They made me *want* to write about them!

People have been commenting about me being an empty nester now. I get it, but I have also told almost all of them that I can never feel like an empty nester as my mind is occupied by my students most of the time. So … yes, I know I lost 2 boys in a sense; however, last month, I gained 6 of them. I am, once again, a “boy mom”!

I have 2 in grade 6 and 4 in grade 7, and they are between 10 and 13 years old. The youngest will be 11 in December and the oldest was held back a year. And I have already become very fond of them and fiercely protective as well. Since we do a lot of integration, which is spend time with students outside of our classroom, we also deal with insensitive kids who stare or snicker or pass snide remarks. Middle school has a bad rep, and it is terrible when some kids make that rep legit. Yesterday, I had to interrupt a class so I could address some of these kids and let them know that they were being very unkind and it was unnecessary.

I was in a grade 6 class, and these were 10 to 11-year-old kids. It made me sad when I realized how young and mean they were. And I was there with my youngest who involuntarily makes sounds. He can’t help it; however, the other kids could make better choices.

Today, I was in a music class with my grade 7 students. Last week was when they got to choose their instruments. We had a clarinet, a flute and 2 trumpets. None of the boys knew how to play them, and I had no clue. I felt utterly helpless and useless. And half of them wanted to leave right away. 2 of them tried earnestly. I did my best to support all of them. Today, the same half did not want to go back. I gave them no choice. If I wasn’t a teacher, I would not have wanted to go back as well.

I am home right now and tired from the day, and I wanted to spend whatever little energy I had on writing about the new kiddos in my life.

In music class, I somehow got the teacher to come over and help us. After literally a couple of minutes, he gave them an option to try drums. All 4 boys instantly dropped their instruments and rushed towards the drums on the other end of the classroom. They were delighted to finally not struggle. And I sighed in relief.

I am home right now, and although it feels a little empty, I am filled with joy.

Mr. and Mrs. Piper

It has been a short and sweet and super hectic first week of work at my new school. I am still a Spec Ed teacher in an ISP classroom, but I have older students and more integration and more interaction with other teachers.

Day before yesterday, a teacher walked in and asked me if my grade 7s will go on a field trip. I told him that I need to consult with my CYW. He looked at me seriously and told me that I am the teacher and that I need to make the decision. Fortunately, my CYW arrived and we told him that we are happy for our students to go on the trip.

Yesterday, I ran into another teacher in front of her classroom, and she wondered if our grade 7s would go on a field trip that she was organizing. I was a little confused and she clarified that there are 2 separate trips. Then, I saw her name behind her, beside her classroom. It was Mrs. Piper. So, I exclaimed loudly, “Hey! It was a Mr. Piper I spoke with yesterday!”. She revealed that that was her husband.

I had never met a husband-and-wife teacher team within one school ever!

By the end of the day yesterday, Mrs. Piper sent an email to all grade 7 teachers asking them to fill out their excursion forms. I had never filled out these forms, and I was glad when my CYW helped me out with it. This morning, Mr. Piper sent an email to all grade 7 teachers letting us know that he filled out the forms for all of us!

I was glad to run into him after work today. I thanked him and unwittingly blurted out about the differences I noticed in how the 2 field trips were being managed. He quickly jumped to his wife’s defence by saying how much she hates paperwork and how she showed him how to do the excursion forms. That made me feel like I was criticizing his wife. So, I quickly brought up the “give a man a fish or teach a man to fish” proverb, and I thanked him for my fish! It took him 2.2 seconds to realize what I said and he smiled.

Although Mrs. Piper came across as unhelpful to someone like me who is still learning, I did appreciate her approach because I got to learn how to fill out the excursion forms. However, since it has been such a busy week, I also appreciated Mr. Piper sparing me the tedious task.

The husband-and-wife teacher team are music teachers, and so I decided to name them Pipers!

The 2 Halves of a Traditional Dorm Room

Hans chose to share a room with a stranger and share washrooms with many other never-met-before people!

Both Hans and his roommate were supposed to move in at 9:30 am on August 29th. We got there at 8:30 am and were allowed to move in. Hans and I quickly unpacked his stuff; made his bed; put the “mom” suitcase in the closet; and went out for breakfast. The roommate got stuck in the line-up of cars and moved in a couple of hours later. When Hans and I got back, he was unpacking with his parents. Everything was neatly organized and the mom was on top of everything.

Hans’ roommate is an only child and it all made sense.

I couldn’t take a picture of the other half of the room. But this is how I described it to Manda, my friend, who wanted to hear all about it. I told her that Hans’ side looked so bare, like a truckers’ motel accommodations (no offense to truckers or motels), and the other half looked like a room in a 5-star hotel!

I felt a bit terrible about not putting in an effort, but that’s how Hans wanted it and that’s what he got - bare minimum!

Hans came home 2 days ago. We were with my parents, and they wanted to hear everything about his roommate and how things were in residence. I quickly recapped my brief interaction with the other boy’s parents and gushed about how their son had everything. And I did this in the language we share, which Hans can’t quite comprehend. So, it was truly hilarious when he started off by saying how his roommate asked him for a facial tissue and Hans told him to take one whenever he needed it!

The boy who seemed to have everything still had to ask for something. I felt like there was a lesson to be learnt from that!

On the Same Page!

A few days prior to the move-in date for Hans, there was an email that both he and I received about the many events happening on campus over the orientation week. I realized quickly that there were over 140 events taking place over 5 days. I decided to help the boy. So, I spent some time going through each event that was listed and eventually produced a curated list of about 14 events. I shared those in a Google doc with Hans. I believe he did not look at the list until after he moved into residence. Right after, he must have skimmed through the list and wryly commented on ‘Academic Success: Pushing Past Procrastination’. That was the last one on the list. Hans told me that he was going to skip that one!

Obviously, when I shared the list with him, I told him that they were all mere suggestions.

The night before orientation week, I received the following from Hans - “Sorry mom but I am probably going to not consider the list you made for events … I want to know every event I can possibly go to and plan from there”.

That was probably one of the longer messages I ever received from Hans. I was so happy to read it.

Somewhere prior to that, we also had another exchange where he called the CAs (Community Advisors) “floor manager people”. I wondered why he can’t use the proper terminology but was pleasantly surprised to hear that he helped the 2 CAs assigned to his floor at the first community meeting. So, I sent a Momley message to endorse that and encourage such interactions. Here is what I communicated - “Just studying and getting good grades is not enough. It is the people you connect with that may matter more. And you are already doing that. So, make the most of your time by doing things outside of the lecture halls and classrooms. Don’t kill yourself by spending too much time trying to get high grades. I am okay if you just pass your courses. You can make a difference in so many other ways.”.

Hans responded with “Mom if you know me I would never over study”!

I am glad that Hans and I are on the same page. I just wish he works a little bit on the punctuation in his text messages; however, I am content to receive responses to my ramblings.

2 Suitcases

I thought of several titles for this post and the one I chose made the most sense as I dozed off to sleep a few hours ago.

Nearly 4 years ago, when we moved, I had to take care of a lot of things. That was also when ASid decided to tell me that I better use all the Air Miles I had accumulated as they were going to expire sometime soon. Oh my goodness! ASid has this tendency to make everything seem like it is of utmost urgency. So, I decided to investigate it.

I ended up purchasing a handheld vacuum for Hans and a blender to make smoothies and finally, a set of 2 suitcases - a small carry-on and a big check-in.

Yesterday, Hans packed all his clothes in the bigger suitcase, and I realized that I hadn’t unpacked the smaller suitcase yet! And in a weirdly emotional way, I equated the suitcases to Hans and me. It felt like he was taking the “mom” suitcase and I had the “child” suitcase. Somehow, that equation comforted me.

This morning, in a few minutes, Hans and I will be leaving for McMaster in Hamilton. I am not saying I shall not cry, but I am ready to let go and let the boy fly.

Addendum:

Bambino is the best brother. He decided to come and get me from Hamilton. On our drive to Toronto, I told him how Hans couldn’t wait to give the suitcase back and how I told him to store it under the bed. As if Hans heard that conversation, I received a text message from him - The suitcase doesbt fit … I will probably brong it back. (The boy really does not want the large suitcase in his dorm room. That message with the 2 errors indicated a desperate urgency.)

So much for my “mom” suitcase equation. Well, I had a warm fuzzy feeling for at least a few hours.

We Are the Sum of Our Choices

Yesterday, I planned for 2 events - Hans’ send-off lunch and ASid’s 25^th birthday dinner. ASid was not there for Hans’ lunch and Hans was not there for ASid’s dinner.

It is happening …

Almost 4 years ago, our once family of 4 went 3 separate ways. In less than a week, Hans is moving into residence, and we will be in 4 different locations. It will never be the same again. I can plan all I want to and not get the boys to be in the same place, at the same time. And that’s okay! Life happens!

This is the perfect time to share that I recently rewatched ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ and it reaffirmed my belief that we are the sum of the choices we make. Each choice leads to a specific outcome. So, I hope the boys make the right choices that lead them to the right people. It is especially my fond hope for Hans who is leaving home to be on his own. 

On that note, I also want to quote from the movie; it is something a character, a daughter, tells her mother … “Small, stupid humans. It’s like our whole deal.” … that’s a profound statement on humanity. So, it is okay to make mistakes … as along as we are smart enough to learn from them!

Seychelles

Since my post about the bots on my blog, the count has surpassed 10K ‘pageviews’. I am learning the proper lingo as well. Apparently, no one is counting *visitors* anymore, they are counting pageviews by browsers, operating systems and locations. (Who are they? In my case, they happen to be Google!)

The few who know of my blog have been curious about the locations. Where are these pageviews from? It turns out that the top location is a country by the name of Seychelles. I had heard the name, and that was the extent of my knowledge. So, I decided to investigate. According to Wikipedia, Seychelles is a country in Africa with a population of 96, 762. It is a tiny nation in comparison to United States which is sitting in 2^nd place in terms of the total number of pageviews.

I don’t know what to do with all this information. So, I have decided to do something that I have never ever done on my blog - provide links to pages from an external site. I discovered visitseychelles.org and I am happy to share links to the country’s geography and history. Maybe one day, I will visit this sweet little nation that caused quite the commotion and excitement on my blog.

Thank you, Seychelles! This is for you.

Geography

History

I am endorsing you.

Addendum:

I do not understand what is happening; however, less than 24 hours later, United States is currently sitting in 1^st place and Seychelles has been dethroned. The number of pageviews for each country seem to have been “fixed” to reflect this new order! Wow!!

And I feel like I should stop paying this much attention to the bots. I do have better things to do. Having said that, this has been fascinating.

Books

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to live in a room with wall-to-wall bookshelves that went from floor to ceiling, and they would be filled with all the books that I have read and that I would read over and over again.

In reality, I ended up with one bookshelf in the basement of the home we sold almost 4 years ago. And it took several years to set that up. However, I started adding books to a smaller bookshelf when I started tutoring. These were books for kids - books I could read with them and books that they would be interested in reading. Then, when I got my teaching job, I also started collecting books for my classroom.

As I unpacked the boxes of books in my current home, I had to make the pantry shelf (that I couldn’t fit in my new kitchen) my third bookshelf. For the first time, in a long time, I actually flipped through the pages of some of the books I have. Each book took me back in time. And it was fun to organize them in a way that made sense to me.

Today, my friend Manda wondered if I had a copy of ‘The Great Gatsby’. I did and she came over to borrow it. While I was waiting for her, I turned the cover page and saw my name neatly written on the title page. I wasn’t sure if I bought the book for the Fall term of 1994 or the Winter term of 1995 or for the 1994-1995 academic year. It hit me that that was over 30 years ago! I turned another page and read a quotation by F. Scott Fitzgerald about writing. As I was reading it, my friend arrived. She wanted to borrow it for her 17-year-old who is enrolled in a Grade 12 English course. When she saw my name in the book, she almost felt guilty for ever asking for it.

There was a time I would buy a copy of the book to give to a person who asked to borrow my copy of that book. There was no way I would let someone else’s hands touch a book of mine. Those days are over. As a mother, a tutor and a teacher, I have been surrounded by hands that have been in questionable places and I am not sure anything can be sanitized 100%. Can I clean each page of a book with a disinfectant wipe? Does it matter to have a book in pristine condition or a book that served its purpose multiple times?

I did spend some time earlier in the day with Manda, and I mentioned the bots on my blog. She was so worried that she wanted me to send her a document with all my blog posts so she could feed that into some Artificial Intelligence app and produce a book that I could self-publish before a bot could do the very same. For all I know, that’s probably been done already. So, I told my friend that I will decide how I will tell a story when I am ready to tell that story.

At the end of the day, after she left with ‘The Great Gatsby’, I realized that I need to read it again. I need to read a whole bunch of books again.

The Next 5 Years

Today, I spent a considerable amount of time with Hans. I won’t go into all the details, but I want to share an excerpt from one of our conversations.

Hans wanted to know what I will be doing 5 years from now. A standard question that is sometimes asked in interviews - Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I was surprised and a lot of thoughts floated through my head.

 

Is this child of mine worried about me?!

Perhaps, he is simply curious?!

Do I know what I will be doing then?!

Then, I just decided to answer it as honestly as possible. I told him that I would be focussed on work for the next 3 years, and after that I may take some time off to do some writing. I also felt the need to state that I am not looking for companionship in a conventional sense. It was important for Hans to know that my life is good and not lacking in any way.

At one point, as I rambled through my response, I looked at my child and got emotional. It has just been Hans and me for nearly 4 years. I am going to miss him for sure when he leaves on the 29th, and it hit me that he is thinking about that as well in his own way. Oh, wow!

One Perspective on Artificial Intelligence

2 days later, the bot visit count is around 6K. And I am even more certain that these are indeed machines! If my last post was read by someone who is an actual person IRL, they may be inclined to leave a comment stating that they are not a bot!

In my last post, I did not elaborate on my phone conversation with Bambino. We spoke at length about the sudden interest in my blog. Bambino thinks that Artificial Intelligence needs to mimic human-like communication and what better way to do that than read all the content that is available out there in cyber space?!

I believe, based on my limited experience and perspective, that blogs are personal accounts. People share their feelings and thoughts on countless things. They are happy. They are sad. They are sensitive. They are mad. They pour their hearts out on occasion. They are negative. They are positive. The whole spectrum of human emotions is on digital display.

I am okay if a machine thinks my story is good enough to be shared. More power to it! However, I will still write a story one day about some interesting aspect of my life. And I am sure it will capture me better than a bot!

Bots on the Blog

Many moons ago, I wrote about my dear friend Smoggie perhaps creating an autobot so my blog could have visitors from all over the world, and he immediately dispelled that *myth*.

In the last 5 to 6 days, this blog has amassed around 3.77K visitors from all around the world. Although I’d like to believe they are real visitors, I was immediately reminded of the wise words shared by both Smoggie and Bambino nearly 10 years ago. It is the bots. I mentioned this to Hans, and he said something like what he said about the senior discount I received - Enjoy it! And yet, I am not enjoying it. It feels like an invasion.

A few minutes ago, I also mentioned it to Bambino in a phone conversation. He had something like this to say about it - Your book will be written by some bot before you get around to it! Then, we talked about Artificial intelligence for a while.

Although I laughed a bit about it, it still made me sad. I am happy to have 2 authentic readers than 3000 machines probing this blog for who knows what!

The Fastest Addendum

It was barely an hour ago that I posted my thoughts on Death. Minutes later, I realized that I was inspired, in part, by something I witnessed and wanted to include … and then, I got caught up in my drama and forgot all about it!

Right after my brekkie with Manda, she dropped me off at Fairview Mall so I could join Hans in a line-up in front of EB Games. It was the release of another pack of Pokémon cards and Hans desperately wanted a particular card. Before he left earlier in the day, he talked about how some families show up together and how each member could buy a pack and increase their odds of getting those elusive collector cards. So, I told him that I would meet up with him after my breakfast with my friend and we could at least double his chances.

When I messaged Hans to let him know I was on my way, he immediately was concerned that people might object to my joining him. They had all been waiting for an hour and a half or so, and the store was minutes from opening. I told him to not worry about that. How could anyone deny a mother from joining her son? So, I was able to just walk over to him and become a part of the line-up.

There were parents with strollers and there were people with chairs. The one person I did not notice right away and only saw as he got to the cashier was a man in an electric wheelchair. There was an oxygen tank at the back and other attachments. This man looked just as happy as everyone else did when he received his pack. It put a smile on my face.

Later, Hans and I had some time to talk as he finally got his breakfast from McD’s. I told him that when ASid and Hans were little, I would tell them to not get into situations based on dares. I would caution them that it is the worst when they can’t talk or walk or not be able to do something else because they decided to jump off a cliff on a dare. I might have even said that death was better than being in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives.

I told Hans that I would like to retract my statements from that time.

As a Special Education teacher, I have experienced all sorts of needs. I have seen parents be brave for their children; fight for their children and never lose hope for their children. I know a parent whose firstborn twins were both diagnosed with Autism, and she has become an inspiration for me. And all my experiences with special needs students helped me find a new perspective on life.

I was glad I was able to share that with Hans today. As a parent, I can only do what I can with what I have been given. And I have been given two beautiful boys. I want them to never ever stop living.

Preoccupation with Death

If we go with the certainty that we are all going to die; perhaps then, we will live well. So, I thought! However, recently, I have become terrified by the fact that we are all going to die!

Ever since I got Hans his car, I have these moments where I imagine my boy on the road with all the bad drivers. When he takes the car out, I wait until he gets back home … safely. I have blamed my recent late nights on the car. But I stayed up late even when Hans took the TTC to go downtown with his friends. That was when I imagined the boy surrounded by all the bad elements that supposedly exist on the streets of downtown Toronto.

Maybe I have become unreasonably preoccupied with situations where Hans’ life is in danger because the boy is going off to university in a few days!

Yesterday, Hans and I spoke about him going off to McMaster on the 29^th of August. Hans ended the conversation by saying something like “all that matters only if I don’t die before I get there”! It was like a slap in my face. Was my 18-year-old preoccupied with death as well or did he just say that fleetingly?! I did not want to have *that* conversation.

There are times I feel like I seriously need to see a therapist.

Luckily, I have wonderful friends. Today, I had breakfast at McDonald’s with Manda. She wondered if she should let her 17-year-old be in a car driven by his friend?! I shared with her that Hans asked me a similar question a few months ago. He wanted to know if I was okay with him being in a car with a friend who recently got his G2 license?! I told him that I should be okay since he would be getting that very same license soon, and I expect his friends to be okay to be in a car driven by him.

I hoped Manda would be okay too. And then I proceeded to tell her about my preoccupation with death.

I told her that the first night I slept in our new home, I felt a sense of relief. I knew that if I died, Hans would be with people who would love him just as dearly as I do. I did not realize that I had carried that fear of Hans discovering me dead and not having anyone with him in our former home. It had been just the 2 of us, and he was a child for most of that time.

Manda and I felt unburdened by sharing our fears. On most days, we are happy moms who have nothing but positive things to share about our boys and our lives. It was great that we took a moment to get those negative feelings out.

My day ended with ASid. He was in our new neighbourhood meeting someone and I decided to take a walk and spend some time with him. My firstborn has been preoccupied with finding a job in New York. In my mind, Toronto is just as fine as that other city and perhaps, in my infinite bias, *finer* than that other city! But can I stop ASid from moving to New York? No! Can I stop Death? No!

So, I must let go. Breathe. Release.

Another New Beginning

Hans and I, along with my parents and my nephew RoV, dropped off the keys/fobs/laundry card at the management office today. We moved into the building on November 1, 2022, under not so happy circumstances. It was a challenging time for Hans then! It took him a while to warm up to our apartment and consider it his home. In all honesty and fairness, it took me a while as well. And even towards the end, I continued to complain about the laundry situation.

Yet, I got emotional as I handed the stuff back to the same lady who welcomed me with a warm hug 3 years and 9 months ago. I realized that I was going to miss the home I built together with Hans. That was the place that made us who we are today - strong, independent and happy. I became a contract teacher while I was there, and I was also able to submit a resignation and pursue jobs closer to our new home. And Hans got through high school and got accepted at a university in a program of his choice. We did not simply survive … we lived!

As we start a new chapter in our lives, I just wanted to take a moment and bid a fond farewell to our home that was.

Pepper

My birthday is in 3 days (more on that in another post if I am inspired at some point) and I decided to get out, hop on a bus, and order food for dinner on the 13^th, from one of my favourite restaurants - Pepper - its real name.

Almost 2 years ago, when I started working at my former school, I realized soon enough that the bus ride home was tedious. So, apart from playing Candy Crush and writing *pointless* posts some days, I started making a list of all the restaurants I saw on my way home. I decided to get off the bus on Fridays at different restaurants and get some take-out and try different cuisines. Pepper was perhaps one of the first I tried. I found the food tasty and reasonably priced, and Hans did not complain. That was a bonus.

When I went back a second time, the man behind the counter remembered to double bag my order because he remembered that I take the bus and I had requested for it the last time I was there. I immediately complimented him on his customer service. We started talking and I found out that he was one of the three owners of Pepper. Since then, I also did dine-in with Lady A, Manda, Neil, IB and others, and got to know another one of the owners as well.

A couple of times I let the 2 owners know that I love their restaurant so much that I would be happy to invest in a 2^nd restaurant with them and the third owner (whom I saw briefly just once). Still, I believed in the three of them. Pepper became the restaurant that I got the most take-out from in the last 20-odd months.

Today, when I got there, the third and lesser-known owner greeted me. I asked him about the other 2 and he said they should be back in about 20 minutes and I could wait for them. I was okay to wait as I wanted to say a goodbye as I am in the process of moving both home and work to a neighbourhood that is nowhere near Pepper. As I waited, it felt like an opportunity to get to know the third owner better. I shared with him how Pepper opened on my 50^th birthday and how I ordered food for my 51^st birthday from Pepper and how I would like to commemorate their anniversary as I celebrate getting older each year!

As I chatted away, one of the other 2 owners came back. I reminded him about me wanting to invest in the next restaurant they open and expressed my sorrow about not being able to see them all as much as I did in the past. He asked me where I was moving and in the most wonderful coincidence, he shared that they are opening their 2^nd restaurant in the neighbourhood I was moving into! And it is scheduled to open on the 13^th.

I have said several times since January that 2026 is my year. And at no time did I believe that as much as I did when I heard about the next location of Pepper being within walking distance to my next home!

Another School-Year-End Reflection

At the beginning of the 2025-2026 school year, I spent some time ranting a bit about Michael. The last few weeks of school, he started a countdown to the Summer Break. That also served as my quiet countdown to the day I didn’t have to work with him! The week before the last week, I was ready to scream at him and ask him to get out of my classroom. It took a lot from me not do that. It had been such an ordeal to work with someone who did not do the job he signed up for!

However, Michael did so much outside of the classroom. He partnered with a teacher to raise funds for Terry Fox. He coached flag football. He ran the boys club. He signed up for Jays Care. He accompanied the grade 6s on their 3-day grad trip. He got several shout-outs in the staff weekly. For everyone outside of the classroom, this man was a hero!

As already mentioned here or maybe elsewhere, I felt like a single mom, at work as well, in my classroom. I was doing the job of Michael as well as mine, and there were days I felt like I did a terrible job. Looking back, I still feel like I could have done better if only I had some support from Michael. Of course, it is a moot point now.

So, it was rather strange the way it ended between Michael and me. On the last day of work, the ISP team, including Michael, gifted me chocolates, flowers and an artwork by the students from both the classrooms. I will forever cherish the art. The other 2 did not make any sense for me. Even as I am writing this, the 2-dozen light pink and dark pink roses are withering away, in a vase, on my dining table. Alright, I will take a break from that rant.

So, what was the strange ending? Usually, when the last bell of the school day rang, Michael would take off unless he had the boys club or Jays Care to run. That last day, he had none of those. He wanted to know if I needed a ride. Again, it made no sense as I was trying to clean up and pack up, and I still had stuff everywhere. So, I told him just that and went to the school office to return my keys and other things before the principal left for the day. By the time I got there, she had already left, and I took my time handing off the paperwork to the office administrator.

I was surprised to see Michael still in the classroom when I got back. He looked visibly emotional. He took off his glasses, and I could see tears in his eyes. He had something in his hand, and before he gave it to me, he told me that the previous 2 school years were hard on him and he almost gave up on his job. He proceeded to declare that this school year, he found joy in his job and loved coming to work. He ended by saying that I was the best teacher he worked with. I really wanted to let him know that was only because I did all his work for him, but I stayed quiet. And then, Micheal looked at the object he was holding in his hand, and read what was on it.

 

Sometimes you forget that you are AWESOME. So, this is your reminder.

Then he gave it to me, hugged me, and kissed me on my forehead, and cried some more. I was quite literally left speechless. I weirdly felt guilty for ranting about this man.

Should that one moment in time erase all the frustration and stress I felt for almost 10 months? I am conflicted!

Commencement and Reflections

I don’t see Craigley much anymore. I barely even communicate with him. However, we are bound to be together for certain milestone celebrations of the boys and today was one of those special days. We were together to attend Hans’ graduation ceremony.

When there are 2 tickets; by default, the 2 parents get to attend … for better or for worse!

Hans and I were ready for pickup by 8:30 am. The boy needed to be at the venue by 9, and parents could start lining up at 9:30 for entry and the ceremony was scheduled for 10. Instead of waiting around for 30 minutes, Craigley and I decided to grab coffee. We talked shop and were back at 9:30, and there were already a bunch of parents ahead of us.

That was when I noticed that most of them had tickets in their hands, and I did not have them!

I rarely forget anything. If it is an important event like a trip or something related to the boys, I am extra careful. But I forgot the tickets! We couldn’t go in without them. I totally expected Craigley to explode. So, I was like “you wait here and I will Uber home to get the tickets”. Craigley had just parked the car in a perfect parking spot, and I didn’t want to mess that up. But he turned out to be the voice of reason (for once) as he wondered if he should be waiting there for whatever amount of time while I wait for an Uber to get the tickets. So, he offered to drive. He literally drove like a maniac, and I promised to pay any speeding ticket if he got one.

All through the ride, I kept saying what an idiot I was and how stupid of me to forget what Hans said I needed to safeguard!

We managed to get back at exactly 10 am. Craigley dropped me off and went to find a parking spot. My wonderful mom-teacher friend saved 2 spots for us, and I got to see Hans walk in. Craigley was there about 5 minutes later, and I breathed a sigh of relief. There were so many awards. And finally, the graduates started crossing the podium, and there were 336 of them. Somewhere around 11:30 am, everything came to a stand still as one of the graduates had a seizure!

They called for a doctor, and we all waited anxiously.

While all this was going one, ASid sent a few messages to me. At 10:42, he wrote “I am going to be at the venue at noon”, and at 11:41, he wrote “I’m outside!” … so, I had to tell him that there was a medical emergency, and we were waiting to restart. Then, it hit me that a few people were moving around impatiently and there were a few empty seats as well. So, I got Craigley to go and get ASid.

I was so happy to see the older brother of Hans show up to simply be there to take some pictures and be part of his younger brother’s special day.

Soon after, the seizure situation was resolved, and we were back on track. By the time the ceremony wrapped up, it was way past 1:30 pm. If it were up to Hans and me, we would have lingered until we met our people. But because we felt a sense of obligation for Craigley driving us, we decided to leave without interacting with anyone. We were dropped off at home, and I had lunch with the boys. While we waited for our food, Hans got a bunch of “angry” messages from his friends wondering why he left without taking any group pics. I sent a bunch of notes apologizing to some of my mom friends whom I couldn’t meet. ASid revealed that he got into an argument with his dad.

We all reflected on our various relationships with Craigley. In a way, it was good he couldn’t join us for lunch. We spent our time without any constraints.

Parenthood

I have 9 days left with my babies at work, and I know I sound very unprofessional; but I can’t help it! I am so emotional these days as I am also watching Parenthood which has a character with Asperger’s (which is now part of the Spectrum).

It was at the end of Season 4, in Episode 15, that I realized how much Parenthood is like This Is Us, and how much I like this series as well. It has been said that every story has been told already. However, it is how a story is being told that makes it like we are hearing it for the first time. The biggest difference between my all-time favourite series and Parenthood is that there is a main character with special needs and it is portrayed with an authenticity that I see and experience in my classroom.

I always wonder what would happen to my work kids when they grow up. Would others be kind to them? So, when I watched Episode 18 of Season 5, The Offer, I cried. This was the episode in which Max, the character with Asperger’s, gets bullied on a school trip. Why do kids do that to other kids?

Last Friday, we had a school event, and my students participated in it. Barely a few minutes into it, MyLO had the biggest meltdown. She started crying loudly and she was inconsolable. The thing I try to avoid is my kids having such public displays where both students and teachers alike stop what they are doing and stare. So, I probably rushed MyLO a bit without listening to her, and she almost ended up biting me. Finally, when I got her into a quiet space, she said that she felt ‘pressured’. After a few minutes, she was ready to go back to our classroom.

This is the most I have spent with a set of students - almost 2 school years. So, perhaps, I am more attached to them. I don’t want to leave them; however, I am acutely aware that even if I stay, they will leave me one fine day. Just like I had to let ASid go, and just like I will let Hans go, I would have to let all my students go as well.

I just watched the last episode of Parenthood, and it had this message that life goes on. That’s the message I needed to hear now!

Second Best - Revisited

When Hans was 6 years old, we had a mini talk about the best mom in the world. Today, MyLO said something that made me remember that moment from almost 12 years ago!

MyLO came back to school after being away for 2 days. It was more like 5 days as Friday was a PA Day followed by the weekend. I made a few changes to the classroom over those days she was away, and I was worried as she doesn’t take well to changes. So, to distract her and pacify her, I went to work prepared with her favourite Blue Takis. (I have permission from MyLO’s mother to buy snacks for her.)

As she was eating her snacks, she started rambling on about best moms. I hope I captured what she said as accurately as possible …

 

All kids think their moms are the best moms. We must take all the moms and throw them in the Coliseum and then, we can find out who is the best mom.

I was like “you want to throw your mom in the Coliseum?” and she was like “and you too!” and I was like “I don’t want to be the best mom; I am okay to be the second best mom” and she was like “I want you to fight my mom”!

It was one of the most interesting conversations I ever had with the kiddo, and I felt the need to write about it.

How do these kids think the way they think?

A Side Story: Part4/Update

Last Friday, May 29^th, I was at my future school to meet my future CYW and some of my future students. Since I was in Neil’s neighbourhood, I wondered if he was available for an early dinner; however, he had an after-school event and he was only available for a late dinner.

At dinner, I let Neil know that I had a sore throat and so, he would have to do all the talking. I wanted an update on everything. Neil had recently moved into a condo, and he said he finally feels like he is home again. Then, he said he was also happy in his current relationship. I did not know that the woman Neil was dating the last time I saw him was different from the woman he was seeing currently. I was a little thrown off. That was barely 2 months ago!

Neil wondered if I had ever dated online?! And this was exactly my response:

Never … No … Not yet!

Even as those words were coming out of my mouth, my mind was working overtime. As soon as I said the word “never”, I felt like it sounded judgemental … like I was proud of it. Then, I immediately said “no” because that’s the truth. But I added “not yet” to share that perhaps I wasn’t ready for it now.

Then, I asked Neil to tell me about online dating. After listening to him talk about it, I realized that it requires a lot of courage to put yourself out there. I guess it is harder when one is older. We are painfully aware of our deficiencies. So, why would one go through such an ordeal? Because we don’t want to be lonely.

Well, it sounded like the third time was a charm for Neil. I was happy for my friend. I was glad I reached out to him and got such a positive update. I informed him that the visit to my future school was wonderful, and that I would be in a better place in September. I told him that 2026 is my year. And I joked that it was probably his year too!

While I was looking for my next job, Neil was looking for his next mate. And we both found what we were looking for. That was one of the best updates I had ever exchanged with anyone.

Who really is Canadian?

After almost 14 years, I have been forced to revisit the whole Canadian bit! What the heck, right?

Today, I was in the elevator with a “privileged” ***** man. For the first time, I want to bring in race; but I am going to exercise some restraint. This man had a t-shirt with “Rat Pack” on it and I complimented him on it. He said thanks and shared that he and his friends came up with that for their group. So, I smiled and shared that my brother’s group of friends are called “Chooch Brigade”. He thought that was clever and wanted to know where I was from. So, I told him and added that I have been here since 1992, and I don’t feel like I am from another country.

So, this man asked me if I thought I was Canadian?! I nodded in agreement and he shook his head. So, I told him that no matter what I think, perception is everything, and that’s sad!

Then, I got out of the elevator and walked to my apartment seriously upset. For the first time, I wanted to do a MyLO - kick and punch and throw things around and make as big of a fuss as possible! Then, I realized how far the child has come.

Today, she put all her frustration into art on paper!

After lunch recess, she refused to come back to the classroom. Michael has been away for 3 days, and we had an SNA working in our classroom. She told MyLO that if she doesn't come back, she would have to take away her art supplies for a few minutes. MyLO walked in quietly and then, she drew something on paper. When you look at the drawing, it's MyLO and me, with happy faces, and when you open the fold at the bottom, it is the skull of the SNA buried in the ground.

It is still violent in some ways, but MyLO is finding ways to express her frustration and continue to communicate with us in less physical ways. The SNA has a great sense of humour, and she told MyLO that she understood why the kiddo buried her!

So, I told myself that this man and his friends did not even have the imagination of an 8-year-old child. How original is “Rat Pack” anyways?! When I complimented him, he could have at least acknowledged the origin of that term instead of claiming it as something he and his friends came up with!

Once I buried him in my own way, I decided to write about it.

Addendum:

The next day, Thursday, May 28th, MyLO came to school with an apology note for the SNA. I want to acknowledge that!

Do You Tell a Parent That Their Child Is Heterosexual?

On May 5^th, MyLO did something interesting and unexpected.

She waited with a "bouquet of roses" (that she made from some red and green linking cubes) for one of her classmates. She said that she is not in love with this girl or anything, MyLO just wanted to ask her to be her best friend. She practised the vocal part of "the proposal" several times. Then she waited in the hallway, practising a little more. She also decided she needed to go down on one knee. As soon as her classmate showed up from her French class, MyLO asked her to be her best friend. The girl accepted and MyLO hugged her.

Later, she wondered if the other kids (who came back from French as well and passed by) thought she was gay?! I told her that she was very brave and it doesn't matter what others think.

Yesterday, May 21^st, MyLO drew a picture on the digital whiteboard and named it “Wonky”. I printed it out for her.

Today, May 22^nd, she told me that Wonky is gay and if that’s okay?! So, I told her that it is alright for Wonky to be gay. Then, MyLO said, “I think I am gay” and I told her that’s alright too.

I did not know what to do with this information. The child is 8 years old. Initially, I wanted to talk to my principal about it. As I walked towards the office, I ran into my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist (TMFT) and decided to talk to her instead. After she heard everything, she asked me if I would tell a parent about their child being heterosexual?! If I wouldn’t, then why would I want to tell them about their child being gay?!

I believe that is a reasonable question to ask. So, I told my TMFT that I would wait to hear more from MyLO about being gay and let her decide if she wants to let her parents know. 

Maybe they already know!

Seeking Custody vs Kidnapping

Hans was in Burlington, with his dad, for a weekend tournament. One of the things he mentioned, before he left, was a little ridiculous … considering he is almost 18!

Hans’ somewhat exact words: “What if I get kidnapped?”

Me: “That would have happened years ago. Your dad didn’t fight for joint custody. So, what is the point of kidnapping you now?”

Hans: “So you are saying my dad doesn’t love me?”

Me: “No. I am not saying that! Your dad loves you, but he doesn’t want the responsibility.”

Hans: “What do you mean?”

Me: “He is happy to do the fun stuff with you, but not the daily stuff. That’s a responsibility.”

Hans: “Okay.”

The boy says okay a lot. Is that good?

I have known/know parents with joint custody of their kids, and my personal and perhaps limited understanding/conclusion has been/is that parents fight for their kids because they love them or because they hate the other parent. However, those are just 2 extreme reasons, and there are several in between that I know nothing about!

And I am also realizing that I have no idea what my child has been through. Hans never shares anything that he considers can cause pain to others and he never wants to be a disappointment. I get the good stuff from him and not the bad or ugly stuff! I hope he knows he is loved. 

I would have fought for him if I had to, but his dad gave him to me without protesting. If I had to, I would have kidnapped him as well. I hope he knows that.

Talking of pain ...

I am mostly a hopeful person. I tend to focus on the positive almost 100% of the time. I also don’t complain much. Lately, when I am annoyed with stuff, I am letting that be known. This is new for me.

Last Wednesday, May 13^th, I wanted to treat all my co-workers to some coffee from Tim’s. In my quest for inclusivity, I found out that some peeps like steeped tea. So, I order both now. And I wanted this order delivered before everyone arrived. I had it timed perfectly and threw in some cookies and doughnuts. Guess what? Everything arrived except the coffee. The Uber driver was apologetic and said that he brought everything that he was given. We both called the store, and they were sure they did not miss a thing!

I was on speaker on the Uber driver’s phone and we had the receipt in front of us. We could clearly see the item, and we spoke with 2 or 3 people who all asked us for the same info and denied the existence of any coffee on our order. Finally, I asked for the manager. At this point in time, some of my co-workers started gathering around in the work room and clearly listening to the phone conversation. All of it got too much for me and I wanted it to end. I didn’t care for the missing coffee and felt bad for the delivery guy whose phone we had been using.

I said something like “I am usually a calm person, but this is making me angry. I don’t want the coffee. I just want to get off the phone and maybe order the coffee from elsewhere!” and I told the Uber guy to turn off his phone and be gone as he had a life to get back to, and I apologized for taking up his time. One of my co-workers also asked us to hang up as she decided she was going to use her period 1 prep to go to this Tim’s store and give a piece of her mind to them. So, I thanked the Uber guy and my fellow teacher and proceeded to go back to my classroom.

Barely 2 minutes later, the teacher came back to say her prep was lost, and then, I saw a call coming through. I answered and it was the Tim’s store calling to apologize and find out if someone could come and grab the coffee. They said they would throw in 6 doughnuts. I felt terrible because within the 2 minutes I had rated the order and for the first time ever in my entire life, I gave a 1-star rating. I was so mad. And this call made me want to take it back. As I was about to decline their offer, another co-worker showed up to go get the coffee and doughnuts.

I felt so fortunate to be surrounded by people who were willing to run around for me. I thanked the person on the phone, and I thanked my lovely colleague. It was almost time for my students to arrive, and I decided to get ready for them by calming down and focusing on the positive. I couldn’t change that unfortunate rating, and I shouldn’t feel guilty forever. Even as I was consoling myself, the office admin paged me to say that I had a phone call that I needed to take.

I wondered if it was a parent and why they were calling so early in the school day. Their kids were not even at school! It was the Uber guy. He didn’t know my personal number, but he was recently at my school and so called that number. He was calling to check up on me. He wanted to know if he should go to that Tim’s store and follow up for me.

What?! I couldn’t believe it. I thanked the gentleman and told him that someone was already taking care of it for me, and I appreciated his kindness. A few minutes later, the coffee and the half dozen doughnuts arrived, and all was well.

Yesterday, the teacher who couldn’t go since she lost her prep caught up with me. She said she had never seen me angry, but I had used that word, and she wanted to see what that looked like on me, and she was amused. She said that that wasn’t even her definition of anger, but it made her angry and she had really wanted to go and raise some hell. She was glad that someone went on my behalf, and it all worked out!

Each morning, I wake up with pain in my hands and feet. I can barely walk and barely get through the morning rituals. But I look forward to going to work and doing my thing. And I am glad I don’t let the pain stop me from doing what I love.

That First Car!

I do not drive. And I probably shared that here. It has been somewhat of a bane of my existence. And ASid seemed to have followed in my unfortunate footsteps and does not drive. We take the TTC, Uber or walk. We are alright with our choices or inabilities.

Hans, on the other hand, has always wanted to drive. And the poor kid was stuck with me. So, I registered him for Young Drivers and put all my faith in them. I must give some credit to the boy’s dad who stepped up and did some practice driving here and there.

It was a little heartbreaking when Hans failed his 1^st attempt at G2; but he gave it some time and passed on his 2^nd attempt. I felt like buying him a car and it seemed like an impulsive move as well as unnecessary for some of my near and dear ones. Some weren’t sure I could buy a car! Fair enough! But I did.

Today, Hans drove his first car all the way from the dealership to my parents’ home. My Dad was with him. The entire day, I was nervous as well as excited about that drive! When I saw Hans drive in, I was so proud and so relieved. He was happy to give me my first ride.

It was the best ride of my life.

A Hapag-Lloyd-y Retelling

Bambino and Sir B/UB/IB have an origin story about Hapag-Lloyd and how it entered their lexicon as a hyphenated word used to describe a state of mind. That’s their story to tell.

This is a post about my sightings of the actual Hapag-Lloyd trucks and consequent exchanges of conversational texting with IB.

Here are some snippets of those conversations.

Wednesday, April 15, 2026, on my way to work in an Uber

Me: “… I am behind a Hapag-Lloyd truck. So, had to let you know. :-) …”

IB: “… Lmao. I hope as it is typical for some Hapag-Lloyd-ing it, that they’re not holding up your progress into work! …”

Wednesday, April 22, 2026, on my way to work in another Uber

Me: “… One more Hapag-Lloyd sighting! …”

IB: “… lol. Don’t know if that’s auspicious or SUSpicious! …”

Me: “I hope it is auspicious! I have 2 job interviews today!!”

At the end of that day …

Me: “… I did 2 great interviews and this is the fastest job offer I have ever received. Hapag-Lloyd was auspicious …”

IB: “… Auspicious indeed! Well done and congrats! We should definitely celebrate!”

And so, we did celebrate on Friday. We had dinner at one of my favourite restaurants where I get treated like family. I believe IB enjoyed the food. When he dropped me off, he wanted me to take all the leftovers for Hans, and he also wanted me to say hi to my parents as I was visiting with them the next day.

This was something I have been struggling with … telling my parents about hanging out with IB!

Just like I was overthinking it with Neil, I was with IB too. However, this was more high stakes as IB is a family favourite! I did not want any expectations or any unnecessary pressure. (I am very capable of destroying relationships all by myself and I did not need the extra help!)

Anyways, yesterday, I realized that I just got to take it easy. And today, I am and writing about it.

A Week full of Winners

10 days ago, I wrote about my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist and me reflecting over some rocky career moments. I was annoyed with myself over botching up my job applications and she was saddened by being saddled with an annoying placement.

Today, I want to share that we have come far from that teary reflection. On the 22^nd, I received my job offer and on the 23^rd, she received some amazing news of her own.

February 2026 was the month where I was busy with IEPs and report cards, and parent-teacher interviews, and that month was also the month I decided to submit my resignation letter for my current job. There was a lot going on, and then, I received an email communication about nominating a colleague for excellence in teaching between February 2nd and 27th. It wasn’t simply about putting forth a name, it also involved writing about this individual and highlighting all they have done in 8 possible professional categories. I wasn’t sure if I had the time or energy, but I decided to nominate my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist (TMFT).

On the 23^rd, my TMFT got a call letting her know that she won the teaching excellence award! I was more overjoyed than I was the day before. I can get a job offer any day, but receiving an award like this is a once-in-a-lifetime achievement and honour. It also solidified my belief that good things can still happen to good people!

10 days ago, I also mentioned making a video with Hans. The boy got 95% on that assignment. He is still waiting to hear from a couple of universities; but he is already a winner in my mind.

Wanted

Many moons ago, Hans told me that men can fight over the nicest woman on the planet or something like that! Today, I felt like it was a possibility … I had 2 principals (not men, but strong and wonderful women) *fighting* over me.

Yesterday, I was surprised as I received an email from a principal wondering if I was available for an interview today. When I got home, I received a call from another principal wondering if I was available for an interview today. These were for Round 1 that I thought I messed up! I wasn’t sure what was happening. I couldn’t sleep very well. Today, I had my 1^st interview at 10:30 am and it was great. The 2^nd interview was at 3:30 pm and halfway through it, I saw a call coming through on my phone. When I was done and heard the voicemail, it was the principal from the earlier interview requesting me to call back so she could tell me about some good news in person. When I called her, I found out I got the job! I had to immediately let the other principal know so she could save time by not doing my reference checks. She wrote back almost immediately, and her last words were “Truly, we wish you well.”. 

Never have I felt so wanted. Never have I received a job offer so quickly. Today was a crazy good day.

I guess I could now say I landed where I was wanted. :-)

Reflecting on ‘Worth the Work’

Yesterday was the day I was supposed to hear back from the principals who received my job applications … and I heard nothing. It was crushing. I tried to think of what I did wrong, and then it hit me that there was this “highlights” section where I could have listed all the highlights from my 7 years of teaching experience and I chose to focus on my current assignment which is about a year and a half’s worth!

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I let myself down.

This morning, I was back in my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist’s classroom. Before I walked in, I sent 3 messages about my failure to secure even a single interview to 3 people who are my personal cheerleaders - Richard, my favourite principal; Neil, my teacher-friend and another wonderful mom-teacher-friend. Neil responded promptly and wrote “better news in the headlines soon” and I texted back to him as I walked in.

This time around, I wasn’t the only one who was sad about something. My teacher-mentor-friend-therapist was a little sad too as she was going through some unexpected professional news of her own. I will not elaborate on her news, but I will share what I did to make her feel better … I showed her what I texted to Neil … the message was still visible on my phone screen.

I have always landed where I was needed.

And both of us started our day on a positive note.

The sleeplessness caught up with me as I left work, and I realized that I had to help Hans make a video for school. I got home and tried to clean up the kitchen and get things ready. The video is of Hans cooking a healthy meal. I ended up talking to him about my job applications and I apologized to him for not being there for him the last few days as I was preoccupied with my own stuff. He said he understood what I was going through as he is still waiting to hear from a few other universities. For a second time, it hit me that I am going through something that a child of mine is going through!

I am glad I shared my feelings with Hans. After acknowledging that he understood, he gave me a big hug. They say a mother’s job is never done. As I look at ASid and Hans, I feel like my job is mostly done. And that’s a good feeling. I will take that over any other job any day.

Worth the Work

Last Sunday, I applied to 5 jobs. I had just 2 criteria - the jobs are within the realm of Special Education, and their locations are within a reasonable distance from my parents’ home. I would know next week if I even qualified for an interview. It has been super stressful.

Last night, I got a call from ASid. He was at Pearson and on his way to San Francisco for a job interview. I was more than a little surprised. ASid started a new job last Monday and 4 days later, he was flying to another country to seek another opportunity.

ASid and I are going through job transitions. Following is what I shared with Smoggie a few days ago:

It is strange to be doing the same things as my kid, and it is awesome to know he is doing better than his mother. :-)

I am not sure what it was that got ASid on that plane; however, I hope it is worth his time, money and effort. Even if it is not, I am glad he took that chance.

I know what it was that got me looking for a new job - someone made it uncomfortable in my own space. I can’t help but feel like this is so unfair! So, I have been telling myself that I have done all that I could for the kids and it is time for me to go help some other kids.

I can tell myself whatever story, but I am taking a chance as well. And I hope it all works out … for *all* the kids and me!

The House that my Dad built for my Mom

In 2015, my Dad turned 65 and decided to build a house for my Mom ... from scratch! It was the most opposite thing to downsizing! It perplexed a few people, and it vexed one!

It is cool when a man expresses his adoration for a woman with simple statements. That’s when you know he means it. I remember my Dad saying that my Mom was the cutest girl on his street … that was believable! Growing up, I never questioned his love for her. He still calls her his darling. He would do anything for her.

When we moved to Toronto in 1992, we initially met a bunch of people from the Motherland. One of them was always converting Canadian currency to the Motherland’s currency and calling himself a millionaire in that country. It made absolutely no sense. Anyways, My Mom might have said in passing that it would be nice to live in a million-dollar home.

So, my Dad decided to make it a reality. He went and bought a million-dollar house and gifted it to his beloved. In Toronto, such a house is a tiny nothingness, especially in the Yonge and Sheppard neighbourhood. The lady didn’t know what to make of it. And then, she was told that it was going to be demolished and he was going to build her a home and handed her some blueprints. She thought he had gone mental!

My Mom did not want the big house. However, she ended up spending hours and hours on this thing she didn’t know that she really wanted. And she dreaded the hours and hours of labour it would require from her to maintain it once it was completed. I think she had this love-hate feelings for it. The house was ready for move-in in February 2017. My Mom did not appreciate it until March 2020 … when the whole world seemed to shut down and people were afraid to breathe, my Mom loved all the space she had to move around and breathe without fear. Finally, she appreciated her home and genuinely thanked her husband for the gift.

We all fondly call this family home 190.

Over the last few years, a beautiful walk-out basement unit has been added and rented out a few times. My Dad followed all zoning bylaws and made sure it is a safe space. In July 2026, Hans and I are moving into this lovely abode. I was there last weekend and took a few pics. I sent the pic of the kitchen to KPF as I recently cooked with him in Ottawa. The kitchen with its nine-foot ceiling also made me think of him as he is tall and he would be able to reach anything in that kitchen while I would probably be reaching out for step stools and ladders! Anyways, before I digress, KPF wanted to know if the kitchen was renovated … for me?! I could have just said “no” and kept it simple.

… But I felt like I needed to write another post about my Dad. The last one was a long time ago. I need to write more.

When Worlds Collide …

I am back from another whirlwind trip to Ottawa, but this time around I was there for about 2 days and 2 hours. That’s double the amount of my usual time, but I was visiting with double the number of friends.

This was a bit of a stressful trip as I decided to cook for my friends, KPF and Manda, in a kitchen that was new to me. I am not going to write about how good or bad my cooking was, but I had a wonderful time with my friends. Although ASid and Hans weren’t there, Manda’s 2 boys more than made up for their absence. They joined us at the dinner table and shared their vacation stories with KPF who turns out had travelled to some of the very same countries they had been to! So, there was a lot of cool conversation around some European countries. And since I haven’t been to any of those, it was a lot of learning for me.

I wasn’t too thrilled with my eggplant and salmon dishes, but I was okay with my spinach/lentil soup. KPF saved the day by bringing 2 delicious desserts from The French Baker. He also brought some chocolates for the boys. He remembered!

KPF and Manda know about this blog and read occasionally when I send them links to posts they are featured in; however, they met for the first time ever on the 19^th and they hit it off. I was relieved. I knew I was killing 2 birds with 1 stone, but I didn’t want my friends to figuratively die from being forced to share space. Fortunately, for me, we all survived. We spent 5 hours together. I found out that KPF is an excellent sous chef. He has crazy knife skills. He was also good at flipping stuff. Manda found out her boys can sit down for a meal with a stranger and have a cordial conversation. She raised them well. The boys were also polite enough to eat the eggplant and salmon dishes without protesting. (Before I left yesterday, I made them a chicken dish to make up for dinner.)

My takeaway, again, was that I have the most amazing friends who show up for me and who are amazingly accommodating. What more do I need?

A Side Story: Part3/Continuation

I hadn’t seen Neil since December. When I communicated with him about my recent resignation, he was concerned and wanted to get together and catch up. He thought I walked out on my job. I had to clarify that I have my job until the end of this school year, but I am not going back next school year. I would eventually need to find another placement, but that’s not an immediate concern!

So, we had lunch today. As we exchanged pleasantries, I asked him about his life. He shared that he is dating and he has been very upfront about it being casual and not serious. He wondered if I was doing the same. I told him that I have been hanging out with friends both male and female but not dating in a true sense. Then, we talked about our plans for March Break. Neil is off to Montreal, and I am off to Ottawa. Neil wanted to know if I was visiting KPF. I told him that this time around I am spending time with Manda who is housesitting for her sister and KPF is dropping by for dinner on one of the 2 nights I am there.

Neil wondered why KPF and I are not together. I honestly told him that if it was 1998, maybe that would have been a possibility; however, it didn’t happen then and so, I don’t see it happening now.

What I learned recently from various conversations is that I have been in love with the idea of love. And that’s tough. Everything sounds great in my head, but it is not real. And that’s scary. To truly be in love with someone, it is important to know who I am and what I want and start living outside my head. That’s going to take time. And I am happy to wait. 

I have been fortunate to be surrounded by friends who are my age and going through their own respective transitions and finding their way around relationships. It is wonderful to know that I am not alone. At the same time, it is okay to have this alone time.