academic years. It was an unexpected reorg, for both staff and students alike, with just a week and 4 months left in the school year. But parents are powerful and when they advocate for their children, the powers that be bend over backwards to accommodate the parents. This parent that I mentioned a couple of posts ago is beyond upset.

Friday, I received a response to my daily email from this “new” parent. She said thanks and shared that she had felt like she was doing something wrong at home for her child to be behaving badly at school. As things escalated, she felt the need to pull her child out of school. She felt helpless.

After I watched the movie, I had a better sense of this parent’s life. The movie entirely focussed on the daily life of a mother with a child with special needs. Prior to watching the movie, I could only imagine and sympathize. Now, I got to *see* it. And in the movie, the mother is quite privileged, and yet she is drowning. In real life, some parents are underprivileged and labour with no proper supports in place.

The teacher in the other ISP classroom has a child with special needs. So, 24/7, she is surrounded by children with special needs. In some ways, it makes her empathetic to the parents’ plight. In other ways, it also makes her less sympathetic. And this is just my opinion. I feel like there is this feeling that if I can, why can’t you? However, privilege plays a pivotal role. If parents are informed and have access to services and supports, their children tend to do better in the system. When parents are overwhelmed with their personal situations, and are unaware of options, their children struggle, and in turn, they struggle.

Tomorrow, I am in a meeting with this parent, the former teacher, admin and other personnel. The teacher feels like I will be perceived as the good teacher. Although I have already confessed to my hubris, I don’t believe that. I am just an option. And if I don’t make any difference whatsoever, the parent will seek out other options. 

Meanwhile, I am happy that she is kicking and screaming to have doors open for her child and have her voice heard. I want a win for this mother.