Last Post of 2015

This year has been the year I have posted more moments than any other year in my short history as a blogger. I remember expressing a concern to my friend KPF a couple of years ago; I was worried I wasn't writing as much as I should. KPF, in his calm way, reminded me that quantity shouldn't matter so much to me! Looking back, he is so right. I don't even know why I posted some moments?! They are so badly written. Lessons learned. I actually have 4 moments in various stages of completion that will never see the light of my blog. I don't want the boys to think "Wow! Did our Momley love to blah blah blah!!"

However, here is a moment I want to share and thank Sir B, honourary Uncle to the boys, for making it happen‎.

November 4^th, 2015 was “Take Our Kids to Work” day. It is a day created for Grade 9 students to spend a day with a parent or a relative or anyone with a career. It is an opportunity to get out of their classrooms, observe a person in a work environment and perhaps start planning their own careers or at least start thinking in that direction. ASid was super happy to get a day off from school. He decided that his Dad’s career is not very interesting as it mostly involves sitting at a desk in front of a computer. ASid instead chose to spend the day at home with his Momley. How clever, but no one was endorsing it! He then decided to spend the day with my brother who could be traveling outside of the country for his work around that time! ASid felt that it would be cool to get out of school for a couple of weeks and travel with his uncle and learn all about his work. Obviously, that was out of question. We didn’t want to impose, but we turned to Sir B to help us out.

Sir B studied Engineering in a 5 year program at University of Toronto. He also got a great job after graduating from the program. He gave all that up to pursue his passion of making movies. I may not be capturing his sentiments as well as I should be, but one can understand what it takes to embark on a road less travelled. Sir B was definitely the best possible choice for ASid to spend a day with. ASid spent an exciting day and for the first time in his life, he fell asleep on the TTC on the way back.

It is very tough for a Grade 9 student to think about a career. But it is awesome when they have supportive adults in their lives that they can talk with and learn from. I do believe ASid and Hans are surrounded by many wonderful people, and I hope they are able to make the best choices in their lives. If not, that’s OK. They can always make other choices that best suit their dreams and passions.

…as one "Mother" from a much beloved movie sang...climb every mountain! And Momley would like to add a simple oft repeated phrase to it, NEVER GIVE UP!

Sales vs Sleep

Boxing Day is what some Canadians look forward to more than the Boxing Day eve!

Last year was ASid's first Boxing‎ Day as a newly minted teenager and he showed a profound interest in exploring what it is all about. Craigley decided to sleep the day away and I ended up taking the boys to a nearby mall. We took the TTC as I don't drive; so, the boys had a seriously limited exposure to the frenzy that's associated with the big day. They ended up spending their Christmas money at Chapters and Shoppers. It is amazing how much useless stuff (from a parent's perspective) one can find in a store that is supposed to sell books and the other that is supposed to dispense medication! What has the world come down to!

Fast forward to 2015‎ and ASid looks back on that experience as frustrating and not very satisfying. He pretty much blamed his dad for choosing sleep over driving his first born to various stores on Boxing Day! Such emotional outbursts are usually punishable in Craigley's books by letting the child suffer through a similar day as last year's or worse...forbid any shopping whatsoever!

But Craigley has been a changed man recently. It could be that he has realized he is losing out in the popularity contest for who is the best parent between the 2 of us OR he is simply going through a midlife crisis. He actually asked ASid to pick a store and promised to drive him there! ASid picked 401 Games downtown that is open Boxing Day from 7 am to 9 pm. It is his ultimate dream shopping spree. If he had a million dollars, he would spend it all at this store.

The plan was to pick up a friend and be there by 8 am. ASid set his alarm for 6:30 am. It rang and woke me up. It perhaps rang again 5 or 10 minutes later. I was up by then. I gently knocked on ASid's door at 7:11 am. He just told me that there is still time for 8 am and promptly went back to sleep!

Both father and son are still sleeping, and I got inspired to write this post! It is 7:39 am now.

Addendum: (2 days later)

The father-son duo did manage to leave home around 8:30ish and returned 7 or 8 hours later‎ - the father went back to sleep right away and the son couldn't sleep as he was too excited! The son ended up spending nearly all of his Christmas money on Yu-Gi-Oh cards. The mother wanted to remind the son about Paris and his "budget outburst"; however, she decided to be the mature adult! 

Hope that frontal lobe develops sooner than later!

Battling one monstrosity with another!

There have been only 2 people who ever "voiced" that I was perfect. One whom I call my cousin and I was maybe 14 or 15 when he put a sticker in my high school autograph book that said "U R PURR-FECT" with an illustration of a cute cat beside it! The other was Craigley who said it before we were married and quickly did a 180 afterwards!

I have cautioned the boys to be more honest and realistic with their ‎praise. It is not nice to praise a girl to the highest height and put her on a pedestal, and then push her off of it! It hurts...

Here is an anecdote of a not so perfect Momley!

I am quite positive I mentioned this before...one of my imperfections is this habit of creating paper stacks on top of most flat surfaces including side tables, coffee tables, kitchen tables and dining tables. I only have one of each of those tables, but ‎stating it that way does create a horrific picture that perhaps Craigley carries in his mind's eye every day of his life! Hyperbole does enhance horror.

I will specifically talk about one such surface today. It is the TV stand. Yes, I don't spare any flat surface! So, we got this nice TV stand 4 years and a few weeks ago as a housewarming gift from my parents. After placing our 32 inch TV on it, there was ample space on either side to place other things. Right away, the boys placed the PS3 on one side and I gleefully claimed the other side. Soon, paper started piling up...unopened bank satements‎, communication from schools, receipts from various shopping escapades, some brochures, etc. I just needed time to read them or shred them before recycling them!

Every few months, I would clear out the area along with other areas; but they would get quickly populated again! However, the last couple of months there was a bit of a delay on my end. The paper pile beside the TV started resembling a certain leaning tower and to save it from toppling over, I started spreading out my paper wealth! Soon, there were tiny stacks of paper in front of the TV. We had to hold the remote at a certain height and click for the TV to start. Craigley offered to help me, but his help is to put everything into garbage bags and get rid of them! What about reading and sorting and shredding?

I didn't have time to get that done. A few days ago, a package was delivered to our home. It was a 55 inch TV. Craigley said it was a gift for me. I didn't believe it one bit. He wanted me to clear the TV stand ASAP so I could start enjoying my gift. So, I did. Now, we have a huge TV occupying the entire TV stand's flat surface area. My stacks of paper are down on the floor now!

There is no point or an end to this story. It is just one of those episodes in life. Laugh and move on OR groan and write about it! Happy holidays everyone.

My Blood versus Your Blood

A couple of nights ago, Craigley remembered for the umpteenth time that ASid hit him with a golf club many moons ago! ASid was at a mini golf birthday party and he was around 5 or 6 years old then! In my opinion, it could have been an accident. However, in Craigley's opinion, it was a deliberate hit by ASid!

So,‎ Craigley brought it up again. This time, he made it sound even more melodramatic than ever before. He said something like, "I can't believe my own blood hit me with a golf club…my own blood!". I couldn't resist and I said something to the effect of, "Maybe it is my blood in ASid that took a swing at you!" At which point, ASid had an outburst, "Why can't I have my own blood? Why does it always have to involve you both! I am my own person!".

‎I actually felt for ASid and quickly let him know that his father's and mother's blood does not need to define him! He is his own person. Even as ASid was beginning to appreciate the small gesture of comfort from his mother, Craigley had to have the last word...

If you ever need blood, ‎they first check with family! You still might need my blood!

As much as a child is a product of his or her parents, s/he is indeed a separate entity! I personally believe that ASid is in many ways better than the 2 people who produced him. Life is not a simple mix of a couple of biological factors; it is a bit more complicated than that!

…at least here, I get to have the last word!

Cards and Kids

Craigley and I went on just one "date" and had a 3 month long long distance "courtship"‎, and then, got married! Would not recommend it to anyone if I hadn't known Craigley as a classmate and a friend for about 2 years prior to that! Why am I mentioning it now? Well, I have been thinking about what Craigley said before we got married...he said something to the effect of men don't grow up - men are just big kids! I didn't realize that it would be an excuse he would use for the rest of our married life!!

Disclaimer: Craigley'‎s claims are his and his alone, and definitely do not apply to the rest of mankind. I have a mere readership of 4 individuals whom I consider to be very near and dear to me. They all happen to be men. And of course, I am documenting Momley Moments for my 2 boys who will eventually grow up to be men. So, I am in no way endorsing Craigley's claims.

‎Moving along now...

Craigley started collecting Star Wars cards just before we got married and also actively participated (once a week) in games with other "big kids". At one point in time, I truly believed that Craigley loved his cards more than his legally wedded wife. We were in the States at that point in time. Once we moved back to Canada, Craigley had to put away his cards neatly in a box as there weren't as many avenues in Toronto to engage in Star Wars card games. Also, ASid was born and we got busy with new responsibilities.

When ASid was about 5 years old in 2006, he discovered cards for the first time. ASid got a Yu-Gi-Oh card in a McDonald's Happy Meal. A few more visits resulted in a small pile of cards. ASid has always been an avid reader. He read all the information on all of the cards and wondered what to do with them afterwards! This was around the same time that Craigley decided that ASid should work on advanced Mathematics in Kindergarten and ASid decided he wasn't really good in Math! It was a crazy time between father and son. So, it was decided that Craigley would teach ASid how to play the Yu-Gi-Oh strategy game and help the little guy learn Math. ASid literally learned to do mental Math (addition and subtraction) within a couple of weeks. He was working with big numbers as well. It was quite impressive.

What was equally impressive was how much money Craigley spent to buy more Yu-Gi-Oh cards to make decks that both of them could play with. All in the name of Mathematics! Both father and son went onto attend some tournaments and Yu-Gi-Oh was an obsession for a good couple of years. Then, peer pressure took over - ASid moved on to Pokémon cards. Even Craigley realized quickly that we just couldn't afford to invest in another card game. Luckily, ASid was happy with a couple of tins of Pokémon cards.

Fast forward to 2015...

This is the year Craigley brought out the Star Wars cards he had neatly boxed away. ASid also brought out his Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Not to be left behind, Hans started his own collection of cards (obviously with some encouragement from his dad, the big kid) - Tim Horton's Hockey cards!

This is what I got to hear in the last few weeks:

Hans: It is not fair that ASid gets to spend his money (allowance) on buying cards he wants!

ASid: ‎It is not fair that Dad can buy as many cards as he wants as he is literally minting money!

Craigley: It is not fair that Tim Horton's only lets you buy one discounted pack of cards per medium coffee‎!

‎Cards and Kids!! The saga continues...

Questioning One's Existence over a spilled Smoothie!

Last weekend, Hans and I decided to take advantage of 20X points at Shoppers Drug Mart. ‎Hans loves walking down aisles and checking out all sorts of merchandise! In preparation for this exciting shopping spree, I decided to get us each a beverage. Usually, I grab a coffee and Hans gets a smoothie. Sometimes, the beverages get in the way of optimum shopping (pun totally intended)! So, I made the executive decision of buying one beverage and sharing it. Hans and I got a large mango smoothie at Baskin Robbins (and it is important to mention this little detail here).

Hans wanted to hold the smoothie immediately and started sipping from his straw. ‎He made sure my straw was untouched and clean. Happily, we made our way to Shoppers. Here is the point in our tale where our happiness was on the brink of being short-lived. Hans has this habit of entering Shoppers through the exit door. It is quite dangerous and one has to wait for another shopper to make an exit to use that particular door to enter. I have warned Hans on many an occasion that if he stood in front of an exit door, it could hit him in the face! Well, he took it as a challenge and always positions himself at a safe distance. It has almost become a non-issue and I have a happy boy who darts in quickly as the exit door is closing and feels like a ninja!

And as we neared this double door adventure, Hans realized that he was holding a large smoothie. So, as I was entering through the "entrance" door, Hans decides to hand me the smoothie before he darted through the "exit" door! Predictably, the smoothie landed on the ground. We were lucky that it came from Baskin Robbins; it was so thick that it stayed a blob where it landed. It is amazing how something that looks so delicious in a container looks so disgusting when it lands on the ground!

I ran in quickly to inform a Shoppers employee. She was very nice and told me not to worry about it and that they would take care of it. All this while, Hans literally walked beside me with a scared look. Once I finished speaking with the employee, he blurted out:

Your life would be so much better if I wasn't born. It is all my fault. I give you so much work.

I looked at Hans and felt like I somehow failed as a mother. It is a spilled smoothie for heaven's sake! ‎Hans' reaction was a bit too intense. I just gave him a hug and told him that I don't care for the spilled smoothie; it can be cleaned up! I would be very sad if he hadn't been born. He makes me so happy. He is more important than any smoothie in the world. Hans cheered up quite a bit. Then, he had this to say:

So, you were always sad before I was born?

Hans is something else. We had the best shopping spree and as we walked out with our bags, I had to warn Hans to not step into the messy pool of mango smoothie right in front of the exit door!

What would I do without you?

Out of the blue, ASid hugged‎ me and said the following:

I love you so much!

What would I do without you?
I would probably go to China and eat a snake...
Then, realize what I ate and would probably eat a monkey!

Who says such strange stuff? A good guess is a14 year old with a developing frontal lobe! But as long as I get a hug out of it, he can talk nonsense anytime! Talking of nonsense, the other day, ASid again quoted some statistics:

Only 30% of teens are honest with their parents. You should be happy that I am honest with you!

Seriously, what would I do without this child of mine?

Question/Concern of the Day!

This is what my 7 year old Hans asked me this morning:

Mom! If you eat too much granola bars, can you become thin?‎ Tell me!

It is quite scary‎. I didn't know how to respond; however, as an initial response, I just said NO!

For Hans, it is a question. For me, it is a concern. I am quite shocked at how so early in their little lives the kids are talking about being thin...scary part is that they are wondering about ways to get thin!

A few days ago, Hans refused to wear a coat to school. When I insisted, he started crying. He said that the last time‎ he wore it, some boy called him fat on the playground. I told him to ignore that boy and wear the coat!

I always thought that the issues around body image are more of a concern for girls than boys. It turns out I am wrong in my assumption. It is a concern for everyone.

 

Picture Days and Halloween Costumes

Both Picture Days and Halloween have one thing in common – dressing up! From experience, I found that if I allowed my kids to pick their clothes and costumes, they are happy kids.

Here is an experience that spanned a few years, from many years ago…

When ASid was 4, I convinced him to be a firefighter for Halloween. It didn’t need much convincing really! He loved the hat and the (plastic) axe. I loved the fact that it goes over his warm clothes and still is visible. It is counterproductive when you have a great costume and you have to cover it up with a warm jacket. In Canada or anywhere where it is cold, this is a point of consideration for some parents like myself or just for someone like me! Anyways, moving on with the story…ASid was a firefighter at 5 and at 6 as well. The costume was great and it still fit him perfectly. At 7, when Asid had to wear it for a fourth time, he decided to do something about it. He made a big hole in it. In this quiet protest was a loud message for his Momley!

I did learn from that lesson. Democracy prevailed since that day. It was actually very freeing and I applied it to other days like Picture Days. Let the boys wear what they want; keep the hair they have! What matters is that I have happy boys at the end of the day.

Recently, for Picture Day, I asked Hans if he is OK with the t-shirt he picked. Would he rather not be dressed fancy? His response without hesitation was, “I don’t want to be fancy. I want to be swaggy!” When I went to pick him up from school that day, I saw kids looking fabulous in their buttoned up shirts and pretty dresses. Hans looked like he does every day. Part of me wondered if I should have been more convincing?! Well, I got the pictures yesterday and there was one beaming little swaggy boy in each of the prints. Priceless!

Hans is the quintessential kid the marketing world targets. He wore a Lightning McQueen t-shirt for Picture Day in JK; Ninja Turtles in SK; LEGO Ninjago in Grade 1 and Avengers in Grade 2. In all the pictures, he has his t-shirts prominently displayed and his pictures could be used to promote any one of those movies, products or shows. However, Hans does not know the commercial nature of these pictures. He is happy wearing his favourite t-shirts and that’s all that matters.

For Halloween this year, Hans will be dressed up as Kid Flash. His costume may be covered up in a warm jacket and his little face by a mask. No one will know it is him or even who he is dressed up as; however, Hans will have a beaming little smile the whole time! No one will see that either, but it doesn’t matter!
 

Being Thankful

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the new Health and Physical Education curriculum that has been introduced in Ontario a few weeks ago. ‎This curriculum has been super controversial. I usually tend to stay away from such topics that could place me in confrontational situations. However, I need to acknowledge one thing for my own peace of mind and happiness.

One of the changes to the curriculum that has caused an uproar is the introduction of same sex/gender families in Grade 3. Some parents believe that it could force their children to become homosexual. As parents, we have our fears. I am not here to address those fears. I am just thankful that a child who is homosexual OR has 2 mommies or 2 daddies ‎at home feels included! No child should feel like an outsider.

Couple of years ago, we lost someone who made a decision to "stay in the closet". No names shall be mentioned, however that got me thinking...why does one not live life to its fullest‎?! I decided then and there that my boys shall not face such a fate. Since then, whenever there has been an opportunity, I let the boys know that I am OK if they are homosexual and I will love them the same...not an iota less or an iota more.

Couple of friends have commented that I am encouraging the boys to be homosexual. My simple answer is that we can encourage our children to live without fear and be who they are; we cannot force them to be who they are not‎! I truly believe in respecting differences and I hope my children are respectful of differences as well.

Couple of weeks ago, this topic came up again and ASid had something like this to say, "Mom! I am sorry to disappoint you! I am just a boring heterosexual!" ASid is 14. He also had to say this about a controversial piece of clothing that has our nation's attention these days, "That's what makes us Canadian! We can wear what we want. We are cool!".

‎On that note, Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

 

A Strange Follow-Up: Karmic Karma?!

Where do I begin?!

Perhaps, I shouldn't have been so unkind to a senior citizen in my last post?!

Yesterday, I walked by a house that's being constructed. The door opened and 2 people walked out - a man and a woman. I was walking with Hans, and so I ‎did the friendly thing and said hello to the duo. I congratulated them on their purchase and complimented them on the nice looking home they are building for themselves in our neighbourhood.

Then, I did the neighbourly thing and gushed about the schools and how good they are. I brought up Hans' school and asked if they had any children?! I saw the woman look at me strangely, and then the man said that she was his child!!

Oh no! I mistook a father-daughter to be husband-wife!! The woman looked so flabbergasted and all I could do was stare speechlessly as ‎they got into a car and drove away. It almost seemed like they couldn't get away from me fast enough!!

I did not even apologize. Where were my manners?!

On that note...Dear senior-citizen-at-the-movies, please forgive me for thinking you were lacking in manners. Perhaps you were speechless as well?! I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt.

And dear young-woman-at-the-house-being-constructed-in-our-neighbourhood, the chances of you stumbling across this blog are close to zero OR simply zero! However, I may actually run into you again...and when I do, I will surely apologize and hope you will forgive me for making you a mother and inquiring about your nonexistent children.

Hope this karma thing stops here. I have learned my lesson. Next time someone mistakes me for a grandma...‎I will let it go and not write a rambling post!

 

Going Going...GREY?!

I don't think I am a funny person. So the idea of writing something funny for my friend KPF every year for his birthday is almost out of character for me. But I will continue to do so and someday, I might actually get him to chuckle a bit!

Last time I saw KPF was on Canada Day and when I did, it was about 4 or 5 years from the previous last time. So, obviously, there were some changes. And I have no filter when it comes to friends...

‎I think I said something like, "You have grey hair!!"

This is from a woman whose hair has been going grey since her early Twenties! Compared to me, KPF looks fabulous. Happy 42nd my friend!! You are aging nicely.

I may not entirely believe in religion, but I do believe in the concept of Karma.

So, how did the grey hair remark come back to me?! I was at the movies with Craigley's sister-in-law (his brother's wife); both of us were hanging out with our 7 year Olds. An elderly lady sat herself beside us. She looked at Craigley's sister-in-law and said, "You have 2 lovely and well behaved children". I didn't mind not being acknowledged as my child's mother. I'd rather not be acknowledged than mistaken for the nanny! Then the most unexpected thing happened; this elderly lady looked at me and asked, "You must be the grandmother?"

I wished she had mistaken me for the nanny! I really wanted to say, "No, I am the nanny." But then I let her know that I am the mother of the lovely 7 year old boy. To my surprise, she did not even apologize! Talk about senior citizens and their manners!

Well, I am over it now. It is better to laugh it off than cry about it.

Craigley's sister-in-law is 7 or 8 years older than I am, however my hair is greyer than hers! So, that was it? The amount of grey in one's hair is still an indicator of one's age?... Maybe I am beginning to look like a grandmother?... Is it time to dye my hair and dab some makeup on?!...Perhaps the elderly lady's eyesight is not as good as it used to be?!

‎Wow! One remark can unleash such paranoia! I don't know how comedians do self-deprecating humour?! But it must be therapeutic in some way or people wouldn't indulge in it. Having said that, seriously, who cares?!

Have a good one KPF!

Note: Where is the token lesson in this post, you ask? Here it is: Forget about what strangers say or do; they don’t know you! And don’t forget to be kind to your friends…they will be with you through the black, blond, brown, red, blue, pink, purple and even grey!

 

First Day...again!

Summer flew by and it is already the first day of another school year. Always‎ a day of mixed emotions for me! I am handling it better with each year; fewer “water works” for sure!

I have 2 choice quotes from the boys that describe where they are in terms of their mental age.

ASid is 14 and has definitely shown the proverbial teenage attitude. Here is how he feels these days - I didn't choose to be born; you chose to have children!

Hans is 7; literally half his brother's age. His communication mainly revolves around "gases" and he can laugh uncontrollably if someone brings up "gases". Here is his most profound utterance - If I have some burps and farts, I ‎can eat some more...my tummy is too full now!

I am gonna miss my boys‎, but good to know that they are on their way.

Here is how I know. Following are a few words a parent sent me last night:

You know when I was talking to (ASid) the other day, I couldn’t help smiling during our conversation, because I felt so happy for you and for him as well. I felt happy for you, because (ASid) really impressed me in many ways…

This parent wanted ASid’s advice for her nephew who is starting Junior High this year. ASid actually took the time out to talk to this parent. She works at SickKids and she deals with the brain in particular…if ASid impressed her, then he is alright! And his brother must be alright too!

Note: I do not need an endorsement to know that my boys are OK; but it doesn’t hurt to receive one!

 

Unleashing Messy Boys on Unsuspecting Neat Girls!

I rarely complain about my boys to anyone. They are not perfect, but there isn't much to complain about. One of the few times I did, I was told that it is my fault!

It was perhaps 2 or 3 years ago, I was chatting with Hans' Art teacher. I think I was ‎trying to let her know why I hadn't invited her to my home for a cup of tea?! I told her how I have a messy home as I have 2 boys and their stuff is everywhere. To which, she did not bat an eyelid and spoke in a matter of fact tone that it was my fault that I did not teach them cleanliness!!

It was like a slap in my stay-at-home mom face. OK! Bit of a hyperbole there, but I tend to take anything related to my "momleying" very personally!‎ When I mentioned the conversation to my mom, she said in the same matter of fact tone that "truth hurts"! WOW! A second slap in my stay-at-home face! This one was more painful.

I looked at my figurative red face in a figurative mirror and realized that both the women did not say anything that is not true. I am so used to cleaning up after the boys that if I couldn't, the messiness increases exponentially!! I believe I told myself that "a messy home is a happy home" and the mantra worked for me for the most part. I only felt some feelings of embarrassment when I had adult company at my home. Otherwise, it is the most welcoming home to kids and teenagers alike.

Fast forwarding to now, I am tired of feeling embarrassed and ‎making excuses for the boys. Therefore, I got tough last week. Clean up or no more play dates!! It was/is a lot of work. I can actually see the floor in ASid's room. He appreciated the change. In fact, he exclaimed something like, "Momley, we only found dust bunnies in my room! Some of my friends actually eat and drink in their rooms! Their rooms must be even harder to clean!" Yes, that made me feel a bit better. I have a "no eat/drink in bedroom" policy. So I did something right. The fact that ASid could imagine a worse situation than he put himself in and reflect upon it is a good sign. However, it would be so much nicer if he can imagine a better situation than he was in, and strive for it…at least, he is on his way…he will get there! I have faith.

A very long time ago, my friend P and I were pregnant with our firstborns. I had a boy and she had a girl; they were 36 days apart. As a mother of a girl child, P's only concern was that the boy her daughter will eventually settle down with won't be a spoilt little brat‎! I hope not! On that note, I wouldn't want some girl in the future telling me that I have raised messy boys. Well, there is damage control underway.

I will not be guilty of unleashing messy boys on unsuspecting neat girls!

 

Smell the Armpit and Believe it!

ASid was due on the 13th of ‎August, but he arrived on the 22nd! He refused to come out and greet the world; the doctor had to literally drag him out of there! ASid was what they call a "forceps baby”!

That was almost 14 years ago.

ASid has been‎ a well behaved infant/toddler/(little/big/teenage) boy ever since then. Other moms like(d) their kids to hang out with ASid. He has been told that he is a smart kid for about a dozen years now. Couple of his teachers recommended him for the gifted program in the school board. All this has led to ASid believing that he must indeed be smart. This is perhaps his one big fault; this is what has been identified as a tragic flaw in some literary characters and many real "characters".

Obviously, as a parent, I worry about ASid. He has used his smartness to argue his way out of several situations. ‎It has worked and sometimes, it hasn't. It definitely didn't work when he declared that many teens around the world spend an average of 6 hours a day gaming on their various devices. My harsh response to that was that their parents must be dead or don't care!

A few weeks back, ASid ‎declared that taking a shower a day is way too much. His sidekick of a brother, Hans, agreed with him. Both the boys presented it as an environmentally friendly option. Not taking a shower is like saving water and we must not waste water. I decided to support them provided they both wore clean underwear and clothes every day?! It was a done deal. Quickest compromise in the history of Momley Moments!

Gods must have been on my side because a few days later, ASid's face started breaking out! He refused to attribute it to a lack of daily showers; he simply stated that he was going through puberty and that's all there is to it. Who am I to disagree?!

A few more days later, ASid complained to me that I am not providing the proper support he needs during his adolescence. How come his face looks so terrible?! Perhaps I should buy him a bunch of products?! Well, my response was water related and he walked away.

Finally, ASid agreed to "try my way". Within 3 days, his face was thankful. (Talking of which I have to thank my friend Y for recommending lavender oil‎!) That's all it took - a good wash and a dab of lavender oil. The side effects were that not only did ASid feel better than before, he also smelled better than ever!

In 3 to 4 days, as my firstborn turns 14 and is off to high school, I have this urge to sit him down and do my own version of To thine own self be true! I do not have as much to say as Polonius, but a couple of things I have always communicated to my children, I’d like to reiterate - be kind to everyone and please don't be over smart. One of these days, they will just be smart enough and to that end, I would like to add...

If thy armpit doth smell, 'tis time for a wash.
 

Marriage and Heaven

Hans has continued to ask questions about Death, Heaven and Hell. For the most part, he seems somewhat satisfied with the answers I provide.

The other day I was watching a movie and a character said something about marriages being made in heaven.‎ Hans immediately commented:

If marriages are made in heaven, then it is a marriage after dying!‎ That is so silly!

I didn't want to explain again, so I simply agreed with him.

 

Death and Life

Hans is not as much fascinated by God anymore, however that has been replaced by his fascination for Death...rather a fear of Death.

A few days ago, he was bawling while he got ready for bedtime. He kept saying that he didn't want to die and he didn't want anyone else to die as well. I let Hans cry. I believe it is therapeutic to ‎let it all out. Once he calmed down, he wondered if he would go to Heaven?! Of course, I assured him. Hans wanted a guarantee!! How can I be so sure that he would go to Heaven? How do I know? I had to admit that I didn't know for sure...

Then, he requested that he didn't want to be buried. He wanted to know his options. I mentioned cremation and he wasn't exactly sold on the idea. It was quite bizarre ‎that we were having this conversation just before bed time instead of reading a superhero book together. Finally, Hans drifted off to sleep.

If Hans ever brings up Death again, I would perhaps steer the conversation towards Life. As many wise people have already observed, Death is imminent; we cannot avoid it! We all die some time or the other. How nice! Now that we have that out of our way, I would really want both my boys to live Lives that are remembered.

On that note, I will continue to persevere ‎as well. Life is too short and there is a lot to be done. So what if some plans fall apart; there are others to consider. And I want my Life to be remembered! 

It is great how the boys remind me about what is important. In the process of trying to answer their questions, I find solutions to my own dilemmas. While I am chasing away their demons, I find my angels.

 

(L)earnings from 41 Years of Life

As I am approaching the year after the "big four oh", I feel like there is so much I still need to do on a personal level as well as on a Momley level!

Recently, I have been looking at Momley Moments as some sort of a virtual ‎head stone over my final resting place. This is where the boys can visit and reflect. Given that, I need to put more thought into my ramblings!

Couple of days ago, I woke up to read an email from my friend Y. She needs to leave the country to visit her grandfather who had a heart attack. It is one of those moments where I didn't know how to respond. Her family, 3 generations of people, were planning the 100th birthday celebration for this very grandfather over several weeks if not months. Now, it may never happen...

Such is life. We are here one day and gone the next. Plans fall apart and there are times I have fallen apart. However, I am fortunate to have family and friends who put me back together each and every time. Currently, another plan seems to be falling apart. I planned to be reemployed by the time I was 40; didn't happen! I was kind enough to give myself an year's extension. Now that I am so close to meeting my own renewed due date, it appears like things may not work out?!

When someone's life is about to end, a plan to be gainfully employed‎ seems so materialistic! But employment is important; I have found out in recent years. But I also remember my friend's, Smoggy's, words: any job, at the end of a day, is just a job. Smoggy is right. There will be other jobs to find! I guess the reason I can't find a job is because I don't want any job; I want a job that means something to me. I have waited so long that it doesn't make sense to compromise as the goal is near!

I guess I am quite fortunate (again) to have this time to dwell on my situation and to have the ability to choose. ‎If this were life or death, I guess I would have little choice...I would take the first available flight out!

So, what have I learned in the last 41 years that I can share with my children?

Life is measured by the choices we make when we actually have the ability to choose. ‎Some choices are made for us and some we make under duress. The choices we take the time to make are the ones that truly define us! So, I hope my children make the right choices in their lifetime and can look back on life with few regrets.

Right now, at this moment in time, I can.

 

Canada Day OR Any Day

We, the 4 of us and my brother's family of 3, headed to Ottawa for Canada Day festivities. Recently my honourary brother and his wife moved there‎, and it just felt right to throw in some quality family time. The bonus is that my friend KPF lives in Ottawa as well. It was a wonderful opportunity for ASid and Hans to meet KPF. Many years from now, when I am no more and the boys visit these pages, they will know who my friends are and what they have contributed to their Momley's Life.

Coming back to Canada Day, it was a rainy, windy and somewhat cold day. Some of our spirits were dampened and yet, we stepped out to watch the fireworks. We spent some time at the "most visited" Museum in Canada and enjoyed some beavertails. KPF joined us there and we were a merry party of 10. We lined up to look at the Magna Carta and then we all wandered off in groups of 2 and 3. It is always a pleasure to catch up with friends and it is always a treat to spend even a few minutes with KPF. He is genuinely a kind person and he let me blah blah blah blah about Post-Colonial Literature and Native Canadians (our First Nations' people) while we walked through the Museum. I don't think I paid any attention to the actual exhibits. KPF is my Ezra Pound and I am always eager to share all my knowledge and experiences with him; however, he needs to start editing my speaking as well as my writing! Not going to happen…he is too kind for his own good!

Anyway, while we were at the Museum, people started gathering just outside for the 10 pm fireworks. Eventually we parted ways with KPF who was off to support another friend; then we grabbed some dinner and joined the crowds for the fireworks. ‎The much anticipated fireworks lasted 15 minutes and were spectacular. We were cold, but were warmed by the brilliant display of colours, light and sound.

How far have we come since the Magna Carta and yet, no technology or scientific advancement can beat the time spent with family and friends. Canada Day or any day, it is a celebration when I have a few moments with the people who matter the most in my Life.


Note: When I talk about my friend being Ezra Pound, I mean it in the best possible sense. KPF stands by his friends no matter what and, he silently listens and supports. ‎I have always felt it easier to share my writing with him than anyone else. I guess I also wanted him to be an editor of sorts; quite the burden to place on a good friend! So, I call him my Ezra Pound - the man who was one of the bestest of friends and the greatest of editors!! That's what I mean...plain and simple!

 

Year End Thank You(s)

Been so busy that I am guilty of not capturing some choice Momley moments; this one is fresh off the Press!!

Day before yesterday was ASid's last Piano lesson of the school year‎. We went to pick up some flowers for his lovely teacher. The Florist department usually offers various cards one can add to the flowers. ASid picked up a "Thank You" card. A few seconds later, his younger brother Hans offered him another option - a "Sorry" card!

This school year (2014-15) has been the one where ASid had been more interested in hanging out with his friends, texting his friends and calling his friends!! By his own admission, he has been a mediocre student and that he neglected to practise his Piano or the Heritage Language he chose to learn! This was the year to have completed his RCM Grade 6 curriculum, but he barely managed to learn 2 compositions in 10 months!!

So the "Sorry" card was actually more appropriate‎. But all ASid could muster was "I already got the card!". Hans kept insisting and pushing the "Sorry" card in his older brother's face. At one point, I almost joined Hans! After a few seconds of back and forth, Hans backed off when ASid threatened to kick him!!

I did not see what ASid wrote in the "Thank You" card, however I am sure he added a "Sorry" somewhere in there!

 

And so it begins...

Where do I start?!

Hans has been on set for 3 days now. The first day, he did some "background" work. The second day, he was in front of the camera delivering dialogue for the first time. He was a little nervous. The third day, he got to ‎go back in front of the camera. After some filming, the kids were on a break. Hans announced to everyone that he can no longer do background as it is boring, and he will only be a "principle actor" from then on!

I was mortified. 3 days and such an ego already?!

I started that post on Friday, May 1st. Today is May 19th. Between then and now, Hans and I have been talking a lot about respect, work ethic and appropriate behaviour on the set. There are days I feel like he is only 6 years old and this is a bit much for his age?! But then there are days I have to tell myself that if this is what Hans wants to do for a very long time, he needs to understand and follow rules.

On a lighter note, several kids have been caught on camera with their fingers up their noses; some have even picked and consumed their boogers!! Ewww, but true!! It is never too early to have the talk about being on one's best behaviour when one is in front of a camera or anywhere else for that matter!!

And so it begins...

 

Faith Renewed

2 weeks and a day after the first audition, Hans got a call back for a second audition. The email was sent on a Monday for a Tuesday call back! How does one prepare for it and what goes into this preparation?! I asked Hans to prepare a little monologue about his most favourite person.

Hans' first pick was Ironman! The first sentence of his monologue included words like kidnapped, stabbed, killed and murdered! Seriously?! Time to quickly pick another superhero who has a little less violence in his past. Next choice was Captain America. A good story about a boy overcoming physical limitations and achieving his goal of serving his country!

Hans had 15 minutes allocated for him. He was in the audition for over 15 minutes! I thought that it was a good indication. Then, almost a week goes by and NO word. I couldn't sleep at all. On the 7th day, I missed a call and when I called back, it was the Casting Director!! He had good news; they wanted Hans to be part of the TVO show. After several auditions, they selected 14 kids.

Yesterday was Hans' first day of filming with dialogue. He worked with a script and did 3 scenes for an episode. He was exhausted after a 5 hour schedule; however, he was so happy and can't wait to go back tomorrow!!

Thank you Gods and Goddesses!

 

Marketing Ploys

One fine day, a few weeks ago, Hans and I discovered that Danino has new collectible drinkable yogurt containers! There were 20 to collect in total.

Hans got all excited. He picked up one pack that has 8 drinkable yogurt containers. When we got home, he wanted to drink some yogurt. So, he had one container. Then, he wanted another. He was so proud of his collection of 2 containers. Before he went to bed, he wondered if he could have one more container?! I understood his enthusiasm for these collectible containers as well as his curiosity, so I asked him to grab one more from the fridge. A few seconds later, I heard a loud cry of outrage, "HEY! I already got this one!!"

Poor Hans thought that each pack would have 8 different collectible containers. He was shocked to find a duplicate!! I had to get him to sit down and explain that it doesn't work that way. Companies want kids to buy a lot of packs to finish off their collections. They don't make any money if a kid can finish off his or her collection by buying 3 or 4 packs of yogurt containers‎!! I let Hans know that it is a marketing ploy.

There was a pause of perhaps 5 seconds before Hans exclaimed, "I LOVE this Marketing Ploy!!" and ran off happily.

So far, he has collected 18 out of 20 collectible containers. We continue to buy the 8-packs so Hans can one day complete his collection!

 

Semi Finals

I took Hans to his very first Raptors' game a few weeks ago. Within a few minutes, he was in sync with the crowd as they yelled in unison "DEFENCE!! DEFENCE‎!!".

It is, in general, a great feeling to support our team. For a child, I suppose, it is amazing to scream and shout‎, and not be told to be quiet! Personally, it was too loud for me; but then, it was a great opportunity to share an experience with Hans...it was my first time at a Raptors' game as well!!

Lucky for us rookies, ‎it was also the 20th Anniversary of the Raptors!! We got to see the "6 Founders" and we also got a performance by the original "Raptors' Girls". So much excitement and to top it off, one of the boyfriends decides to propose to one of the original "Raptors' Girls"!! Hans was truly enchanted by everything that happened. It was also good that the Raptors won the game.

When we got home, Hans declared that he loves Basketball and he loves the Toronto Raptors. He just had one question about the guy proposing to his girlfriend. Hans didn't understand why the crowd clapped and cheered?! I told him that the couple are engaged and everyone was happy for them!! Hans didn't get it and I told him that "engagement is something that happens before a wedding". Hans got it and he confirmed it by stating that "it is like the semifinals before the final"!

The things we learn at a Basketball game.

 

God, Faith and Rejection

Hans mentioned today that he will get a part in the TVO show for sure. I asked him how?! He said that he asked God and so, he will get the part!!

I had to do the good parent intervention and debug his brain a bit. I asked him this question: what if all the kids who auditioned asked God for a part? There are so many kids and only a few parts! Hans thought over it for a second and exclaimed loudly that if God doesn't give him the part, he will fart on him!! So much for reverence!!

A simple debugging wasn't the solution here; it appear‎ed like we needed an entire brain overhaul! This child has always asked questions about God; even visualized him as a mash up of all super heroes! And yes, he thinks of God as masculine! Is it too soon for him to lose faith in God...whoever that God may be in Hans' brain?!

I don't know why, but I chose to save God.

I explained how his big brother, ASid, did not recently get into a high school program; however, he got accepted into another program later! It is good he‎ got into the second program because his best friend will be there with him!!

Sometimes God does not give us what we want so we can get something better later.

I don't know how much I got through to him. At this point in time, I am praying to all Gods out there - male, female, all religions, all colours! Please don't let Hans be rejected!! ‎But then I am also comforting myself with the thought that if that should happen, there are better things out there for my child. Together, all Gods and Momley, will help Hans find another part...

... no one should fart on God or anyone!

First Anything!

Today is Hans' First Audition. Last night, he wanted to know what would happen if he does not do well?! Poor kid!! He has probably been carrying the big weight of his family's expectations on his little 6 year old's shoulders?! Well, I told him it doesn't matter. There will be other opportunities. I am not sure that was a great response or even a good one?!

Last year, Hans was a background performer on a TVO show‎. He got selected based on a picture I sent in. He worked for 6 days and was paid $300 in total. That was in April. We were pleasantly surprised when the production company emailed and inquired about Hans' availability for an audition. Apparently, the show did well and got picked up for a second season!

Hans' life's aim has been to be a superhero and be famous! Essentially, he has seen superheroes on TV and in movies, and that's where he wants to be. In that sense, this is a dream come true for him. As I am thumb typing this‎ on my mobile phone, my little guy is sleeping. We are 2 and a half hour away from his first audition. I wish him all the best.

When we come back, I will finish this post! Que sera sera...what will be will be...

Hans woke up and said that he was scared to go to the audition! ‎At that point in time, I was a little scared for him too! Would he be scarred for life if I made him go and he did badly and gave up his dreams?! I just put my doubts aside and told my child to get ready to go and have some fun. I also shared that I am scared and it is OK! We have each other and we can do it.

I did not get a chance to be part of Hans' audition, but he was pleased with himself‎. We don't know if he got a role in the TVO show. It doesn't matter. Hans showed up at the audition and took that first step. That's all that matters!

 

Generosity and Money Management

Perhaps I was too quick to jump to conclusions?!

My first born sent a note the very next day of the "Texting Rampage" incident to apologize to his Momley‎! He is also home now.

ASid came back with 20 Euros and some change. 20 Euros was the emergency money the teacher asked each student to ‎keep with her! If not for that, ASid literally came home with "chump change"! Somehow even writing about it seems so petty now.

ASid came back with an experience that will remain with him for the rest of his life. He seems somehow more grownup now than on March 12, 2015, the day he left on his trip. He also brought home thoughtful gifts for his family and friends. I am not talking souvenirs here; these are real gifts like a book, a 1 litre glass bottle of apple juice‎, posters, cologne/perfume (small/sample sizes), etc.

He did not buy ice cream for himself, and he did do silly stuff like eat macarons that he does not like; however, he is only 13 and this is the first time he was away from home and making decisions on his own! He may not know how to manage money, but he has a generous heart. I am so proud of him.

‎I still need to take him out for ice cream and have that talk about money management and while I am at it, I must discuss his extreme generous nature!

 

The Funnies and the Water Falls

There are days I tell myself that I am doing a terrible job as a mother. I am sure I must have mentioned somewhere that I perhaps put that extra pressure on myself. If other moms can work and take care of their children, I should do a fantastic job of just taking care of them?! Right?!

Then there are days I know I have done a great job! Such days are made possible by moments like the following:

Hans remarked the other day that his Momley is the best person in the family. When asked for an explanation, he elaborated that his Momley does all the work in the house. In fact, according to him, she is a servant of the family. However, he did conclude that she is better than Batman's servant!

That is a moment when I don't know if I should cry or laugh?! So, I laugh. At least, the little guy observes his environment and knows what is happening. He recognizes his Momley’s contributions in his own special way!

Then there are other moments…

Right now, Hans' big brother is in Paris on an optional school trip! ASid is lucky that he has such generous maternal grandparents and an awesome maternal uncle who are willing to support his dreams or as some may term them, his whims!! ASid is 13 and very few kids get to go overseas at this age. Obviously, he is learning a lot! What I did not expect was the following:

Yesterday, ASid refused to talk with me on the phone and instead went on a Texting rampage! He accused me of ill preparing him with money management and budgeting! He was like "I am just a kid and you expect me to bring back souvenirs for everyone! I can't even buy ice cream for myself!" Well, that was a tad exaggerated. Just a day prior to that, ASid spent money on expensive macarons and McDonald's macarons to do a blind taste test...and he does not even like macarons!!

Should I laugh or cry?!

Well, this has been a learning experience for me. I hope it has been one for ASid as well! ‎As of yesterday, he still had a day and a half to go in Paris and 13 Euros in his pocket. I think he will survive. Tomorrow, he will be home. I will make sure I take him out for ice cream and have that chat about money management and budgeting!

Note: I started typing this post on February 5th and forgot what "the waterfalls" were; today, on March 18th, I know and finished typing the post!

 

2 Boys versus 2 Girls

Children are exposed to a lot more these days than ever before. It is a crazy world we live in.

The other morning, Hans inquired about ASid's "sexy girlfriend"! It was a shocking moment as ASid does not have a girlfriend; at least not that we know of! And sexy? Where did he get that word from? Of course, from "Gangnam Style"; that song is still played and people still dance with gusto when it is played. The most popular lyric is "Hey sexy lady!" or perhaps it is popular because that's the only one in English?!

Well, certain things I can blame on others. Then, there are times I am completely responsible for exposing my children to other things that some may consider too early for exposure!

It started with an episode of "Glee"‎ that I had PVR'd and was watching while the boys were playing in the basement. I don't know when Hans joined me on the couch; that boy is like a ninja! I was so involved that I only realized Hans was beside me when I saw 2 male characters kissing onscreen and Hans exclaimed, "What?!". I told him that it is perfectly normal for 2 boys to kiss each other. He wanted to know if 2 boys can get married?! I answered in the affirmative. Hans ended up watching the rest of the episode with me. He didn't ask anymore questions.

Couple of days later, he said that he felt bad for the 2 boys who kissed each other. I was surprised to know that he was still fixated on it. I wondered why he felt bad. Hans said that they cannot have any children like when a boy and a girl get married. In a weird way of reassuring, I told him that a girl and a girl can get married too, and they won't have any children as well! Before I could broach adoption, Hans said that I was wrong. He said, "2 girls can have more children than 2 boys or a boy and a girl!" 

I just let it be. Sometimes, there is no need for a correction or an explanation. At least, he understands that girls produce children. He doesn't yet know about the role boys play in producing those children. He will learn soon enough. He can be a child for a few more days!

 

All Inclusive

Already a few days into 2015!

One of my "mom friends" suggested pulling Hans out of school for a week in February and taking him and her 5 year old to Disney World! It would be a mom and son week. I couldn't respond for a few seconds as such an idea had never crossed my mind in a very long time!

The 4 of us always go on trips together. The only exception is ASid's upcoming trip during March Break; it is a planned school trip! Other than that, it has been all inclusive all the time.

Long time ago, when ASid was 2, my mom suggested a trip to the "Mother Land" - just for ASid, my mom and‎ me. She thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to immerse her first grandchild in her language and culture. Craigley was super upset with the idea. He literally threatened to go away with ASid on another trip - just ASid and him! It was an unnecessary battle - very silly and childish (when I look back on it now). Since before that incident and since then, it has always been all inclusive!

However when I mentioned my mom friend‎'s idea to Craigley, he had a different reaction this time. He gave his blessings for the trip! But I don't want to go this time around. I have grown to enjoy the family trips and I know there are only a few left before ASid is off on his post-secondary journey. So, I am not off to Disney World next month. I am happy being in my very own castle in Toronto!

On that note, it is still January and it is not too late to say "Happy New Year"! May this year be the best yet!