The things I remember on some days!

The actor who played the titular character on Dawson’s Creek passed away recently. It made me very sad as I remembered how Smoggie and I loved that show. The show started airing in 1998 and that was the same year, Smoggie and I met and became friends. It was cool when we found out that we both watched and loved Dawson’s Creek. This recent news made me go back in time and revisit some of my moments with Smoggie.

From all the moments I remember, I am choosing to write about one of the two fights Smoggie and I ever had. Sometimes, such moments define or destroy relationships.

Smoggie is cordial with most people and cares about very few people. He is very particular. However, I have rarely seen him not like people, but there was one such person whom he didn’t give a fig about! Unfortunately, we all worked together, and we had to share a room. Since we were all technical trainers/facilitators at an IT school, we had devices on our desks and that meant we could discreetly communicate through network messages. One fine day in 1999, Smoggie sent a message stating that he was planning for us to go watch A Midsummer Night's Dream starring Calista Flockhart on a Friday. That was a perfect plan as Smoggie knew how much I enjoyed Shakespeare and how much I adored Ally McBeal - it was 2 of my favourite things coming together! I couldn’t contain my delight and turned from the computer screen to look in Smoggie’s direction and declare that I was happy to watch the movie that Friday and that I was very excited about it. As soon as those words escaped my lips, this other guy turned around in his chair and asked if he could join us?!

My eyes darted from Smoggie’s face to this guy’s face not knowing what to say! Smoggie’s face was sternly requesting me to say NO and this guy’s was begging me to say YES. Since I have always struggled to say no, I ended up asking the guy to join us. That was it. I immediately received a message from my friend telling me to forget about him if this guy comes along. I was like “come on!”. I couldn’t possibly uninvite the guy. Long story short, I ended up going to the movie with this guy, and Smoggie decided to take a break from me!

We didn’t speak to each other for a couple of days. It was the worst time. (We were both 24-25 at that time, but we could have been 4 or 5!) Then, one fine day, I found my desk converted into a shrine for Ricky Martin. That was it. I walked over to Smoggie’s desk and let him know how sorry I was and how miserable I was. And all was forgiven. We never wanted to go through such hellish time again.

Why would I write about a fight on Valentine’s Day? Because it doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It was a tiny moment in time that Smoggie and I were able to put behind us as our friendship meant more than the feelings of betrayal and disappointment we experienced for a bit. I am glad we saved *us*.

James Van Der Beek’s death reminded me, once again, that life is short. I must take the time to appreciate the people in my life. Smoggie is quintessential to my existence. He has been at the receiving end of all my dramatic outbursts. Smoggie has a landline and I’d like to believe it is there for me and me alone. I can call it anytime. It has been there even when Smoggie wasn’t in the country. I have left many messages on it. Wherever Smoggie is, he retrieves those messages and responds. Now, why would I not have his mobile number and WhatsApp him or whatever him?! I don’t know. This “snail mail” sort of system seems to work nicely for us.

There are days I need to remember how loved I am and how fortunate I am. Today is one of those days.

I just got back from a 13^th birthday party of my favourite twins born on Valentine’s Day. I was the only adult invited. I am their beloved aunty. I spent almost 3 hours with a bunch of preteens and newly minted teens. I am glad I attended the event. Kids need to know they are loved. The twins have my number, and they know they can call me anytime and I will get back to them.

I have always believed that the greatest joy is in being needed. I hope Smoggie feels that way when he receives my messages!

I hope everyone has had a LOVE-ly day. Take care.

I am okay!

This morning, my Uber driver suddenly braked and almost all the chocolate boxes I had in my bag fell unto the car floor.

The first words that came out of my mouth were "it's okay" and I kept repeating them as the driver, a young woman, kept apologizing.

As long as everyone is safe and no one is in imminent danger, it is okay! I guess part of that comes from being a Spec Ed teacher.

I was almost tempted to give one of the chocolate boxes to the Uber driver; however, I had a precise purpose for each of them. I had Parent-Teacher conferences today, and I was going to give the chocolate boxes to my work kids’ parents.

I was in a mostly good mood today. I was finally okay with Michael too. My only concern was the one disgruntled parent I spoke about in a recent post. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go with her. This parent had the 6:15-6:45 timeslot. She was my last conference. Michael had to leave at 6:30 pm. It was time for him to go, and the parent hadn’t shown up yet. He had tickets to a concert. Right after he left, I went to inform my principal that the parent maybe a no-show.

I had that feeling as the report card and IEP I sent home yesterday, in an envelope, came back this morning unopened. I immediately felt the need to reach out to this parent wondering if all was well. To be fair, she responded immediately saying that she would go through the paperwork when her child got home and she would be ready for the conference. So, the feeling of unease returned when she was 15 minutes late to a scheduled half-hour meeting. As I spoke with my principal, we saw this parent on the security cam in the office. We both welcomed her. I was relieved to see her!

When we got to the classroom, it was 6:45 pm. When the meeting ended, it was almost 8 pm. Everyone had left the school building except for the evening caretaker. This parent wondered how I was going to get home as I walked her to the entrance door. I told her that I would take an Uber home. She wondered where I lived and she offered a ride. Initially, I was hesitant and declined politely. She insisted it wasn’t a big deal and then, I said okay. We walked back to the classroom to grab my stuff. That was when I realized I hadn’t given her a box of chocolates. She was pleasantly surprised as I wished her a happy Family Day long weekend. After that, this parent went out of her way to drop me home.

The last time we “met” was in an online meeting with a bunch of people. Today, it was just the 2 of us, and in person. We were able to communicate without interference. I was able to show what I was doing for her child. She acknowledged that I was the person her child spends the most time with outside of their family. She appreciated all that I was doing for her child. 

At the end of the day, it was good to know that all my kids and their parents were okay! That means, I am okay!

My (Last) BlackBerry

I have had my current BlackBerry since 2018. It was the last model to be released, and I guess it was truly meant for me as it was released on July 13^th of that year. (Alright alright alright, it was a happy coincidence; and I am forever grateful.)

Over the last couple of years, several apps quit my device. I was sad at the departure of CIBC (my bank) and Capital One (my credit card). I was okay with McD leaving although I missed the points. Yesterday, at the end of the day, I realized that Uber Eats needed an update and I couldn’t do it as the app isn’t compatible with my device anymore. I am willing to live with this loss as well. However, fear set in when I realized the Uber app would be the next to go. If that happens, I would be forced to switch to a new phone out of sheer necessity.

I take an Uber to work each morning. I can’t really afford to do it, but I do it for good reasons and I don’t particularly care about the cost. So, I can’t afford to not have the Uber app on my phone. However, this is a likely possibility, and it has made me so very sad today.

I am not sure when this terrifying moment will occur, but I can’t just sit and wait for it to happen. So, I need a backup plan. Lucky for me that I am watching the Winter Olympics right now. It is like a sign … the phone that keeps popping up is Google Pixel 10.

2026 is a year of many transitions. Hans will be 18 in May and will be off to university in September. We are moving in July. I am also hoping to transfer from my current job/location to another, so I do not spend so much money on Uber! 

Lots of changes coming up. I guess one more should not be such a big deal.

Hanging out with my son’s girlfriend!

Almost 9 years ago, I wrote a post about love. Today feels like the perfect day to revisit it.

It is Winterlicious and it was a wonderful opportunity to try a *new* restaurant as well as hang out with Amie, ASid’s girlfriend. We had delicious food and insightful conversations. Amie remarked how a friend was surprised that she was having dinner with her boyfriend’s mom. I told her that my colleagues had similar reactions. I guess there is still that stereotypical view on the relationship between the 2 most important women in a man’s life. Amie is not officially my daughter-in-law, but the kids moved in together over the Thanksgiving weekend. At that time, Hans wondered if that was as good as a marriage and I told him that it was! Why not?!

Amie called me a ‘chill’ person. She shared that she likes how close ASid and I are, and how we can talk about anything. I told her that she is also a ‘chill’ person. I told her that any mother would love a girl who makes her son happy. The only obstacle to that is if the mother’s love for her son is possessive which then leads to feelings of jealousy and resentment for any other person her son ends up loving! Obviously, this applies to any relationship between two people. On that note, Amie could totally resent me; but she does not. That speaks volumes about the person she is.

15-year-old ASid did not know then that he had already met the special girl who will make him a happy man in the future. He did not like Valentine’s Day then. Now, he has plans with Amie. I am so happy for the two of them.

Mental Conditions

Yesterday, Friday, I spent some time with ASid and Amie (yes, I am calling his girlfriend that!). While chatting with them, I casually shared a proverb I learnt from my Mother. It roughly translates to “each of us has a mental condition that makes us happy”.

The proverb came up when I asked Amie about her parents and how they feel about ASid and her moving into a place of their own. She said that she has invited them over several times since October and they haven’t dropped by yet. She also said that her parents don’t want to intrude on her “roommate”! So, I told her that that is the “mental condition” that keeps them happy … not acknowledging the reality of their daughter’s live-in situation.

I guess we can call it a coping mechanism. Some could use some “-ist” words. ASid is biracial and Amie is close to one of the races he represents, but not exactly. Some parents still want their children to be with people who share their own cultural, racial and/or religious backgrounds. There is nothing wrong with that if they support their children’s choices.

Yesterday, I also had an intense phone call with a parent. Michael was on that call with me. For the first time ever, the two of us were in consensus about something … that this parent is completely unreasonable. She continues to be upset about my refusal for the extra CYW from October. Initially, she suggested that her child needed one-on-one support to manage her behaviour. Now, she believes that her child needs academic support as she has fallen behind. Her child was placed with me last school year as she wreaked havoc in her “regular” classroom, and it was suggested that she would thrive in an Intensive Support Program (ISP). This child, whom I call my littlest one, was a force to reckon with. Almost all our efforts went into managing behaviour. She has come a long way since then.

What the parent didn’t seem to understand was that her child came to us with huge deficits in her learning, and that can’t be fixed with extra support for just 6-8 weeks. If it is up to the parent, she would have her child on one-on-one support for the rest of her life!

As a parent myself, I understand some of these mental conditions. Most parents are the best advocates for their children. They also want to protect their children from all the evil in the world. But it helps to see the progress that is being made and acknowledge the efforts of others that make a difference in their children’s lives.

Kids at Work

This post is totally dedicated to my work kids. Again, at the risk of sounding super unprofessional, I adore them so much.

Today, I decided to wear a dress to work. I don’t do that usually and so it got noticed.

My littlest one always arrives before everyone. After she settles in, she walks up to me and says, “You look pretty.” And I respond with, “Who took my student and replaced her with an alien? She is not this nice to me!” And she immediately says, “It is me. You look pretty … ugly.” And then, she smiles and I was like “Glad you are still here kiddo!”.

Then, the next kid arrives. This little guy has echolalia and mostly repeats what people say to him. If he says anything, it is related to wanting something. So, it is kind of cool when he says something spontaneously without prompting. He settles in and then, he also walks up to me, and he says, “I like it.” And that was it. He walks away.

My oldest arrives as I was sharing the “pretty ugly” anecdote with the staff next door. She immediately rushes to my rescue and says that “Ms Momley Teacher is pretty” and she repeats it a few times until I acknowledge her.

I have 2 others - a girl with echolalia and a boy who didn’t speak until I got him. The girl has also started speaking sentences spontaneously and before the winter break, she told me quietly, “Ms Momley Teacher, I love you.” And her mother was happy to hear that. The boy who didn’t speak, can’t stop speaking now.

Their parents are pleasantly surprised some days, and I am fiercely proud of all my work kids’ achievements each day.

One of the “other” students once asked me, as he pointed to one of my 2 boys, “what is wrong with him?”. I wanted to ask this student, “what is wrong with you?”. But then I realized he is also just a kid. So, I simply said, “nothing”.

Snow Days and Staying In

 A snow day is probably not unusual in Toronto, but 2 within a matter of 12 days is unbelievable indeed. Today, January 26^th, is the second snow day. The first one was on January 15^th.

What I enjoyed about these snow days is that I got to spend time with Hans. We live in the same abode but barely see each other. On the 15^th, we got to collaborate on a “sub app”, as part of the application process to universities, and it was a lot of fun. That day was the first of a few deadlines. It was for IVEY. One of their requirements was two 500-word essays.

Hans wondered if I could edit his 2 essays. This was only the second time, as a high school student, that Hans has asked me for academic support. I felt useful and glad that I was available. I was also relieved that he didn’t use my status as a single mom! Hans’ first essay was about the martial arts program he is enrolled in. He started the essay by talking about the reasons that steered him in that direction. He listed 3 - COVID, since that led to virtual school and isolation in March 2020; the passing away of his paternal grandfather in December 2021; and the death of his paternal grandmother in June 2022. It was a well written essay, and it was over the word limit! My job was to bring its content just under the limit without taking away the essence of its intent.

(The essay got me thinking of all the other terrible things that happened in Hans’ life - his parents separating, the loss of the only family home he had known, and the sense of abandonment he felt when his dad left him. The boy did not use any of those sob stories.)

The first time Hans and I cried in unison was at a grocery store, right after we settled in ASid at his residence on campus in August 2019 and said goodbye to him. As we got out of the car and walked into the grocery store, it hit us both, at the same time, that our life would be different without ASid. In a very public display of emotion, we hugged each other and let the tears roll down our cheeks. Hans was 11 years old then. After that, I have only seen Hans cry twice.

When he heard the news of his paternal grandfather’s death, his grief was unbearable to him and bewildering to me. Hans’ dad decided to break off all ties with his parents when Hans was 2 years old. The boy never had a relationship with his grandparents and yet, he was distraught. He shared that he had been waiting for the time when he would be independent enough to renew those severed relationships, and he realized that he wasn’t going to have that opportunity. Then, I understood the great loss he felt. At the funeral service, he finally met his paternal grandmother who couldn’t recognize her own child, Hans’ dad, as she was suffering from dementia. That was the end of Hans’ surviving bit of hope.

The most recent and last time Hans cried was when we came to check out the apartment buildings we currently reside in. I guess he knew for certain that his life was about to change in a way he didn’t want it to. We were in my parents’ car. Hans was 14 years old then. I was glad that he felt safe enough to be vulnerable with his mother and her parents.

Yesterday, he remarked that this year he will be 18, and then, he can longer make wish lists for his birthdays and Christmas. So, I told him that as long as his parents are alive, he will always be a child in a way. Hans quickly responded with “Mom, promise me that you are never going to die.”, and I told him that I would try. And we spent some time watching Ninjago … his favourite series that he discovered when he was just 3 years old!

Since we knew today was going to be a snow day, we rejoiced and cashed in our extra free time a little early. I am thankful for the unexpected breaks that are bestowed on us. I am so going to miss my time with Hans when he is off to live his life on a campus that is lucky to have him!