Honesty, Honour and Humility

Craigley got an email today wondering if Hans is available to do some "flag duties" on the day of the Marlies' game that they purchased the tickets to?! Of course, Hans is available!! Who are we kidding here?!

And following are Hans' serious questions and thoughts on all of it:

“Is this going to be on TV?”

“But I am not the best player! So, why did they pick me?”

I am sure they picked a couple of other boys as well.

“That's good to know.”

“It must be so embarrassing for dad. I am the coach's son and I am not the best player.”

Who said that the coach's son has to be the best player?!

“I am sure they picked me because I am the coach's son.”

I wanted to tell the boy to stop thinking so much and simply enjoy the moment. But this is a 9 year old who reflects on his life. There is honesty and humility in his refection of the moment. He is under absolutely no wrong impression that he has been rewarded for his merit. However, he appreciates the honour of it all. Knowing him, he will work a little harder to be deserving of this honour.

I hope he keeps this attitude for the rest of his life.

And this is also the same boy who had this to share with me recently:

Exactly, 2 weeks ago, the Pizza delivery was late for Pizza Lunch. My friends G and Y run the program at Hans' school on Mondays. The Pizza was late and the kids were a little antsy and it was also indoor recess. So, one can only imagine. Apparently, the snack accompanying the Pizza was given out early to quell some hungry little tummies. Hans was a little hungrier than usual and apparently asked for an extra bag of chips, the snack for that day. The parent volunteer who was helping that day gave him a little lecture on it all.

Hans totally reflected on that moment when he got home.

“Mom, you are friends with Auntie Y and G, right? What use is it if your friends don't come through for your son?! Next time, I am going to ask your friend G. He is nice to kids who ask him for extras and he is not even friends with their parents!! So, for sure he will give me an extra bag of chips if I asked him?!”

I was like you will do no such thing. But I was impressed nonetheless. The boy sure has a sense of having connections in high places. The boy may be honest and humble, but he is also resourceful!

 

Noteworthy Remarks: A bit of flexibility in one's code of honour is not exactly a negative trait. When you know life is unfair anyways, allow some unfair advantages to work for you. As long as you can take no for an answer, you are good to go!

 

How do I define "A Good Day"?!

This morning I wondered how I could conclude that a day has been a good day?! But then again, what is a good day?!

Do I measure a good day in terms of successful completion of all my chores?! Do I measure it in the amount of sleep I got?! Is a good day a day of quality time spent with the boys?!

Those are subjective questions that may never get adequate objective responses. So, why bother?!

Last week, we did have a good day. We got to see some demigods. Well if Hockey is a religion for some, Hockey players are gods then!! For us Torontonians, the Leafs are Hockey gods and that makes the Marlies the demigods of Hockey. The latter is whom we got to see. Hans, on the other hand, even got to shake hands with all of them!!

I am not really a part of this side of Hans' life. I get him ready for his hockey games, practices and hockey school; but I rarely have time to watch Hans play a game. That is when I schedule my tutoring. That also ensures that Craigley and Hans have an exclusive dad and son time. It has worked out well for a season and a half now.

So when I do make an appearance, nobody really knows me on the Hockey side of life. I am sure I look out of place. Last Wednesday though, it was a special occasion! Craigley's and Hans' team won a contest to practise with the Marlies. The parents went a little crazy and bought tons of tickets to a Marlies' game scheduled for next month. The team with the most tickets purchased got the once in a lifetime opportunity to be on the ice with THE demigods of our city.

Hans was paired off with #44 and the guy was amazing with my little speechless #8. They did some fun drills. The entire arena was literally electrified. Parents were screaming and children were in awe. I got caught up in the moment as well. It didn't matter how many times in the last 2 seasons, I wished that Hans could sleep in and how great it would be to have a relaxing weekend morning! Hockey season is only about 6 months, but they are the months with shorter days and colder mornings. Some days, it is a struggle for the boy himself and the dad as well. In spite of my personal feelings, I get them both up and out of the door with their huge Hockey bags. And last Wednesday, watching Hans play with the demigods put it all into perspective.

Hockey is fundamentally Canadian. For someone like Craigley, it is a religion and a passion. It is a way of life. To share that with his child, one of his two children, is pure joy. Hans has been very understanding and accommodating of his dad; however he came into his own last Wednesday. He felt six feet tall and as if he was one of the men.

As I am documenting that moment for Hans, he is playing Poole's Nocturne on the Piano. He is as dramatic as one can get and I catch a glimpse of the little boy that he truly is. And he is trying desperately to get out of piano practice and doing a monologue about a sad boy who is stuck with a piano pedal. I am sure Craigley is wondering somewhere in our home as to why I am torturing his son?!

So, what is a good day?! Any day really...it almost always comes down to perspective.

 

Mornings and Miserable Parents

I have recently been mulling over an idea for a sitcom. I am not sure if it has ever been done before, but I think a situational comedy based around a school playground would be darned hilarious. I have so much material to work with that it is almost unbelievable! With ASid, I was never really around a school playground for drop off or pick up. ASid had a school bus pick him up and drop him off. In retrospect, those were good old days. With Hans, I have been around that playground for 5 years and counting. Some days, it feels like that’s way too many days around that playground.

This morning, I witnessed a mom doing a “countup”; she was counting 1, 2, 3…and she was doing that to get her child to walk from their car to the school doors. They were already late and I was wondering how high she was going to count up to?! Wouldn’t she be better off doing a countdown?! Then, I ran into another parent who was reminding her child that it is Friday and the child just needs to get through one more day. This parent looks at me and says that she has never seen Hans angry; so, it must be easy for me?! I was like my child is miserable most mornings, but it is OK. I wanted to add that it is OK for parents to be miserable too some mornings. Any parent who claims that they are happy every day and that their kids are on their best behaviours every morning must provide serious proof of such claims. Seriously?!

From ASid’s time, I know a child who was in therapy at the age of 5 or 6 because the parents went through a divorce. The child was quite angry all the time. With Hans, who came 7 years after ASid, I find that parents have a tendency to blame the school and the teachers for their children’s issues. What?! Even in cases where parents are seemingly happily married, there are still kids in behaviour therapy sessions and/or a social worker is involved. It is a public school and only goes up to Grade 6 or age 12. The children haven’t hit puberty yet!!

Today is the day I hit my limit. The way I look at it, parents must get themselves to therapy. I have observed some parents for about 4 or 5 years now. The ones that irk me the most are the ones who believe their children are perfect and that they are perfect parents. ‘Nuff said!! The next in line are those who blame every teacher their children have for not accommodating their children. Wait a minute, who is the constant here?! A few years ago, when I was mistaken for a nanny and hung out with the nannies, I said something not so nice about nannies. There was a family who hired a third nanny that school year. I simply remarked that they must have terrible luck with nannies and the nannies literally glared at me and wondered why I would say that?! They were like don’t you think there is something terrible with the parents?! And I apologized for taking the parents’ side and apologized again for saying anything without knowing both sides of the story.

On that note, I do not claim to know everything or anything about parenting. I struggle with being a parent as well. I am learning on the go. If I believe I figured it out for ASid and it is going to work just as well for Hans, I am sadly mistaken. It is never that simple. And if both the boys are ever miserable together, Craigley and I must take a look at ourselves and figure out why?!

While I hope such a day never arrives, I must seriously contemplate on my sitcom idea…

Sneak Peak of Pilot Episode:

A bunch of nannies are walking back together with their “charges” after school. All of them look at this one nanny and wonder how her “charge” is so well behaved?! She just smiles and walks away. Her “charge” looks up at her and wonders when he is going to get his own nanny?! She looks back at him and says, “Never! You are stuck with mommy!”

It will tentatively be titled “The Never Minder Caretaker”. This mom goes through pretty much an entire school year mistaken for a nanny. But it gives her a special insight into it all!

 

My 4 friends, whom I never see but constantly communicate with, think I am funny. Nobody else believes that. Most everyone else think I am way too serious. So, this is an opportunity to work on being funny. Instead of preachy sermons, it is an opportunity to look at life from a comic perspective!

 

Work in Progress...

ASid has final exams starting tomorrow. Until yesterday, he was busy wrapping up projects. In fact, he set up camp with a couple of friends on Sunday at our home. Sometimes it all feels very last minute and it brings back memories of my own "last minuteness". As much as I don't want him to be like me, there are days he reminds me of me.

Couple of things I want to record for his future reference.

The first involves pizza lunch on Sunday. As mentioned in earlier posts, pizza is popular amongst teenagers and it is convenient food to order when you have a lot of them to feed. But in our home, we aim to please; so we actually customize pizzas according to the preferences of the teenagers. Given that detail, the Pizza ends up being quite expensive. And when ASid planned the Sunday meet to go from 10 am to 6 pm, I knew we had to provide lunch and that most likely, it would be pizza. I was tired from the dinner we hosted the night before and a little under the weather, plus the demanding Hockey schedule on top of that did not help at all. I also had my assignments to work on and I probably just needed a day off that wasn't coming my way...I did not feel like dealing with the ordering of pizza. I requested the teens to walk over to our neighbourhood Metro and grab a couple of pizzas from there. Metro had a special - a 3 topping extra-large pizza for $9.99 + tax. The boys did not protest and took off with my debit card. When they got back, the pizzas were still warm and smelled appetizing. I had the table set up for them. Before they started eating, I wondered if Hans could join them?! They were very good about that as Hans had just come back from all the Hockey stuff and was super hungry!! Then, ASid asked me to join them as well. In spite of how oblivious he is most of the times, the boy had ordered half a pizza with my favourite vegetarian toppings. He was like "Mom, you got to eat lunch too!"

Even today, he thanked me for letting his friends come over to work on their group project. Who is this boy?!

At dinner, this evening, he shared the second thing I want to record for the future.

Apparently he put together a 29 page document filled with his Math notes as part of his exam prep. The Math text book is somewhere between 600 and 700 pages. He spent a few hours working on this. And then he decided to post it for all his friends and classmates to use.

This is the same boy who complained about 4 years ago that I was sabotaging his chances by sharing information with other parents. And the fact is that he has been doing miserably in Math this semester. Wouldn't he want to have an edge and keep away such useful information from the competition?! Apparently not!! Who is this boy?!

This boy is my boy and I am so glad he is my boy. He is a work in progress and he is coming along very well. On Sunday, I actually interrupted the group once to correct some grammar or sentence structure stuff. If I hear a mistake, I have to jump in. Natural and normal instincts of a mom and a teacher! ASid did not mind at all and in fact, he got me to read the entire document. When I got through it and gave him some feedback, he apologized for disappointing me. One of his friends heard him and asked incredulously, "Did you just apologize to your mom for being a disappointment?!"

There is absolutely no disappointment with this boy, just pride and a ton of it.

 

The Bonuses of being the Better Half

Last night, actually early dawn, I explained to Craigley and a few friends of ours the meaning of "Better Half" from my perspective. It is quite literally the spouse who is better than the other OR a spouse who makes the other better than who s/he is! Craigley didn't quite agree, but then he also did not share his own perspective on it all!

Craigley has recently gotten the hosting bug. Like ASid, he enjoys having people over. But obviously Craigley's bug is more serious than his son's and of gigantic proportions. And no matter the size of the bug, I am stuck with the task of taking care of the bug!

There are only Friday nights or Saturday nights to host dinners with friends or family. If we do it on Friday nights, then Craigley misses his Hockey games. He missed a few and so, we decided to invite friends over on a Saturday night this time around knowing full well that Hans has Sunday morning Practice and Hockey School after that! Something has to give, right?!

Craigley announces after midnight that Hans can skip Practice; however, as a coach, he would be there without Hans. Then, around 2 am, after the guests have left and as Hans was getting ready to sleep, Craigley tells him that he expects him to be up and ready for Practice. The boy thought his dad was kidding, but I knew that Craigley was not!!

Hockey is Craigley's religion. ASid didn't go beyond skating and Craigley got a second chance with Hans. Since Hans is the kind of kid who wants to make everyone happy, he has been a trooper with Hockey. This morning though, I truly felt sorry for the boy. If Hockey is his passion, he would go to bed in full Hockey gear and would want to roll out of bed and onto the rink. But it is not. He enjoys sharing the sport with his dad and enjoys being the coach's son. But that is the extent of it.

Since Hockey is Craigley's religion, he enjoys doing it all and going above and beyond. He loves being a coach and hanging out with Hans. But Hockey is not Hans' religion. Hockey is a bond he is forming with his dad. Hopefully, the bond is strong enough to survive a disgruntled morning.

On a positive end note, just getting 5 hours of sleep (even at the age of 9) hasn't ended the world in any way. And if the world hasn't ended, we can all look forward to another morning and hope that it is not disgruntled in any way!

 

Noteworthy Remarks: Last night, one of our friends remarked, “If you open a bottle, you must finish it!” We all thought it was amazing philosophy and it was appropriate within the context of consuming alcohol with friends. It prolongs the time we spend with our friends. But then again, if we need to call it a day, we need to leave that bottle unfinished. There is always another day and we can always make our way back to that unfinished bottle!

 

Teenage or any age

ASid has many friends; however, only a few have become family friends as well. 2 of the latter are N1 and N2. In the last couple of months, both N1 and N2 have acquired girlfriends. Hans feels sorry for ASid for not having accomplished the same!

I do not believe there should be any pressure on the boy to find a girlfriend - not from his friends and definitely not from his 9 year old younger brother. On the same note, there is nothing wrong with being solo. There is enough pressure in high school! And ASid can barely manage his time with what little he has on his plate.

And frankly, I am happy to not have to deal with more teen drama than I currently deal with! Hans is like 3 teens in one little boy! I actually am beginning to dread the day the boy is officially a teen. But it will be some sort of pay back for all the melodrama I unleashed on my parents during my own teenage years.

Even as I prepare myself for that karmic curse to manifest itself, I sadly acknowledge that I make my teenage years sound really terrible with tales of heartache or with allusions to my parents' headaches. It was all that for sure, but it was also a wonderfully crazy time with tons of positive memories. Just this morning, I got a note from the boy (who will forever be a boy in my mind) who is the cause of all sorts of aches and pains from that time.

So, this eternal boy wanted to know how I was doing?! Apparently he was listening to a song that reminded him of me. Music does that to us! It is haunting and takes us back to places from our past. For me, quite a bit of music from the late 80s and early 90s takes me back to this eternal boy. He used to make "mix tapes" for me. For the longest time, listening to those songs anywhere would upset me to no end; then, one day, I could separate the songs from the eternal boy and appreciate the Music for what it is. Still, there are memories and these days, I focus on the positive ones.

So, how was I doing?! I let the eternal boy know that I am busy with life and doing quite well. He thanked me for being a part of his life and I was able to genuinely reciprocate that feeling. It felt good. As I move on in life, my hope is that I age with few regrets and with a capacity to forgive people.

Teenage is a period of change and transformation. Some of us get a lot more to deal with than others. No matter what, it is an exciting time. I hope the boys take some risks. I am not saying they should go and do anything harmful to themselves. I simply hope they get to actually live through this short and intense period of their lives, and experience it and remember it fondly for all it has to offer - the acne, the awkward voice changes, the body odour, the mood changes, the first real crush, the first love, the first kiss, the first heartbreak and many other firsts.

As many firsts as the boys will encounter in their teens, there will be other firsts, some seconds, and even thirds later on. I guess the gist of it is to enjoy all opportunities that life has to offer at every age. I really hope the boys give themselves a chance to win some and lose some.

On that note, happy birthday to Sir B/UB – the best risk-taker I know! The boys are lucky to have him as a role model.
 

Dignity of Labour: Revisited

Feeling ageless and being fearless is totally a concept for mental health and does not help much with the practicality of life.

These days, I am mostly breathless and/or helpless. It is like there aren't enough hours in a day! In spite of it all, I reflect on my days and try to fix the errors of my ways.

Yesterday, I know I said the following to G:

Who wants to be a lowly secretary?

We were in the middle of an intense conversation about other parents at school. Basically, we were Parent Profiling! Although the content of that conversation may be more entertaining than what I intend to write, I will stick with my usual sermon like mode of writing.

So, on the School Council, there are basically 3 necessary positions - Chair, Treasurer and Secretary. And to be honest, I worked my way up the ladder. I started out as the "lowly secretary"! Why would I say something so derogatory about a position?!

I didn't mean it that way. And I hope I never ask questions that way. Sometimes a secretary can be stellar and a chair can be simply "a piece of furniture"! A role does not define anyone. It is how one does in a role that distinguishes the person and brings dignity to that role.

A long time ago, ASid reassured Craigley by stating that his dad shouldn't worry as he would never be a janitor or someone like that! It was not a terrible statement to make; however, Craigley's best friend is a janitor. So, we had to sit the boy down and let him know that he shouldn't make such statements that put down certain professions.

Looking back on that moment now, it almost feels hypocritical. Yes, all professions must be respected. But do we actually tell our kids to go ahead and be janitors or secretaries?! Obviously, we expect them to aim higher and hopefully achieve more.

And if they do end up becoming a janitor or a secretary, I hope they bring dignity to that role.

While pondering such heavy thoughts toward the end of the day, I know where the hours in the day have gone. And sometimes it is not a waste of time. Not at all!

 

Ageless and Fearless

I have always advised the boys to be not afraid of competition.

I remember when ASid was in Grade 7 and I was gathering all the information for specialized high school programs. There were exactly 3 I was interested in and ASid narrowed it down to 2 for me. So 2 it was. After all, ASid was the one who was going to do the applications and entrance tests, and pursue one of the programs for 4 years of his life. As I was communicating and working with my own child, I also started sharing information with other parents of children in Grade 7. When ASid found out that some of the parents wanted their children to pursue the same 2 programs as him, he was very upset with me. He wanted to know why I would sabotage his chances of getting in?!

I was surprised at his outburst. But I firmly let him know that there are hundreds of kids who are competing for the same programs as him and a few more won't make any difference. He must learn to compete with himself and ignore the rest.

As of now, I am one week into my online course. Initially, I was a little overwhelmed by the recent graduates who are doing the course. I think I spoke with G the day I started as well as a couple of days later. I think my exact words to G were that I could be their mother! But if I simply looked at it from an age perspective, I am totally not giving myself the credit I deserve. I may not be twenty-something anymore, but I was there once. I have that and about 20 more years to bring to the table. I believe I ended the conversation with G saying that we, he and I, are in a good place. I am not sure if he needed that reassurance, but I sure did!

I am fiercely competitive myself and it was almost like I was throwing in the towel before even the match began! It is not like I am afraid of the recent grads. It is just that they have been working on assignments and submitting them for the last few months and I have not done that in a long while! I had to get over that nonsense quickly enough. I am glad I spoke with G of all the people I could speak with. He just has this general "toot your own horn" attitude; it took me a while to get used to such outspokenness. G has a serious business background and I can barely relate to that world. However, there is nothing wrong in giving oneself credit for one's own accomplishments - big or small!

On that note, I set forth with my online course.

As of now, I have completed 4 out of 12 assignments for my first Learning Block which is 2 weeks long. I believe I am doing quite well and keeping up with the young ones. In fact, I used content from a couple of blog posts for a couple of assignments. I went back in time to ASid's questioning of his Canadian identity as well as revisited the recent incident with the Grade 5 boy.

Do I want to go back to when I was twenty-something?! Nope. Been there and done that.

 

A Meta Moment

My favourite series these days is This is us. The series is in its second season now. I have cried during each and every episode at least once. In fact, if I don't cry in any of the future episodes, I am going to be hugely disappointed! The crying has become an expectation now. And the man responsible for this is Dan Fogelman.

Growing up, I never had pictures of anyone on any wall of any room I inhabited. It is not like I didn't watch movies and not like I didn't have favourite actors. It is not like I didn't listen to music and not like I didn't have favourite singers. I just didn't feel the need to declare allegiance in that way. In fact, I had words written and stuck on various surfaces like my desk and my door. That's what I did growing up!

ASid is like me. If it is up to him, the walls in his room would be bare. However, Hans has all sorts of superhero stuff on walls and on all sorts of surfaces in his room. To each his own!

Going back to Dan Fogelman, it is interesting how much I like his writing. Prior to a few months ago, I seemed to care mostly about the actors and the director; or at least, that was the extent of my knowledge about a movie or a series on TV. Now, I eagerly look through the credits to find out who the writer is. And I am quite delighted when I see Dan Fogelman's name.

It is not like I am finally going to hang a picture of someone on a wall in my home. I just want to meet this man and thank him for getting me through some days. Watching a movie written by him or watching This is us is like being in a therapy session where I feel lightened and unburdened by the experience without having to pay an exorbitant amount to someone for making me cry.

What I enjoy the most about Fogelman's writing is that it is about relationships. It is real. One day, I would want to write like that. Until then, I can watch his work in action and be inspired.

Sometimes the boys watch This is us with me. I am not sure what they get out of it, but they seem to enjoy the series. On the most recent episode (that I watched by myself), the 3 siblings in the series have a discussion about who their parents' favourite child was/is. At the end of the discussion, they conclude that it would be great if someone was recording their entire lives so they can go back and watch a video at a particular moment in their lives and know for sure!

As a parent, that episode got me thinking. Do I have a favourite child?! And the answer to that is a definitive NO!! I have favourite moments with each of the boys, but I cannot choose one of them over the other. It is like the other day when my mom was wondering if I care about her?! I do, but I do not call her as often as I used to before. There are days being a parent to the boys takes precedence over being a child to my parents. And there are days I am more Hans' mom than ASid's mom! The role I play or the person I choose to be with for a moment in time depends on whoever needs me the most at that point in time. Absolutely no favourites involved in this decision making!!

Boys, please don't ever waste any time discussing who my favourite child was/is!!

 

Noteworthy remarks: Apparently, there is such a thing as Meta-Moment. It is an emotional tool that helps people develop their emotional intelligence! However, when I used it as a title to this post, I just meant it as a moment about a moment!

 

Bambino and Smoggie

Bambino is my brother and he is, in my humble opinion, the best brother on this planet.

Smoggie is my best friend and he is, in my humble opinion again, THE best friend on this planet.

As much as they love me and indulge me, they are also always on the lookout for my best interests. Smoggie has already dealt with me on my obsession with an anonymous reader from a country many miles away. Today, Bambino decided it was time he stepped in as well.

What would I do without these two in my life?! I don’t know and I don’t want to find out!!

Here is what Smoggie said:

Maybe the Russian Secret Service are scoping out Momley, Craigley, ASid, and Hans as future agents in some rogue plot. From what I've read, ASid already has an "in" at the Premiere's office of Canada's highest GDP province, and Hans is looking for meaning in his Grade 4 life! You never know, like in the 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger / Jamie Lee Curtis movie 'True Lies': Craigley, ASid, and Hans might already be agents and you're assuming they are just going to work/school each day!

Regarding the precision of page views a day after you post, it's not unlikely that once a web crawler or bot has found your page it uses an RSS feed to watch for updates.

Here is what Bambino said:

I did not want to give you my theory, but I cannot have you write about the mystery Russian reader anymore - it does not behoove the otherwise excellent and intelligent blog. And it does not provide me the details about the two people I care about dearly. SO I am giving you my theory - which I am sure is the reality.

Because of the precision with which the numbers strike, and also the location of the strike - I have a feeling that some key words in your blog are being sniffed by 'bots'.

I do not think there is a mystery reader or anyone that will come forward.

Bubble Buster Bambino

(The Triple Bee)

Here is what Momley has to say:

Dear Smoggie and Bambino!

I was having so much fun with my theory. Thank you for being so real and taking away my fantasy! That is sarcasm and not a real thank you! But seriously, I enjoyed reading your respective humorous takes on this mysterious reader. So, I was silly for a few days. And in return, I got great feedback from you two. At least, I know there are two people who care enough to read this blog on a regular basis and who also care about my mental health and my finite time. And that makes me very happy. Thank you. It is for real this time!

Love always,

Momley

 

Noteworthy remarks: It is amazing how Bambino and Smoggie almost have the same words toward the end of their respective notes to me. I really hope the boys will watch out for each other and have at least one friend who cares enough to give them a reality check once in a while!

At last, a little clue!

After my open letter to “Russian Reader 21”, everything went cold. However, I was hot on the trail!

Couple of days ago, a Russian reader dropped by unexpectedly and then I realized that s/he was simply directed to this blog via a Russian search engine. For some reason, a lot of Russians seem to be looking for "Forever Love" or some sort of fairy tale love. Imagine their surprise when they land on "The Forever Love" blog post where a Canadian mom is giving a sermon about love to her sons?!

I can't even imagine! They probably swear and leave!

Strangely enough, "The Forever Love" is probably my favourite post. There are many losses in life. Losing a loved one is the toughest. And losing someone in love is heartbreaking. I can neither predict nor protect the boys from future heartbreaks; however I wanted to leave a little advice for them. And so I did. And the Russians have made it the second highest "page viewed" blog post on Momley Moments!

And now I know why!! Hopefully, the wandering souls are able to actually find the information they are looking for. And hopefully, I will know the mystery behind the precision with 21 page views as well.

 

And maybe one day soon, I will stop obsessing and move on...

 

The serious "after chat"!

I made exactly 4 mental notes between 10 am and 10:30 pm yesterday. When the last of the teens left, I asked ASid if he wanted feedback then or at a later time. He chose to go with instant and timely constructive feedback. Good for him!

Mental Note #1: I let ASid know that it is his job as a host to meet and greet each one of his guests. It is also his responsibility to get their jackets and put them away, or at least, let his guests know where to put their jackets away.

Mental Note #2: ASid should not proclaim a totalitarian regime if he is not going to follow through with his threats. Actually ASid would have to ban himself for a couple of spills! The teens left their half-drunk drinks all over the place and ASid kept tripping on them. This is where I want to take several hundred Gods' names in vain! If a drink left on the floor accidentally spills over, it is most likely to do so again if it is not removed from there!!

The 10 teens are in a special program that is supposed to have some of the brightest brains in their age category! Intellectually, these kids are probably there (wherever that maybe), but they have a long way to some basic common sense! Maybe I am a tad harsh this morning, but I did have those kids including mine for a little over 12 hours...on that note...

Mental Note #3: Please stick with the time planned! I gave permission for 11 am to 7 pm. Somehow, it became 10 am to 10:30 pm! I am partially to blame as well.

Feeding teens is not an easy feat. One teen got through a 2 L bottle of Mountain Dew! They will demolish bags of chips and boxes of cookies. On top of that, they will consume hearty meals. The aforementioned are simply snacks in between meals.

Mental Note #4: ASid needs to budget for how much and for how long he is going to feed his friends when he invites them over. It is all part of the planning.

When I sat ASid down and explained to him the time and money that went into the day, he was actually shocked. He felt like he had failed miserably. But I assured him that he did not. As long as he is willing to listen to constructive feedback and learn from it, I am fine with him inviting his friends over and over again. However, I need to see improvements each time.

ASid is a great kid. He is generous and he is a good friend. He took the time to organize a gathering. He confessed that the communication part was the most challenging. His friends took their own sweet time getting back to him on most everything. He wasn't entirely sure of who was going to be there till the day before the gathering.

Given the crowd ASid had to work with, he did really well. He hosted an event where half the guests didn't want to leave. That is a good sign. A couple of them actually posted thank you notes for him in their group chat. The boy will be a fantastic host one day. These are merely first steps to getting there.

I could sleep well last night because ASid did not dismiss any of my constructive feedback. He actually acknowledged that there is room for improvement. Most importantly, he thanked his mother for supporting him through everything and putting up with him. The boy also thanked his younger brother for staying out of his way.

I think it was a wonderful day overall even with the massive cleanup we had to do after our "after chat"! At the end, it was all still worth all the trouble.

 

Power Outlets

This particular post is literally my LIVE documentation of ASid’s hosting of today’s “hangout” which is still in session.

Right now, I have 5 teenage boys (including ASid) in my living room. All of them are 16 years of age. Literally, the first thing they requested was for our Wi-Fi password and then, they all looked for power outlets for their multiple devices including laptops. We are still waiting on 5 more -  3 girls and 2 boys. Once they all arrive, ASid will order pizza and then, they will watch the movie.

So far, I have had ASid say the following gems:

"Spill that drink on the floor and you are banned forever from my home!"

"There is no democracy here. It is a totalitarian regime."

ASid has been super assertive and maybe a tad harsh. But maybe it is for the best?! They are his friends after all.

***

The first girl arrived. And predictably, a couple of minutes later, the doorbell rang and it was her mom checking in! This always happens when a girl comes over for the first time to our home. Parents typically want to make sure there is adult supervision. I assured the mom that I will be there the whole time and she should not worry. The mom left reassured.

The poor girl is alone amidst 5 boys who are in their own world. I had to remind ASid to get her jacket and he was like "Mom, can you get her jacket?! Thanks!!"

I had to make a mental note on this one for a serious chat with ASid for a later time.

***

Thank God the second girl arrived a few minutes later. This one told the boys off! She also got them to get their feet and their bags off the couch. Good for her! She also remarked on their antisocial behaviour.

Then, a few minutes later, the third and the last girl arrived. She actually had a short conversation with me and stated that we have a nice home.

Really?! Thank you!!

***

When the Pizza was delivered, I was calling for my teen child. Everyone heard me except him. It is interesting how that works out, eh?! Even when everyone tried to get the dude's attention, he was oblivious.

So much for the recently mentioned hosting skills! When ASid is in the middle of it all, he is lost in it all. It is kind of good and bad.

***

They finally watched the 2 hour movie. The other 9 teens had to read the subtitles as none of them know the language it was made in. I was impressed that they were willing to spend time watching a movie one of their friends recommended instead of doing something else interesting with a day off!

Maybe they all miss being at school together?! Unlikely!!

***

At this point in time, 5 hours later, half the teens have left the building. Apparently, half of them have already watched the movie and they chose to watch it again! A couple of them explained to me that it was just an excuse to get together!

So, they all miss being together.

It was cute how most of them, boys and girls alike, huddled on our couch while they watched the movie. There was a good sense of belonging, familiarity and safety.

***

Highlight of the day was:

A boy and a girl did some baking and brought some treats over. The boy's cookies were absolutely delicious and he took great pride in his baking.

How wonderful is that?!

***

I am glad that I let ASid host for no good reasons. I'd rather he is home than wandering around somewhere. I am alright even if all the power outlets in our home are taken over by a bunch of teenagers. It is all worth the time and effort.

 

The Hosting Inclination

The earliest memories I have include my parents inviting tons of people over to our home on a regular basis. It was the best training grounds for my brother and me in terms of hosting people. Even my friend Y, who has a Hospitality degree from Cornell, says that I didn't have to go to an Ivy League school to acquire the skill set to take care of people in a thoughtful and considerate manner. For sure, she is being overly generous with her words. However, if I do have such a skill set, I would credit my parents for it entirely and I am sure my brother would agree with me.

December was a crazy month. We hosted 2 parties in our home - one for friends and one for family. We also attended 3 parties - one by friends and two by family. Tomorrow, ASid is hosting a bunch of friends at our home. This is not his first time; however, this is the first time he is screening a special movie for his friends. He already made us watch it as a family. For some reason, this movie means more to ASid than all the movies he has watched in recent times. It is in one of his heritage languages - the paternal one he has been learning for the last 5-6 years. Obviously, there are English subtitles. When I watched the movie a few weeks ago, it was not only a shared experience with my child but it was also an opportunity to have a dialogue with him about his interests. Why did this movie touch his heart in a way that he wants to share it with all his near and dear ones?!

Tomorrow, he has close to 10 friends who will be at our home. I haven't met half of them ever before. They are all his high school friends. ASid's job is to literally be the best host possible in his age category and uphold his family's name. OK! I am kidding. His job is to make sure he is taking care of his friends when they are indulging him with their time and consideration. To that extent, we did a grocery run a few hours ago based on snack and non-alcoholic drink requests from his friends.

ASid is coming along quite nicely. In the last year and a bit, he has been mostly responsible for planning and organizing these "hangouts". I merely provide guidance. Most of his friends' parents have kids over if it is a birthday or if it involves doing school work as a group. Most parents, in general, tend to make intelligent choices! However, ASid has learnt to appreciate these opportunities to invite his friends over for no good reasons.

And I am glad I get an opportunity to pass along some skills I picked from the generation before mine to the next generation. But then again, ASid might just have a natural inclination for hosting!

An Aside: Since I mentioned my friend Y, she has a severe OCD about having people in her home. So, it usually works out that her family hangs out mostly at our home. And that is totally fine with me even though it bothers them once in a while. I don't believe as friends we need to keep track of who hosted whom how many times. Given that bent, I would want ASid to host without having any expectations of any reciprocation from any of his friends. We must do what we do because we want to do it and it makes us happy! Period!