Inheritance

The night of August 22^nd, I couldn’t sleep. It was like everything had changed even though most everything felt the same!

Somewhere between 3 and 4 am, I decided to pen a song for ASid. Here it is:

I am not Kipling

I ain't no writer
I am not Polonius
I ain't no character

But I got the same advice

For your commencement

Grandpa's kind words

Grandma's good deeds
Your dad's blood
Your mom's sweat

Can't bank them

Can't stash them

Life ain't no race

Can't be a horse
Be a donkey son
Carry your share boy

At the end of the day

We all fall down
When you survive the night
Make it count

Live your life

Don't waste time
Death is waiting
For all of us

Grandpa's kind words

Grandma's good deeds
Your dad's blood
Your mom's sweat

Can't bank them

Can't stash them

Use them boy

They are your inheritance

 It is my fond hope that one day I will write a song that is good enough for someone to sing. That is one other bit of me I would like to leave behind.

 

Words are NOT enough

A friend of mine once called me a wordsmith. It is a nice compliment, but it realistically and simply means that I may be better at putting together two words than her other friends!

For the last few days, I have been struggling to write about an upcoming 18^th birthday. I am quite overwhelmed with emotion and can’t seem to find the right words to describe it all. It is true that we could be prepared for a moment; eventually get there, and realize that we are not really prepared for it!

ASid turns 18 tomorrow, Thursday, August 22^nd.

18 is the age of majority in Ontario and that means ASid will legally be considered an adult. It is amazing how overnight one goes from being a child to an adult!

On this momentous birthday, I want ASid to know that I am very gratified with the way he has turned out. He is most definitely not perfect, but who is?! He has been a great kid and I know he will be a wonderful adult. ASid is ready for the next chapter in his life and I can’t wait to find out what he does.

A very happy birthday baby boy!

I will miss our morning conversations. I will miss you gaming with your little brother. I will miss your friends walking in and out of our home. I will miss your emotional outbursts … maybe not that much!

As you adjust and adapt to campus life and being on your own, I will try to catch up on some of the sleep I have lost over the last 18 years. As you finally take some time to get to those prepaid driving lessons, I will try to get my own driving license. As you go forth and make your mark on the world, I will try to write the book you so badly want me to write.

Life is not a race. Take your time. You will probably get there, wherever you want to be, sooner than I do. And each time, I will be at that invisible crossing line … quietly cheering you on.

Level 4000

It may not seem like an achievement for most people, but I want to announce it here anyways!

I completed level 4000 of Candy Crush Saga at 11:30 pm on August 5th, 2019. I got a special message ("You did it!") and a reward (a bunch of specials) from the Candy Crush team who recently announced and celebrated the fact that they created level 5000!

I guess there is another milestone level to work towards and I am sure they are not stopping at 5000.

Yesterday was also my friend Maddy’s birthday. A while ago, she posted something about referring to birthdays as reaching levels - instead of saying “I am celebrating my 45^th birthday”, I could say that “I have reached level 45”!

Somehow that does make it sound like “I am getting better” instead of “I am getting older”.

The boys are aware of my little guilty pleasure. I believe it took me almost 3 years to get to this level. The first time I was at a 900+ level and then, I had to get a new phone. It was a bit sad to lose all those levels and I refused to restart from level 1 on the new phone. However, I needed something fun to do at the end of the day. Candy Crush can be frustrating; however I use it mostly for relaxing.

On that note, I do not want anyone to be concerned about my sanity. On a recent road trip, I did not play Candy Crush at all and I had no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever.

With my multiple jobs, there is no danger of an addiction. I still watch a movie in a few instalments. I am there for my family and friends. I meet or beat my deadlines. I do get out. I am mostly normal.

So, I hope people perceive reaching level 4000 as some sort of a crazy accomplishment and celebrate with me! Thank you!

 

Mourning a machine?!

When we moved from our condo to our townhouse almost 8 years ago, the one appliance we needed to purchase was a microwave. Condos included 6 appliances and townhouses only 5!

My mom decided to give us her old microwave as a temporary solution until we bought something that we liked. With so much happening with the move, my mom wanted to help in her own way. It made sense to not have to worry about one more thing!

Like most things in my home that stay put once placed on a flat surface, the old microwave did too! The machine was older than my marriage.

A couple of years ago, the part that we push to open the microwave door fell apart. Wisdom would predict that that was a good time to purchase a replacement; but laziness or resourcefulness, depending on perspective, dictated otherwise!

I found that I could put my finger into the empty space, that was left after the particular part broke, and push this little metal “spring like something” to open the door. So, if the microwave is still functional, why make the effort to replace it?!

For a couple of years, the setup drove almost everyone crazy. The boys and I, on the other hand, got mighty comfortable with where exactly to put a finger in and what exactly to push! Craigley did not protest much and was strangely supportive!

For my birthday, 2 days ago, my brother surprised me with a new microwave. Yesterday, he came by and made the switch. He didn't trust me enough to actually make the switch. For all he knew and he knows his sister only too well, the box would have remained unopened indefinitely.

So, I have a well-reviewed and spanking new microwave sitting on my kitchen counter. It will take some time getting used to this new machine.

Perhaps my brother sensed this weird sense of loss in me, he assured me that he had to replace my microwave because his wife was afraid that one day her finger would be zapped by the unknown metal piece somewhere deep in the dark gaping space where there used to be a safe plastic “pushy thingy”! Bambino needed to deal with his wife's mortal fear and ensure future visits to my home were met with appropriate standards of safety and sanity.

I guess I took a bullet for the team, but I am allowed to mourn my machine!

 

Special Mention

As I age, I am developing this tendency to scrutinize my relationships. I may also be developing a bit of paranoia about some people in my life.

This post is not a negative one though, it is super positive. It is about someone I have known for a while, but rediscovered in the last few months. I actually mentioned this person in a couple of posts; however, this is a special mention!

I am going to name this person JeTi. We met when her daughter and Hans started in Junior Kindergarten. JeTi made her first appearance in my post about Hans’ crisis with peeing or rather not peeing at school. She made a couple of other appearances; most notably in a post about my fears about the boys and who they would be in the future. JeTi has always taken the time to send me a kind note about the boys if she ever ran into them by chance.

When I met JeTi, she was wrapping up her PhD and eventually, she got a job with SickKids and got busy. Even when she was preoccupied with her work, she encouraged me to do something for myself. With her help, I actually started some adult English conversational lessons for new immigrants in our neighbourhood. Although it didn’t last long, it gave me an opportunity to get to know some neighbours and hone my teaching skills. That experience definitely contributed to my recent procuring of my current job with the Toronto District School Board.

2 days ago, I received a Thank You note in the mail from JeTi. The note came with a beautiful bookmark. The note thanked me for my support at Hans’ school and hoped that JeTi and I could be friends even after the kids stop studying together.

If I was as thoughtful as JeTi, I would have thought of a handwritten Thank You note way before she did!  Maybe I am not; so I am writing this blog post as belated reciprocation!

 

Last school year, we ended up “working together” as classroom parents and organizing the graduation party for our children. JeTi did the bulk of the work and I was her backup. As we finished the school year, I realized that I found a kindred spirit. Of all the parents I worked with at Hans’ school, I found JeTi to be most like me. Some could label us stupid and others could elevate us to selfless beings. It doesn’t matter what people think, it is how we function regardless of all the thinking!

I am glad I was able to reconnect with JeTi. I hope we are able to be friends for a very long time. As I age, I need to surround myself with people who actually care and take the time to show they care.

Recently, the boys indulged me by watching one of my favourite movies, My Fair Lady, with me. One of the songs I quite enjoy from that movie is “Show Me”. Sure the song is about expectations in love, but why must there be fewer expectations for other relationships in life?! So, I would like to share a few lyrics here as a conclusion to this post.  

Sing me no song! Read me no rhyme!
Don't waste my time, Show me!
…
Don't wait until wrinkles and lines
Pop out all over my brow,
Show me now!

That false feeling of permanence!

At one point in time, not so long ago, most everything I did outside of my home was voluntary work or unpaid work! There is quite the list, but I will focus on one of the free services I still provide to my friends and neighbours. It is taking care of their abodes when they are away. People seem to trust me with their plants, mail, cars and houses; they hand me the keys to their most valuable assets and go away on vacations.

A few months ago, when my parents were planning their vacation, they wondered if I could take care of their home?! Since I am their daughter, the request was normal. Since I do not drive, the request was a little strange. I have actually walked from my home to my parents' home with Hans on a warm summer day and it took us 55 minutes including a pit stop at Tim Horton's. And that was one way. I could take the TTC, but that is crazy. My parents did not want to bother my brother and they ended up "outsourcing". It worked out well and left me with very little guilt to deal with.

The above anecdote just serves to show that I am NOT able to help everyone in my life. And I do deal with guilt on occasion.

So, why am I focusing on this particular free service I still provide to my friends and neighbours? I am not sure, but it certainly felt like something to ponder on!

My house is probably one of the messiest homes in my neighbourhood. By messy, I do not mean dirty; by messy, I mean that everything is everywhere - mostly mail, paper and toys. Stuff seems to make appearance and stay. As mentioned in an earlier post, no flat surface is spared! Also, I am known from a certain Craigley's perspective as “The Plant Killer". No plant's life has been spared once it made an entrance into my home! And on top of all that, I do not drive.

Given the facts just shared … I collect mail for my neighbours and sort it nicely into various categories. I water their plants diligently and their plants somehow thrive better than in their care. I take pictures of any flowers that bloom in their absence and share those pictures with them so they are happy to know their plants are alive and well. I start their cars' engines, and let them run for a few minutes; make sure they are functional upon their return!

It is amazing how I am able to do things for others that I am unable to do or refuse to do or too lazy to do for myself!

I am a disturbing and frustrating dilemma in a way and that is not exactly a romantic notion by any means. It is a bit tragic. In 4 days’ time, I will be 45. If it is true that Canadians have an average life expectancy of about 81 years; then, I am more than half way through my life. Apparently, in the "mother land", the life expectancy is about 68; that means I am at almost three quarters of my life. Whichever way I measure it, my life is definitely finite. It is time to make some changes. I need to put a little bit of effort into my life and make it as nice as I make it for others.

Perhaps the feeling of temporariness is easier to deal with than the weight of permanence?! But then life itself is temporary. Does that mean I will be wiser than ever with this newfound knowledge gained from this profound reflection?! Time will tell.
 

Two Graduations and a Few Reflections

ASid realized this school year that the plans he makes for himself are not necessarily the ones he needs to follow.

Engineering has always seemed like his ultimate goal; however, he was disenchanted with both Physics and Chemistry in Grades 11 and 12. They didn't engage him like programming and coding did. So, after an intense conflict he felt within himself for a bit, ASid was finally able to articulate that Computer Science is definitely a better fit for him.

At that same age, I let my dad know that I am not cut out for Engineering. I was afraid my dad would be disappointed in me. However, he was super supportive. I hope ASid feels the same way about his parent - that I support him and there is absolutely nothing to be disappointed about! My beautiful baby boy is off to University of Toronto for Computer Science.

Today was ASid's graduation. He was mentioned twice under Special Awards. He got a couple of certificates in a program called FIT, Focus on Information Technology, from The Information and Communications Technology Council (ICTC). Apparently, it shows a student's commitment and interest in the Information Technology field. I guess ASid was kinda prepping for his future when he worked on this certification.

This week, Hans also had a graduation ceremony. He graduated from his elementary school and is off to middle school in September. He is mighty excited about it. At the ceremony, each student was described in a few words. The words used to describe Hans were "kind, happy and a great friend". That was the only time in both the graduation ceremonies where my eyes got moist and I had an emotional moment. This is my other beautiful baby boy and he was perfectly captured in those 6 words!

Hans will feel like an only child soon and will need some friends who can appreciate him for who he is …

ASid is moving out at the end of August and he is looking forward to independence and life on campus. And I am so happy for the boy. When I held him for the first time in my arms, I knew I would have 18 years with him and then, I would have to let him go. My time's up! He will be 18 on August 22nd and a few days later, he will start a new life!

I thought I would be sad, but I am not. I feel wonderful. I feel like I have floated to one finish line with one child. One down and one to go!

We made it boys. We have a few milestones under our collective belts! We have a few more finish lines to cross! The journey is not complete, but we will get there together.