To Me From Me

Hans says the strangest things and anyone who has watched one or both of the renditions of Kids Say The Darndest Things will probably say, "it is nothing new"! That may indeed be true. Everything that Hans says possibly could already have been uttered by another child elsewhere...still; I will continue to chronicle what he says. Having said that, here is another post dedicated to the little fella!

A couple of days before Valentine's Day (yes, I am going back almost 10 months in time!), Hans and I were cutting out heart shapes from various coloured paper. As we cut, we kept count. Hans had 21 classmates and 2 teachers. I told him that I would write the name of the recipient and he could write his name. At that point in time, he could barely write his name properly. Hans' teacher did say that doing the Valentine's Day cards could be an excellent writing activity. I really didn't know if Hans would be able to write his name 23 times though?!

Eventually, we had 23 heard shaped pieces of paper. I wrote "To" and "From" on each of them. Once that was done, I asked Hans whose name he wanted me to write on the first heart. He immediately replied, "My name"! I thought he didn't understand my question and before I repeated it, he clarified, "To Hans From Hans". He smiled the biggest smile and continued, "I want to be number one!"

This is a child who feels the most powerful when he is home. He is a Super Hero. He is number one. One day, I hope, he feels that way everywhere.

Love you little guy. I am waiting for you to spread your wings and fly, but take your time.

Mixed Heritage

Last year, ASid expressed an interest in learning a third language. Apparently, he thought about it a lot and chose to learn his father's heritage language. It was a surprising choice as Craigley does not speak his heritage language. It would have made sense to choose one of the 2 languages I speak other than English! However, ASid gently reminded me that where I came from, he could manage with English; where his dad's ancestors came from, they would respect his efforts to learn their language! I never argue with logic and I almost always support my children's choices. So, started the language lessons...

Craigley decided to take heritage language lessons as well. Secretly, I think he was pleased. First time, in his life, he wanted to connect with his child on a level that is deep and personal, and exclusive! ASid has been soaking it all in for the last 10-11 months. It has been great for the father-son pair to do homework together and to attend classes together. My brother, who has always been an involved uncle, also took the classes with them. His wife joined them for a while as well! I hope ASid realizes how lucky he is to be surrounded by such support.

I am also reminded of how lucky all of us are to live in Toronto and have the opportunity to experience our world this way.

Chucky Update

It seems like I almost abandoned Chucky the last time I wrote about him. I report with mixed feelings (once again) that it ain’t so! I have to remind myself that this was a then 4 year old boy I was writing about…things haven’t changed much; he is now only 5 years old. Some days I feel like I have been very harsh in how I portrayed him; even this moniker I have given him! Yet, I was just writing about incidents as they happened and as they affected my child and me. At that time, I felt helpless. Even now, I try to help this child and feel like a failure. For someone so young, he continues to be a force to reckon with!

Since I believe that it does take a village to raise a child, I have included Chucky in Hans’ life…whether it is walking together from school or having play dates. Chucky has been invited to our home to play with Hans and Hans has been over at Chucky’s as well. Of course, all visits have been supervised by adults…mostly me, me and Chucky’s nanny and once, it was me and Chucky’s mom! Chucky was perhaps the best behaved with his mom and other than that one time, he hasn’t made much progress. This bothers me. This child shows neither fear nor respect for authority or for the adults in his life. He actually believes he is very cool and the strangest reality is that all the kids in his class believe it too. In fact, my child, who barely reads or writes, took the time to type a note to Chucky. The note reads as follows:

I like Chucky he is cool

Obviously, Chucky is not his real name and Hans actually had his real name in the note and Hans could actually spell Chucky’s real name! Hans wants to print this note and present it to Chucky. I was perplexed. But then, I went on a field trip with their class and I was even more perplexed as most of the girls literally fawned over Chucky and insisted on holding his hand and walking. These are 4 and 5 year old children and yet, they were demonstrating their attraction to a child who was completely ignoring his teacher and doing his own thing! The field trip was about discovering little critters outdoors and I discovered a lot more…

Is it really true as the book says that everything we learn we learn in Kindergarten? If so, I am a little concerned for my child. I have told him that he could be friends with Chucky, however he shouldn’t copy everything Chucky does. Hans always assures me that he will not copy Chucky and then I see shades of “chuckiness” in him sometimes…it is scary and still, I can’t bring myself to share my concerns with Chucky’s parents and I do not want to be the “Tattle Tale Mom”! What can I do then? Continue to communicate with my child about right and wrong, and continue to remind him that he can be friends with someone without copying them!

Trick or Treat

On Halloween Day, my little fella fell for the meanest trick a parent can pull on a child. Yours truly is not exactly proud of that moment; however, a parent has to do what a parent needs to do!

A couple of weeks ago Hans started his skating lessons. ASid started early at the age of 3 in a parent-tot skating program. I cannot skate and Craigley, by default, filled in for the parent! Craigley is not exactly patient and ASid was not exactly complacent; a couple of sessions later, ASid knew he didn't care for skating :( With Hans, I got an opportunity to approach skating differently. I waited till he was 5 and put him in a program where a parent is not required on the ice!

Still, there are always growing pains. The first lesson, Hans was crying; however, every time he fell on the ice, he tried to get up! Second lesson as well, he cried! The third lesson fell on the Halloween Day. Hans started protesting right from home itself. When we got to the skating rink, he refused to enter the building. He kept taking off his skates and crying profusely. Out of frustration, I gave him a choice: if he skates, he can go trick or treating; if not, no trick or treating! He chose not to skate. I reiterated the options again. He chose not to skate once again. So, we packed up and left.

After dinner, he realized the gravity of the situation. ASid got ready to go and Hans bawled his eyes out! I did not budge. I reminded him that he made the choice and it doesn't matter how much he cried! I felt terrible inside, but I had to stand by my words as well!

The next morning, the first words to come out of Hans' mouth were, "Next Thursday, I will make the right choice!” After that declaration, he started eating his breakfast. I looked at him and was so proud; and then felt terrible again as he asked, "Can I go trick or treating today?" I had to tell him that Halloween happens only once a year :(

The rest of the day went into reflection and introspection! Does a kid really need to learn skating? May be I should let it go? Should I let a 5 year old make decisions? Who is the parent here? Was I too rough on the little guy? But then it is so easy to quit! It is so much more challenging to keep going...

I believe Hans reflected as well; when he got back from school, he wanted to know why moms and dads are so mean. As much as I was feeling badly about “being mean”, I told him that kids are mean as well! Sometimes kids don’t listen to their parents and it makes their parents sad. Hans seemed to have listened and understood as he didn’t make any other statements or ask any questions!

A couple of days later, Hans needed help with something; even though I can’t recall what it was he needed help with, I can clearly restate part of the conversation that took place. Hans asked for help and I said, “Anything for my superhero!” Hans immediately responded, “Actually Momley, you are my superhero because you do so much for me!”

This was just 2 days after the Halloween incident. My 5 year old made me feel much better with his kind words. This is a child who loves candy and he was deprived of a chance to collect a lot of candy! For one evening, he didn’t have to choose the small bag of candy he is allowed to add to the weekly grocery shopping list. He could keep it all! And he couldn’t! It is great that Hans could get past that incident: Momley 1 Candy 0

Writing

For someone who has wanted to write for a long time, I believe I have found my calling! I know I did mention that I would never never ever be on a School Council again; what can I say, I am no oracle! Now I am a Co-Secretary on Hans' School Council and responsible for the minutes. There are about 210 students, and that means I have a "reader" base of about 400 parents...potentially! The reality could be only 4 readers. It does not matter as some CEOs have started in the mail room...must always dream big :)

The first time, I was really nervous. Would I be able to capture everything said in the meeting? I took notes so intently like I was being evaluated! I managed to type them up within a day and share with the other members of the School Council for feedback. My Co-Secretary remarked that they were the best minutes she ever read! Ofcourse she would say that as she does not want to do the minutes ever and she needs to encourage me so I keep doing them till whenever :)

Talking about "till whenever", I recently noticed that I have only 2 readers for my blog! One of them is KPF (since I compel him to read the posts by sending him reminder email periodically) and the other, it turns out, is my brother (who probably does so out of a sense of some sibling honour code)! Whatever the reasons are from their end, I am glad they keep me going.

Sudden Death

I know it appears like I retired from blogging; I am still alive and well. I just want to take a couple of minutes to express my joy on our Canadian girl, Alice Munro, winning the Nobel Prize for Literature. After about 3 weeks, it may be old news for some; for me, it is an unforgettable moment. Way to go Alice - “master of the contemporary short story”! (note: I am reusing the quotation from the official web site of the Nobel Prize)

And I will be back. I refuse to die the sudden death that many a blogger does!

Growth and Death

Hans started speaking when he was 3 and half years old. Last year, when he started school in JK, his teacher was concerned about his learning abilities. I was very emotional during that period...it was as if I had failed him in some way. A resource teacher was brought in who spent time with Hans and concluded that there is nothing to be concerned about!

This kid has barely been talking for 2 years and he can’t seem to stop talking…even when someone is talking, he jumps in like time is running out and he has the most urgent message to deliver! On one hand, I remind him that he needs to wait his turn to speak or at least interrupt appropriately; and on the other hand, I am so grateful for his enthusiasm to communicate.

About a year and half ago, Craigley’s brother suddenly died from a heart attack. He was only 46 at that time and since it was so unexpected, it came as a shock to the family. We communicated this sad news to ASid; however we decided that Hans who was not quite 4 at that time was too young to understand death and its implications. In spite of it, a few days later, Hans asked me about the attack!

“Momley! Who attacked Uncle Oobie?”

“No one attacked him!”

“Yes, I know. I do. His heart attacked him!”

Even as I was trying to understand what was happening…

“Why did his heart attack him?”

I was trying to come up with some explanation and make some sense.

“Yes! His heart attacked him. He ate too much junk food I think!”

I was hoping that should be enough.

“So he passed away? Where?”

“I don’t know”

“I think I won’t eat junk food…maybe a little bit. OK Momley?”

“Yes! You can eat a little bit of junk food. That’s OK!”

Even though I did not use the word “die”, I am sure Hans knew the word at that point in time. He may not have known what it entailed. Later on, he actually used the word in a couple of conversations. Even then, he may not have understood what it meant.

This is a child who goes around declaring: “I am never going to grow up! I want to grow down!”

What does he really understand since he asks several contradictory questions as well!

“When I grow up and have a wife and I am living in this house…will you still live with us Momley?”

“Well…that depends on your wife! She may not want Momley to live with you…”

“Then I don’t want the wife!”

“It is OK. See, how Momley and Daddy don’t live with their parents! You can still have a wife!”

“No!”

Most recently, Hans woke up crying profusely.

“Momley, I don’t want you to die!”

“I am not dying. I am right here!”

“But you will. I know.”

“Who told you?”

“I know.”

“You know what? Momley has a very special job of taking care of you. So, she can’t die!”

“What about ASid and Daddy?”

“They won’t die as well. Now, you stop crying!”

My friend Smoggy told me to never lie to my children. He told me to be honest about everything except for Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy…perhaps I can add Death to the list…

 

Forty and F*rty

Seriously, there is no correlation between turning 40 and the gas we let go on a daily basis! Having said that, I would first like to wish my friend, KPF, a happy birthday. He is 40 tomorrow. Every birthday of his makes me happy and hopeful. This special birthday, I wish to give him the gift of laughter…even if he gets one laugh out of this post, mission accomplished! If not, ASid and Hans will definitely have fun reading it someday. So, here goes…

I used to live in a country where the culture is to definitely ignore any gases people pass. No one draws attention to the fact by saying “Excuse Me”! If one didn’t mention it, chances are…it didn’t happen! Even the most sensitive ears and noses would support this notion by ignoring the sound effects or bearing with the discomfort of an unwanted invasion of the senses. Hmmm, life was so simple!

F*rt was like the other 4 letter F word; I never heard it mentioned except by a couple of frustrated mothers who would reprimand their tattle tale telling children to “not report every f*rt and cough they hear”! Even then, it was shocking to hear such language from a mother’s mouth. Perhaps it was around that time, I made a subconscious pact with myself to never ever swear. My only indulgence is “damn it Jim!” and I have said that on many an occasion. Thank you Star Trek for little earthly indiscretions!

So, why bring up the topic of f*rting on my friend’s birthday? Because KPF was the first one (in my life) to ever discuss it in a conversation much to my distress at that time. He talked about it very casually. If I remember correctly, it was an elderly gentleman (perhaps a grandfather) who would let go of a f*rt and then exclaim loudly that he did not hear it! It got a lot of laughs from our other friends and I was just in awe of this strange freedom to talk about an uncontrollable human urge in such a casual manner.

A few years later, I was helping a Grade 3 teacher in her classroom and had my second encounter with that strange freedom. A boy in the class suddenly exclaimed that someone f*rted and a bunch of boys exploded in laughter. There were a few minutes of chaos before the teacher got them to quiet down. I took it upon myself to investigate this phenomenon (of f*rts generating all sorts of amusement for various age groups) … what’s so funny? In my quest, I stumbled upon a book called The Gas We Pass. It is a brilliant little book that demystifies a f*rt in a logical manner. I bought that book for ASid. He was 3 at that time and I couldn’t imagine him disrupting a classroom that way ever!

Between those 2 episodes, I got married. Craigley and I had mostly a long distance relationship and really did not spend a lot of time together. I guess he held on to his gas till we were safely married and I made the commitment to move to the west coast to be with him. The moment we got off the plane, collected our baggage and got outside…it was (in my 39 years of experience) the single most powerful gas attack with spectacular sound effects that lasted a few seconds. Even as I stood shocked and speechless, Craigley cheerfully declared, “That felt good!”

Since that moment, there has been no dearth of such special sound effects. We have discussed it a few times and I did let Craigley know that it bothers me that when I am so considerate and delicate about this gaseous matter, he is so out there! The first few times, he was genuinely shocked. He reminded me that I grew up with a brother and I should not be so bothered by it. Perhaps my brother who grew up with a sister is more sensitive than Craigley who is the youngest of 3 brothers! Discussions turned into arguments and then, I gave up. For better or for worse…that’s what it’s all about!

Craigley does not give up so easily. One fine day, he declared that he heard me f*rt in my sleep. It was his “A-Ha-I-Gotcha” moment. Seriously? I was sleeping!! Seriously? How childish!! After that gleeful accusation from my husband, I guess I stopped complaining and eventually started ignoring any related or unrelated sounds. However, the discussions and arguments came back a few years later. Apparently, ASid lets go off these soundless and yet potent gases while we are in the car. For whatever reason, I am oblivious to these episodes. I can’t hear anything or smell anything. It is Craigley’s theory that this is ASid’s way of taking revenge on his father; it is almost a conspiracy as ASid meticulously plans these moments when we are on the highway and his dad can’t escape from his wrath?! Seriously?

The gassy saga continued as Hans started JK last year. His teacher brought to my notice that he took immense delight in uttering “washroom words” in the classroom. They ranged from p** (both varieties), b*m, to the dreaded f*rt! I couldn’t believe that it was my own son who was disrupting the classroom on a daily basis. He thought it was funny and I guess he loved the attention it got him. In fact, he got his older brother on the bandwagon as well. It was as if ASid missed out on these landmark moments in his own life and enjoyed the laughter with Hans. Craigley thought it was quite harmless till he realized that Hans is turning into a regular class clown…sometimes parents are haunted by their own childhood exploits and would never want their children to follow in their footsteps! Together, we got Hans to understand that there is an appropriate time and place to use “washroom words” and any inappropriate usage is unacceptable. We got through to him…

Still, there are days when I hear a forbidden word whispered followed by a muffled giggle and see twinkling eyes full of mischief. Did she hear it? Did I get away with it? Usually, I feign ignorance and let it go. This walk down memory lane should end here; however, I have just one more incident to share. It happened one afternoon during the summer holidays. I was on the couch with Hans. He was watching some LEGO Ninjago episode on the PlayBook and I was reading some magazine. All of a sudden, I felt this intense urge to let go of some gas; usually, I would hold on to it till an appropriate time. I looked around and there was only Hans and he was very absorbed. I figured I could take a chance and I did. Barely a second later, my 5 year old solemnly says, “Momley, you f*rted!” There was no giggling; he didn’t even look up from his PlayBook…it was just a matter-of-fact statement. I immediately hastened to say, “Excuse me!”

Note: Dear K, this was perhaps the most challenging post I ever wrote. I seriously consider myself one of the most boring people in the world with absolutely NO sense of humour! Even now, I cannot say the word f*rt; I have to spell it out! Given that, this has truly been a difficult trek through untrodden territory. I must say I got to finally enjoy that strange freedom. Thank you. You have a wonderful day.

 

Rescue Mission Update

It has been a couple of months since I set out to rescue myself! I did a course in July, have updated my resume and created an account in LinkedIn. I have an “agent” on a website that sends me daily updates of potential jobs that are suitable for me. I am doing everything I can…I think! Yet, nothing has surfaced…

A few days ago, Craigley inquired about my progress. Usually I am the one who communicates every itty bitty detail of every single day to Craigley, and his question really bothered me. If I had something to share, wouldn’t he know it already? What is the purpose behind his inquiry? Perhaps he is tired of being the sole bread winner and can’t wait for me to contribute “usefully”? Perhaps he doesn’t trust me to get out there and get that job? It has been 12 years and several hours…there are days even I don’t believe in myself!

The reality is that in this day and age, it is quite challenging to find employment. Even if Craigley wished to change his current job, he would most likely need a few weeks himself in spite of all his work experience. A stay-at-home mom who is looking to go back into the work force needs time as well. More than time, I believe she needs understanding. It is an incredibly rough time emotionally and mentally. It is quite easy for someone to say that I made the choice to be stay-at-home and now I am crying the blues! That’s OK. When I did make that choice, I wasn’t aware of the length of time involved and I wasn’t aware of other related factors. If I am writing about my experience, it is not to solicit sympathy…it is for another stay-at-home mom who may visit unexpectedly and she should know that she is not alone.

 

Advice from the Movies

A new school year...again!

ASid is starting Junior High School! I already had a good cry :) I watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2 over the weekend quite unintentionally and I am glad I did. I really related to what Bonnie Hunt’s character says at the very end - letting go is the hardest thing to do! I also liked the advice - Settle with the Past; Engage in the Present and Believe in the Future.

I do believe in the Future. In fact, I accurately predicted what would happen this morning…the first day of school. Hans bawled like he was robbed of all his favourite toys as I said bye to him. ASid didn’t look back at all once he got to school…all the fears from reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid seemed to have disappeared as he saw some of his friends! As much as I was happy, I still had to fight back some tears from escaping!

 

Accents and the Stories they tell!

We were in Montreal over the weekend with my brother and his wife. Like camping, a weekend in Montreal is fast becoming a summer family tradition!

Our primary reason for visiting Montreal is ASid who is in a French immersion program. We believe it is a wonderful opportunity for him to practice his French. As a parent, it is also a means to find out if he has really learned the language!

This time around, I actually took a trip down memory lane to the time ASid first started communicating with us. At that time, I was adamant he would speak NO other language than English. I was afraid he might have an accent like me!

There would be days where I would be reading a book to ASid and would want to skip pronouncing a certain sound since I got it wrong every time...I did not grow up with that sound! There would be days I would wait for Craigley to get home so he could read a book and impart the correct pronunciation to our child.

Now, all that seems excessively unnecessary! Recently, ASid said that something seemed "pho-rein" to him...a few seconds later it hit me that he meant "foreign"! And all those years ago, the lengths I went to get this child to speak proper English - Canadian English...and he speaks it really strangely! At least, he is truly bilingual in a very Canadian sense of the word :)

We will be back in Montreal next summer but I may never know how many words in French ASid is mispronouncing!

Notable Note 1: In the car, ASid complained that his brother “scrinched” him. Apparently, a “scrinch” is a pinch with nails instead of fingers! This pinch has been named “scrinch” since it leaves a scratch afterwards. I actually googled to see if such a word exists and I found “scrinchables”…interesting…

Notable Note 2: In Montreal, twice we came across pianos that have been seemingly abandoned. The first time, we saw such a piano – ASid actually played some music! Only the second time in 2 months…at least, he was inspired at that moment in time. That is probably the point of the seemingly abandoned pianos. I like that!

 

One dozen years

ASid is 12! The day he was born, I looked at him and told myself that I have a good 18 years with him. It has been a glorious dozen years. I hope ASid has enjoyed them as much as I have. Someone once told me that a first child is an experiment for the parents and hence, those children carry the scars of their parents' mistakes. Given that, ASid has never complained about the injustices meted out to him...at least, not yet :) He still gives his Momley a hug at the end of the day.

 

What can I say on this milestone birthday? Well kid, continue to be your awesome self. No matter what, I am proud of you. Never forget that!

 

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Momley

 

Gifts of 3 Magi

Note: No Biblical allusions intended; if anything, I am alluding to one of my favourite short stories.

Another Note: Realized that Momley is a family name! Not very common though. Hopefully, there should be no disputes or issues in the future! As if!!

 

I invited a third friend to read the blog. He will be called "Sir B". Sir B is my brother's best friend. He quit a desirable and stable career to pursue the Fine Arts. In my eyes, he is very brave. He now has a career in the Film Industry and doing quite well for a late entrant. Let me be clear that I have NO aspirations to join the said industry. The reason behind this invitation is the following story.

 

4 and half years ago, during one March Break, Craigley announced a Family Short Story Contest. It involved only 3 contestants – ASid, Craigley and yours truly. 2 judges were recruited – my brother and Sir B. Of course, I totally expected ASid to win the contest…with a maternal uncle and an honourary uncle involved, what else can one expect? What I did NOT expect was to come third in the contest! Both the judges deemed my short story to be incomplete and “invalid” as it did not comply with the conventions of a short story. I was so dejected that I did not attempt to write anything since then (except for this blog; which is less structured and more forgiving).

 

Recently, Sir B sent a birthday email in which he wondered if I have been writing…so I sent him a link to my blog. Perhaps there is still a need for approval; I don’t know.

 

On the other hand, when I mentioned my blog to my friend Smoggy; he sent me a link to a YouTube video on Julia Childs that was hilarious. Smoggy never gives feedback unless I ask him to; he just makes sure I giggle like a little girl, smile like the world belongs to me and laugh out loud like no one is watching me :) He is my best friend and I haven't seen him in over 4 years...life sure does get in the way!

 

Then there is my friend KPF who checks in once in a while; he is my one and only loyal reader. Thanks to his encouragement, I continue to write. Thanks to his kindness, my boys will have a place to visit to "see" their Momley...long long after...

 

 

What does God look like?

The following poignant conversation started off when Hans was playing with the faucet...turning it on and off, and driving me crazy! I don't know why; I said, "God will be mad at you as you are wasting water!" As usual, there was a quick response, "I don't see God anywhere...he is invisible...he is nobody!”

Then a pause later, "Have you seen God, Momley?" I answered rather diplomatically, "Some see God as a woman; some see God as Jesus Christ and some see God as Ganesha...different people see God differently…”

Before I could finish, "I see God as Spiderman, Superman and all superheroes mashed up together!"

That's how my 5 year old sees God and I am OK with it.

 

Coming out of Retirement!

On July 10, 2013, I officially completed 12 years of staying at home. 3 days later, I turned 39 years old. Somehow, all these wonderful numbers and dates got me to reflect on my life. One of the conversations I had with another stay-at-home mom kept coming back to me, especially the following words:

If only I could take my 2 kids to an interview and show them what I have been doing …

When she mentioned that, I nodded in agreement immediately! Upon further reflection, I felt that any mom could do that! Seriously, what have I done in a dozen years that could be measured on some level? My children are like most other children – healthy and happy! How have I contributed to it? They probably would still be healthy and happy even if I had been working! So, what did I really accomplish? Sadly enough, I don’t know.

So, I am on a rescue mission; I want to rescue myself from this feeling of self-doubt. I want to contribute on a measurable level now. I am going back to work if someone is ready to hire me…

Hello again World!

 

It's OK to be seen with your parents!

I believe I use this blog to vent sometimes. There is a strange sense of security that there is no one else reading my blog except for my 2 friends – KPF and Smoggy J I can be a little petulant and they will be forgiving! However, a part of me understands that once my words are released into “Cyber Space”…anyone can see them and can think anything of me! This fact does not bother me. I want my boys to realize that the freedom of expression invites friendly comments as well as judgmental notes, and sometimes harsh tones! All sorts of feedback should be welcome and there is always room for improvement.

Back to the topic at hand … there is some venting coming your way!

Last Monday, June 24, 2013 was ASid’s Graduation Day. There was a beautiful ceremony followed by a dinner and dance. If anyone has been reading my blog, s/he would know that ASid just completed Grade 6 and thereby his journey through Public School came to an end, and he is off to a Junior High School. And such a fuss was made of this milestone – lots of fundraising and lots of organizing with the money raised from the fundraising! There were only 4 parents involved in these gargantuan tasks – 2 of us in fundraising and 2 of them in spending the funds. 2 of us are coincidentally parents of boys and the other 2 had girls graduating this year. The unnecessary battle of views and words began when the 2 of us mentioned that we would be attending the dinner/dance. The 2 of them looked at us like we were insane and how dared we even thought of such an abomination?!

One of them brought up the oft repeated phrase – rite of passage! Wow! The other said something like her daughter wouldn’t want to see her there. Fair enough; however, I did not understand how much the 2 of them tried to dissuade the 2 of us from attending the dinner/dance. At one point in time, one of the 2 of us felt like there is something wrong with us. If we had been in a movie, it would be “Mean Girls: Grown Up!”. I mean, honestly, these kids are 11 and 12 years old; this is by no means a High School Graduation?! I just decided to ask ASid how he felt about having his mom attend his dinner/dance. I don’t remember the exact words. I will try to capture it from memory …

“You should attend the dinner and dance, Momley! You have worked so hard to raise all the funds and it would be great for you to share the moment with us as we enjoy our dinner and dance.”

“Are you sure? You won’t be embarrassed to have your Momley there?”

“What? Why? No! I am fine. Just don’t try to show your love in front of my friends!”

Whatever that meant! And that was it! So, the 2 of us attended the Graduation dinner/dance. Also present were the Principal and 5 teachers. There were 56 kids. They didn’t care who was there.

 

Brotherly "Clips"

A few weeks ago, Hans' teacher reported that he scratched a classmate. As usual, I felt responsible for the incident. I sent an apology email to the classmate's mother. She was gracious and worried that the scratch shouldn't leave a permanent scar as it heals. I got curious and the next day, I made it a point to see this scratch; it was indeed a little more than a scratch ... A bit deeper than a normal scratch! I felt rather sad ... It reminded me of a time when ASid scratched someone in Grade 3. At that time, the classmate happened to be a good friend as well. The scratch then had been very close to the eye and the parents were (rightfully) quite upset. ASid was apologetic and said that he hadn't meant to do it and it was an accident. His teacher advised us to make sure we clip his nails regularly! ASid was 8 then and responsible for clipping his own nails. Hans, at the time of the incident, was 4 ... That means we are responsible for making sure his nails are clipped! At the end of the day, it is the most basic preventative step for accidental scratching; and of course, letting my child know that scratching is NOT an appropriate behaviour helps as well!

Now, the only thing I never did/do for my boys was/is ... clip their nails! That was/is 100% Craigley's responsibility. So, I reminded him to clip Hans' nails more frequently than usual. Of course, we were on top of things for the first few weeks and lately, we kind of slacked off! Since last week, ASid has been complaining that Hans' nails need to be clipped. Their dad has been quite busy at work and relegated the task to the weekend. Unfortunately, he started feeling a little under the weather over the weekend and I completely forgot about the nail clipping chore!

On Sunday, ASid clipped Hans' nails for him – both finger and toe nails. He did it very patiently and gently. No one asked him to do it. It was a first and it was a pleasant surprise for me. ASid is 11 years old and it is probably an expectation for someone his age in other households or other parts of the world. In our home, it is not an expectation at all; hence, it is a big deal for me. Just watching ASid clip his little brother's nails was a beautiful sight to behold. The best part was when Hans exclaimed, "You are better than dad!" And he followed that with, "You are my best brother!".

A lovely Momley moment! Thank you boys for getting along some days J

 

Hands Full

Wow! Almost 2 months since my last post. Worked on another fundraiser; so much of my time and energy are going into events that eventually will have no meaning in my life!

So, back to what matters most …

I have decided to call my younger one Hans – homage to a certain character in a certain movie franchise and also, he is “hands full” J Hans is like most other 4 year old kids. He is very energetic; asks a lot of questions and makes a million observations. Recently, we were walking back home from his Art class and as we got closer to home, he let go of my hand and decided to run the last length by himself. Of course, I got into a bit of a panic mode as he darted onto the street. I ran after him and luckily, this very nice man stopped his SUV to let the little fella cross the street. I thanked him profusely and caught up with my child.

“Do you know what could have happened to you?”

“You mean I could die?”

I am never the one to argue logic.

“Yes! You could have died and Momley would have been very sad.”

“I would have missed my birthday?”

“Yes!”

“I NEVER want to miss my birthday. I don’t want to die FOREVER!”

“Then you should never run away from Momley like that.”

“OK.”

Fundraising ain't FUN at all!

I can’t believe I was singing such praises of School Councils just a few months ago! I was like this naïve, ignorant person who looked at everyone on the School Council as selfless parents who are only there to help every child at their school. I am sure some of them are there to contribute positively and make a difference, however some others are on a power trip. Staying at home and mostly dealing with children has kept me away from politics in general. I did not realize that becoming part of something as small as a school council would throw me smack dab in the middle of a political battlefield! A tad exaggerated? I don’t think so!

I should have known why the Grade 6 Committee had no members, but I did not … NOT then! Now when I look back, I clearly see the 2 parents of Grade 6 children who were at the first meeting I attended and who applauded me profusely when I became the Grade 6 Chair of the Grade 6 Committee … a ONE person committee! They did not join the committee. I should have thought about that, but I did not … Now I know. Apparently, the Grade 6 Chair has the delightful and attractive duty of fundraising as part of her responsibilities. I was told by the Vice-Chair of the School Council, “Those 2 parents … they will take care of the Grade 6 Graduation dinner. That way, you can give your full attention to fundraising.” She made it sound like she is doing me a favour and I bought it. I really felt very important. She also added, “The Grade 6 Chair is very powerful!” Such nonsense and I bought that as well. So, I will be busy fundraising and those 2 parents will be having fun spending that money and planning a nice dinner for our children. How nice!

I found out later that all these parents have been “friends” for several years. The School Council meetings are almost an excuse to get together and catch up (for some of them). I am the clueless new parent who just walked into the middle of it. As I started to get rid of the blindfold over my eyes and see clearly, I felt this intense urge to quit. Why do I need to waste my time? It is my child’s last year at his public school and then, I don’t need to be part of this school ever! Why bother?

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley quits at the first sign of a challenge! I couldn’t do that to him. I just couldn’t do it. I am not a quitter. With that self-declaration, I planned my first fundraiser. It was a good pitch and the School Council gave me a nod of approval. I was quite excited and then, it all fell apart! Even as I was devastated at the realization that my first attempt failed, I did not expect the very same people to look at me with disapproval … I wanted to quit again!

Pause …

Is this the message I want to give my child? His momley gives up when her first attempt fails! What sort of a message is that to send to a child? So, I accepted my failure and proceeded to plan another fundraiser. Somehow a parent found me. She is not on the School Council; however she wanted to help as it is her child’s last year at his school. Working with her, I realized that there are several parents who work quietly in the background and contribute their valuable time without seeking any recognition. I hope their children realize how lucky they are for such caring parents. That’s the kind of parent I’d like to be. This is my first and last stint on a school council.

So, how was the second attempt at a fundraiser? It was nothing like the first one!

Value of Anything

One of the changes I have decided to make in my blog posts is to give my 2 sons names that I can use instead of “first born”, “older son”, “younger one”, “little fella”, etc. So, my 11 year old will hence forth be known as ASid – he came up with it himself. It is a combination of his initials and a shortened form of the word “identity”. Works for me!

Currently, the bone of contention between ASid and me is whether or not he should have access to his own mobile phone. Today, he exclaimed rather frustratingly that he is perhaps a handful of his age group in the world without his own phone!! I had a one word question for him, “World?” He quickly changed the word to Ontario. “I am one of a few sixth graders in Ontario without a phone! How can I communicate with my friends?”

All this drama because I asked him to request his classmates to participate in a fundraiser at his school! The fundraiser is to benefit the Grade 6 classes at his school. All the funds raised will go towards the Grade 6 graduation dinner. I was just distressed at how little involvement was being demonstrated by the Grade 6 students. I figured I could recruit my own child to rally the troops. To his credit, ASid agreed to help me. He is usually a sweet child (and I would probably mortify him if I said that out loud anywhere else except within the confines of my Momley mind).

All I was asking him was about his communication with his classmates and friends. He mentioned that he had sent out an email a couple of days ago and nobody responded. I thought it was strange that he would email them when he sees them every day at school?! He had an answer to that; “Well! I can’t give your message face to face to each and every person in my classroom!” Alright kid, got that! (Although he could make an announcement!) Email is good. How come NOT one of his classmates responded? That is when he mentioned that no one emails anymore, everyone is into texting! How can he communicate effectively if he does not have a phone of his own?

He has wanted a phone for a while now and how nicely he made a case for it. I was almost proud … Then, I got into Momley mode. “Do you know how much a phone costs?” His reply is so generic that it pops out of mouths of several children around the world in several different languages, “I don’t know”. As simple as that!

Does my child really know the value of anything he has?

Recently, his younger brother was sick and missed school and a few other classes. I remarked casually how money is wasted when kids miss classes. ASid wanted to know how much money was being wasted. I thought that was a good opening for a discussion on money. I quickly estimated somewhere between 10-15 dollars for the swimming class his younger brother missed. All ASid could say was, “That’s it?” He looked at me like I was making a fuss over nothing.

The topmost item listed on ASid’s 2012 Christmas Wish List was “Independence” which had 2 sub items listed as – Phone and Allowance. Perhaps it’s time to give him what he is wishing for … When he turns 12 in August, he can get his allowance. The phone will have to wait till high school.

The value of anything needs to be appreciated first before being rewarded for nothing!

Wrapping up 2012!

I would like to recall a moment, spread over a few days, that was sweet and make it the essence of a year that’s gone by rather quickly …

I asked my little fella a few days before Christmas this question – what do you like more, Halloween or Christmas? His response was prompt. “Halloween! Because I get lots of candy and chocolate!” A few days after Christmas, I asked him the same question. This time he took a couple of minutes before he responded. “Christmas! Because I get presents. Halloween … I get junk!” J

It is all in the perspective folks. Have a happy new year. Hoping 2013 brings us all some lovely moments.