(Final) Chucky Update (?)

If the 2 to 4 readers of this blog have been reading somewhat regularly, they are aware of my issues with Chucky. This 5 year old boy has made me feel quite uncomfortable as well as inadequate in a sense. It is difficult to express in words how I feel about how (perhaps) I failed this boy!

I have written previously about Chucky; however, today I can write about him with hope. A few days ago, Chucky’s mom called me. She wondered if I could be honest with her about Chucky. It was like all my prayers were answered. In the past, I did not know how to approach Chucky’s parents or how I could help. It literally drove me crazy that I did nothing. So, the call was like redemption. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible, but let Chucky’s mom know that he has issues with authority and that he could be aggressive at times. It was not the most pleasant of conversations and yet it made me feel better. I am relieved to know that Chucky will get help.

 

An Oscar Win!

In our home, 8:30pm is bed time for Hans. He was not at all happy. It seemed to him like the whole world was about to watch the Oscars except for him! His older brother sleeps an hour later and so ASid was allowed to watch the beginning of the show. As I helped Hans brush his teeth and get ready for bed, he tried to "escape" once and mostly expressed his displeasure for not being included with the rest of the family! Finally, I reminded him that I was not watching the Oscars either as I was with him! The kid drives me crazy sometimes!

There are times I lose my cool and there are times I am reminded of my own childhood. Luckily, I remembered and I decided to share an instance with Hans. I told him how I didn't have a TV at home when I was his age. I also told him how my mother walked with my brother and myself to someone's home so we could watch a movie that she watched when she was a child! Hans immediately told me that he felt sad for me. As he drifted off to sleep, he whispered, "I will give you the trophy mommy...when I win it...when I grow up". I assured him that I would keep it for him safely! He was soon asleep.

I felt like a winner as I caught up with Craigley and ASid.

 

Musings from a somewhat Working Mom(ley)

I wanted to go back to work when Hans started fulltime Junior Kindergarten. That was the “plan” and now, I have been made to realize that plans should have timelines and goals attached to them. In fact, they should be “action plans”! In all fairness, I have to admit that Hans’ first year of school flew by really quickly and I enjoyed every minute of it as well…we walked to school and back home together; we got to know Hans’ teachers, his classmates and their parents together and we learned to struggle together – whether it was with the mighty confusing Alphabet or with the prospect of going back into the “real” world!

The current school year, Hans’ second, he is on his way! There will always be struggles, however Hans is beginning to accept that “know” sounds like “no” and that there are many such words that he will eventually read/pronounce without a second thought! I am sure he will one day read without “struggling”. His Momley, on the other hand, has perhaps not achieved as much as he has. She is still struggling!

The good news is that I finally have a part-time job. Not 20 hours a week as one might think, it is an hour per day for 3 days a week. I feel good about it. It is a start. Then there are days I feel less than good about it. I believe the problem lies with how we value ourselves and how we perceive the value of others. This is by no means a “new” problem. This morning, I am reminded of a moment from my second year at York University. A few of us students were waiting to get into a “seminar” room and started chatting. One student wanted to know why we were there and what we wanted to do once we graduated. Everyone said something and I don’t remember any of it, however I remember one female student saying that she wanted to get married and have children and take care of them. I was surprised by such a “domestic” confession amidst such an “academic” crowd! A couple of female students literally pounced on it. They wanted to know why this particular female student was bothering to get such an expensive education if that’s all she wants to do with her life. The answer was simple, “It’s my life and I should have a choice”!

I am glad I am reminded of that moment. I should not be made to feel guilty for the choices I have made in my life. I should not value myself from others’ perception of value. Action plan or not, I will get there at my own pace and it’s OK!

While I am at it, I will share a few quotations from one of my favourite poets, Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

“Map out a course of action” sounds like an “action plan”! Perhaps, I will work on an action plan one of these days and see where it takes me!

 

Gastroenteritis by any other name…

Last Thursday, I got a call from Hans' school. This was the second call of the week; the first one was 3 days prior to that! On Monday, Hans apparently fell and hurt himself very close to his left eye. Luckily there was a lunch monitor who happened to be a retired Registered Nurse! She dressed Hans' mini gash which was bleeding a bit and assured me that it doesn't need any stitches. Hans was very calm throughout the ordeal and he was called "brave" by the lovely lady. The most recent call was about Hans not looking too well! As I made my way to school, I was also thinking of how he missed 3 days of school the week before because of an ear infection - his 3rd in 3 months! He couldn't possibly have another ear infection while still on antibiotics?!

As I walked into the School Office, the Secretary told me that there seems to be something going around as ‎quite a few students have already been signed out by their parents. Somehow, that pushed the proverbial panic button and was not comforting in the least. I went to find my child who looked like he had been crying and as soon as he saw me, he started crying again. He complained that he had a tummy ache. First instinct was to rush him off to the washroom! It didn't help much and he burst out into tears. Hans' ECE, Ms F, asked me to check his lunch bag. I did and everything I packed was all there! So, maybe, Hans was hungry?!

Since Hans was crying so much, I decided to bring him home first and deal with feeding him then. It is quite possible he didn't like what I packed for lunch although it is most unlikely! So we  got home and as if he felt safe to do so, Hans threw up big time. Not once, but a few times for the rest of that day. Surprise laundry duty for Momley!

Friday went by without school for Hans and without much ado! I was tired from lack of sleep and looked forward to the Family Day long weekend. However, we still had Saturday classes to get through. It was Culture Day at the Heritage Language School. Every student had an opportunity to witness and learn from experts a traditional dance form. ASid looked at me and indicated that he didn't feel like dancing as he was extremely hungry. He is 12 and I can't force him to partake in something he didn't want to; I pulled him out to sit with the parents. One of the moms commented that growing boys are always hungry. ASid is never hungry!

As soon as Culture Day came to an end and students started filing out; ASid was first to leave the room followed a little later by Hans and myself! As soon as I stepped out, I saw 2 teachers directing students and parents to go around; about 80% of the hallway was unusable! What happened? As I moved closer, I saw my first born sitting on a bench staring forlornly at the big mess he had just made! How could I have not anticipated this happening?!

I rushed to help the teachers apologizing profusely. They were very gracious and one of them remarked that it is quite normal with kids. Craigley came by, took Hans from me and walked away silently. I got ASid to the closest washroom to clean him up. As we started driving home, I read a text from a parent at Hans' school. It was a kind warning. Her daughter was sick on Thursday as well and she had apparently transferred it to the mom! This parent was asking me to watch out for ASid! She said it was the Stomach Flu.

Too late! I shared the news with Craigley who was grimly driving the car. All he could mutter was something to the tune of how inconsiderate ASid was! The rest of Saturday went into taking care of ASid. This was not the Family Day weekend I had in mind. Sigh!

I canceled a plan to go to the AutoShow with my brother. ASid had been going to the AutoShow with his uncle since he was 2 and a half; at 12 and a half, he missed going to the AutoShow for the first time! Darn you Stomach Flu! I googled it like I was going to find it and destroy it and then I found out, that is not even its name! Anyways…that which we call Stomach Flu; by any other name would stink as much…and the bard would agree.

As I am typing on a sickly Sunday night, Craigley has succumbed to it as well; I am just hoping I am not next!

Note: As I am ready to post the above on a Tuesday evening, I have to admit that it got to me too!
 

Your dad's fat!

Hans has been attending Art classes for over a year now. I take him for these classes and wait for an hour or more as he engrosses himself in a world of colours. Hans has never not wanted to attend his Art classes.

 

Craigley finds it difficult to believe that Hans can focus for that long and produce his masterpieces! So, I asked Craigley to accompany Hans to one of his Art classes. The Art teacher is quite accommodating of parents who wish to sit in on the classes. So, Craigley did attend a class and we have a story!

***

Craigley didn't look too happy when he got back from the Art class. So, I inquired if everything went alright. All he muttered was that he didn't want Hans to spend anymore time than necessary with that boy in the Art class. Craigley definitely was referring to J since he was the only other boy! J has more energy than most boys, however that is not unusual. So, what happened?

 

Apparently, J exclaimed to Hans "Your dad's fat!" as soon as our son introduced his father to his Art mate! My unspoken thought was that the boy did not say anything that is not true. Craigley has gained some pounds over the years and in all fairness, so have I. I didn't really understand Craigley's outburst regarding J's comment.

 

So, with a little prodding, I got some more information. Craigley's frustration mostly was due to J's mom's reaction. Apparently, she just looked at her son and smiled! Craigley felt like she should have reprimanded her son and taught him some manners! Under normal circumstances, I would have agreed with Craigley; however, there are always exceptions to what we like to call "normal". I let Craigley know that J's mom does not know English and J is the first one in their family to be born in Canada. "So what?", was the reaction.

***

Arrgh! Sometimes, it is very difficult to explain anything to Craigley. It is just that for immigrant parents, who know no English or very little English, it is a great joy when their Canadian born children speak English as "it should be spoken"! They may not understand everything their child is speaking, but they beam in pride when their child speaks! I am sure if J's mom had understood J's comment about Craigley, she would have definitely had a chat with her son!

 

So, how is Craigley now? I think he has already forgotten about the incident, and Hans and J continue to have a fun time in the Art class.

 

Races

Yesterday, I called Craigley a racist and his smug response, "I am not racist, I am offensive to all races!".

Why would I call him a racist? Brace yourselves for a bit of a story!

Ever since ASid was old enough to learn new things, I would request Craigley to teach him or take him to classes. These requests would be made only for those skills I didn't and still don't possess and there are 3 that are so very important for the survival of a Canadian kid or adult; especially, social survival! These, in my opinion (and mine alone), are biking, swimming and skating!

Craigley is competent in all the above skills/activities. I enrolled ASid in swimming when he was 18 months old. Craigley complained that ASid was most of the time outside of the pool than in the water. I concluded the boy was too young for swimming! After 18 months had gone by, I registered ASid in the Skate Canada program offered through the Seneca College. Unfortunately, as mentioned in a previous post, it was a parent-tot program! Craigley hit the proverbial ceiling within a few classes and most classes ended in ASid sitting on the ice and me crying on the benches. I moved ASid a few months later to the less expensive Toronto City program that required just the child on the ice. By then, ASid didn't care for skating! I also tried swimming again at the age of 5 where the child is in water and the parent can sit and watch; once again, Craigley remarked that ASid perhaps does not like swimming! Around this time, Craigley also concluded that ASid can't bike if his life depended on it! As usual, I blamed myself for the "short comings" in my child. I can't do these things and hence, my child is unable to do them as well?!

It is so easy to give up on a child. Especially, after a long day of work, wouldn't you want to get home and relax? Yeah, almost all of us! Who really wants to spend part of their weekends struggling with a child? Nobody, but most parents do. It is an unwritten commandment for parents - Thou shall spend as much time as possible with your child (whether you like it or not).

So, there was our child...can't bike, can't swim and barely skates! If I ever worried about drowning, Craigley would say, "We are in Toronto! Where is the water?". And life went on...

I had to try again. When ASid was 9, I got him to take swimming lessons with a friend. It was a bit expensive, however not as expensive as my child's life or anyone else's life! Now, at the age of 12, ASid is in Ultra Swim Level 7. He actually enjoys the social pool parties that have suddenly sprung up in his life since last Summer! Where is the water? It is everywhere.

When it comes to children, discussions and disagreements are expected between parents. These days, we are at it again with Hans' skating lessons. Even though I spared Craigley the trouble of being on the ice with a tot by waiting 2 extra years to start off Hans with skating; Craigley insisted on watching Hans skate. Since last October, Craigley probably attended 7 skating lessons. After last week's lesson, Craigley told Hans that the former's time is being wasted by attending the latter's skating lessons! At that point in time, I lost it and told Craigley to not waste his time anymore.

When discussions and disagreements are aired out in front of children, it is rather unfortunate for the family. However, it is not an unusual occurrence in most families; I learned that by talking to other parents. It helps to know that Craigley and I are "normal" parents, and yet it doesn't help at all.

OK! Back to the story...

Yesterday, Hans' school organized a Skate for all the students. It was a massive undertaking by one parent and other parents volunteered to help. I volunteered Craigley and he was kind enough to take the day off. It was great to see Hans on the ice with his dad. He actually skated more than he ever did in any of his skating lessons!

After skating, Craigley exclaimed, "That's what one Kinder Surprise will get you!". Even as I got ready to defend my little fella and Craigley followed that up with something like...no wonder since you people are not athletic! Excuse me, you people? That's when I called him a racist! And as usual, he laughed it off...

This post is not really about anyone being racist...real or otherwise! It is more about the races we send off our kids to and if we do want them to win those races or at least complete them; we need to have a lot of patience. If a child falters or gives up, we cannot chalk it up to genetics and definitely not give up on them!

Sometimes the solutions are quite simple...as simple as the promise of one Kinder Surprise! Sometimes, it just requires a bit of patience. Sometimes, our kids will let us know what they need if we are willing to listen.

2014, I will listen to my children and find out how I can help them win their races in spite of their races.

 

Happy New year everyone!

 

To Me From Me

Hans says the strangest things and anyone who has watched one or both of the renditions of Kids Say The Darndest Things will probably say, "it is nothing new"! That may indeed be true. Everything that Hans says possibly could already have been uttered by another child elsewhere...still; I will continue to chronicle what he says. Having said that, here is another post dedicated to the little fella!

A couple of days before Valentine's Day (yes, I am going back almost 10 months in time!), Hans and I were cutting out heart shapes from various coloured paper. As we cut, we kept count. Hans had 21 classmates and 2 teachers. I told him that I would write the name of the recipient and he could write his name. At that point in time, he could barely write his name properly. Hans' teacher did say that doing the Valentine's Day cards could be an excellent writing activity. I really didn't know if Hans would be able to write his name 23 times though?!

Eventually, we had 23 heard shaped pieces of paper. I wrote "To" and "From" on each of them. Once that was done, I asked Hans whose name he wanted me to write on the first heart. He immediately replied, "My name"! I thought he didn't understand my question and before I repeated it, he clarified, "To Hans From Hans". He smiled the biggest smile and continued, "I want to be number one!"

This is a child who feels the most powerful when he is home. He is a Super Hero. He is number one. One day, I hope, he feels that way everywhere.

Love you little guy. I am waiting for you to spread your wings and fly, but take your time.