The Feeling of Failure

Hans had his G2 Driver's Test scheduled for 3:22 pm this afternoon. He had a new instructor who got lost on his way to our home and picked up Hans at 2:39 pm instead of 2 pm and brought Hans to the test centre at 3:25 pm.

A few minutes later, I received a text from Hans ... I failed ... and I responded with ... It is alright.

At 3:58 pm, my parents picked up Hans from the test centre and brought him home. They were there at 3 pm and had been waiting patiently.

First thing I did was to write an email to Young Drivers expressing my utter disappointment. It would have been nice to have his usual instructor and the car he did his lessons in. Having a new instructor and a new car, and arriving late, did not help with nerves. I was sure of that!

Young Drivers called about 3 hours later. That was when I got Hans to share all the details of his ordeal … while I was on the phone with a woman named Irene. Until that moment, the boy wanted to be left alone in his room and not speak a word. While on the phone, I wanted my kid to know that I was advocating for him, and I was in his corner. I also wanted him to see how strong his mother is … I did not swear (and never do anyways) and I spoke calmly and clearly; stated facts (even asked to verify them with the instructor) and finally thanked Irene for calling me. At the end, I refused to pay the $700 for an extra lesson and for rescheduling the test. I had already paid over $2K for the program! I was only willing to pay the fee for the test … they owed Hans a free lesson. I was firm on that!

Hans sat beside me on the couch for a few minutes even after the call ended. He apologized for not eating dinner, and then he wondered if he could step out for some fresh air. I told him to take care and never forget that his mother is there for him.

I am writing about this because providing feedback is challenging. I am 51 and I have always given a 5-star rating to all the restaurants I have frequented, to all the drivers who have given me rides and to all the services I have used. If I had any constructive feedback, I have provided it privately to them without compromising their reputations. Hans is 17. Like his mother, he is positive with his feedback. He is a happy kid and does not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. One day, he will find his voice, and I want it to be purposeful - to speak when it matters!