Reflecting on ‘Worth the Work’

Yesterday was the day I was supposed to hear back from the principals who received my job applications … and I heard nothing. It was crushing. I tried to think of what I did wrong, and then it hit me that there was this “highlights” section where I could have listed all the highlights from my 7 years of teaching experience and I chose to focus on my current assignment which is about a year and a half’s worth!

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I felt like I let myself down.

This morning, I was back in my teacher-mentor-friend-therapist’s classroom. Before I walked in, I sent 3 messages about my failure to secure even a single interview to 3 people who were my personal cheerleaders - Richard, the principal, Neil, my teacher-friend and another wonderful mom-teacher-friend. Neil responded promptly and wrote “better news in the headlines soon” and I texted back to him as I walked in.

This time around, I wasn’t the only one who was sad about something. My teacher-mentor-friend-therapist was a little sad too as she was going through some unexpected professional news of her own. I will not elaborate on her news, but I will share what I did to make her feel better … I showed her what I texted to Neil … the message was still visible on my phone screen.

I have always landed where I was needed.

And both of us started our day on a positive note.

The sleeplessness caught up with me as I left work, and I realized that I had to help Hans make a video for school. I got home and tried to clean up the kitchen and get things ready. The video is of Hans cooking a healthy meal. I ended up talking to him about my job applications and I apologized to him for not being there for him the last few days as I was preoccupied with my own stuff. He said he understood what I was going through as he is still waiting to hear from a few other universities. For a second time, it hit me that I am going through something that a child of mine is going through!

I am glad I shared my feelings with Hans. After acknowledging that he understood, he gave me a big hug. They say a mother’s job is never done. As I look at ASid and Hans, I feel like my job is mostly done. And that’s a good feeling. I will take that over any other job any day.