Commencement and Reflections

I don’t see Craigley much anymore. I barely even communicate with him. However, we are bound to be together for certain milestone celebrations of the boys and today was one of those special days. We were together to attend Hans’ graduation ceremony.

When there are 2 tickets; by default, the 2 parents get to attend … for better or for worse!

Hans and I were ready for pickup by 8:30 am. The boy needed to be at the venue by 9, and parents could start lining up at 9:30 for entry and the ceremony was scheduled for 10. Instead of waiting around for 30 minutes, Craigley and I decided to grab coffee. We talked shop and were back at 9:30, and there were already a bunch of parents ahead of us.

That was when I noticed that most of them had tickets in their hands, and I did not have them!

I rarely forget anything. If it is an important event like a trip or something related to the boys, I am extra careful. But I forgot the tickets! We couldn’t go in without them. I totally expected Craigley to explode. So, I was like “you wait here and I will Uber home to get the tickets”. Craigley had just parked the car in a perfect parking spot, and I didn’t want to mess that up. But he turned out to be the voice of reason (for once) as he wondered if he should be waiting there for whatever amount of time while I wait for an Uber to get the tickets. So, he offered to drive. He literally drove like a maniac, and I promised to pay any speeding ticket if he got one.

All through the ride, I kept saying what an idiot I was and how stupid of me to forget what Hans said I needed to safeguard!

We managed to get back at exactly 10 am. Craigley dropped me off and went to find a parking spot. My wonderful mom-teacher friend saved 2 spots for us, and I got to see Hans walk in. Craigley was there about 5 minutes later, and I breathed a sigh of relief. There were so many awards. And finally, the graduates started crossing the podium, and there were 336 of them. Somewhere around 11:30 am, everything came to a stand still as one of the graduates had a seizure!

They called for a doctor, and we all waited anxiously.

While all this was going one, ASid sent a few messages to me. At 10:42, he wrote “I am going to be at the venue at noon”, and at 11:41, he wrote “I’m outside!” … so, I had to tell him that there was a medical emergency, and we were waiting to restart. Then, it hit me that a few people were moving around impatiently and there were a few empty seats as well. So, I got Craigley to go and get ASid.

I was so happy to see the older brother of Hans show up to simply be there to take some pictures and be part of his younger brother’s special day.

Soon after, the seizure situation was resolved, and we were back on track. By the time the ceremony wrapped up, it was way past 1:30 pm. If it were up to Hans and me, we would have lingered until we met our people. But because we felt a sense of obligation for Craigley driving us, we decided to leave without interacting with anyone. We were dropped off at home, and I had lunch with the boys. While we waited for our food, Hans got a bunch of “angry” messages from his friends wondering why he left without taking any group pics. I sent a bunch of notes apologizing to some of my mom friends whom I couldn’t meet. ASid revealed that he got into an argument with his dad.

We all reflected on our various relationships with Craigley. In a way, it was good he couldn’t join us for lunch. We spent our time without any constraints.

Parenthood

I have 9 days left with my babies at work, and I know I sound very unprofessional; but I can’t help it! I am so emotional these days as I am also watching Parenthood which has a character with Asperger’s (which is now part of the Spectrum).

It was at the end of Season 4, in Episode 15, that I realized how much Parenthood is like This Is Us, and how much I like this series as well. It has been said that every story has been told already. However, it is how a story is being told that makes it like we are hearing it for the first time. The biggest difference between my all-time favourite series and Parenthood is that there is a character with special needs and it is portrayed with an authenticity that I see and experience in my classroom.

I always wonder what would happen to my work kids when they grow up. Would others be kind to them? So, when I watched Episode 18 of Season 5, The Offer, I cried. This was the episode in which Max, the character with Asperger’s, gets bullied on a school trip. Why do kids do that to other kids?

Last Friday, we had a school event, and my students participated in it. Barely a few minutes into it, MyLO had the biggest meltdown. She started crying loudly and she was inconsolable. The thing I try to avoid is my kids having such public displays where both students and teachers alike stop what they are doing and stare. So, I probably rushed MyLO a bit without listening to her, and she almost ended up biting me. Finally, when I got her into a quiet space, she said that she felt ‘pressured’. After a few minutes, she was ready to go back to our classroom.

This is the most I have spent with a set of students - almost 2 school years. So, perhaps, I am more attached to them. I don’t want to leave them; however, I am acutely aware that even if I stay, they will leave me one fine day. Just like I had to let ASid go, and just like I will let Hans go, I would have to let all my students go as well.

I just watched the last episode of Parenthood, and it had this message that life goes on. That’s the message I needed to hear now!

Second Best - Revisited

When Hans was 6 years old, we had a mini talk about the best mom in the world. Today, MyLO said something that made me remember that moment from almost 12 years ago!

MyLO came back to school after being away for 2 days. It was more like 5 days as Friday was a PA Day followed by the weekend. I made a few changes to the classroom over those days she was away, and I was worried as she doesn’t take well to changes. So, to distract her and pacify her, I went to work prepared with her favourite Blue Takis. (I have permission from MyLO’s mother to buy snacks for her.)

As she was eating her snacks, she started rambling on about best moms. I hope I captured what she said as accurately as possible …

 

All kids think their moms are the best moms. We must take all the moms and throw them in the Coliseum and then, we can find out who is the best mom.

I was like “you want to throw your mom in the Coliseum?” and she was like “and you too!” and I was like “I don’t want to be the best mom; I am okay to be the second best mom” and she was like “I want you to fight my mom”!

It was one of the most interesting conversations I ever had with the kiddo, and I felt the need to write about it.

How do these kids think the way they think?

A Side Story: Part4/Update

Last Friday, May 29^th, I was at my future school to meet my future CYW and some of my future students. Since I was in Neil’s neighbourhood, I wondered if he was available for an early dinner; however, he had an after-school event and he was only available for a late dinner.

At dinner, I let Neil know that I had a sore throat and so, he would have to do all the talking. I wanted an update on everything. Neil had recently moved into a condo, and he said he finally feels like he is home again. Then, he said he was also happy in his current relationship. I did not know that the woman Neil was dating the last time I saw him was different from the woman he was seeing currently. I was a little thrown off. That was barely 2 months ago!

Neil wondered if I had ever dated online?! And this was exactly my response:

Never … No … Not yet!

Even as those words were coming out of my mouth, my mind was working overtime. As soon as I said the word “never”, I felt like it sounded judgemental … like I was proud of it. Then, I immediately said “no” because that’s the truth. But I added “not yet” to share that perhaps I wasn’t ready for it now.

Then, I asked Neil to tell me about online dating. After listening to him talk about it, I realized that it requires a lot of courage to put yourself out there. I guess it is harder when one is older. We are painfully aware of our deficiencies. So, why would one go through such an ordeal? Because we don’t want to be lonely.

Well, it sounded like the third time was a charm for Neil. I was happy for my friend. I was glad I reached out to him and got such a positive update. I informed him that the visit to my future school was wonderful, and that I would be in a better place in September. I told him that 2026 is my year. And I joked that it was probably his year too!

While I was looking for my next job, Neil was looking for his next mate. And we both found what we were looking for. That was one of the best updates I had ever exchanged with anyone.

Who really is Canadian?

After almost 14 years, I have been forced to revisit the whole Canadian bit! What the heck, right?

Today, I was in the elevator with a “privileged” ***** man. For the first time, I want to bring in race; but I am going to exercise some restraint. This man had a t-shirt with “Rat Pack” on it and I complimented him on it. He said thanks and shared that he and his friends came up with that for their group. So, I smiled and shared that my brother’s group of friends are called “Chooch Brigade”. He thought that was clever and wanted to know where I was from. So, I told him and added that I have been here since 1992, and I don’t feel like I am from another country.

So, this man asked me if I thought I was Canadian?! I nodded in agreement and he shook his head. So, I told him that no matter what I think, perception is everything, and that’s sad!

Then, I got out of the elevator and walked to my apartment seriously upset. For the first time, I wanted to do a MyLO - kick and punch and throw things around and make as big of a fuss as possible! Then, I realized how far the child has come.

Today, she put all her frustration into art on paper!

After lunch recess, she refused to come back to the classroom. Michael has been away for 3 days, and we had an SNA working in our classroom. She told MyLO that if she doesn't come back, she would have to take away her art supplies for a few minutes. MyLO walked in quietly and then, she drew something on paper. When you look at the drawing, it's MyLO and me, with happy faces, and when you open the fold at the bottom, it is the skull of the SNA buried in the ground.

It is still violent in some ways, but MyLO is finding ways to express her frustration and continue to communicate with us in less physical ways. The SNA has a great sense of humour, and she told MyLO that she understood why the kiddo buried her!

So, I told myself that this man and his friends did not even have the imagination of an 8-year-old child. How original is “Rat Pack” anyways?! When I complimented him, he could have at least acknowledged the origin of that term instead of claiming it as something he and his friends came up with!

Once I buried him in my own way, I decided to write about it.

Addendum:

The next day, Thursday, May 28th, MyLO came to school with an apology note for the SNA. I want to acknowledge that!

Do You Tell a Parent That Their Child Is Heterosexual?

On May 5^th, MyLO did something interesting and unexpected.

She waited with a "bouquet of roses" (that she made from some red and green linking cubes) for one of her classmates. She said that she is not in love with this girl or anything, MyLO just wanted to ask her to be her best friend. She practised the vocal part of "the proposal" several times. Then she waited in the hallway, practising a little more. She also decided she needed to go down on one knee. As soon as her classmate showed up from her French class, MyLO asked her to be her best friend. The girl accepted and MyLO hugged her.

Later, she wondered if the other kids (who came back from French as well and passed by) thought she was gay?! I told her that she was very brave and it doesn't matter what others think.

Yesterday, May 21^st, MyLO drew a picture on the digital whiteboard and named it “Wonky”. I printed it out for her.

Today, May 22^nd, she told me that Wonky is gay and if that’s okay?! So, I told her that it is alright for Wonky to be gay. Then, MyLO said, “I think I am gay” and I told her that’s alright too.

I did not know what to do with this information. The child is 8 years old. Initially, I wanted to talk to my principal about it. As I walked towards the office, I ran into my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist (TMFT) and decided to talk to her instead. After she heard everything, she asked me if I would tell a parent about their child being heterosexual?! If I wouldn’t, then why would I want to tell them about their child being gay?!

I believe that is a reasonable question to ask. So, I told my TMFT that I would wait to hear more from MyLO about being gay and let her decide if she wants to let her parents know. 

Maybe they already know!

Seeking Custody vs Kidnapping

Hans was in Burlington, with his dad, for a weekend tournament. One of the things he mentioned, before he left, was a little ridiculous … considering he is almost 18!

Hans’ somewhat exact words: “What if I get kidnapped?”

Me: “That would have happened years ago. Your dad didn’t fight for joint custody. So, what is the point of kidnapping you now?”

Hans: “So you are saying my dad doesn’t love me?”

Me: “No. I am not saying that! Your dad loves you, but he doesn’t want the responsibility.”

Hans: “What do you mean?”

Me: “He is happy to do the fun stuff with you, but not the daily stuff. That’s a responsibility.”

Hans: “Okay.”

The boy says okay a lot. Is that good?

I have known/know parents with joint custody of their kids, and my personal and perhaps limited understanding/conclusion has been/is that parents fight for their kids because they love them or because they hate the other parent. However, those are just 2 extreme reasons, and there are several in between that I know nothing about!

And I am also realizing that I have no idea what my child has been through. Hans never shares anything that he considers can cause pain to others and he never wants to be a disappointment. I get the good stuff from him and not the bad or ugly stuff! I hope he knows he is loved. 

I would have fought for him if I had to, but his dad gave him to me without protesting. If I had to, I would have kidnapped him as well. I hope he knows that.