Races

Yesterday, I called Craigley a racist and his smug response, "I am not racist, I am offensive to all races!".

Why would I call him a racist? Brace yourselves for a bit of a story!

Ever since ASid was old enough to learn new things, I would request Craigley to teach him or take him to classes. These requests would be made only for those skills I didn't and still don't possess and there are 3 that are so very important for the survival of a Canadian kid or adult; especially, social survival! These, in my opinion (and mine alone), are biking, swimming and skating!

Craigley is competent in all the above skills/activities. I enrolled ASid in swimming when he was 18 months old. Craigley complained that ASid was most of the time outside of the pool than in the water. I concluded the boy was too young for swimming! After 18 months had gone by, I registered ASid in the Skate Canada program offered through the Seneca College. Unfortunately, as mentioned in a previous post, it was a parent-tot program! Craigley hit the proverbial ceiling within a few classes and most classes ended in ASid sitting on the ice and me crying on the benches. I moved ASid a few months later to the less expensive Toronto City program that required just the child on the ice. By then, ASid didn't care for skating! I also tried swimming again at the age of 5 where the child is in water and the parent can sit and watch; once again, Craigley remarked that ASid perhaps does not like swimming! Around this time, Craigley also concluded that ASid can't bike if his life depended on it! As usual, I blamed myself for the "short comings" in my child. I can't do these things and hence, my child is unable to do them as well?!

It is so easy to give up on a child. Especially, after a long day of work, wouldn't you want to get home and relax? Yeah, almost all of us! Who really wants to spend part of their weekends struggling with a child? Nobody, but most parents do. It is an unwritten commandment for parents - Thou shall spend as much time as possible with your child (whether you like it or not).

So, there was our child...can't bike, can't swim and barely skates! If I ever worried about drowning, Craigley would say, "We are in Toronto! Where is the water?". And life went on...

I had to try again. When ASid was 9, I got him to take swimming lessons with a friend. It was a bit expensive, however not as expensive as my child's life or anyone else's life! Now, at the age of 12, ASid is in Ultra Swim Level 7. He actually enjoys the social pool parties that have suddenly sprung up in his life since last Summer! Where is the water? It is everywhere.

When it comes to children, discussions and disagreements are expected between parents. These days, we are at it again with Hans' skating lessons. Even though I spared Craigley the trouble of being on the ice with a tot by waiting 2 extra years to start off Hans with skating; Craigley insisted on watching Hans skate. Since last October, Craigley probably attended 7 skating lessons. After last week's lesson, Craigley told Hans that the former's time is being wasted by attending the latter's skating lessons! At that point in time, I lost it and told Craigley to not waste his time anymore.

When discussions and disagreements are aired out in front of children, it is rather unfortunate for the family. However, it is not an unusual occurrence in most families; I learned that by talking to other parents. It helps to know that Craigley and I are "normal" parents, and yet it doesn't help at all.

OK! Back to the story...

Yesterday, Hans' school organized a Skate for all the students. It was a massive undertaking by one parent and other parents volunteered to help. I volunteered Craigley and he was kind enough to take the day off. It was great to see Hans on the ice with his dad. He actually skated more than he ever did in any of his skating lessons!

After skating, Craigley exclaimed, "That's what one Kinder Surprise will get you!". Even as I got ready to defend my little fella and Craigley followed that up with something like...no wonder since you people are not athletic! Excuse me, you people? That's when I called him a racist! And as usual, he laughed it off...

This post is not really about anyone being racist...real or otherwise! It is more about the races we send off our kids to and if we do want them to win those races or at least complete them; we need to have a lot of patience. If a child falters or gives up, we cannot chalk it up to genetics and definitely not give up on them!

Sometimes the solutions are quite simple...as simple as the promise of one Kinder Surprise! Sometimes, it just requires a bit of patience. Sometimes, our kids will let us know what they need if we are willing to listen.

2014, I will listen to my children and find out how I can help them win their races in spite of their races.

 

Happy New year everyone!

 

To Me From Me

Hans says the strangest things and anyone who has watched one or both of the renditions of Kids Say The Darndest Things will probably say, "it is nothing new"! That may indeed be true. Everything that Hans says possibly could already have been uttered by another child elsewhere...still; I will continue to chronicle what he says. Having said that, here is another post dedicated to the little fella!

A couple of days before Valentine's Day (yes, I am going back almost 10 months in time!), Hans and I were cutting out heart shapes from various coloured paper. As we cut, we kept count. Hans had 21 classmates and 2 teachers. I told him that I would write the name of the recipient and he could write his name. At that point in time, he could barely write his name properly. Hans' teacher did say that doing the Valentine's Day cards could be an excellent writing activity. I really didn't know if Hans would be able to write his name 23 times though?!

Eventually, we had 23 heard shaped pieces of paper. I wrote "To" and "From" on each of them. Once that was done, I asked Hans whose name he wanted me to write on the first heart. He immediately replied, "My name"! I thought he didn't understand my question and before I repeated it, he clarified, "To Hans From Hans". He smiled the biggest smile and continued, "I want to be number one!"

This is a child who feels the most powerful when he is home. He is a Super Hero. He is number one. One day, I hope, he feels that way everywhere.

Love you little guy. I am waiting for you to spread your wings and fly, but take your time.

Mixed Heritage

Last year, ASid expressed an interest in learning a third language. Apparently, he thought about it a lot and chose to learn his father's heritage language. It was a surprising choice as Craigley does not speak his heritage language. It would have made sense to choose one of the 2 languages I speak other than English! However, ASid gently reminded me that where I came from, he could manage with English; where his dad's ancestors came from, they would respect his efforts to learn their language! I never argue with logic and I almost always support my children's choices. So, started the language lessons...

Craigley decided to take heritage language lessons as well. Secretly, I think he was pleased. First time, in his life, he wanted to connect with his child on a level that is deep and personal, and exclusive! ASid has been soaking it all in for the last 10-11 months. It has been great for the father-son pair to do homework together and to attend classes together. My brother, who has always been an involved uncle, also took the classes with them. His wife joined them for a while as well! I hope ASid realizes how lucky he is to be surrounded by such support.

I am also reminded of how lucky all of us are to live in Toronto and have the opportunity to experience our world this way.

Chucky Update

It seems like I almost abandoned Chucky the last time I wrote about him. I report with mixed feelings (once again) that it ain’t so! I have to remind myself that this was a then 4 year old boy I was writing about…things haven’t changed much; he is now only 5 years old. Some days I feel like I have been very harsh in how I portrayed him; even this moniker I have given him! Yet, I was just writing about incidents as they happened and as they affected my child and me. At that time, I felt helpless. Even now, I try to help this child and feel like a failure. For someone so young, he continues to be a force to reckon with!

Since I believe that it does take a village to raise a child, I have included Chucky in Hans’ life…whether it is walking together from school or having play dates. Chucky has been invited to our home to play with Hans and Hans has been over at Chucky’s as well. Of course, all visits have been supervised by adults…mostly me, me and Chucky’s nanny and once, it was me and Chucky’s mom! Chucky was perhaps the best behaved with his mom and other than that one time, he hasn’t made much progress. This bothers me. This child shows neither fear nor respect for authority or for the adults in his life. He actually believes he is very cool and the strangest reality is that all the kids in his class believe it too. In fact, my child, who barely reads or writes, took the time to type a note to Chucky. The note reads as follows:

I like Chucky he is cool

Obviously, Chucky is not his real name and Hans actually had his real name in the note and Hans could actually spell Chucky’s real name! Hans wants to print this note and present it to Chucky. I was perplexed. But then, I went on a field trip with their class and I was even more perplexed as most of the girls literally fawned over Chucky and insisted on holding his hand and walking. These are 4 and 5 year old children and yet, they were demonstrating their attraction to a child who was completely ignoring his teacher and doing his own thing! The field trip was about discovering little critters outdoors and I discovered a lot more…

Is it really true as the book says that everything we learn we learn in Kindergarten? If so, I am a little concerned for my child. I have told him that he could be friends with Chucky, however he shouldn’t copy everything Chucky does. Hans always assures me that he will not copy Chucky and then I see shades of “chuckiness” in him sometimes…it is scary and still, I can’t bring myself to share my concerns with Chucky’s parents and I do not want to be the “Tattle Tale Mom”! What can I do then? Continue to communicate with my child about right and wrong, and continue to remind him that he can be friends with someone without copying them!

Trick or Treat

On Halloween Day, my little fella fell for the meanest trick a parent can pull on a child. Yours truly is not exactly proud of that moment; however, a parent has to do what a parent needs to do!

A couple of weeks ago Hans started his skating lessons. ASid started early at the age of 3 in a parent-tot skating program. I cannot skate and Craigley, by default, filled in for the parent! Craigley is not exactly patient and ASid was not exactly complacent; a couple of sessions later, ASid knew he didn't care for skating :( With Hans, I got an opportunity to approach skating differently. I waited till he was 5 and put him in a program where a parent is not required on the ice!

Still, there are always growing pains. The first lesson, Hans was crying; however, every time he fell on the ice, he tried to get up! Second lesson as well, he cried! The third lesson fell on the Halloween Day. Hans started protesting right from home itself. When we got to the skating rink, he refused to enter the building. He kept taking off his skates and crying profusely. Out of frustration, I gave him a choice: if he skates, he can go trick or treating; if not, no trick or treating! He chose not to skate. I reiterated the options again. He chose not to skate once again. So, we packed up and left.

After dinner, he realized the gravity of the situation. ASid got ready to go and Hans bawled his eyes out! I did not budge. I reminded him that he made the choice and it doesn't matter how much he cried! I felt terrible inside, but I had to stand by my words as well!

The next morning, the first words to come out of Hans' mouth were, "Next Thursday, I will make the right choice!” After that declaration, he started eating his breakfast. I looked at him and was so proud; and then felt terrible again as he asked, "Can I go trick or treating today?" I had to tell him that Halloween happens only once a year :(

The rest of the day went into reflection and introspection! Does a kid really need to learn skating? May be I should let it go? Should I let a 5 year old make decisions? Who is the parent here? Was I too rough on the little guy? But then it is so easy to quit! It is so much more challenging to keep going...

I believe Hans reflected as well; when he got back from school, he wanted to know why moms and dads are so mean. As much as I was feeling badly about “being mean”, I told him that kids are mean as well! Sometimes kids don’t listen to their parents and it makes their parents sad. Hans seemed to have listened and understood as he didn’t make any other statements or ask any questions!

A couple of days later, Hans needed help with something; even though I can’t recall what it was he needed help with, I can clearly restate part of the conversation that took place. Hans asked for help and I said, “Anything for my superhero!” Hans immediately responded, “Actually Momley, you are my superhero because you do so much for me!”

This was just 2 days after the Halloween incident. My 5 year old made me feel much better with his kind words. This is a child who loves candy and he was deprived of a chance to collect a lot of candy! For one evening, he didn’t have to choose the small bag of candy he is allowed to add to the weekly grocery shopping list. He could keep it all! And he couldn’t! It is great that Hans could get past that incident: Momley 1 Candy 0

Writing

For someone who has wanted to write for a long time, I believe I have found my calling! I know I did mention that I would never never ever be on a School Council again; what can I say, I am no oracle! Now I am a Co-Secretary on Hans' School Council and responsible for the minutes. There are about 210 students, and that means I have a "reader" base of about 400 parents...potentially! The reality could be only 4 readers. It does not matter as some CEOs have started in the mail room...must always dream big :)

The first time, I was really nervous. Would I be able to capture everything said in the meeting? I took notes so intently like I was being evaluated! I managed to type them up within a day and share with the other members of the School Council for feedback. My Co-Secretary remarked that they were the best minutes she ever read! Ofcourse she would say that as she does not want to do the minutes ever and she needs to encourage me so I keep doing them till whenever :)

Talking about "till whenever", I recently noticed that I have only 2 readers for my blog! One of them is KPF (since I compel him to read the posts by sending him reminder email periodically) and the other, it turns out, is my brother (who probably does so out of a sense of some sibling honour code)! Whatever the reasons are from their end, I am glad they keep me going.

Sudden Death

I know it appears like I retired from blogging; I am still alive and well. I just want to take a couple of minutes to express my joy on our Canadian girl, Alice Munro, winning the Nobel Prize for Literature. After about 3 weeks, it may be old news for some; for me, it is an unforgettable moment. Way to go Alice - “master of the contemporary short story”! (note: I am reusing the quotation from the official web site of the Nobel Prize)

And I will be back. I refuse to die the sudden death that many a blogger does!