Integrity Matters

In the fall of 1993, as I waited outside a seminar room at York University, I heard an interesting conversation. There was a group of young female students talking about why they were there. I don't remember what most of them said, but I remember only the one who said that she wanted to get married and raise children. Almost everyone in the group looked at her disapprovingly and someone actually wondered out loud why this young woman was at a place of higher learning when what she wanted to do required no degree of sorts!

I will never ever forget that conversation. It was a moment where someone's choice was neither respected nor supported. That woman simply wanted to be a wife and a mother. It was either a foolish admission or a brave declaration depending on one’s perspective. Since it was mostly perceived as foolishness, I should have said something to support her; however, I did not!

Years later, I felt the same disapproval several times from near and dear ones to total strangers who felt it their responsibility to remind me about the poor choices I made in my life.

Bottom line is that somehow a woman who chooses to stay home and take care of her children is less than a woman who chooses to work and has the financial means to hire a nanny!

What about a woman who has no choice?!

Couple of years ago, I was reminded that I still have a voice in spite of whatever perception people may have of me. And each time I opened my mouth, people felt like I was some sort of an advocate for stay-at-home moms. That is natural given my own personal choice. However, I have never been against a woman who made the opposite choice from mine. We have to make choices that work for us and appreciate that we are lucky to have the freedom to make those choices.

There are several out there, men and women, who do not have a choice.

So, why am I rambling today?!

This morning, I had a heartwarming conversation with ASid. It started off with me saying to him that I probably have lost all my self-respect in the last 17 years crusading around the need to stay at home. He is 17 and he probably does not need me anymore and Hans is 10 which is an age at which most children become quite independent anyways!! I felt like I overstayed my welcome a bit.

ASid immediately reacted quite seriously and very earnestly. He wanted me to know that every choice I made in the last 17 years kept my integrity intact. He listed an entire list of events where I had a choice to make and he let me know that not one single time did I lose my integrity.

Then, he ended by saying that he is going through a very stress intense period in his life and he is glad I am around for a chat when he needs to let it out. He also added that he is happy to see me actively seek work since he and his brother don't need me as much. He said that I kept my word and that's all that matters.

Yesterday, I finished writing a feature article for a local magazine that hired me to be a content contributor. Yes, I had a couple of phone interviews prior to the scheduled "second" interview, and I have a small job that allows me to indulge in a bit of writing. I still remember when I became the Secretary on Hans' School Council. I was delighted that I could have anywhere from 200 to 400 potential readers. I even wrote a blog post about it! Now, there are potentially 3000 readers. Somehow the number did not matter, I wrote with the same discipline and diligence.

And I expect to continue to keep my integrity through the small and the big situations, and continue to make my boys proud. I write this blog for them and I hope one day they find this particular post when they need me per chance and I am not around. My fond wish is that, no matter what, they not compromise their own integrity.