Kicking and Screaming

I did not hear about ‘If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You’ until Rose Byrne won a Golden Globe for her role. Since then, I had wanted to watch the movie and I finally did today. It was available for free on Prime.

The movie was so real to me. I work with children with special needs. I communicate with parents of children with special needs. Their lives are exceptionally challenging and they are incredibly inspiring. I wonder how they do it. That’s why I love my job. Each day, I realize how fortunate I am to have the life I have. And yet, at the beginning of last week, I did not feel so fortunate.

On Monday, a student was moved from his classroom, the other ISP classroom, to my classroom. Obviously, he was not quite ready to move out of a classroom that was his for 2 and a half academic years. It was an unexpected reorg, for both staff and students alike, with just a week and 4 months left in the school year. But parents are powerful and when they advocate for their children, the powers that be bend over backwards to accommodate the parents. This parent that I mentioned a couple of posts ago is beyond upset.

Friday, I received a response to my daily email from this “new” parent. She said thanks and shared that she had felt like she was doing something wrong at home for her child to be behaving badly at school. As things escalated, she felt the need to pull her child out of school. She felt helpless.

After I watched the movie, I had a better sense of this parent’s life. The movie entirely focussed on the daily life of a mother with a child with special needs. Prior to watching the movie, I could only imagine and sympathize. Now, I got to *see* it. And in the movie, the mother is quite privileged, and yet she is drowning. In real life, some parents are underprivileged and labour with no proper supports in place.

The teacher in the other ISP classroom has a child with special needs. So, 24/7, she is surrounded by children with special needs. In some ways, it makes her empathetic to the parents’ plight. In other ways, it also makes her less sympathetic. And this is just my opinion. I feel like there is this feeling that if I can, why can’t you? However, privilege plays a pivotal role. If parents are informed and have access to services and supports, their children tend to do better in the system. When parents are overwhelmed with their personal situations, and are unaware of options, their children struggle, and in turn, they struggle.

Tomorrow, I am in a meeting with this parent, the former teacher, admin and other personnel. The teacher feels like I will be perceived as the good teacher. Although I have already confessed to my hubris, I don’t believe that. I am just an option. And if I don’t make any difference whatsoever, the parent will seek out other options. 

Meanwhile, I am happy that she is kicking and screaming to have doors open for her child and have her voice heard. I want a win for this mother.

Charitable Deeds

My brother calls me "big sis Momley" and the way he says that in the language we share/speak sounds like the word "charity" in another language. It was cool when one of his friends pointed that out many moons ago.

Yesterday, I remembered that and shared it with my friend Manda.

Manda has been going through a terrible time in her life. I saw a missed call from her and a note that asked if I wanted coffee. Before I could respond, she called a second time and when I answered, she asked me the same question. I was like I am not sure. Then, she said that she was on her way and we were going out for coffee and fries, my favourite combo! I put the phone down and got ready for pick-up right away.

Manda was already in the driveway and waiting when I got out of my building. She said that for all the times I had been a good friend, she wanted to do something charitable for me, so she can have something good happen to her the next day. Manda was going to find out if it was the end of her terrible time the next day. To seal the deal, she remembered something from a holy book. And that was her plan!

As my handful of on-and-off readers know, I do not reveal any cultural, ethnic, racial or religious backgrounds of anyone I write about here. So, I am not going to do it now. All I will disclose is that Manda and I are alike as in we are born into our parents' respective religions, but we are not bound by them. However, both of us believe in the power of good deeds and prayers of our elders.

So, it was not entirely a surprise to me that she decided to treat me, whether I wanted it or not, and I was happy to indulge her. I chose to have a hot fudge sundae at MC D's and was shocked that Manda had never had one! So, we got 2 spoons and it was like we were in the movies - 2 girlfriends and a container of ice cream - a trope for eating woes away!

Anyways, Manda felt like that was too little charity and needed to do more. I let her buy a small burrito at Fat B for Hans as they sell them for $6.99 on Wednesdays. The boy already ate his dinner and that was his lunch for the next day. Manda wasn't convinced she did enough, and so we went to Longo's to buy more stuff.

When Manda came to pick me up, she looked tired and I could sense the stress she was feeling. When she dropped me off, she was smiling. Recently, I have gotten into the habit of letting my friends know that I love them. So, that’s what I told Manda and wished her all the best.

I am not sure how today was for Manda. Even if the outcome was an unhappy one, I know she will be okay.

Some other kid’s Mother

Last Friday, I wrote these famous last words, in a text message, to IB: “I guess I have the rare 100% approval rating … for now.”

I am glad I was realistic and humble even when I was floating on a cloud. I know I only have 5 students, but I also have parents who are very particular and who expect the best for their children. So, it felt good when all 5 of the parent-teacher meetings were positive, especially MyLO’s!

Yesterday, I was informed that a student is being moved from the other ISP classroom to mine! The other teacher took it personally for a couple of hours. The single mother of this child is very unhappy and wished for another placement. After much discussion and consideration, the powers that be decided to move this child to my classroom. Why me? That’s the 1^st question that always pops up in my head in challenging situations like these. Then, I come up with all the reasons why it is me and I convince myself that perhaps I am meant to help whoever it is that needs my help at that point in time. Sometimes the hubris is such that I believe I am the only one who can help!

Last night, I didn’t sleep so well. This morning, I was at work and moved around stuff in my classroom to make room for this child. My biggest concern is obviously MyLO - she is weary of the students from the other classroom. However, this move may not sit well with the other student as well. And I have a meeting with the mother tomorrow!

My life is like a suspense thriller, and this is just my professional life I am talking about!

MyLO's Mother

I have written so much about my littlest one that I am giving her a name. She will now be known as MyLO.

Friday, when I went back to work and shared that I was there late the night before and that I got a ride home from MyLO’s mother, I had different reactions. I will share 3 of them here:

My POR: “Why would you spend over an hour with this parent? What were you thinking?”

My teacher-therapist friend: “So now she knows where you live?”

My principal: “I checked before I left. I saw you talking with her and I was like ‘she got this’, and I went home.”

As already mentioned, I was okay with how it all worked out. So, I was glad to hear that my principal had that kind of confidence in me. And I don’t believe I am in any danger just because a parent knows where I live. In fact, when MyLO found out I live in an apartment building, she felt bad for me and declared that she would buy me the biggest house one day.

I shared with MyLO’s mother that her daughter frequently says “I hate you” to me. (I did not share that my own children have never said that to me!) The mother confided that she is also at the receiving end of “I hate you”, and she made it sound like we are in an exclusive club for 2. I bought that!

Some parents of children with special needs can come across as annoying sometimes because they are so demanding. However, they are simply advocating for their children and if you genuinely care for their children, and work with them as partners in their children’s learning, they are willing to give you, their time. It was just not me that stayed late that night, MyLO’s mother did too!

In a wonderful coincidence, I just watched a 41-year-old mother of 2 kids with special needs, Elana Meyers Taylor, win Women’s Monobob gold. This is her 5^th Olympics and 1^st GOLD. This woman is an inspiration. I feel like I can never ever complain about my life!

The things I remember on some days!

The actor who played the titular character on Dawson’s Creek passed away recently. It made me very sad as I remembered how Smoggie and I loved that show. The show started airing in 1998 and that was the same year, Smoggie and I met and became friends. It was cool when we found out that we both watched and loved Dawson’s Creek. This recent news made me go back in time and revisit some of my moments with Smoggie.

From all the moments I remember, I am choosing to write about one of the two fights Smoggie and I ever had. Sometimes, such moments define or destroy relationships.

Smoggie is cordial with most people and cares about very few people. He is very particular. However, I have rarely seen him not like people, but there was one such person whom he didn’t give a fig about! Unfortunately, we all worked together, and we had to share a room. Since we were all technical trainers/facilitators at an IT school, we had devices on our desks and that meant we could discreetly communicate through network messages. One fine day in 1999, Smoggie sent a message stating that he was planning for us to go watch A Midsummer Night's Dream starring Calista Flockhart on a Friday. That was a perfect plan as Smoggie knew how much I enjoyed Shakespeare and how much I adored Ally McBeal - it was 2 of my favourite things coming together! I couldn’t contain my delight and turned from the computer screen to look in Smoggie’s direction and declare that I was happy to watch the movie that Friday and that I was very excited about it. As soon as those words escaped my lips, this other guy turned around in his chair and asked if he could join us?!

My eyes darted from Smoggie’s face to this guy’s face not knowing what to say! Smoggie’s face was sternly requesting me to say NO and this guy’s was begging me to say YES. Since I have always struggled to say no, I ended up asking the guy to join us. That was it. I immediately received a message from my friend telling me to forget about him if this guy comes along. I was like “come on!”. I couldn’t possibly uninvite the guy. Long story short, I ended up going to the movie with this guy, and Smoggie decided to take a break from me!

We didn’t speak to each other for a couple of days. It was the worst time. (We were both 24-25 at that time, but we could have been 4 or 5!) Then, one fine day, I found my desk converted into a shrine for Ricky Martin. That was it. I walked over to Smoggie’s desk and let him know how sorry I was and how miserable I was. And all was forgiven. We never wanted to go through such hellish time again.

Why would I write about a fight on Valentine’s Day? Because it doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It was a tiny moment in time that Smoggie and I were able to put behind us as our friendship meant more than the feelings of betrayal and disappointment we experienced for a bit. I am glad we saved *us*.

James Van Der Beek’s death reminded me, once again, that life is short. I must take the time to appreciate the people in my life. Smoggie is quintessential to my existence. He has been at the receiving end of all my dramatic outbursts. Smoggie has a landline and I’d like to believe it is there for me and me alone. I can call it anytime. It has been there even when Smoggie wasn’t in the country. I have left many messages on it. Wherever Smoggie is, he retrieves those messages and responds. Now, why would I not have his mobile number and WhatsApp him or whatever him?! I don’t know. This “snail mail” sort of system seems to work nicely for us.

There are days I need to remember how loved I am and how fortunate I am. Today is one of those days.

I just got back from a 13^th birthday party of my favourite twins born on Valentine’s Day. I was the only adult invited. I am their beloved aunty. I spent almost 3 hours with a bunch of preteens and newly minted teens. I am glad I attended the event. Kids need to know they are loved. The twins have my number, and they know they can call me anytime and I will get back to them.

I have always believed that the greatest joy is in being needed. I hope Smoggie feels that way when he receives my messages!

I hope everyone has had a LOVE-ly day. Take care.

I am okay!

This morning, my Uber driver suddenly braked and almost all the chocolate boxes I had in my bag fell unto the car floor.

The first words that came out of my mouth were "it's okay" and I kept repeating them as the driver, a young woman, kept apologizing.

As long as everyone is safe and no one is in imminent danger, it is okay! I guess part of that comes from being a Spec Ed teacher.

I was almost tempted to give one of the chocolate boxes to the Uber driver; however, I had a precise purpose for each of them. I had Parent-Teacher conferences today, and I was going to give the chocolate boxes to my work kids’ parents.

I was in a mostly good mood today. I was finally okay with Michael too. My only concern was the one disgruntled parent I spoke about in a recent post. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go with her. This parent had the 6:15-6:45 timeslot. She was my last conference. Michael had to leave at 6:30 pm. It was time for him to go, and the parent hadn’t shown up yet. He had tickets to a concert. Right after he left, I went to inform my principal that the parent maybe a no-show.

I had that feeling as the report card and IEP I sent home yesterday, in an envelope, came back this morning unopened. I immediately felt the need to reach out to this parent wondering if all was well. To be fair, she responded immediately saying that she would go through the paperwork when her child got home and she would be ready for the conference. So, the feeling of unease returned when she was 15 minutes late to a scheduled half-hour meeting. As I spoke with my principal, we saw this parent on the security cam in the office. We both welcomed her. I was relieved to see her!

When we got to the classroom, it was 6:45 pm. When the meeting ended, it was almost 8 pm. Everyone had left the school building except for the evening caretaker. This parent wondered how I was going to get home as I walked her to the entrance door. I told her that I would take an Uber home. She wondered where I lived and she offered a ride. Initially, I was hesitant and declined politely. She insisted it wasn’t a big deal and then, I said okay. We walked back to the classroom to grab my stuff. That was when I realized I hadn’t given her a box of chocolates. She was pleasantly surprised as I wished her a happy Family Day long weekend. After that, this parent went out of her way to drop me home.

The last time we “met” was in an online meeting with a bunch of people. Today, it was just the 2 of us, and in person. We were able to communicate without interference. I was able to show what I was doing for her child. She acknowledged that I was the person her child spends the most time with outside of their family. She appreciated all that I was doing for her child. 

At the end of the day, it was good to know that all my kids and their parents were okay! That means, I am okay!

My (Last) BlackBerry

I have had my current BlackBerry since 2018. It was the last model to be released, and I guess it was truly meant for me as it was released on July 13^th of that year. (Alright alright alright, it was a happy coincidence; and I am forever grateful.)

Over the last couple of years, several apps quit my device. I was sad at the departure of CIBC (my bank) and Capital One (my credit card). I was okay with McD leaving although I missed the points. Yesterday, at the end of the day, I realized that Uber Eats needed an update and I couldn’t do it as the app isn’t compatible with my device anymore. I am willing to live with this loss as well. However, fear set in when I realized the Uber app would be the next to go. If that happens, I would be forced to switch to a new phone out of sheer necessity.

I take an Uber to work each morning. I can’t really afford to do it, but I do it for good reasons and I don’t particularly care about the cost. So, I can’t afford to not have the Uber app on my phone. However, this is a likely possibility, and it has made me so very sad today.

I am not sure when this terrifying moment will occur, but I can’t just sit and wait for it to happen. So, I need a backup plan. Lucky for me that I am watching the Winter Olympics right now. It is like a sign … the phone that keeps popping up is Google Pixel 10.

2026 is a year of many transitions. Hans will be 18 in May and will be off to university in September. We are moving in July. I am also hoping to transfer from my current job/location to another, so I do not spend so much money on Uber! 

Lots of changes coming up. I guess one more should not be such a big deal.