Losin’ My … Something!

It was Christmas evening and I was by myself at home. I was fine but decided to get out and drop off a present for my favourite restaurant owner. On my way, I ran into my superintendent and asked him how he was doing and he responded with “Stage 5 cancer” and I thought to myself that there is nothing past “Stage 4”; however, I didn’t feel it was the best time to question it! I did feel terrible for him and hoped he would beat it. I instinctively reached out and gave him a hug and walked away. I had nothing else to say.

At the restaurant, I dropped off the present for the owner-friend who wasn’t working on Christmas evening. I was going to go back home but decided to go out for dinner instead. As I walked into this other relatively new neighbourhood restaurant, I thought of how bare it looked. There was just one family who had made themselves comfortable over several tables. I quietly found a table in a corner and sat down.

So, that was me in the corner …

I could literally see everyone and everything. Strangely, within minutes, people started walking in. A young couple sat across from me, and the woman kept calling the man “husband” and touching his hair. Then, 3 young men walked in. After that, a family of 6 joined us; at which point, they had to ask the family that spread themselves to restrict themselves to one table. The service was lethargic. There was just one guy trying to serve many tables. I was okay to wait, and I almost wanted to wait on the other tables that were getting impatient.

Eventually, my food arrived and I ate leisurely as I continued to observe the *characters* around me.

Then, that was me in the spotlight …

I decide to pay at the cash register. As I walked up, I saw a mother and son walk in. I recognized the mother and she wanted to know if I was getting take-out. So, I told her that I had just finished eating and was leaving. She looked around, and I told her that I was there by myself. I let her know that the boys were with their father. She reached out and gave me a hug. Right at that moment, a family of 4 walked in and I recognized that mother as well. I quickly acknowledged her and walked out!

As I walked home, I started humming the R.E.M. song. I could finally relate to it.

A Side Story: Part2/Conclusion

Since that post, Neil reached out 5 or 6 times. The last 2 have been about getting together and catching up. I decided to go ahead and just do that. Today, Neil and I had lunch … and it was so much fun.

I am almost always the one to reach out to the men I adore, and they seem to respond out of a sense of obligation or just to placate me for that moment. I haven’t had anyone reach out to me and check in on me like Neil has done. No one has driven twice to my workplace, that is so far away for most people, just to see where I work or to take me out to dinner. I realized today that I should stop overthinking and just enjoy my time with Neil who has become a wonderful friend.

Neil is not aware of this blog.

I spoke to him about what has been happening at work with Michael and he got it. We also exchanged notes on the gifts we got our students. We talked about our children. We had a 2-hour lunch, and we decided we should do it again. I was honest with him and told him that I am in a good place, and I am not ready to change anything. (It felt great to say that out loud!)

I also told Neil about running into G at a grocery store.

I hadn’t seen G in months, except for that time, from the bus. So, it was nice to see him in closer proximity. Neil wondered if G and his wife were still together, and I confirmed that they are. I let Neil know that I am meeting G for lunch next week, and I am excited to reconnect. I also told Neil that we should have another lunch before we go back to work!  

I finally admitted to myself that I must hang out with *all* my friends. I must not be afraid to be happy.

A Nearly Perfect Day

Yesterday started with a cold shower. It was not planned. There was no hot water early in the morning. This was the 9^th cold one within a 2-week period.

Why I put up with inconveniences such as the one stated above is a mystery to me?!

Yesterday was a long workday as we had our winter celebration concert planned for 5 pm. My work kids had been practising for a few weeks and they weren’t quite ready … and I was nervous as all the parents decided to attend the event. The morning was hectic as Michael was away, but I had familiar and competent replacement staff to support me. However, the other ISP classroom had an issue, and I had double the number of kids floating around my classroom for quite some time. It got loud and I was exhausted. I also did double duty as we were short-staffed at lunch. To add to that, one of our star performers was sick and the parent was kind enough to call and apologize. She didn’t have to!

So, how was it a nearly perfect day?

There was a bit of time between the end of the school day and the start time for the concert, and I got to hang out with some of my co-workers. At some point in our conversation, I shared that I was glad I stayed home to take care of my own kids. If I hadn’t, I would have prioritized other people’s kids over my own. That’s the kind of worker I am. So, I was glad I am a teacher now and I get to give my time and energy to my students (whom I have been calling *work kids*) and not feel guilty!

And my work kids were spectacular, at the concert, as they sang and signed through ‘What a Wonderful World’. Apparently, a few parents in the audience teared up.

I was elated at the end of it and very tired. And to my surprise, one of the support staff, insisted on driving me home. I live the farthest from work and in the opposite direction from most of the staff (as mentioned in an earlier post). I didn’t protest much. When I got home, I was happy to see ASid who had dropped in and brought Hans and me dinner. It was wonderful to wrap up the day with my own kids. I couldn’t sleep last night as I thought about my day. I felt thankful for all the kids in my life. I felt overwhelming joy.

ASid was concerned about the cold shower situation. He insisted on writing an email to the building management. I reassured him that I would deal with it. This morning, I woke up to hot water.

Above and Beyond

A few days back, our POR (Positions of Responsibility) holder who also happens to be our Resource Teacher, gave me the third degree. She didn’t do it for fun; she was compelled to do so as she needed some clarification. It was in relationship to the extra CYW that I had declined sometime in October. The parent, who procured this opportunity, was upset and wanted to know why!

My first response was that I go above and beyond for my students, and each decision I make is in their best interests. To which, my POR casually commented that when we sign up for Spec Ed, we sign up to go above and beyond. That annoyed me to some extent because I do not say things for effect. I do what I say! Each school day, I send a personalized email to my students’ parent(s) about their child’s day - they get a detailed report about their child’s struggles and triumphs. For this communication to happen, I must be paying attention, and I must be on my toes constantly. I need to observe and make mental notes throughout the school day.

I have done this in every Spec Ed role I served. My summer school principal, from 2024, thought it was too much, and said that I should never do it … especially when I have my own classroom as the email communication takes up about an hour or more of my time each school day. Even Ma Bean, my CYW from last school year, wanted me to stop after the first couple of months.

In general, I tend to over communicate. As a Special Education teacher, I *want* to communicate to parents. Most of my students are non-verbal and they can’t talk to their parents about their school day. Since I send these detailed reports, parents know what happened in their child’s school day. At the end of a school year, they can potentially publish books about their children. And they can also use information in there to make a case against me. And that was the situation my POR was dealing with … the parent made a list of all incidents, related to safety, that happened over the three months of school to push for the extra CYW. My POR wanted to know why I feel the need to write everything in such detail?!

If I was a parent of a child with special needs, I would appreciate anecdotes from their school day.

Parents feel all sorts of emotions when they read my email communication - they have laughed and they have apologized; they are pleasantly surprised and can’t believe how far their child has come; and they are mostly grateful. In all honesty, I have thought of putting an end to this a couple of times … it is a lot of work and some days, I have no energy to write anything; however, I am also energized when I write about my students’ school day. I cannot imagine ever not sending these notes to the parents … even if they weaponize them against me!

I have taken the time to go through all the incidents the parent listed. 10 of the 15 listed could have been avoided if Michael had been on top of things … they would not have occurred if Ma Bean had been there. It is too bad when I want to do my best, and I do not have the best support … some days, I do not have any support at all! If I had the power, Micheal would have been let go a few weeks ago. I really don’t want him around my students. Couple of them keep running away from him.

I wanted to deal with this on my own, but I realized that I am not a miracle worker. Last Friday was the last straw. When I pointed to Michael that he spent over an hour writing an incident report instead of watching the students, he retaliated that our principal asked for it and it was a priority. This was at the end of the school day. Michael said that and walked away. I was ready to leave too as it had been quite the day, but instead I walked into our principal’s office. I wanted to know why she would make writing an incident report a priority over a CYW doing his job?! She was shocked as she did not talk with Michael that entire day and she hadn’t asked for a report!

I am glad I walked into the principal’s office. It started a much-needed conversation. I found out that Michael has been using our principal’s name to cover up his mistakes. He knew that I am a little intimidated by the lady, and perhaps he counted on me never verifying his claims. What he should have counted on was how much I care about my students and that I would go to war with anyone for them … even the principal!

Almost all the weekend, I was conflicted. I felt, at times, that I got Michael into trouble. Then, I had to remind myself that I did not go to the principal so many times because I covered for Michael. This time, I went to confront the principal about a report that was prioritized over the safety and well-being of my students. If Michael had only been honest, he wouldn’t be in trouble now. Well, he is not really in trouble as I told our principal that I would continue to deal with him and I want her to stay out of it … for now.

I hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Addendum:

Regardless of what today was like, there will be better days ... I am a believer.

Toronto

Over the last 6 years, since ASid left home for higher education and beyond, Hans and I have bonded over shows and food. We watched ‘Money Heist’ and went in search of paella. We loved ‘Ted Lasso’ and tried jollof rice. We had to eat lobster with ginger and green onion right after that episode of ‘The Brothers Sun’ ended! I could write more about our culinary adventures that followed our viewing pleasures. And I am only able to do that because I live in Toronto.

Recently, I told someone that I do not feel the urge to travel because the world resides in Toronto. I can simply visit neighbourhoods and restaurants in my city to see and taste what the world has to offer.

Many many moons ago, we visited 3 cities in the States - Washington D.C., Philadelphia and New York. I wrote about that road trip. What I did not write about was my experience of seeing the Statue of Liberty in person for the first time … unfortunately, there was really nothing to write about! I had seen this iconic NY landmark in so many movies that seeing the actual physical structure wasn’t that exhilarating. That was the moment I realized that traveling to see monuments wasn’t for me.

I could make monumental moments with my dear ones simply by spending time with them close to home … sometimes even without leaving home!

I was a wide-eyed 18-year-old visitor when I moved to Toronto in 1992. I was supposed to have been here for only 4 years, and now it has been over 33 years. Within that time, I have grown and the city has grown as well. Initially, I felt like it took forever to get to any place. Everything seemed so far away; perhaps because I depended on my father, my brother and my then husband … in that order … to drive me around. In the last 3 years, since it has just been Hans and me, nothing has felt too far. The city seemed to have shrunk.

What once was new and intimidating is now old and familiar.

I do not believe I would have realized my dreams of being a teacher and a writer as well as I have in any other city. I don’t believe any other city in the world would have inspired me as much as Toronto does! Even with all its imperfections, it is the perfect place for me.

When the magic will happen one day, Toronto will be in the centre of it all.